Wednesday musings

- I have listened to John Barrowman's Another Side quite a few times lately. I absolutely adore his versions of Time After Time, Weekend in New England and Heaven. His version of All Out of Love is quite good, too. (Is it just me, or am I hearing his Scots come through on that? Maybe I'm just too used to Russell Hitchcock's Aussie...) It's a fantastic album top to bottom, IMHO.

- Took last night off from all things fanfic once I posted the first half of my fic due yesterday. Needed to for my brain's sake. Getting back to it today. Once I get the rest of the OT3 fic posted and finish up the pinch hit piece I'm doing for OSK, I'll be taking a writing break for a while. I have cross stitching that's screaming at me to get done.

- I really need to get my Christmas cards finished and mailed. At this point, folks MIGHT get them by New Year's...

- I really need to buy something for my dad & his wife today. *sigh*

- My friends list on LJ amuses me, especially the random threads about sex toys. :)

- It's sad that I'm excited that Erich and I are buying a snowblower. But I suppose that's what you have to look forward to when you're married and homeowners. Goddess, I'm turning into my parents.

- Speaking of Goddess... two days until Yule. I probably should get on thinking about what I'm doing this year.

Thursday Thirteen #30: Personal Code

One of my friends on LiveJournal asked me for some rough religious differences between Paganism and Wicca yesterday, since she, like many people, don't really understand alternative religions. In the middle of that post, I included a nutshell list of my own religious and moral convictions.

As part of the new religious year, I feel it's appropriate as my Thursday Thirteen.

Thirteen Convictions of my Faith:

1) Belief in both Goddess and God, both as individual forms and as the universal life force that binds everything together.

2) Casual adherance to the Wiccan Rede ("An' it harm none, do what you will")

3) Strict adherance to the Law of Three (Anything you do, good or bad, will return three times as strong to you.)

4) The entire world is my ritual space. I create sacred space where and when I feel the need, rather than having a set space to worship.

5) A belief that the Divine and Nature are inseparable because the Divine gives energy to Nature. Under this belief is also the need for balance - cause and effect, positive and destructive, life and death. All are on an endless loop, constantly renewing themselves, then destroying themselves, and then renewal once more. The seasons of the year are the most visible example of this.

6) A requirement to rededicate myself every year, on the anniversary of my initial initation. (Lughnasadh, Aug. 2nd).

7) A belief that the soul rests after death, and then is reincarnated to learn the things missed in the last lifetime as well as exposure to new things

8) Marking the eight Sabbats through ritual (which I haven't been good at as of late). The names I use for them (there are several, depending on trad) and dates I celebrate them are: - Samhain (Oct. 31), Yule (Dec. 21), Imbolc (Feb. 2), Ostara (Mar. 21), Beltane (May 1), Midsummer (June 23), Lughnasadh (Aug. 2), Mabon (Sept. 23)

9) No importance placed on the 26 Esbats - while I admire the cycles of the moon for their beauty, I have never felt a pull to mark them religiously.

10) A belief that mundane means should always be used before magickal means to solve a problem. Spellwork is not part of my ritual, unless I really need to focus my energy on a problem. I use it only as a last resort.

11) A belief that humans can touch and join with the Divine, albeit temporarily, through different methods - meditation, Drawing Down the Moon, and consentual sex being among them

12) A rejection of the idea of sin, both original and ongoing. Sin is something that you will pay for after death unless you repent. I do not accept long-delayed consequences to actions and feel that "sin," as taught in Christianity, tends to be a "well, we really don't like that you do this... but we'll give you a loophole to feel better about yourself later through pennance" type action. Wrongdoing brings negative consequences (again, the Law of Three) here and now. We are all responsible for our actions toward others and toward the world.

13) Strong belief that faith is fiercely individual - my beliefs are only as valid as the respect I give to the right of others to have their own beliefs. This doesn't mean I have to agree with others' beliefs, or even respect what they believe in. But I do have to respect their rights to believe in something different than myself.



Comments are welcome on this Thursday Thirteen. You are welcome to disagree & discuss.

Sitting Ritual

So... I'm planning on sitting Samhain ritual for the first time in, well... a while.

Partially because I have someone to quietly mourn and farewell (my mother in law).

Partially because this year's Samhain definitely is the passing of a time in my life.

Partially because I haven't sat ritual in quite a while.

Partially because I do, honestly, feel a yearning to sit.


I'm now at the point with ritual that I don't remember my own circle casting by heart. I used to have it to memory. I haven't cast a circle in, gods, two years? Three? Something like that. I'm a tad rusty. My athame's probably a tad rusty, too.


Le sigh. I'm a bad Pagan.

The real question is whether I sit tomorrow night, or do I wait until Friday, go to the TBS 1st degree, and then go out to my college ritual spot - the dock - and sit there. I haven't been out there in a few years. It is tempting.

But then again, I haven't exactly sat ritual at my own house yet, either.

Decisions, decisions...

Thursday Thirteen #25 - Being Productive

It's been a very busy week. I'm so ready for the weekend so I can catch up on some sleep.

For this week's Thursday Thirteen, my list of accomplishments for the week (both good and bad). Most of them are wedding-related.

1) I found a wedding photographer! We've chatted briefly through email, and will hopefully talk over the phone within the next couple days... both of us are just having those "gah, can't talk now" weeks. But yes... photographer is now getting setled.

2) All of my bridesmaids have been contacted and have info to go dress shopping and such.

3) Erich and I picked out our invitations. We still need to decide on the wording - but they'll be ordered this week.

4) I had a LONG talk with my mom about the emotional b.s. that erupted two weeks ago. I still don't feel that she gets my point of view at all, but supposedly she's put out the fires down there. To a point. We'll see. BUT, at least two things were settled, in my opinion-

4a) Erich and I are handling the Unrehearsal Dinner, so she can stop obsessing over it (we're having a BBQ at our house... housewarming for the relatives & relaxed afternoon in one).
4b) My relatives are accepting, in their own levels of acceptance, that we are not catering to their whims with our wedding vows. They can accept a Justice of the Peace ceremony, or they won't. The alternative is for us to NOT compromise out of respect for their religion, and go back to a handfasting. But that's what it is. Full stop.

5) I made my first dress fitting appointment.

6) I contacted vendors for my hair/spa day, flowers, and cakes. All still unresolved but in the works.

And for the non-wedding ones...

7) I wrote 1,500 words on my fanfic for a challenge due July 1st. The minimum wordcount is 1,000 words. That was never a problem. I'm probably about 1/2 done with the first draft. I hope to have it done within the next three days, give it a once-over myself for editing/reworking, and then send it to my beta editors.

8) I figured out what the weird triffyd plant is in our yard that has grown about 15 feet in two years (no. Really. - 2005 - 2006) It's called a Northern Catalpa. I finally was able to figure out what it was once it started flowering this week. Between the flowers and the leaves as big as a human head, I was able to narrow it down pretty quickly yesterday.

9) I've somehow managed to lose 10 pounds, entirely through stress and non-eating over the wedding. It's just enough to make my pants feel like they're going to fall down.

10) I covered an entire day at front reception at work without needing a single cup of coffee.

11) I stupidly got in the middle of a cats-figuring-out-the-pecking-order fight last night between Colley and Hoodsie, and managed to land a pretty nasty set of scratch/bruise marks when Hoodsie latched onto my leg in defensiveness. It looks nasty, but doesn't hurt.

12) I bought a new battery for my iBook, so I can start writing during my commutes.

13) I levelled my character in World of Warcraft.

Productive week. Very productive week.

- Mel.

Wednesday Updates...

Erich and I called my mother - and got her answering machine. She didn't call back.

Color me surprised. She probably will eventually call back - a week or two from now, citing how she's "so busy." That's been her excuse for the past month or so now. She keeps bringing up things that she "needs" to get for me for the wedding, but never does.

(and of course, when I asked her for them point-blank in an email, she ignored my request and then went on the aforementioned religion rant).

Of course... you know... I apparently have loads of free time on my hands. From conversations with my mother, she seems to be under the impression that I still live according to a college schedule, even though she's more than aware that I do a 12 hour day five days per week - kinda has to happen when you live 60 miles from your job.

And I've only been out of college for a decade now. *snort*

Ah yes... I'm pissy about the wedding today. What else is new? Honestly... other than the wedding I'm fine. But I'm seriously starting to feel time pressure here, and while Erich's trying to convince me that we're fine... we're right on top of things...

and in reality, we're probably fine. But I always panic to get myself motivated to bust my ass into gear.

I'd really, REALLY like to get this phone call out of the way, however - even though I'm quite certain I'll be both sobbing and puking my guts out afterward, based on my physical reactions to just trying to make the call last night.

Whee.

Confusion is nothing new

So... 24 hours after the email that revealed the religious bigotry of my family and their attempt to blackmail the format of my wedding ceremony? I'm completely devastated. Absolutely at a loss. I've never felt so alienated from my family in my life.

And for those who have known me for a few years - yeah, much bigger than with my father and our falling out four years ago.

I've ranged from complete numbness to absolute rage to having to excuse myself at work to go cry in private. And I'm just fed up. Right now, I don't want any of my relatives at my wedding. Frankly, I think they're out to spoil the day for me by making it about themselves. And I already get the sense that some bullshit will happen at the wedding that will leave me in tears - and not of joy.

I'm literally right on the edge of cancelling the wedding and running away with Erich to Vegas. Or, at this point saying fuck all to being nice and considerate of my family's feelings and going forward with a handfasting rather than the considerate-of-all-faiths secular wedding. Erich recommends we have one more talk with my mom.

I envy his hope. I truly do.

Erich's also at the edge with this - who, per an email this morning, is so emotionally exhausted due to the last two months dealing with his mother's death - that he's unable to really think coherantly about this.

What he did do this morning, however, was to mention something that in my rage I'd forgotten about. Driving up 95 through Providence toward the train station, he looked over at me and quietly said "By the way... happy anniversary."

May 31st. Six years.

Committment, honor, love, stability, respect, growth - these are the things we've developed in our six years. The good, strong foundations of a relationship. I don't understand how that's not enough for my relatives.

I truly don't.

I can't see how any joy can come from continuing this wedding planning.

I'm just...


.

On May 30, 2007...

I got to discover that I've been forced out of the broom closet with my pious Catholic family.

And how unaccepting they are toward me dictating how I will say my own wedding vows... which are already being done in a secular ceremony out of respect for their religion.


Whee.



Joy.


*pounds wall*

Blessed Beltane

Good morning Boston! You see that beautiful big bright ball in the sky? That's the SUN. That thing that we haven't seen a whole hell of a lot of in recent weeks.

And guess what else? It brought that other foreign thing - WARMTH.

So play hooky so I can live vicariously through you, please.

thank you.

/public service announcement

-----------------------

One thing that I really need to learn to stop doing (although it is oh, so much fun) is not to have Beltane-related celebrations at one in the morning. *cough*

But like I said - it is quite fun. ;)

I had to do a reluctant trip to $tarbucks this morning for a venti chai latte to help me wake up today. I didn't put enough nutmeg in it, but it'll do. Whether or not I stay awake today, though, is a mystery.

It's been a weird couple weeks in the Geekywitch household. Erich interviewed for a new job two weeks ago, and found out last week that he'd gotten it. He gave a week's notice (due to being so miserable), and now is enjoying a week to catch up on stuff at home. He's taken the very daring route of vowing to clean up/out our entire house this week. And to my surprise, he's actually doing a pretty damn good job of it so far. He's got a list of all of those annoying little projects we really, truly need to get done. He's just working through them.

And the new job starts on Monday. I really hope he'll be happy there.

The only downside of this change is that I'm commuting from Providence to Boston on my own from now on. Erich will be driving to his new job (still in Massachusetts, but not all the way up to the city). Some mornings I'm sure I'll commute part way with him, be dropped off at a random MBTA station, etc. But it's a little weird being on my own again, curled up on a T car, letting my mind wander aimlessly as the scenery flies by. I'm hoping that once my brain adjusts to the new "routine" that I'll be able to make my nearly 3 hours of commute time per day worthwhile with some writing, some stitching, etc.

Life certainly doesn't slow down, does it?

Took long enough

I've been quietly following this case for a while. I was shocked to see it on CNN a couple minutes ago when I was checking the news...

Wiccan symbol OK for soldiers' graves

I'm honestly not surprised it took so long to get this approved, but at the same time, I was astonished at how absurd the VA was in dealing with the families of these men and women who sacrificed their lives for this country. Well... no, I'm honestly not.

To say no, you can't have your own religious symbol tastefully put on your marker. Why? Because it's a pentacle. And therefore, it's bad. *snort*

In my less than official opinion, someone who has died defending this nation should have the right to put any symbol they want (or their family wants, on their behalf) on their gravemarker - whether it's a cross, a star of David, a pentacle, or the Discordian apple.

Hell, let them put the Flying Spaghetti Monster on the stone.


I think they've earned at least that small little right for what they lost.

The Wheel Turns

Blessed Samhain, all. :)

And for those not celebrating that particular part of the holiday, Happy Halloween.

I'm playing the part of Quiet Urban Pagan today. One of my coworkers who knows me quite well took a look at me and asked "So where's your bling for the day?" She saw me in non-descript autumn clothes. The only trace of my Witchy side is my knotwork pentacle pendant around my neck.

But that's who I am.

Over the years, I've found myself distancing from the over-the-top gaudiness that I used to covet in Salem. Sure, it's fun to dress up and "Go Witch" every once in a while. But for the past three years or so, I've moved into a quieter, contemplative type of faith. It started when I stared down at the garnet-jeweled pentacle that I always wore around my neck and wondered exactly what I believed. Was all of my practice just an act to hide who I was? Had I really grown as a person in my faith? Where was my Path going? Did I even belong on a Pagan path anymore?

The answer to the last question was answered for me- a deciding yes. I also discovered, though, that I was resistant to truly digging down in my beliefs and challenging them. It's harder than one might think- but I needed to do it.

I took my pentacle off. I've possibly worn one a handful of times since- and today, I felt I needed to. It feels strange and heavy around my neck. I keep fiddling with it, rubbing the pentacle medallion as if it's charged with something (even though I know that it's not).

I plan to sit for ritual tonight, and see where these quiet thoughts are leading. I don't expect to get answers-- but hopefully I'll get a nudge in the right direction.

Fundies

Why the fuck can't people accept that others have the right to their own thoughts and beliefs?

I try to be as accepting as possible. Not of the specific practices of another faith, but in respecting someone's right to believe the way they do. I realize I'm way too naive in hoping that by doing so, I'll get that respect back. Stupid!Measi.

Now, as a Wiccan who's been on the web for several years, has a webpage and contact info, I'm well aware of fundie syndrome. I've been attacked by it on several occasions. But now I'm seeing it happen to a friend, and it pisses me off to no end.

You see... I have a friend, (X) who is separated from his wife. He was kicked out of the house after having an affair. Yes, he was wrong. And yeah, he deserves to be kicked out. But now... THREE YEARS AFTER, as the divorce is being finalized, he's engaged to a wonderful woman who he's truly happy with, and he's trying to get on with his life, one of his friends (The Fundie) of twentysome-odd years is deciding to pull the "I am a good Christian and you're not" bullshit.

My friend's already been kicked out of his church because, as The Fundie put it, he was no longer welcome after what he did with his marriage. Completely shut out. Gone. Why? Because he'd sinned "past the point of redemption." *snort* Well, whatever.

But NO... it gets better. Now that X has decided to live with his fiancÈe, and get their lives going, it's become a huge problem to The Fundie. "He's living with another woman while he's still married!!!" "He's breaking his promises as to his responsibilities as a father!!!" "He's unremorseful for what he's done because he hasn't asked to be let back into the church!!!" and so-on and so-on. Well, heck... let's discuss this from my point of view as a child of divorce, shall we?

1) X lives in a shithole apartment and needs to move elsewhere just to start feeling human again.
2) He's been living only a few minutes away from his kids and ex-wife
3) About every other weekend, he has the kids. And he does a LOT of things with them... D&D, Girl Scouts, sports, etc. He's very involved with his kids' lives
4) Just because he's moving to another town which is still within decent driving distance (about an hour away) does not mean he's skirting his responsibilities
5) If I had my entire congregation turn their backs on me and lock me out, I wouldn't go the fuck back, either.

So The Fundie has decided that not only will he not help X when he eventually moves into his new place... he will not come over to X's house "until he's in a correct marriage." And why isn't X already in a correct situation? Because as The Fundie damn well knows, X was told by the judge that the divorce settlement wasn't fair for *X* and that it had to be rewritten before it would be approved. X just wants out of the marriage to end the whole thing.

So The Fundie, "not wanting to make a big deal" out of the situation, has apparently told everyone... except X... his view on the situation. Which leaves the rest of us in a very uncomfortable position. Do we tell X? Do we wait and let The Fundie tell X?

Grrrrr....

Fucking Fundies.

I try to be tolerant... but damn if they won't turn me into a complete bigot.