Stuffages

I'd say not much has happened recently, but it has been a busy couple weeks. Just a blur of a couple weeks.


The bad stuff:

- Mom was laid off last Friday. It wasn't completely unexpected, though. She works in real estate, and the company had been stripping off personnel all year. I left a message for her to commiserate, but she headed off immediately for a vacation week at the beach. So I haven't talked to her yet. I'm gathering that the beach week means she's okay, though.

- Been sick for the better part of a week with some annoying low-grade thing that just will not leave me alone. I had a couple days in it that were very miserable with multiple trips to the bathroom for a couple different issues (ahem). Feeling a bit better, but I'm still obnoxiously tired all the time. Just drained.

- Work's been stressful due to the people I work with. Nothing new, but it hasn't helped matters.

The good stuff:

- Been doing my writing for Support Stacie. I'm about 1/2 done with wiggiemomsi's fic (hooray!), and then will start on the shorter after-pieces to thank other high bidders. Wiggie's should be done by mid-next week, then off to beta. The others I'll do on my week off at the end of the month.

- I HAVE A WEEK OFF AT THE END OF THE MONTH. Yay! First vacation week since the UK last fall. I need it so badly.

- Went last weekend to the University of Rhode Island for their spring farm fair. The masters students in life sciences grow plants in the college greenhouses over the winter, then sell them as a fundraiser. I got three different tomatoes (already large enough that they're staked), a jalapeno pepper plant, mixed basil, parsley, garlic chives, and 2 lavender seedlings. We're going to build a raised bed this weekend to plant everything. :)

- Mom's offered to come up when I take time off to help decorate the house - badly needed, since we haven't done a thing since moving in. I cannot wait to get rid of our loud, 1970's era wallpaper. She has ideas for the kitchen, and I will happily go along with them since I have no decorating sense whatsoever.

- My clothes are too big, and I need to buy new ones not only because mine are worn - but because THEY ARE TOO BIG ON ME. Woots!

- We're selling the Jeep to a guy who wants to fix it up as a second car project. Only getting $600 for it, but due to the amount of work needed, we're cool with it. And it's more than we'd get for a donation. It's not trade-in worthy, since it doesn't run.

- Soon, hopefully, I will have a new car. We've decided, barring issues with a test drive, on a Honda Fit, quite possibly in "Blue Sensation Pearl" which is so TARDIS looking, it's hysterical. And this car is definitely "bigger on the inside" than it appears. Heh.

Death of the American Dream...

News from my mom last night is digging deep into me - it's a state of shock that I thankfully don't have to experience often. And I'm not quite sure how to respond to it, outside of mourning.

My grandpop's metal plating shop is closing in a couple months. They subcontract virtually all of their business to a very well-known company. Said company, due to the economy, is scaling back production drastically. That leaves my grandpop's shop with no work and, again... thanks to the economy... no prospects. Another footnote of small business disappearing under the weight of this economy, another dozen blue collar jobs lost.

The Shop is the foundation of my family's American Dream. My grandfather's life has been the American Dream. He came here with nothing but the clothes on his back, with a wife and two small kids in 1950, speaking no English and having very little formal education, sponsored to come here by a local church. Soon after arriving in the States, he started working at the Shop as a laborer. Conditions were nasty up until only perhaps the last ten years, cramped and viciously hot due to the processes. He (and my grandmother) worked very hard. All three of their kids graduated from college. My grandpop's dream was to own a Cadillac someday. He's achieved that threefold.

At some point, he bought the Shop. He's owned it as long as I can remember. My uncle took over day-to-day operations at some point, but even in his mid 80s, my grandpop still goes to work every day, full-time.

It is the classic American dream - the family that came from nothing, worked their asses off, and were able to achieve a comfortable life, with family and close friends around them.

The Shop closing is a death knell to that American Dream to me. It was my tangible grasp to the ideal... one that many have said has died and gone away. I shook my head, knowing that I had a perfect example of it in my family.

And now that's gone.

The biggest thing, though, is my fear about my grandpop. He's worked at the Shop for roughly sixty years. What is he going to do? The Shop has been his life. Every day, without fail, he goes to work. Since my grandma died, I think it's been the routine he needed to keep going. Whether unfounded or not, I'm terrified about what will happen to him once the Shop closes. I've read stories, and known people, who just seem to whither off when they stop working. My grandpop's one of those people, I think. I'm worried about what he'll do with himself. He'll go stir crazy if he's stuck at home.

In two months, the doors of "the Shop" close forever. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that it'll will be gone.

And I think my brain is bracing me for further bad news.

Randoms

Dragons that need clicks. :) (I guess the Dragon Cave is somewhat back up... I dunno)




Erich and I saw our best man's production of The Sound of Music at one of the local all-girl Catholic academies this weekend. He directs both plays per year at the school, with his mother as the long-time musical director & a brother helping with backstage work. Very, very good, especially for a high school performance. Two girls in particular, twin sisters, have the most amazing voices. Something genetic runs in that family!

Sunday was a lazy day. I made corned beef & cabbage. It takes too long to cook on a weeknight with my commute schedule (really don't want to eat at 11 pm). It was delicious as always, and worth the time needed to cook it. My recipe includes beer & a bunch of spices in the boil pot, so it definitely doesn't come out with the "bland" flavor that a lot of people associate with boiled food. We have a bunch leftover, so I think tonight's going to be a leftovers night. :)

It's one of those dinners I should make more often, but we only cook it for St. Patrick's Day. I suppose it's mostly because it's something I really can only make on the weekend. It takes about 4 hours, all told. It's kind of like turkey - I love making it, but just don't that often due to the time involved. But really, neither are THAT complicated. Most of the time the food's just cooking on its own. *shrug*

I signed up for Netflix finally... I know I'm a bit behind the times on it, but it's honestly been more due to the fact that I just didn't have the time to watch a lot of DVDs until recently. Now that things are slowing down, and the weather's better so I can safely transport the laptop on the train again... it made sense.

I'm starting out with the John Adams miniseries on HBO last year. (And no, there's no spoilers here - unless you don't know how the American Revolution turned out). I'm three eps in, and it's very, very good. The actors are phenominal, and the scenery is gorgeous. I like that while it's definitely from the American perspective (and New England perspective in particular), some of the ugliness of the American side is being shown, too. AND... it shows the Founding Fathers in more realistic ways than we normally get in our glorified history classes here in the States. I'm appreciating that these men have flaws and limitations to what they achieve, the fighting between them, and how the "some things never change" bumbling when they see the European heads of state, who look down their noses at the silly new worlders as children... makes sense.

It's also surreal to see Boston's portrayal. Seeing places that I see all the time - the old State house, the wharves, etc... and then the places that don't exist anymore, particularly the hills. I realize I live in one of the hotbeds of early American history, but I'm finding that I'm starting to take it all for granted. It's wonderful to see it refreshed again.

Colley's going to the vet tomorrow for another round of dental cleaning & tooth extraction. *sigh* Poor cat. He's going to be gummy within a few years at this rate. Granted, he is getting older (he's 10), but man, he has poor teeth genetically. He'd lost a good deal on his own before he was 5. We had to have a couple more pulled 2 years ago (including one of his front fangs.. so now he's a snaggletooth). Poor guy.

Thank goodness for tax refunds, eh? Kitty dental work doesn't come cheap.

UK Trip Recap - Journal Entry 14 October 2008

I'll be typing up my handwritten journal entries over the next few days for my trip recap. Weird spellings and broken trains of thought are from the journal - I figure I might as well be a purist in this and just use the immediate reactions I had. :)

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14 October 2008
Stratford-Upon-Avon

We returned just a few minutes ago from seeing Hamlet at the RSC. Absolutely fabulous! And contrary to my husband's teasing, I didn't stare only at David Tennant the entire time - the entire cast was fantastic (!!).

But still the fangirl in me is all thrilled that I have now seen David perform - in person - and... and now also have seen Patrick Stewart perform on stage, which I've dreamed about since my early teens.

It's hard to believe that the original catalyst for our entire trip - seeing Hamlet - is now past us. It was so worth every penny (pound?).

The almost entirely blank set, save the mirrors and reflective stage, were used in such an interesting way, and right from the start! In the first full scene, the guards and Horatio are on watch, seeing the ghost of Old Hamlet, and rather than having stage spotlights, the actors provided lights themselves, bouncing the beams of slashlights off of the stage surface into the face of one of the others - very clever!

As much as I loved David and Patrick (more on that in a moment), I think Polonius stole the show. I don't remember him beng the slightly absent-minded, tangent-loving old man from reading or watching previous versions. But here I felt he was oddly endearing, not so slimy as int he Mel Gibson version as I remember. Oh, how he made the audience laugh!

Laertes looked so familiar. His program bio had nothign I'd remember, though - I shall have to look him up on IMDB when I get home.

I like dthat the scene in Gertrude's bedroom (and yes, I'm lazy and not referencing the exact scene numbers) wasn't as overtly sexual as I've seen it interpreted before. The hints are still there - a strong undercurrent. But the raw anger expressed instead made a lot of sense... it seemed very "true."

Seeing Patrick Stewart perform has been a dream of mine since I was 13 or 14. I learned of him through Star Trek, of course, but while I was a teenager, he also performed a one-man version of A Christmas Carol on stage, and I desperately wanted to go (but never dared ask Mom for tickets - she'd think I was very weird).

His presence on stage is amazing - his voice just booms from the stage, and his diction is so clear. He played both the ghost of Old Hamlet and the King in this production, and I think the combination worked perfectly. It was an absolute treat, and I'm so happy to have one of those longtime goals fulfilled.

And onto another goal - THE goal that brought us here - to see David Tennant in Hamlet I think Russell T. Davies has it right in his Production Notes in Doctor Who Magazine - I can say I was there. Hamlet. RSC 2008.

Absolutely thrilled. to. bits. Beginning to end, I saw Hamlet. Yes, my more annoying fangirl mind broke through fromt ime to time, but I saw Hamlet. He was a destroyed man in mourning. he was mad. He was hysterically funny. I stand amazed - David acts with every ounce of his being. His body movements, his facial expressions, his words - all are perfect.

And like I said - I am amazed.

One particular point got me - after Hamlet has broken from Horatio and the guards to follow the Ghost and hear its tale, he has a soliloquy on stage -and he was staring right at me. Now, I know he wasn't actually looking at me - I was merely in the way of his focal point. But for one small moment - many lines, in fact, I was breathlessly still because David was staring at me, and for that time, i felt like it was only me in the theatre. Just amazing.

I am in awwe. And osm eof me can't believe that it's now over. At least... Hamlet is. Tomorrow is Love's Labour's Lost. :)

One thing I'm very thankfully about - Maria and Michelle had originally planned on goign to the theatre door after the performance to get autographs. I wasn't keen - over the months I've heard the horror stories, so I wanted to stay away. While yes, I'd love to have David's autograph, I'd much prefer to send him a small note via his agent to compliment him, but still give him at least the portion of privacy that I can provide.

Michelle was chatting with two ladies who work for the RSC, and from what they said,t he poor guy has just been bombarded. So I was happy when Michelle and Maria decided not to go. We stayed for the curtain calls (only a few people standing - perhaps standing O's are not British proper?), and then headed for a pint, wandering into the dark Stratford night, where the streets were dead silent within a half-hour after the play.

More thoughts tomorrow - it's now 1:20 a.m.... must sleep!

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More recap stuff tomorrow, once I get some photos uploaded! :)

A freeverse and quite possibly pathetically sappy open letter to my husband…

Can you believe it’s been a year?

I love you so much, and I don’t say it as often as I should. I try, instead, to show you how I love you through my actions, through those small grasps on your thumb that you get amused by, or the gentle squeezes once in a while, doing household chores, or through chili and turkey and other food experiments that seem to be successful. You eat them, anyway... so if they are truly awful, I'm glad you're not brusing my cooking trial too much. :)

You make me feel like the luckiest woman on Earth, Erich. Knowing that at the end of difficult days I’ll be returning to a home that’s loving and secure and, messes aside, a completely healthy relationship is something I know not all women (or men) get to experience. I know I’m far from perfect as a human being, yet you’re always telling me that within our little family circle, I am. (I still don’t believe you, of course… but I think that’s mostly to prevent myself from getting an overinflated ego).

And actually, I think I am the luckiest woman on Earth. I have you.

You remind me to laugh at myself, you encourage me to always improve myself, and you watch amusingly as I go through fandom addictions just like I am amused at yours. We’re so frighteningly alike in so many ways, yet different enough that we can challenge and complement each other. I hope that I am as good a wife to you as you are a husband to me.

While growing up, I was convinced that I’d never find someone because I was just so geeky and atypical. I never was into the girly stuff at all – no Barbies, hated makeup, could care less about fashion or hairstyles, despised all of the fangirl b.s. (for the most part, anyway). I preferred sci-fi, computers, dirt bikes, losing myself in books and scraping my knees as I went exploring the sandstone cliffs near the house. And even now, as you know, I’m not all that keen on being girly most of the time. To find a guy that not only tolerates that but loves so many of the things that I enjoy – I am truly blessed.

Happy first anniversary, hon. I love you and am thankful every day that we’re together.

Monday musings...

Just because I haven't in a long while, I'm posting this to my blog at measi.net, too...

This past weekend was a bit odd and scatterbrained. A good one, and for the most part I finally feel like I had a productive weekend that didn't leave me feeling like crap for not doing XYZ. I did some chores. I did some writing. I also goofed around. So all in all - the balance I needed.

Friday night was the X-Files movie, which I did enjoy even if I was well aware going in that it wasn't going to be fantastic. It was fun. I think it was definitely geared more toward existing fans, and I don't expect many new fans of the series to come from this movie. But eh, no big deal. Enjoyed it, loved seeing Mulder and Scully go on another adventure together, and laughed along with many others in the audience. So good times. :)

On Saturday, Ivanna was up in the area, and the original plan had been to get together, but the party she said was happening was a bit too far away for our tastes, so we wound up not going. I'm going to have to plan some sort of a weekend to go down Easton-NJ way and see people instead.

We did finally get some good yardwork done on Saturday - the trumpet vines and wild honeysuckle needed to be tamed back quite a bit in the front yard along with weeds that had managed to grow taller than Erich (no... really. 6'4" foot high weeds). Thankfully with rain, they pulled right out of the ground, so it wasn't too difficult of work for me. Erich mowed a decent amount of the yard, and it's starting to look somewhat tamed back.

I focused a majority of this weekend on writing - my ficathon deadline was extended until August 2nd, and while I know where the story is going, I've really been having difficulty getting the "that's what we need to do!" point in the story out through my fingers and move properly. Lots of characters spinning around waiting for me to figure out where they're going. The irony is that the next chapter is already 3/4 written - so it's a basic "get from point A to point C" type situation. But my brain just has not been able to write in a way that I'm happy with.

I realize that I could be a complete slacker, ignore the years of "show, don't tell" that was beaten into me with every writing course I've taken. And yes, I realize it's fanfic and nothing earth-shattering and that it doesn't have to be good. I see fanfiction, however, as a way to practice and perfect writing - working on creating strong, fluid dialogue, improving story pacing, etc. It's a bit of a writer's workshop to me. So even though it's not for a grade or wage, I do take it seriously - perhaps too seriously.

Anyway, I think I've got the solution, and it's progressing nicely now - albeit a bit slower than I would want. I really need to push to get the chapter done today so I can get it to beta tonight and allow folks appropriate time to check them over. I'm concerned that the last two chapters may wind up too late for beta work, and I'll just have to risk it on my own.

Worst comes to worst - I had a half-day planned for Thursday. I'm already planning to spend a good portion of it at Borders writing.

More distractions were added to the home this weekend, too. Matt bought a copy of Lego Indiana Jones (which, from the little I saw, was absolutely hysterical). We also picked up our copy of Rock Band. The guys jammed a bit last night - I was offered the singer position, but I only recognized one of the three initial songs, and couldn't sing it anyway, so I just sat and watched (I generally hate to sing in front of other people. I can carry a tune okay... but I don't have a particularly strong voice and am just a bit too shy about it. That's why I play an instrument instead).

I also picked up two Sims2 expansions, although my CD-ROM drive seems to have died again... so it's off to purchase a new one before I can install.

Busy, busy, busy...

And now off to work!

Updates, stuffage, and such

It's been kind of a long time since I posted... thought I should do an update since I have some quiet time to myself today...

First, I'm doing just fine, aside from a small health issue. So's Erich, so are my parents, and so is my brother. Just busy. Really busy.

Work's great. Nothing big to really report there. I'm happy where I am. :) Only news somewhat related to work is a 7-alarm fire that happened on Friday next door at a 4-generation run seafood distributor. I've put pictures up in my Flickr account. Today they're tearing down the ruins, and the smell is horrid. 60,000 pounds of lobster plus whatever other fish/seafood remains? Ick. I'm just thankful it's rainy and in the 60s today, not the 90s.

The final part of Erich's Mom's estate is hopefully to be resolved soon - he and his aunt are selling the house that they inherited via Erich's grandparents. Just waiting on the town to approve the septic system upgrade that was required. Having that house out of our responsibility will be fantastic. Talk about a money pit. *sigh*

I'm recovering from an annoying back pull that happened three weeks ago. It's so stupid - I was picking up a binder at work. Completely harmless thing, but I moved just the wrong way. Three weeks later, I've gone through a round of muscle relaxers and percocet, and I'm dealing with a pinched nerve that teases me some days with going away, and flaring up on other days. *sigh* I only missed one day of work, but I am getting extremely tired of limping. Gimpy!Mel is in full force.

Thoroughly enjoying the new series of Doctor Who. Catherine Tate is fantastic, and the timing between she and Tennant is hysterical. Sad to think that after this series ends, there are only a couple specials to fill a long wait until 2010. *sigh*

BUT... I do get to see Tennant (and Patrick Stewart) in Hamlet in a few months over in the UK. Really can't complain!

Absolutely thrilled about Obama's victory. I hope that Clinton supporters will vote Democrat this year - I know a lot have threatened to switch to McCain, but I would hope with all that's at stake, that they would continue with the party. We need change in this nation. Bush's presidency has been an absolute disaster, and although the majority of the nation has finally come to realize what many of us who knew this years ago (but were denounced as unpatriotic), I don't know how this nation will vote. But of course, everyone should vote his/her conscience. *crosses fingers* Change needs to happen.

So yeah - I'm fine. Just been busy, as always. :) Granted, I don't even know if anyone still reads this blog!

Best,
Mel.

Weekend Wrap-Up

In addition to continuing LJ drama... I was a slacker for the long weekend.

So my ten plus hours of World of Warcraft on Saturday wound up being probably about eighteen or so over the weekend. Included in said WoWing was:

- Two full instances (Shadow Labs and Arcanium), to help scuba_mo, aka Basmon, with his key quest for Karazhan. I hadn't completely run either before, even though I was keyed for Kara - I was pulled into the instances for the key quests both times. :)

- Twelve Netherstorm area quests cleaned out of my quest log with Basmon & Erich (aka Abudiabudie)

- Nine daily quests

- Respecced Tennetty, created macros for her shots, and worked on the timing for said new shots (this will continue this week before I go back into Kara... I don't feel comfortable quite yet with it).

- Resupplied Tennetty after she picked up tremendously good equipment in Karazhan during last week's raids. My personal haul on 2/14 included my new cloak, chestpiece, legs, and boots. Had to buy all new gems for sockets, get new enchants, and upgraded the enchant on my axe. All told, about 550 gold spent, so finishing the quests in Netherstorm to save up some gold was appreciated. I still need to get the supplies for my gun scope, and hopefully upgrade one of the red gems because nothing I was thrilled with was in the AH.

Her spiffy upgraded spec looks like this now: http://www.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Eonar&n=Tennetty

- Rolling up little noob blood elf females on Eonar with the boys late on Saturday night, and just running around the starting area with the quests... mostly nekkid. Absolutely stupid, silly stuff - but fun. And yes, the threesome included a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. :) We're thinking we should totally make a silly named blood elf female guild for absolutely no reason other than to run around nekkid and tease other players online. If anyone else is interested for shits & giggles, roll up a female BE on Eonar, and then send a mail message to "Quela". :)

- Levelled my lowbie Druid, Silverhoof, up one more level.

Yeah, I'm a geek. Slacker geek.

I did, however, be practical for a bit yesterday and went out to buy new clothes since my old ones were getting... worn (or are ready for recycling/trashing). We went straight to the mall, so I went to Lane Bryant. Bought three new pairs of work pants (yes... blue SIX... friggin' salespeople, I TOLD YOU), two new twinset sweaters, and a new pair of pj's. All costing about $230. There were a few other nice pieces, but nothing that really, REALLY caught my eye. I may look around at Macy's and at the other plus-size stores in the area come next paycheck. My wardrobe needs an overhaul - and a cleanout.

But yeah - total slacker weekend. Which I honestly needed. I feel much better now, and feel up to tackling things again.

Looking forward to the weekend

I'm a bit off-center this morning, mostly because Erich's cough sent him into the guest bedroom last night so he didn't have to feel paranoid about being restless (and allowing me to get some sleep). Very considerate of him, particularly since I am such a shitty sleeper as it is.

I did sleep, but I swear, even while asleep, I had this weird sense about being alone in the bed. Marriage is clearly getting to me. :) Not that we haven't slept in the same bed for six years now, of course... but still... there's a LOT of room for one person in a king-sized bed.

The extra room, of course, promptly filled up with cats. I woke up with three balls of fur in various spots on the mattress. I imagine at least one of the additionals was with Erich, playing nurse kitten. Hoodsie was undoubtedly downstairs on his ottoman. Cat #5 (whichever it was) was... wherever.

I have a lot to do this weekend, but I'm intentionally forcing myself to take as much of Saturday as possible to curl up in my office and do some brain-dump style writing. Whether on my OSK fic, other fic ideas, or just random schlock writing. I need to get myself comfortable with my own thoughts, and I just need to make the time for it. As I told Erich last night - what I really need to do is just set aside a day, dump off all of my chores and errands as "will do later" and just let myself go for it. If I plan other things to do, I won't be able to relax and write. It just won't happen at all.

So that's tomorrow's plan. We'll see what comes of it. I do have a lot of little snippets of ideas churning, so it literally may just be writing 100 word images in my head that have absolutely no coherancy beyond the immediate images. But hey, they'll be down in print. And I can see later if something comes of any of them. I just need to get them OUT. If I'm getting too distracted at home, a trip down to Borders for a pot of tea may be used as well.

Speaking of tea...

The sorority Tea is on Sunday afternoon for the potential new class of pledges membership candidates, so I'll be going up to Boston for the afternoon. Should be fun. Hopefully goes well. Need to remember to go buy a car battery beforehand so I can actually get to Boston, though. That may have to kick off Saturday pre-writing.

I read last night that next week's Torchwood is a double-bill. Eps 5 and 6 will be shown back to back on BBC2. Six is the first of Martha's run on TW... we'll see if something's actually done with her character now that the dreaded unrequited love crap on Who is over.

Hmmm...

Weird Week

This week was rough in a lot of ways - some of it mine/Erich's, but also with friends of mine. 2008 just doesn't seem to be off to a good start, and I'm already in that "do I need to keep my head down?!?" mode.

The me/Erich stuff is the final real battle in dealing with his mom's estate. As part of it, Erich inherited half of his grandparents' house in the town where he grew up in Massachusetts. Apparently his grandmother's name was the only one on the title, and she willed half to each of her daughters, and with Debbie passing, one half has passed to Erich. His aunt lives in the house, but does want to get out of it because it's too much for her to take care of, both size-wise and financially. And this house is NOT in good shape, nor has she even managed to maintain it.

So last week, Erich finds out that back taxes are owed. Next day, he finds out that it's two YEARS of back taxes owed. I can't fathom how his aunt lets TWO YEARS OF HOUSE TAXES slip. I really can't. Seriously... W.T.F?!?

Mind you - we've already dropped a decent amount of money to bail the aunt out here - a sizeable amount of our wedding gift money went towards this. Once I find out about the tax bills? I flip a gasket. Because now I see our tax refund immediately going to this thing - the tax refund that was going to be a sizeable amount of our financing toward the trip to England. And with the house now in that limbo between ownership and foreclosure because of this, I'm even more upset - because the house COULD be lost over this, and said money just disappears.

So Erich and I had a decent row over it. A "go to bed angry" sort of row.

Thankfully, he's pushed forward to get things going on this house. Met with a real estate agent, talked to the town tax board. Got all of his documents regarding the house from the worthless lawyer his aunt had hired up in Massachusetts so he could transfer them to our family lawyer here in RI.

Just a mess. BUT... the house is going on the market next week. Price lowered to be sold "as is." And hopefully there's a buyer out there looking for a project. *shrug* It's in a good town, and the lot itself is lovely (wooded 1/2 acre with wild grapes and such growing on it) in a nice neighborhood. It's just the *house* that needs serious work.

So we'll see.

The other thing this week is that one of our friends, Rob, who I went to college with (and was a roomate with just after college), is very ill and in the hospital. He went in with viral pneumonia last weekend. Took a downturn early this week, and the doctors were forced to intubate him. His heart is enlarged and working at 25% capacity. It's just a nasty situation. Since then, it's been one of those "he's showing some signs of improvement... but..." situations. His heart now is the big focus. They're not sure whether it's due to the pneumonia or due to a pre-existing condition (or a secondary infection), but it's being considered Congestive Heart Failure at the moment. He's going in for a CAT scan and a biopsy in the next couple days, but it's scary, scary stuff. And a lot of it just involves having to be patient, rest, and leave himself up to the doctors who are caring for him.

Mind you - he's 31.

Dealing with one of those "so... how exactly do I recover from this?" situations. The doctors can't say exactly what the long-term damage will be.

Erich and some of the guys went down to New Haven to visit him in the hospital today - they're on their way back at the moment. Hopefully some friends visiting will cheer him up again. He's not so far away that we can't pop down there for a few hours as needed. And thankfully Rob's brother is a nurse at the hospital where he's staying... so at least he has family with him, too.

But it's just so terrifying, these reminders of mortality.

It makes all sorts of stresses pale so much in comparison.

Thursday Thirteen: January Insanity

I haven't posted here on measi(dot)net in a while - it honestly has been slipping my mind. I don't know. I think I just want to keep all of the fandom insanity separate from my blog over here, but it seems that my life is just wrapped in fandom these days... so, eh. I probably just should let it bleed over and give up, eh?

In any case, it's been insane since the beginning of the year, and here's my thirteen things that have been taking over my life since the New Year:

1) Birthday celebrations. I'm 33, had a fantastic birthday with friends over a Pats game and some delicious strawberry hookah smoking.

2) The Patriots. Sundays have been owned by football. Absolutely owned. And I'm loving it. The Superbowl party is in the works. :)

3) Being sick. I fell ill with a cold on New Year's Eve, and still have the annoying cough that goes with it, despite otherwise feeling fine. It's not a painful cough, mostly in the mornings and evenings, but the cold weather (and the hookah smoking on my birthday) didn't help.

4) Fanfic writing. I've been finishing up pieces that were due around the holidays. Got one done and posted last week. Now I'm working on the other one, which I hope to have completed this month. A small idea just snowballed and, with some help from another writer, looks to be a much better, satisfying piece.

5) Work. I've been absolutely insane with work lately. Lots of little projects, lots of paperwork to get through because insurance policies have just renewed as of the first of the year, and lots of really random little things like redesigning the company letterhead (eep!)

6) Torchwood & Doctor Who - Torchwood Series 2 just started airing in the UK last week, and it starts on BBCA this Saturday, along with Doctor Who series 3. Both shows are must-see, IMHO. The second series of Torchwood is already MUCH better than the first. Much slicker, stronger plots, and much more sure of itself. And Series 3 Who? Absolutely wonderful. The first six episodes are a mixed bag, but the last seven are much-watch. Particularly Human Nature, Family of Blood, and Blink which should be on in March. You must watch Blink if you haven't done so. It's a brilliant piece of television, regardless of science fiction leanings. It's up for a Nebula award, and undoubtedly will go up for a Hugo this year (the writer, Steven Moffat, has won for his Who outings the past two years).

7) Money issues. Erich and I have been... let's say, stressed. Partially holidays related, partially increase in heating bills related, and partially issues that come up with his mom's estate. I'm just really worried about financing our trip to England in October.

8) Emotional stuff. Erich's worn down by his mom's estate affairs. I'm worn down from being constantly on the run since, oh, last August. We're both in dire need of a break. Thankfully we're not snapping at each other, but both of us are just exhausted.

9) The weather. Unlike last year, where it was nearly 50 degrees for a good portion of January, it's been quite cold with lingering snow. I think it's contributing to some of the emotional exhaustion.

10) Attempting to get our lives back in order. Vet appointments are being caught up on, getting stuff cleaned around the house, finishing up the final few thank you notes from the wedding, etc. - we have a lot of little projects around the house that we desperately want to get done.

11) Cat issues. Along with the generic vet appointment, we've been dealing with some feline frustration. One of the cats was taking to peeing all over the house. We've added a couple additional cat boxes (one upstairs, one out in the sunroom), and that seems to have stopped most of it. We still have an idiot cat who is apparently going into a cat box and peeing, not realizing its ass is hanging out of the box when it goes, though. Haven't caught the culprit, but somehow I think it's one of our bigger three - Colley, Gus, or Hoodsie.

12) World of Warcraft. Attempting to have some me-time has resulted in a lot of hours playing WoW again, and doing all of the in-game related stuff I've wanted to do but couldn't commit the time to while also planning the wedding. Meaningless to real life, of course, but still a little sense of accomplishment all the same.

13) I really don't have a thirteen. Maybe commuting time? The MBTA continues to suck and get worse. This morning's sightseeing excursion on the commuter rail took us ringing around the city through Dorchester because apparently there was something wrong on the mainline track. Never mind the fact that when we got to the junction where both lines meet up by South Station, there were three trains that came through the main line. AND, our train was forced to wait through three trains coming through (10 minutes, standing still), despite us being the ones that were running 20 minutes late into the station. *sigh*

Will February calm down? I hope so!

Stopping Time

via today's prompt at Holidailies, which asked for a story about snow.

ETA: This entry was noted as a "Best of Holidailies 2007" posting. Hooray! :) Thank you to whomever nominated me!

Saturday, January 23, 2005...

Funny that it's now nearly three years ago, but I can remember the entire evening like it was yesterday. Big events in your life tend to be that way, don't they?

I spent that weekend in January holed up in the Park Plaza Hotel in Boston, Massachusetts. As in years past, my other half, Erich, and I were attending the Arisia fandom convention, held every January.

It had already shaped up to be a unique convention experience. Our requested king-sized bed had been upgraded - for free- to a mini-suite, allowing us both a bedroom and a sitting room for the remainder of the con. In addition, our room was on Dealer's Row, where a good portion of the convention wares dealers set up shop within hotel rooms. Every year, it's one of the bustling areas of the con - and my personal favorite to hang out on - and here I was, with my hotel room on Dealer's Row.

Life couldn't be better.

As Friday night and Saturday morning rolled on, reports about a winter storm brewed, but all was well. The con staff kept weather updates in the main hallways. A few presenters and panel guests cancelled out to fly home before it got too bad, but everything went on as a normal con.

Erich and I decided to go out into the city to grab dinner somewhere in Back Bay before it got too bad. We wandered two blocks down the street to Fire + Ice, one of our favorite restaurants (and the one where we'd gone on our first date... so it was sentimental). The snow was just starting to fall as we went inside.

The restaurant was dead. The snow was beginning to swirl, and in true New England snow-phobic fashion, few people had dared head out into the streets. We took our time, had a lovely dinner, and then headed outside...

where we found nearly six inches of snow already on the ground. The snow was really swirling now. The windtunnel that is Back Bay Boston was in full force. And then Erich looked at me and asked if we could go one more block over, just for a second, so he could see how the snow was swirling in the Hancock intersection.

I thought it was a bit odd - because the corner of Clarendon and St. James Streets is the LAST place you want to be during a windstorm in Boston. The buildings in that intersection create a horrible little microcosm of weather, and in light breeze conditions, it can feel like a hurricane in there. But since Erich had worked in the John Hancock building for a while, and it was close, I agreed, and we plodded over. The snow was piling up on the sidewalks, well over my ankles. It was swirling everywhere in the air, getting difficult to see.

But what I could see was lovely - the snow was piling into little ripples on the stone buildings, creating miniature drifts above window casings. Very lovely.

And then Erich stopped, just short of the stairs in front of the old John Hancock building.

And then suddenly, he went down on one knee.

Now - you know those cliched "and time stood still" phrases in literature? The ones you think are totally bogus?

Yeah. Well, they happen. Especially when someone proposes marriage to you, in the dark, in a blizzard, when you're the only two people for blocks in Back Bay Boston because you're the only two people stupid enough to be out in this weather.

Time stood absolutely still. I said yes, of course.

He placed the ring on my finger, and we had the quickest of kisses before time, wind, and snow came roaring back at us, forcing us to return to the warmth of the hotel, to our lucky upgraded room, as twenty more inches of snow piled through the night.

Wedding Preparation Redux

2007 was, by and large, the year that I managed to go completely insane. The vast majority of it was spent dealing with all things wedding planning. And much to my annoyance, it wound up taking up every ounce of my life that wasn't devoted to the work I had to do to pay the bills.

First thing I thought of waking up? Wedding stuff.
Last thing I thought of before falling asleep? Wedding stuff.

Two months and change post-wedding, I'm so relieved that it's not happening anymore. And other than my thank-you notes that are underway and getting whittled down... I have no other wedding stuff left-over that needs to be done.

I don't miss it. I don't wish wedding planning on anyone in the world. Because it was pure hell. My wedding day was beautiful - I had a fantastic time. But the months leading up to it were pure hell.

So when one of my friends asked for help with her wedding preparations, I felt guilty saying that no, I couldn't come to her house yesterday. This weekend was my only one in December currently not booked with something or other, and I knew I had lots to get done personally. I definitely wanted to help, particularly because she's been having a rough go at work lately. Wedding stress is just one of those things that, well, takes over.

But as it worked out, as long as I didn't have to do the traveling, I was fine. She was happy to come down to my house, and so today she did. We sat in the living room, watching the first three episodes of Doctor Who since its rebirth in 2005 (in an attempt to hook her fiance). Then we watched the first two episodes of Blackpool because Tricia, like me, is a David Tennant fan and needs to enjoy the man in all of his native Scottish accented glory, complete with scruffy five o'clock shadow and singing. David Tennant singing Kenny Roger's The Gambler into an ice cream cone microphone? Oh yes. It is awesome. I promise.

It's a shame the U.S. producers didn't just go to get permission to air Blackpool, rather than try to remake it into the tripe that became Viva Laughlin.

Anyway... the assistance Tricia needed for her wedding was folding paper cranes. She's doing the 1,000 paper cranes for good luck thing for her wedding. She's smart to be getting started now for a June wedding. :) So as we watched TV, she, her fiance, my husband, our friend Matt, and I folded cranes.

In about three hours - including breaks for food - we managed to fold 58 cranes. She now has over 200 done.

And I can fold paper cranes from memory now.

Kinda cool.

What the heck has been up with me...

So, if it weren't obvious, I haven't been posting a lot lately. Although that should be clarified with an over here. Because at LiveJournal, I've been extremely active. For some reason, it's just an easier place to congregate. I dunno - maybe it has some of the ease of the old Diary-X system. I know when people update there because I have friends' lists.

I feel a bit lonely over here at times.

*sigh*

But anyway... I can't believe it's the end of November already. And contrary to the silence in my blog, no... I didn't do NaNoWriMo this year. I signed up, but never really got writing, never felt all that jazzed for it... so... meh.

What HAS been happening is a whole lot of running around since the weekend of our wedding. Absolute madness. Life returning to normal, scrambling to start returning to the things both Erich and I had blown off for months as part of our "planning a wedding, can't talk now!" excuse. It's amazing how off-kilter life gets when planning such a big event. I am finally starting to feel - this WEEK - that I'm myself again. It took two months to feel normal. Insane. I think the wedding took a permanent toll on my ability to remember things, though. I used to have a pretty good memory - but now I barely can remember things week to week. It's maddening.

Married life is good. Honestly, it doesn't feel that different than it did before, although I imagine I'll find little things along the way that feel different. I have an extra ring on the finger, and official documents are slowly being transferred from one name to another. Hearing Erich's last name as my own is a bit weird. But I CAN sign it comfortably, which is a relief. But it's so comfortable saying, "this is my husband."

I take that as a very good thing. Especially being the one who was convinced she'd be alone her entire life.

Now that the wedding's over, we're both moving into our own little worlds again, which always circle one another and about half the time come together - the comfortable balance that we always seem to have.

Erich's been extremely busy with the affairs of his mom's estate. Things are moving along, slowly but surely. Honestly, from what I gather, the vast majority of the runaround work is done. Now it's down to selling the house in Massachusetts that Debbie had inherited half of from her mother (Debbie's sister owns the other half). Selling the house, particularly in this market, will be a challenge. But it will be a huge relief to both Erich's aunt and him. And hopefully it'll be able to move us forward in some house updates that I'd love to get started - like... getting rid of the wallpaper that's partially coming down on its own, replastering, repainting, etc.

Meanwhile, I've been busy on the weekends with all things sorority related, it seems. I've spent a good deal of my weekends since late September up in Boston for one reason or another - alumni meetings, rush events and degrees with the actives. I even took a little sister (kin sister, actually, since I'm alum). His name's Mark. It's odd being officially tied to a line in the sorority again - since my direct line of little sisters died before I graduated from college. But it's fantastic to be tied closer to the chapter as a whole again.

And I've been doing that odd thing that's sprouted up in the past couple years - having a social life. I don't know where this came from. I really don't. But suddenly, I have a fairly large and diverse circle of friends, any of which I can call and say "hey, let's go do xyz on Friday," and actually have them say "sure, yeah!" So weird. I spent so many years as the wallflower that always felt left behind. Having friends that actually WANT to do things together? God, it's wonderful.

The geeky stuff still continues, although not as intense as it used to be. That may return, though. We're just now getting back into a couple Dungeons & Dragons and other tabletop games.

Sports? Oh, gotta love New England right now. :) Well, I guess folks outside of New England don't like us right now. But you know what I mean.

I've continued to dig into all things Doctor Who in my spare time. I'm currently watching the very early episodes... from 1963. I'm still amused how the TARDIS for the most part is exactly the same - even the sound effects! With the WGA strike, I'm thankful for the volumes of Who material I have to dig through. Only 43 years... should keep me busy.

Work continues to go well. I've now been at my job for a year. Other than a few workmates, I don't miss the other place at all. I do find, though, that some of the things people gripe about at my current office simply don't bother me - because they're NOWHERE near as hellish as what I dealt with before. It's just amazing.

And that's about it, I suppose.

Much more to come - Holidailies is just around the corner. :)

It's November, and that means...

It's time to start thinking about holiday card exchanges! (*gasp*) I know, I know. It seems early. But really, truly - it isn't.

So here's the deal - in years past, I've done individual exchanges with cards. And I'm still very happy to do that - if that's what you'd prefer, lemme know in your comment. That way, you won't be put on a master list.

BUT - a few other bloggers I've known casually over the years have hosted bigger exchanges, and I want to attempt it this year. Because really - it's ALL about getting happy mail among the mountains of mags and bills in November and December.

What I need from you:

1) Your LJ name or your blogging nickname (if off LJ):
2) Your web address (if off LJ):
3) Your name and complete mailing address:
4) Your email address (for sending you the master list):
5) If you have a preference for either religious or non-religious cards, please let me know:
6) If this list goes over 30 people, do you want to be part of a 30-person only group, or the list at large?
7) Any other info you'd like to add (for my organizing benefit)?

Send this to me in either a private email to measiwitch(at)gmail.com, with the subject line of Holiday Cards, or reply via comment to this entry. ALL COMMENTS ARE SCREENED. You'll get a confirm email that I received your address.

Anyone who wants to participate, please add your info no later than November 11. The list will be organized and emailed no later than November 15th so folks have plenty of time to send cards.

Happy Meme

I've been tagged by a few people, so yeah... jumping on the bandwagon...

Ten things which have made me happy recently...

1. Boston sports - it doesn't get any better than this. Red Sox? Patriots? Well, okay... Boston University could have a good year in hockey. But seriously, doesn't get much better. :)

2. Erich surprising me with absolute adoration yesterday for the marking of one month of marriage. He made coffee, had flowers sent to work, and made me dinner. All with the joke of "congrats - we've succeeded longer than 95% of celebrity marriages already!" Heh. :)

3. My mom finally went through with her hysterectomy surgery that's been overdue for 15+ years, and is recovering wonderfully. She's home, and only three days out, she was able to get up and down the stairs on her own, and isn't in much pain (just feels pressure from stitches). It's a relief to me, because she really needed to have this done when I was in high school.

4. Sisterhood - between silly, getting absolutely soaked in a downpour memories built while hosting a concert reception on Friday to seeing a potential new class of Tau Beta Sigma sisters come to the Tea on Sunday? Makes this old lady sister quite proud. :)

5. It's autumn, and the leaves are now officially in full color in our area of Rhode Island. They look amazing.

6. The completely unseasonable 80 degree, low-humidity, sunny weather we've had the last few days. Absolutely phenominal.

7. Getting a kick-ass first formal review at work. :) It's wonderful to be appreciated for doing my job.

8. Waking up yesterday morning curled around Noby. Usually Noby just tries to nibble my fingers in the morning because he wants to play, but when he's snuggly, Noby really is the coziest cat to doze with. He's a little love bug.

9. One week until Halloween! :)

10. I am about 75% done with one fanfic draft, and have a rough idea of the other fic that I'll be churning out this weekend. And then I'll be caught up!

Heading back to the Faire

Mel and Erich (in newly purchased garb)
Originally uploaded by measi.

It was a lower-key trip to King Richard's Faire this week. More people - Matt, Maria, Tricia, and Kevin joined Erich and me. The weather was beautiful. We had a great time - and seemed to spend a heck of a lot more time eating and drinking this time around.

Tricia and Kevin bought themselves full new outfits, so they are now officially well-garbed for the Faire and Halloween festivities. Erich bought a leather poncho (it's beautiful!!!) that signifies the beginning of his new full Druid idea for the Faire.

I told him that the poncho made him look like a Moonkin from World of Warcraft. (and yes, I did the obligatory Owlbeast waddling run with my elbows slightly pointed out as I called him an Oomkin... fellow WoW players know exactly what I'm talking about... hee!)

But yes - the new garb I bought last weekend was quite comfortable. I kept getting asked by people around the Faire for shopkeep help... apparently I'm now dressed well enough that people think I work at KRF. *snicker*

The rest of the pictures from the two weekends are on my Flickr account (just click on the photo). A lot came out annoyingly dark, though... I need to figure out why I'm so crappy with my camera.

Shopping at the Faire

With the wedding insanity now over, the first true event to mark that our lives are returning to normal was our trip to King Richard's Faire on Sunday. We went along with Maria and Matt, meeting up with Gina and Gabe, who are two of Erich's college friends, at the faire.

Before the faire, I was dreading the weather report - it said it would be in the upper 70s and sunny. Great normal weather to go anywhere, but when you're decked out in layers of Renaissance period garb? Eh, not so much.

It turned out to be a comfortable overcast day in the mid-60s, although Erich was a little chilly in his modern punk variant of his formal kilt in a t-shirt. :( (he looked fabulous though).

After last year's trip to the faire, I was fully prepared to be seeking out a new bodice for my outfit. The one I've had for eight years is too small for me, and the boning that lines the row of grommits is beginning to poke through the top - so I just can't wear it anymore. I absolutely adore it, too - it's a rust and forest green tartan, with a red reversable lining (that I've never worn on top). Not easy to replace, but I decided that I'd got to my trustworthy Threads of Time, and finally get the bodice that matches what I have. Their prices are fantastic, and the clothes are wonderful and easy to wear. I'm good to go with ideas in hand.

That was before I realized that my overdress from Threads of Time had shrunk last time I washed it, too - and now was sitting a few inches too short in the back. Then again, it also is eight years old.

*sigh*

So now I'm thinking okay- new outfit. I can do this. I'll work around it. I have a new underskirt in basic black that I bought at Threads last year. I just need a new overskirt, and the new bodice, and I'll be set. And because this is the faire, being plus-sized isn't quite as much of a detriment as it can be in other places. Being busty and curvy is a good thing at the faire. :)

So we go to the faire. And we're looking around at the shops. Most of the same folks I recognize from last year, but a few new places. Beautiful things as always... most of which I can't afford.

We head into Moresca, which is the shop that has oodles that I covet, but never can justify purchasing from. And everything always looks too small, so I haven't bothered. Eh, moo.

And then my eyes fall on a particular bodice - deep blues with black accents in rich brocades. (sample of the style here). It's an XL, but the shopkeep assures me that my normal 2X sizing on top will translate to this XL (which does look like it will fit me just fine - but I don't want to deal with the 30 minutes of re-lacing my current bodice post fitting if I can help it). This bodice has lacings on both sides AND the back, so it's quite flexible with sizing.

Have I mentioned how gorgeous this bodice is? Erich loves it too. But it's a Moresca bodice, which means it's about twice what I was planning on paying. I need to sit and think on it over lunch, even though I'm coveting it dearly.

Erich points out over lunch that we do have wedding money, and that I can indulge if I want to. It doesn't take much to twist my arm at all.

Right after lunch, we head right back and I buy it. :)

We collect a couple other things along the way during the day - a new leather belt for me and a

Then I need new skirts to match the color scheme. I find lovely ones in the same deep blue and a pretty moss green (for a brighter top offset) in rough silk at Threads of Time that are just wonderful to the touch. I buy both of those. Nice offset texture, nice soothing colors that I prefer to wear.

And best of all? My outfit's ready for this upcoming weekend's return trip to the Faire.

Rock. :)

(and yes, there will be pics)

When Geeks Get Married: Wedding Recap, Pt. 2

The Kiss!!
Originally uploaded by measi.

The drive down to Bristol was prettier than I remembered it being. Granted, it was an absolutely amazing day - crystal clear sky, no humidity, everything bright and cheerful and just out of a postcard. We arrived at the farm just after 5 - not long after the groomsmen did. As I saw kilts moving across the opposite end of the field, I quickly scooted over to the cocktail hour cabin to hide from Erich (given that I was a bit obvious wearing white and all). We gushed over the beautiful bouquets my florist had created (all I'd given her were the colors I'd prefer - I was amazed... but more on that in a little while). We stood on the deck and admired the view, took a few pictures, and just relaxed until it was time.

Through all of this, I was feeling very calm. Oddly calm. As in "I'm here to witness someone else getting married" calm.

But then we lined up to make the walk up the aisle. And then the music started - Storybook Love from The Princess Bride, and we started walking - my dad on one side of me, and my mom on the other. And my brain just shut down. I barely remember seeing people along the aisle. My knees were shaking, and my anxiety was blown full open, and all I could do to keep moving was stare at Erich (who was beaming back at me). I know I gave my dad a kiss, and then everything began.

And it was a swirl of words. Our friend Tony had hand-written the entire ceremony we'd emailed him the week before into a beautiful little journal (which he presented to us later). All I could do was smile at Erich. I'm very thankful that I knew I'd never remember my vows if I'd decided to memorize them. As it was, I started repeating them early because of my nerves (getting a chuckle out of everyone). That, oddly enough, was what finally calmed me down.

But for those curious, here's our little wedding ceremony, in its entirety:

Tony: Welcome. We are gathered here today on this beautiful fall evening to witness the joining of Melissa and Erich in marriage. Melissa and Erich, have you both come here willingly?

Us: (together) Yes.

Tony: Today is a celebration not of a beginning, but of a bond that already exists between you. In many ways, your lives are already joined. Today you declare your intention to make this joining deliberate and permanent.

Tony: (to the guests) Melissa and Erich desire to be united in marriage surrounded by you, their friends and family. All of y9ou are here because you have played some part in bringing Melissa and Erich to this moment. Let us all remember those who cannot be here today, but who are with us in spirit always: Melissa's grandmother Mary, Erich's grandmother Miriam, Erich's grandfather Norman, and especially Erich's mother Deborah.

Tony: Melissa and Erich have chosen as a couple to perform a box, wine and love letter ceremony. This box contains a bottle of wine, two glasses, and a love letter from each to the other The letters describe the good qualities they find in one another, the reasons they fell in love, and their reasons for choosing to marry. The letters are sealed in individual envelopes, and they have not seen what the other has written.

Tony: (to us) Should you ever find your marriage enduring serious hardships, you are to, as a couple, open this box, sit and drink wine together, then separate and read the letters you wrote to one another when you were united as a couple. By reading these love letters, you will reflect upon the reasons you fell in love and chose to marry each other here today. The hope is, however, that you will never have a reason to open this box. And if this is the case, you are to open this box to share and enjoy on your ten year anniversary! Melissa and Erich, please seal the box.

Tony: (to me) Melissa, please repeat after me.
I, Melissa, take you Erich, to be my husband - my best friend, my partner in life, and my one true love. I give to you, in the presence of these witnesses, my pledge to stay by your side as your wife in sickness and health, in joy and sorrow, as well as through the good time and the bad. I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you forever.

Tony: (to Erich) Erich, please repeat after me.
I, Erich, take you Melissa, to be my wife - my best friend, my partner in life, and my one true love. I give to you, in the presence of these witnesses, my pledge to stay by your side as your husband in sickness and health, in joy and sorrow, as well as through the good time and the bad. I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you forever.

Tony: (to Elizabeth, our ringbearer) May I have the rings?
(to us) Melissa and Erich, I invite you now to exchange your rings as a symbol of the vows you've just spoken.

Erich: (to me) Take this ring as a symbol of my love, as this ring has no beginning and no end, as is my love for you.

Me: (to Erich) Take this ring as a symbol of my love, as this ring has no beginning and no end, as is my love for you.

Tony: And now, by the power vested in me by the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations, I now pronounce you Man and Wife. And in the immortal words of Mel Brooks, "Good! You're married! Kiss her!"

(we kiss)

Tony: And I present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Erich and Melissa Krueger!


We bounced away down the aisle to the Monkee's I'm a Believer (because really... it practically was written for the two of us, recent Shrek usage aside). And as we got halfway across the lawn, I finally exclaimed "Holy shit we're married!" Much to the amusement of those who were in earshot, of course. I specifically remember Michelle cracking up.

Now, here I'll stop for a moment and gush about my bouquet - because it was absolutely perfect. Everything was in deep reds - a center Calla lily, with four of those beautiful deep red (with almost a purplish edge) roses, a blend of seasonal mums, all surrounded by reddish-purple (!) hydrangeas. No filler in any of the bouquets - all were full of flowers! Melinda hung mine up to dry afterwards, and it will take a carefully guarded place behind glass here in my office as shelf decor where the cats can't get to it. :)

Everyone went off to the cocktail hour, while Erich and I were off for formal photo shoots with our bridal party and parents. There's one particular shot that I'm looking forward to seeing from our photographer - the Scots on a Rock shot (with all of the kilted men in a row on the rock). We have lots of shoes pictures and hopefully a good chunk of silly pictures as well. I was laughing for the better part of the rest of the night. :)

The two of us opened the clambake at 7 by ringing a big dinner bell hung on the side of the tent, and our amazing caterer had everyone gather round the big cooking pit to describe how everything was done - over rocks and seaweed and steaming. And then we were introduced, went into our first dance (which revealed to everyone how Erich and I just do not dance) to In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel, and then we sat down for two beautiful toasts by Tone (best man) and Melinda (maid of honor). After that - the feast of clams, mussels, lobster, johnnycake bread, smoked codfish, sausages, corn on the cob, and potatoes commenced.

Oh yes, we feasted. And it was all good.

The dance floor opened, and as expected, there was no need to encourage this crowd to get up and dance. We received a bunch of compliments all evening regarding our DJ, who played a fantastic mix of classic standards and more modern dance songs to keep everybody moving. The floor was jumping all night. :) I danced a bit toward the end of the evening, but for most of the night both Erich and I were flitting around talking to people (as. IMHO, all good bridal couples should do at their receptions). Between the two of us, I don't think we missed anybody - but I'll be dropping everyone a note in the mail over the next few weeks anyway just to make sure.

Dad and I then danced to the song he selected - which is one of my lifelong favorites... What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. My dad, ever being my dad, was singing and being a bit goofy as we danced. It was perfect and very us. :)

Our cake was soooo delicious. We picked a vanilla cake with strawberry and whipped cream filler layers, all covered with buttercream frosting. Oh, god it was delicious. We did our cake cutting to Love and Marriage by Frank Sinatra (famous for being the theme song for Married with Children... as soon as it was recognized, we got a LOT of laughs). We were both well-behaved. No cake smooshing here!

After that, it was lots of dancing until around 10:30, when everything had to wrap up. The final dance of the night was, as tradition for me since high school, The Dance by Garth Brooks. I've had a few people ask why I picked a song about breakups (both in person and livejournal), so I feel the need to explain this one a bit. First - it was always the last dance of the night for every formal dance in high school (of which there were many... because we had nothing else to do). And also, it's never been a song about breakups to me - it's been a song about accepting the hardships in your past and embracing them as lessons that carry you into the unknown - and hopefully brighter - future - very fitting for Erich and I, considering our lives during this past year. The entire song is summed up to me in these lines - "Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."

Your viewpoint may vary, of course... but yeah, that's my take on it. And it's just a pretty song.

As the music died down, the group of Tau Beta Sigma sisters still in attendance carried on the Boston University pep band tradition, starting up a rousing round of "Hey Baby" to end the night. My dad was highly amused (having watched the BU band in action a few tims), and many of the other relatives looked on impressed. And then all of the Sisters gathered together, and we sang the TBS National Hymn (with harmony, even!) It's the first time I can recall ever singing it outside of a sisters-only event. Absolutely tickled me. I hope it becomes a tradition at all future Sister weddings. Really, truly. Needs. to. happen.

And then we all said goodbye - hugging everyone as they went off to their cars or back to the vans. Erich and I got into the Bentley and were whisked away to our hotel for the night...

where we collasped in bed, reading our guestbook pages and absently watching Crocodile Dundee on the midnight movie for about an hour before passing out.

It was an absolutely amazing day. Neither of us could have asked for better - we know that Erich's mom was looking out for us by giving us the beautiful weather. And we're still bopping around the house in amazement that we pulled this wedding together!

Thus ends the recap... but for all of the photos added to the photoshare to date, pop over here: http://www.flickr.com/groups/melanderich/

:)

Yay!

When Geeks Get Married: Wedding Recap, pt. 1

Mel and Erich
Originally uploaded by measi.

Four days later, I’m still swirling through everything that happened this weekend and just keep looking at it in awe. Seriously – I cannot believe everything went so well. Nor can Erich, for that matter. After months and months of planning, frustration, and unexpected hardships – the entire weekend went without a hitch. Well, except for the hitching that was meant to happen. That hitching went as intended!

So sit back with a cuppa – because it was a long, busy weekend full of fun and insanity. Lots to tell.

If I were to give one piece of advice to an upcoming bride who is planning her wedding on her own, I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to choose bridesmaids that can help you with delegated planning and provide you emotional support as needed through everything. I would never have gotten through it all if I hadn’t had Melinda, Ivanna, and Maria by my side. Whether finding resources for vendors (photos and hair especially) or just providing emotional calming or hugs , all three were incredibly helpful.

The weekend festivities kicked off on Friday with a girls’ day out and my bachelorette party. Morning full-body massages, followed by lunch at the pub, followed by manicures and pedicures. I desperately needed that massage – it turned out that Ivanna found a holistic massage place only about a mile from my house! (yay… somewhere to go back to!) Quite heavenly. I was very worried about having my nails done – being the tomboy geek that I am, I’d never had my nails professionally done in my life. No idea what to expect. The result is very pretty. It looks very strange to me to have fingernails, as I am a chronic biter. I’m still wearing them, although I find it fairly difficult to do things and really do miss having sensation in my fingertips when I touch things. I think the lack of touch sensation is probably the most disconcerting. But at least for big events, I know I can do this. And Erich really likes them - so for now, I'll deal. :)

The bachelorette party was a very wild evening at the house. There were nine of us present, and the evening was full of fun but very silly games like “pin the penis on the man” (John and Rodney nicknamed the guy on the poster “sad boy” and gave him some chest hair with a sharpie). We had a penis piñata, a yummy cake from Sweet and Nasty cake shop in Boston, and after everything else – a crazy round of karaoke on my wall on the X-Box. One of the funnier events (that I’m comfortable sharing photos of, anyway) was Fizzy grabbing one of the penis whistles from the piñata horde and whapping it around the dining room. She managed to pick it up in her paws and lick it – sending the entire party to the floor laughing.

Saturday was the Unrehearsal Dinner in my backyard. We had 40 people over – family, friends, and the wedding party. It was the first time all of my relatives had seen my house – and so many people loved it. I was thrilled! We had tons of good food for everyone – lots of family favorites from both families were blended. So we had ribs and potato salad and chili mixed with pierogi and galumpkies, plus desserts and the obligatory shots of celebratory vodka. A good time was had by all with chatting well into the evening.


And then Sunday arrived with a brilliant blue sky.

I spent the first hour of my wedding day sprawled out on my bed, staring out the window at the trees, not really thinking about anything in particular - but making sure that I didn't allow myself to fall into the "omgimgettingmarriedtoday" freaking out that easily could have taken place. I was oddly calm. It felt like just another day.

By 11 a.m., the girls and I were on our way to Providence Place, where I popped over to the Laura Mercier counter at Nordstrom. Maria popped over to the MAC counter, and both of us got our faces put on. :) By noon, we were on our way over to my mom's hotel where we all got our hair done by my wonderful new hairstylist, Lynda. My photographer, Michelle, arrived at two and was just everywhere, taking fun pictures and laughing over the scrapboook that the girls had already put together of the Friday festivities.

3:30 p.m. came, and it was time for me to start getting ready. With my mom watching, Melinda helped me get into my dress in about 15 minutes. Back to the secondary room for some quick final touches on the hair, add a veil and tiara, plus a bit more lipstick, and I was ready to go.

I walked down the hall to find most of my family standing in the lobby, waiting to board the limo and shuttle bus we'd rented (dark windy roads + unfamiliar drivers + open bar at wedding is not a good mix).

And that's when the nerves hit. All of a sudden, reality just slammed me and I got all fluttery. Everyone boarded the transportation. Mom, Dad, and I got into the '57 Bentley, and off we went toward Mount Hope Farm.

Part 2 coming soon... just typing it now!

We have success!

Holy crap I'm married! :)

More details will come later... BUT... it went beautifully. Amazing weather, fabulous food, fantastic guests - it was an amazing evening.

I'm farking EXHAUSTED. So the longer recap will come probably Wednesday or so. Our last guests are leaving tomorrow, and Erich will be filling the house with the sounds of Halo 3 (he's out buying it now)... so I need some recoup time first.

But yeah... so weird. :)


Oh, and for my friends/familly who read my blog and who came? I've set up a Flickr group for photosharing... Please friend http://www.flickr.com/groups/melanderich/ and send your photos.. 'cause I'd love to make a real blog announcement 'n stuff.

heading to bed now...

- the old married lady

Of Stitching and Sorority

I'm back at work today. Still coughing, although my lungs seem to be settling down off the morning hard stuff, and I should be okay until late this evening when fatigue will kick them off again. Bleh. But we have a box of Lemon Zinger tea at work, and it will be my friend for the day so I don't try to drink carbonated soda.

It was an odd weekend. Odd because while still being sick, I was perfectly well enough to have people over. And so I did. Masquedbunny, Whishastar and Myownwench came down on Saturday noonish for the day. My somewhat-but-not-really local cross stitch store, With Heart and Soul, was getting out of the stitching business with a massive 50% off sale of EVERYTHING in stock, and since the three of them also craft, it was the perfect opportunity to go grab stuff.

And I did - all of those patterns I've been eyeballing for years, I bought. Don't know if I'll get to them, but hell - they're all 50% off, so I got almost all of the patterns for about $2-5 each. Can't beat that. AND a good chunk of them were the out of print Teresa Wentzler patterns that are impossible to find (the seasonal fairies and the fruit quartet, fellow stitchers?). With Erich's kind help via credit card, I dropped what WOULD have been $260, whacked down to $130.

Boo. Ya.

Anyway, I can't blame the shop owners one bit. Apparently the town of Cumberland has a yearly inventory tax - so basically any of these patterns that sit on the shelves get taxed EVERY YEAR. So much that the owner point blank said - at this point, I can't make back any of the money on them. We're just recouping whatever we can for the least loss possible. So yeah, I can't blame them at all. Shame they're closing. Wish they'd had some more practical hours, though... 10-5 weekdays and 10-6 on Saturdays just isn't realistic for your average adult woman stitcher these days. We work full time, folks. We're not stay-at-home wives. In fact, most of us aren't. *sigh*

But anyway... we went shopping. And then we came back to my place, where we spent the day doing crafty things, talking about life, the sorority we all belong to (these stitch 'n bitches have been the closest thing we have to official meetings after all), and just hung out. Erich kept the drinks rolling for us, cooked food, etc. He was awesome.

The girls left around midnight, and I went on to another one of my semi-sleepless nights due to cough. Whee.

On Sunday, we spent the day doing some small tidy projects around the house. Erich was daring and jumped in to take care of the worst of my office - it's actually CLEAN now! I just need to go through the boxes to put stuff on shelves, sort through stuff for our yard sale/toss out, etc.

Since I was still coughing quite a bit, I forced myself to do small stuff that would keep me mostly on the couch. Any time I started doing stairs, I started coughing. So I caught up on all of the dishes and got the kitchen somewhat scrubbed up (still need to do those scary floors), gathered laundry up (Erich had to do it, though... due to the aforementioned stairs), and then settled on the couch. I took advantage of the forced couch time to sort through my stitching stuff - both the new stuff that was bought on Saturday and everything else that had been bought but not stored.

So I spent about, I kid you not, six hours winding bobbins of overdyed thread & labelling them. I removed all of the patterns that were in plastic bags from said bags and stapled or paperclipped as needed, and put them all in a magazine rack. They can't stay in the plastic - we have cats who think plastic is a food group. They will literally EAT any plastic bag that comes into the house. So yeah... *sigh* And I had a lot to do, because while I've bought stuff over the past year I haven't really done much of my own stitching - I got too involved in round robin stitching last year to concentrate on my own. So it was good to get a sense of some of what I have. The rest will come as I get my office together. And then post wedding, I'll REALLY get back into my stitching - because I'll be too broke to do much else!

It was tedious, but it kept me sitting still and resting my lungs, which is what I needed to do, but I got stuff done, and that's good. I think I watched the entire season of Ice Road on Discovery, too. Those guys? They are crazy. Driving semis over frozen lakes in Canada in the winter? I realize it's the only practical way to get stuff to those mines... but damn.

So all in all, it was a productive weekend, a fun weekend, and still an annoying weekend because of my cough.

Should be an interesting week, too. ;)

Preventative Sick Day

So... on Day Three of the unexplained cough from nowhere, I decided to stay home to tend to this thing. It kept me up for the better half of the night. Lots of tossing and turning. Bleh.

The thing is, I have a long and annoying history with bronchitis that lasts for months. Not weeks... months. My dad used to drug me up on codeine to try to calm the cough, and THAT wouldn't do it. So when I start getting a random cough that's predominantly dry and hacking, I start getting a bit paranoid. Especially when I'm in the very plausible "I could still be dealing with this late September" range.

I'm not a hypochondriac by any means - except when it comes to bronchitis. I've had enough days of lying on the couch winded with bruised lungs from pain in the past, thanks. I'll be overly cautious here. The kicker is that other than feeling drained from all the coughing, I feel okay. My sinuses are clear. I've had a couple small bouts of fever here and there, I think. But I just SOUND bad. Bad enough that I was getting some annoyed "god, stay home if you have the plague" looks on the train last night.

*sigh* So yeah, preventative sick day.

So after sleeping an extra hour this morning, I came back downstairs to my still delightfully warm cup of hot coffee, and flipped on the TV. Ooh... X-Files. Sick day with X-Files on SciFi. I can do this. Oh, but it's the damn Chupa-thingy episode. *sigh* Why is it always the crappy episodes that show on sick days?

Dammit.

Still, it's being filtered with a ton of ads for Doctor Who tomorrow night. At least I know the show's actually being advertised now. ;)

In any case, while I will be resting, I'll make the day somewhat productive too. The key is to do stuff that won't require me to be physically active, because that's when I really start to cough. So it's a day where I find things that can be done sitting down. I have a ton of various paper to get through & shred (old bills, etc.) that can be done easily while I stay relatively still. And since Victory over Japan Day on Monday has delayed our trash pickup until tomorrow, I can get it into recycling immediately.

I'm going to push to finish something for the Anywhere but Cardiff ficathon so I can send it to beta. Anyone available for some draft reading this weekend if I get it to you? I figure if I at least get the first portion of it posted for the ficathon, I'll be happy. But I am really going to push to finish it so it doesn't become another floating unfinished WiP.

Soniced_Up sent me Chapter 3 of her fic to beta. I'll most likely work on that today so I can turn it right back around. by the weekend. She has an interesting idea going for her ficathon piece, IMHO. I'm interested to see where it's going.

---

Thanks to everyone who replied to me about my wedding ranting yesterday (mostly over on LJ). I do appreciate it, and I'm relieved to hear that while I may be a bit whiney and crabby about all of this, I'm not being a bridezilla. I haven't replied to everyone basically because I got busy yesterday, and then last night was just drained due to this cough. But I do need to get back to people's comments all over the place now.

Erich has been doing an awesome job of tracking down our missing RSVPs. He's whittled the list down by about half already. As of last count, I think he said we have about 20 more people to track down for answers. Which is awesome, because between the two of us we have about a half-dozen people who have become bigger parts of our lives since the original invite list was put together, and we want to have the room to invite them. AND... my aunt asked yesterday if my cousin can bring her boyfriend (which I said I'd get back to her on, depending on what the headcount is).

Now I just need my parents to return my calls so we can get the transportation issues solved - and in my dad's case, hear from him on my proposed father-daughter song so I can get the list to the DJ and strike THAT off my list.

I may whine about this wedding planning, but I am still plodding along. Slowly but surely.

Today, just a bit slower than other days. :P

T-minus 40 days

In bed last night, Erich turned to me and said point blank, "We're getting married in 40 days."

And my stomach flipped over. Both in excitement and dread.

Mostly in dread.

I'm getting really sick of the dread. I'm getting married. I should be happy. I should be all girly and giggly and bouncing.

And I'm not. Instead, I'm angry and crazy and absolutely bone-numblingly exhausted. I've gone beyond the point of exhaustion and frustration with everything where I could allow myself a good cry to let things out (been there, done that... like, a dozen times. It doesn't help).






And I feel really, really guilty for it. Because it's making me kick myself and question whether I'm being selfish or unappreciative that my parents are essentially paying for 90% of this shindig and becoming the bridezilla that I vowed I would. not. become.

And on top of everything, the stress and frustration has now been developing into somatic symptoms - I've had intestinal issues for over three weeks. Two days ago I developed one of my dreaded bronchitis coughs. And with the last two weeks having been slammed with work insanity, I'm now frantically trying to get hairstyle planning done five weeks out from this whole thing. Erich has thankfully taken on the task of contacting our massive RSVP no-show list, because honestly? I just can't handle it anymore.

And I'm resenting every moment of the stress. Absolutely RESENTING it.

This is not good.

/completely cranky, exhausted bridezilla rant

Friday Morning Musings

A very happy 33rd to my other half, Erich (occasionally popping on my LJ as , in case anyone was wondering who that was...). :) He's now a year older than me, at least for the next few months. *grin*

We'll be doing some sort of dinnery thing, per his interest, tonight after work. His dad & Linda are coming down tomorrow for lunch and some hangout time, and then Erich will be heading off to geek with the guys for the evening, and I'll probably curl up in front of the telly with those Chris Eccleston DVD's I still haven't watched.

My office had its summer conclave yesterday, where we did an annual update meeting and then broke into groups to do community service around Boston, and then met back up for lunch and some celebratory drinking. My group went to a playground in Charlestown, where we spread mulch over the entire playground area, did some trash cleanup, and some weeding. It looked quite good when we were done. But oh, my back is still tired. I'm not so much sore anymore, but the muscles in my back are just fatigued, which is causing everything to ache. So it's one of those "good" aches, but still, gah, I'd much prefer to be in bed where I can rest my shoulders.

I've finished the initial beta work on both of the short pieces I promised to do. So those will get mailed off later today, once I do a final read through on each.

Today is the RSVP date for my wedding invitations. I've only received half of them back so far. Above all, I think I'm most annoyed that all of the family members who have thrown me through the emotional wringer over the last two years are the ones who haven't sent back their damn RSVPs. Not a single one of them. I'm borderline pissed off on that little snippet. But of course, they probably figure that I figure that they're all coming. And while, yes, I do, there was also the request on my RSVP notes to include any allergies (since we are having... shellfish), and I know for a FACT that at least two of the people who haven't RSVPed do have allergies - extensive allergies - but I don't keep tabs on all of them and kinda need to know. Because if I don't work around said allergies, of COURSE they're going to complain.

And then there's the rest of the family friends and everyday friends who haven't replied. *sigh*

I have to admit that after going through the whole save-the-date mailing, then the wedding invite mailing, the fact that I have HALF of my invitees still not responding is well, a bit demoralizing to say the least.

Moral of the story - if someone sends you an invite that requires an RSVP, please send it back. Right away while it's on your mind, or at the minimum, make sure it gets back by the deadline they print. Seriously, even if you're not able to go. Just send it back so they know. If you're not sure you can get time off for the event, at least call the person and let them know that, because there are reasons why the invites have to go out and come back by a certain time. Now I'm in a monster headache and a slight panic because I need to get counts to my caterer and cake maker within the next few days, and as of right now, I literally don't have anywhere near the MINIMUM number of people I need to pay for for the caterer. I have no clue as to how many to reserve tables, food, etc. for.

*sigh*

I'm so brain fried. I really am.

In any case, I know a lot of people have been commenting, either on the now massive meta thread from the other day, or on various comments on my journal or elsewhere. I'll be responding to them tomorrow, probably.

My brain is mush

I owe three people fanfic beta work - and yes, it's going. I should have two of the pieces done this evening. The third is a long-term project, and I'm hoping to get two chapters completed by mid-week. My problem is that my inner editor isn't letting me READ the stories first, and just wants to jump into editing... and I don't like to do that. I need to read a story first, to see how the whole thing strikes me before I start combing through it.

As for my own writing? Hell if I know when it's going to happen. My brain is just in a pouty don'wanna sort of mood. And honestly, it's probably good for it to be that way, considering I have Lots of Wedding Crap To Do. But I need to get that little fic piece done for the "Anywhere but Cardiff" ficathon. I don't expect to have anything stellar to contribute, sadly. My question is should I post what I have during the ficathon, or shelve it and apologize, but add it in late, when my brain decides to work?

*sigh*

On the stuff-to-do front, it's been a very productive weekend, but I also found time to get some relaxation in, too. I took a half-day off from work on Friday (VERY needed after the three fourteen hour days earlier in the week). As always, the Commuter Rail sucks ass, leaving South Station about a half-hour late. What I wouldn't give for an on-time train. (sigh) But it does beat driving every day, and I have to remind myself of that. The Jeep isn't exactly good on gas, and it IS a 60+ mile drive each way. With Boston traffic.

Anyway - picked up my wedding dress from alterations on Friday afternoon. It fits beautifully now. Hem is just perfect, and the two small tucks under my arms make everything fit just right on the top. The bustle is a contraption to behold, I swear - ELEVEN ties. Because I have a fat ass. But the girls at David's Bridal were kind enough to number each ribbon and each loop for me (without me having to ask for it) to make it easier on the poor bridesmaids who'll have to deal with them.

So now, I basically am done with dress stuff. I bring it back two weeks before the wedding to have it steamed, and that's it.

Since I was in the area, I also picked up some metallic ribbon for my wedding Chucks. I wasn't thrilled with a lot of the color options, but I found a pretty metallic iridescent orange organza that has just a bit of wire in it for some strength. It's pretty close to the metallic shade of the orange on the heel stripe, so it'll go well. I bought three lengths, just in case one breaks. :)

So shoes are now done.

Updated the spreadsheet with our guest invites - so far we have 42 yes, 4 no. About half have sent RSVPs and the deadline is Friday. It's funny - my friends all said that they got a burst of RSVPs the first week or so, and then a trickle. There's really been no burst with us - we'll have one or two one day, none for a couple days, and then maybe four another day.

MY family are slackers. Like... only two families have sent back RSVPs. And I might note that my mom is NOT among the returnees.

(and I wonder where I get my procrastination?)

We got our first wedding gift delivered on Friday. We haven't opened the box yet, but it's from Linens & Things. I'm not sure whether to open it or wait until the wedding. For now, the box is sitting in the kitchen. It's not like Erich and I aren't staying together. But I know the tradition is to not use anything until the wedding, so... I guess it's probably better to wait.

Mom informed me that she has bought me the Margaritaville blender from Williams Sonoma as one of our wedding presents. She also said that "she needs to try it out first." ;) But needless to say, it'll be getting used for both the girls' day/night out if anything happens at my house and for the Unrehearsal Dinner. Because seriously... drinky things are required for wedding parties. And oh, this thing will get used - because both Erich and I like our drinky things.

and can I just say I'm cracking up at the tote bag on that webpage? I seriously may consider it... because I have a feeling this thing will be requested to be transported to various houses for use.

We wrote our vows this weekend so we can order our rings on Monday. Erich just needs to double-check his ring size before he sends in the order (because with the etching of our vows on the inside of the ring, it's not like they'll be easily resized).

And I've done a shitload of laundry. I'm not sure where it's all coming from - I feel like every weekend I'm doing a TON of laundry. There are only two people in this house-- where the hell is it all coming from?!?

And we reordered some of our kitchen, too. About two weeks ago, Erich found a great sideboard for the dining room that provided some much needed storage space. It's too big a piece for the kitchen, so we've put it in the dining room and moved all of the silverware, barware, bottles of booze, and bigger serving dishes/platters to sit on it. That opened up nearly an entire side of our upper cabinets in the kitchen, so we now have better storage space for dry goods.

I'm on the switchboard all day tomorrow, so I'll be doing a lot of the emails I didn't get to this weekend. And who knows, if it's quiet (which August does tend to be with the last weeks of summer vacation), maybe I'll get some scribble writing done?

I can only hope...

Being productive, slacking off, and brown-nosing

All in all, it was quite productive. I got a lot of the email work I needed to finish completed - already have heard back from the caterer, and a few of the panic questions (i.e. we do have a tent reserved for the reception, right?!?) are now solved to my relief. I got caught up on a decent amount of housework. I leveled my character in World of Warcraft to 70. And I did some file cleaning on my computer. Not too shabby.

Oh, and with the help of my father, I've hopefully solved the poor timing of female systems during the wedding issue, with the help of Walgreens. Dad called in a resupply of my birth control pills to the Walgreens near me (gotta love that as long as it's not a narcotic, he can call cross-country). I'll be picking them up and starting them tomorrow, making sure to take no placebo pills at all to force my period to skip. And if all goes well, I'll be requesting my own OB/GYN to please put me on the Seasonale that's now on the market, which is essentially the same idea.

Didn't get to my office as I'd hoped - but the pouring rain that was supposed to last all weekend and cool things off didn't really happen. It poured for about a half-hour this afternoon, but I swear it's muggier now than it was before. And so it's just miserable upstairs. But I'll get to it. It may be a midnight project next weekend, but I'll get to it.

Tomorrow morning I'll be getting up bright and early at five, driving into work (let's hope the Jeep doesn't break down like it did last time I did this... on Memorial Day weekend), and pushing a potentially very long day. But it will be a good thing. It's for a large, complicated client, and working with one of the senior account managers and a principal of the company. And I definitely want to make good on putting a strong effort into my workload. Hopefully it all goes well.

It'll be a short work week for me - I'm taking a half day on Friday because I pick up my dress from the alterations late Friday afternoon (eep!). By then I'm hoping to also have figured out the hair stylist issues and transportation for this shindig.

My god, it's August already. Where the hell has this year gone?!?

When Geeks Get Married...

So... the insanity continues in the wedding planning. Talked to Mom, who I think had a heart attack this morning over money. But so am I, so no worries there.

By process of elimination, we've picked our rings: ooh... shiny!

And then the email thread commenced on vows, since it relates to the ring...

I start the conversation off quietly - with vows I actually really like, either as-is, or with some modifications by us to personalize them:

I love you. You are my best friend.
Today I give myself to you in marriage.
I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you,
and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle.
I promise to love you in good times and in bad,
when life seems easy and when it seems hard,
when our love is simple, and when it is an effort.
I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in highest regard
These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life.

As a joke, I also suggested that we could send my family into spasms by doing the ceremony this way: http://weddings.about.com/od/yourweddingceremony/a/SeussFunnyVows.htm

In response, Erich sends me the link to a google search... all on the word "Obey."

Now... we've had a lot of discussion on that word - and my distaste about it. It won't show up in my vows (whether Erich decides he wants to say he'll obey me... well, hey... *wink*). But I can joke about it.

So then the next proposal for vows he gives is this:

I promise to put up with your family, pull your pigtails less, and obey the cats.

Followed by a quick revisement, with both sets of vows. Me = Erich, You = Me.

Me: I promise to pull your pigtails less, mow the lawn more often, and obey the petting needs cats always.

You: I promise to cook more (because I’m good at it), clean more (because my office is scary), and buy more coffee (because we both need more coffee).


That may have potential...

Random Sunday Thoughts...

My accomplishments this weekend:

1) Wedding invites are DONE (save two that we need new addresses for). All addressed, all compiled, all stamped. They go out tomorrow.

2) The Linens 'n Things portion of our wedding registry is populated. I feel like such a mooch. But I have to admit to being excited that I may actually get some of these things and finally break free of college decor-itis. Somewhat, anyway.

3) Laundry - ongoing. I'm on load 3. One more load of towels, and then a mini-load of delicates to go.

4) Erich and his dad put together our guest room bed (yes, ... an actual bed. With a headboard and footboard and everything!). Unfortunately, the Queen-sized boxspring will NOT go up our stairs. We removed the back staircase pole. We removed the front staircase ceiling molding. Won't happen. So... if you're in the general southern New England area and need a Queen boxspring (now or in the near future), lemme know. We're going to have to go purchase a split-style boxspring for the Queen bed. Depending on how that goes, we may have a mismatched mattress shortly, too. We can make arrangements somehow.

5) We narrowed our wedding ring decision down to five different bands. We've decided to get matching bands, rather than the newer trend of getting ones that each person likes. Thankfully, we both have similar tastes, so it's been fairly easy. Choices we're down to now are: A, B (possibly in the rose/white combo), C, D, or E (not bicolor).

6) Saw Harry Potter: OotP again today. It was Erich's Dad's 64th birthday today, so we treated him to a heavy breakfast at the Cracker Barrel, followed by the movie.

It was better on second viewing. Still not my favorite, but I did like it better this time around.

7) Attended the wedding of Erich's cousin, Katy, and her (now) husband, David. It was at Sakonnet Vineyards in Little Compton, RI. Lovely place. Definitely a setting I'd recommend to anyone looking for peaceful New England space - near the water, surrounded by the vines. Although it was a bit buggy in the evening (welcome to July). Otherwise, weather was incredible for July - absolutely perfect. I can only hope we have such good weather in September.

8) Went a little snarky with Doctor Who fandom. But I'm better now and moving on.



Good weekend. Definitely can't complain! :)

Distracted

The fog that has decided to settle all day over Boston Harbor definitely reflects my attention span today - lots of little things floating around, but nothing's quite distinct.

I have an omnipresent thought floating around regarding Melinda today, who's now recovering from surgery. As of the first update last night, she was doing quite well. Erich, who's had the same procedure - albeit under the methods done eight years ago - was surprised that she was up and walking yesterday. He told me this morning as I read Kevin's email that it took him the better part of a week before he was moving.

Amazing what a few years does for surgical procedures, eh?

In any case, Melinda's a fairly strong presence in my thoughts today, and I'm hoping her recovery goes smoothly so I can envy her in about ten weeks when I see her looking fabulous in a floor-length truffle gown.

Add to that the fact that I'm completely distracted from work today because my office bought out two theater showings for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Erich and I are going tonight after work. I cannot wait. :)

On the planning side, now that it's ever-present...

I'm about 3/4 done with addressing my wedding invitation envelopes, taking a break after every few to rest up my wrist so my writing doesn't start getting scrawly. When my wrist is fresh, my handwriting is surprisingly good - if I'm not using a ballpoint pen, at least. Ironic, considering that I always flunked handwriting in grade school!

Most of my friends have asked why I don't just print out the invitations using a pretty font on the printer, and I've said I don't want to. This is just one of those things I feel the need to do. It's the right thing to do - spending the time to personally address envelopes for my wedding. My love of writing isn't just in the structure of words on a page. I've always loved getting letters written by hand, and whenever possible - I've made a point to write letters by hand. There's something elegant and relaxing about it - reminding the world that it's not all about computers and technology. It's personal, and it's very me. And besides, it's not like I have hundreds of these to do. I have about sixty total. Not too bad at all.

Although I have to admit that writing formal envelopes to my close friends addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. HisFirst TheirLast" is a bit surreal. I'm going pretty casual on the inner envelope, just to stop weirding myself out.

I still have to get in touch with someone regarding hairstyles for the wedding. And I need to touch base with the caterer to start getting those gears going.

T-minus ten weeks...

Thursday Thirteen: Things I've learned in the last week

It's Thursday morning - I'm very tired, sitting at work, and it's a depressingly gloomy day. If you watched any of the Boston coverage on CBS last night, you didn't get the half of how dreary a day it was. But it was fun. I just want the rest of the week off. :)

In any case, it's time for the Thursday Thirteen, and since it's the 100th edition of T13 on their site, they asked for a special T13 linking to your top thirteen favorite posts for the meme.

I'll be getting to THAT this evening, when I have time for it (and to also make up a couple missing T13s). Until then, here's my normal one...

Thirteen things I’ve learned in the last week

1) My mother is completely, utterly unpredictable. Things I don’t think will bother her about the wedding… do. And things I think she’ll flip a gasket over… don’t. I’m so confused.

2) Fourth of July celebrations on a Wednesday make for absolutely brutal Thursday mornings.

3) Guys vs. girls when it rains on the cookout: The guys all duck for shelter under the porch. The girls take over the chairs in the yard vacated by the guys, make sure the chairs are relatively under cover of the trees, and go about their business.

4) I’m severely out of practice with any sort of healing energy work. The girls were working with it last night, and now I have an energy drain headache.

5) Watching six cats work out the pack pecking order is fascinating. Particularly when the humans are dead wrong as to who the alpha male of the household was. I laugh at the idea that cats are solitary animals.

6) There’s clearly something wrong with me since I don’t enjoy the wedding planning like others do. But that’s okay. I just don’t like to fuss over things, and wedding planning is a whole lotta fussing.

7) I’m thankful I don’t live closer to the Italian markets in Federal Hill, Providence. I’d be broke and even fatter than I am now. OMG, the food is so good though!

8) Weddings are frighteningly expensive. Even when you think they won’t be. I should have really figured this out before, honestly.

9) Apparently, I can write NC-17 rated fanfic quite well, based on my livejournal friends’ list reviews. (blush). Not sure whether it’s a good or a bad thing that I have my friends requesting that I “write more smut.” Heh.

10) I don’t like gin and tonics. I do, however, like whatever Chris and Sara were putting in their “Ninjaritas” yesterday at the cookout.

11) There is nothing quite like having David Tennant, John Barrowman, and John Simm on the TV screen at the same time. The only thing I can think of to make that better is to add a young Mel Gibson to the mix.

12) Reactions that came from the groomsmen about their wearing kilts – my brother is suggesting he’ll be tempted to recreate the bottom-bearing scene in Braveheart (and well… he would.) One of Erich’s friends – “What did I ever do to you?” One of the other groomsmen reminded said dreading groomsman that apparently he tried to kill Erich with an icecube tray once. I have not heard this story yet. And I think I need to. Very soon.

13) I’ve rarely paid much attention to him since he left ESPN, but Keith Olbermann did an amazing commentary the other night on TV. This is the type of discussion the First Amendment was made for. When our nation is in crisis. Regardless of which side of the party fence you sit on, please watch it.





Off to work.

Wedding Planning Insanity Day #1

My mom's up in Rhode Island for a couple days so we can hammer the last big pieces into place with our planning.

I went for my dress fitting this morning - which was again much less painful (aside from a pin scratch that had me slightly bleeding a bit onto the dress at my armpit. *sigh* They said they could easily get it out.

Anyway... here's the pinned, but not yet ironed first photos of me in my dress, realizing how oddly surreal this all is - and how very real it's going to be in less than three months:
http://pics.livejournal.com/measi/gallery/0000eatp

After my fitting, we waited around the house for my mom to arrive - then headed to North Providence to meet with a potential florist. And all three of us REALLY liked her. She's done several weddings at Mount Hope Farm before, so she knows their restrictions (no loose petals for flower girls, etc), and immediately was talking about things that we could use at the ceremony and then reuse for the reception - which of course my mom loved hearing... a florist who's thinking of ways to get the most out of the flowers.

We then went for dinner in Federal Hill (the Italian neighborhood in Providence) and stuffed ourselves full of incredibly yummy food. During which time, the following conversation took place:

Mom asks "So did you get your shoes?"

"Yep." (I hadn't planned on telling her that I wasn't wearing wedding shoes... surprise her on the day in case she hates the idea)

"You didn't buy them when we bought your dress, though, right? What did you get? Ballet slippers?"

"No- but they're flat."

"Oh, okay. And comfy, I hope?"

"Oh yes."

"Please tell me you're not wearing Doc Martens."

"No - too clunky. Love them, but I'd be clomping."

"You got Mary Janes."

"Nope."

"Oh, I don't know - Converse high-tops then?"

*this would be where I stare at her in amusement, and Erich just starts laughing.*

She got it in three.

And surprisingly LOVES the idea, particularly for my ankle support, and immediately started suggesting I doll them up with organza ribbons for shoelaces (which is what I was planning to do to anyway) and flowers or bows on the toes. *snicker*.

Tomorrow - we will eat cake! Lots of cake! And then go see another florist down in the area where the cake maker is - although we really did like today's florist a LOT.


And my invites are here - eep!

Busy, fun-filled weekend

The weather was beautiful, and we made good use of it.

Yesterday, Erich and I headed up to New Hampshire to visit Erich's dad. He moved up there a bit over a year ago, but between work hell, the insanity of weddings last year, and then our own wedding planning, we just hadn't been up there at all to see his new condo.

It's absolutely lovely. It's in an old Catholic boarding school - four stories high, and looking like all of those old academy schools you see in the movies - complete with the huge rolling lawn and gigantic brick facade. Erich's dad has about 1,500 square feet of living space - beautifully open and a great floorplan. On the main floor of the building, the front entrance hall has been wonderfully restored with white marble, columns and stained glass. And the original ballroom (with stage) was restored, as well as the side parlour room off of it, which now is a billiard room and public big-screen TV room.

I did quite well through two games of billiards. By the second game, my game was coming back to me. :)

We had a huge lunchtime feast of lobster bisque, three different types of lobster tails, and coleslaw (something to counter the mass quantities of butter). Added to that was a homemade pitcher of sangria, and we were quite happy people. :)

Around seven, we decided to venture out for dinner. We stopped at a little roadside pizza & subs place - very good (and just what was needed after the lunch, honestly), followed by ice cream. And then Erich and I did the two-hour trek home... finally arriving at our house at about 10:45.

At which time I immediately jumped online and watched The Sound of Drums - because I am a dork and am addicted to Doctor Who. (and this episode will be broadcast in the States the weekend of my wedding... so I'd rather watch it now.) The episode kept ideas brimming in my head until about 2:30, when I finally forced myself upstairs to get some sleep.

And then proceeded to have my first "wedding nightmare," in which the new aliens from the episode that evening attacked my reception.

Like I said - I am a dork.

*ahem*

Anyway...

Today we puttered around for the morning, and then headed out to reclaim the yard a bit. Erich caught up on mowing and some hedge trimming (our driveway was getting a tad narrow). I finished planting my impatiens in the front bed that's been weed-ridden since we moved into the house. I planted some hostas in it a couple weeks ago for permanent plants. There are four of them- all different varieties of hostas for textures and such, and they should get to about 2x2x2 feet by the time they're matured. For now there's a ton of extra space, so the impatiens add some color. I'm hoping that they'll become the absolutely lovely bushels of blooms that impatiens tend to become - although I'm worried the sun in that spot might be a bit too bright for both types of plants. We'll see. In any case, post-wedding this year I plan to put some bulbs in the ground in that bed for next spring. And possibly next spring we'll add a couple of smaller bushes behind the hostas for variety and height.

In any case - it's something, rather than the weed-filled patch that it was. :)

My hydrangeas are now blooming - mostly still those tiny premature green balls of blooms, but one is starting to hint that they'll be coming out a lilac purple again this year. Our dwarf lilac bushes are now in full bloom and smell AMAZING. They just have this incredibly sweet smell that fills the air without being overpowering... just little wafts of scent on the breeze. Except in the sunroom, where the smell is just everywhere and to die for.

So now I'm doing some direly needed cleaning on my computer - between Doctor Who, X-Files, and random David Tennant avi files, my 200 gig computer is about to burst. Writable DVDs are currently my best friends in the world. :)

It's been a good weekend. Productive, but fun. Can't ask for better than that!

Plans coming together

Erich and I have been fairly busy with the wedding planning lately. Lots of stuff is getting settled, resolved, or at least band-aided for the time being. Our awesome maid of honor and best man have been very supportive (mostly to get me to stop losing my shit).

But I'm honestly feeling a bit better, a bit more in control. We're now 90 days out. Ninety. I feel like it's tomorrow. So I keep switching between "oh... I'm fine. Really. No probs." and "ohmygodimsofarbehindshitineedtodothat."

Melinda has been keeping me sane via email. I will owe her big time after all of this.

We've booked our photographer - a fantastic photojournalism-style photographer that Melinda found via Craiglist. Her prices are fantastic, and I seriously can't wait to work with her, based on our phone chat a few nights ago.

Earlier this week we ordered our invites - so I guess this whole thing is official now. :) We had a good laugh as we went through the styles and verses available. Some are truly frightening. Highlight comments included:

"Those hearts are too heartsey..." <--- that would be me, while viewing styles in horror
"Stop with the rhyming!" <-- Erich, re: verses
"IN THE SPIRIT OF OUR ANCESTORS!" <-- both of us, big booming voices, re: verses

We decided on something basic and traditional. And autumney.

.

.

.

I don't think my mom has clued into the fact that we're marrying on a Pagan Sabbat, by the way. But I'm having fun with the autumn stuff in the meantime, playing around with the double meaning.

But of course, wedding planning still doesn't come without some stress. Now it's with my other relatives - starting with my brother, who acknowledges to my mom that he received Erich's email two months ago which asked him to be a groomsman, but he didn't read it, and then gives my mom some b.s. "you know, it's better if they call me..."

ARRRRRGGGGGH!

Yes, it's my brother. Scott is being Scott. Scott is always being Scott. But seriously - TWO MONTHS. At least reply to the email that it's better to contact you via phone, for cripes sake.

After all of this, you know what I'm doing for my honeymoon? Sleeping. That's it. Erich will be relishing in the new release of Halo 3 and I'll be sleeping. Wedding over, we'll return to our lazy geekdom.

But before then, I have the Wedding Blitz Trip 2007 to work through this week, as my mom comes up for another whirlwind two days: my first dress fitting, flowers, and cakes. That's the plan.

If we get that done this week, I'm so golden.

Thursday Thirteen #25 - Being Productive

It's been a very busy week. I'm so ready for the weekend so I can catch up on some sleep.

For this week's Thursday Thirteen, my list of accomplishments for the week (both good and bad). Most of them are wedding-related.

1) I found a wedding photographer! We've chatted briefly through email, and will hopefully talk over the phone within the next couple days... both of us are just having those "gah, can't talk now" weeks. But yes... photographer is now getting setled.

2) All of my bridesmaids have been contacted and have info to go dress shopping and such.

3) Erich and I picked out our invitations. We still need to decide on the wording - but they'll be ordered this week.

4) I had a LONG talk with my mom about the emotional b.s. that erupted two weeks ago. I still don't feel that she gets my point of view at all, but supposedly she's put out the fires down there. To a point. We'll see. BUT, at least two things were settled, in my opinion-

4a) Erich and I are handling the Unrehearsal Dinner, so she can stop obsessing over it (we're having a BBQ at our house... housewarming for the relatives & relaxed afternoon in one).
4b) My relatives are accepting, in their own levels of acceptance, that we are not catering to their whims with our wedding vows. They can accept a Justice of the Peace ceremony, or they won't. The alternative is for us to NOT compromise out of respect for their religion, and go back to a handfasting. But that's what it is. Full stop.

5) I made my first dress fitting appointment.

6) I contacted vendors for my hair/spa day, flowers, and cakes. All still unresolved but in the works.

And for the non-wedding ones...

7) I wrote 1,500 words on my fanfic for a challenge due July 1st. The minimum wordcount is 1,000 words. That was never a problem. I'm probably about 1/2 done with the first draft. I hope to have it done within the next three days, give it a once-over myself for editing/reworking, and then send it to my beta editors.

8) I figured out what the weird triffyd plant is in our yard that has grown about 15 feet in two years (no. Really. - 2005 - 2006) It's called a Northern Catalpa. I finally was able to figure out what it was once it started flowering this week. Between the flowers and the leaves as big as a human head, I was able to narrow it down pretty quickly yesterday.

9) I've somehow managed to lose 10 pounds, entirely through stress and non-eating over the wedding. It's just enough to make my pants feel like they're going to fall down.

10) I covered an entire day at front reception at work without needing a single cup of coffee.

11) I stupidly got in the middle of a cats-figuring-out-the-pecking-order fight last night between Colley and Hoodsie, and managed to land a pretty nasty set of scratch/bruise marks when Hoodsie latched onto my leg in defensiveness. It looks nasty, but doesn't hurt.

12) I bought a new battery for my iBook, so I can start writing during my commutes.

13) I levelled my character in World of Warcraft.

Productive week. Very productive week.

- Mel.

Wednesday Updates...

Erich and I called my mother - and got her answering machine. She didn't call back.

Color me surprised. She probably will eventually call back - a week or two from now, citing how she's "so busy." That's been her excuse for the past month or so now. She keeps bringing up things that she "needs" to get for me for the wedding, but never does.

(and of course, when I asked her for them point-blank in an email, she ignored my request and then went on the aforementioned religion rant).

Of course... you know... I apparently have loads of free time on my hands. From conversations with my mother, she seems to be under the impression that I still live according to a college schedule, even though she's more than aware that I do a 12 hour day five days per week - kinda has to happen when you live 60 miles from your job.

And I've only been out of college for a decade now. *snort*

Ah yes... I'm pissy about the wedding today. What else is new? Honestly... other than the wedding I'm fine. But I'm seriously starting to feel time pressure here, and while Erich's trying to convince me that we're fine... we're right on top of things...

and in reality, we're probably fine. But I always panic to get myself motivated to bust my ass into gear.

I'd really, REALLY like to get this phone call out of the way, however - even though I'm quite certain I'll be both sobbing and puking my guts out afterward, based on my physical reactions to just trying to make the call last night.

Whee.

Rambling Thoughts on a lot of topics

So much swirling around lately... it's no wonder that I had to deal with insomnia last night. *sigh*

A huge thank you to everyone who has been commenting, emailing, or calling lately... I really do appreciate it. I haven't been able to wrap my brain around all of my thoughts on the matter, but I'm glad to hear that I'm not overreacting on this. I'm well aware of my tendency to do so... and to be slightly selfish. But in this matter, I want to be, dammit. :)

Erich and I are winding down for the evening - watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the umpteenth time. He's teasing me every time David Tennant comes on screen. I think he's feeling slightly jealous for some reason...

(he really doesn't have anything to worry about. I don't think said Scotsman is showing up at my house anytime soon).

Wedding
Haven't talked to Mom yet. Not looking forward to it. Not feeling much better than last week, but at least I'm no longer numb. I'm just very pissed off and very depressed about the whole thing. But I'm so thankful for the people we chose to be in our wedding party - both our best man (Tone) and our maid of honor (Melinda) spent a lot of time this week trying to console, cheer us up, and do some both sarcastic and not-so-sarcastic suggestions for revenge. It definitely helped. Add to that that the rest of my non-family bridesmaids have been there as well... and yeah, I'm lucky to have them. I really am.

I'm still really trying to find any reason to keep planning this wedding. *sigh* We'll see - at some point this week, Erich and I need to talk to her. And if we do go forward, I absolutely need the following things to happen this week to feel remotely sane:

- book a photographer
- finalize the guest list
- order my invitations
- make a reservation for my first dress fitting
- figure out what steps we need to take for our officiant to be legal in Rhode Island

We'll see. But let's just say... I'm much less willing to be openly sensitive to my family's religious issues right now. If it didn't scare me to open my faith up to my family so much (a discussion for another entry...), I would be planning the public handfasting right now.

Hoodsie
We've slowly started releasing Hoodsie into the general cat population. After several surprisingly smooth days, we've started dealing with the more expected growing pains. The male cats are trying to figure out the new pecking order. It's been a bit interesting. No complete all out fights, but they've come close. The hardest time to deal with him is in the late evening, just because he's still wanting to go out and roam.

We're finding that large doses of loose catnip on the floor to drug them all into oblivion is helping tremendously, though. Gus and Hoodsie, despite being rankled at each other all day, are currently sprawled out next to each other covered in the blessed weed, well beyond stoned.

I'm in full support of cat addictions, if it helps soothe the adjustment process. *grin*

Weekend
We had a busy weekend here again, which was fun (and honestly just what I needed to keep myself from brooding too often). Early Saturday, two of my sorority sisters, Masquedbunny (who is one of my other aforementioned awesome bridesmaids), and Whishastar took the commuter train down from Boston for a "Stitch, Bitch & Who" day. Not so much of the stitching occurred, and bitching was actually fairly light this time, too. But lots of Doctor Who. All of the third series to date in a day. Including the second half of the two-parter I've been impatiently waiting for since it was announced months ago. And it did not disappoint. At all.

Later that day, our friend Matt (one of Erich's kickass groomsmen) came down, also for some of the aforementioned Who. Everyone spent the night. We had coffee & donuts, and then I took the girls back up to Boston.

Matt & Erich stayed home to play World of Warcraft, and then went out to see 28 Weeks Later (on which I passed). We continued playing WoW when they got home until late in the evening. Matt and I stayed up to watch some other Who stuff, and I found myself dealing with a nasty case of insomnia that refused to let me fall asleep until about four or so.

Needless to say, between that, the headcold I had last week, and the stress of last week, I needed a serious mental health day, and took one of my Essential Days today.

I didn't exactly get the stitching done I needed to, nor the writing, nor the beta reading. But in light of the week... I'm not beating myself up at all about it.


Lots of thoughts swirling. And I need a serious vacation.

Maybe Erich and I will have to reconsider our plans to put off our honeymoon until next year... *sigh*

Confusion is nothing new

So... 24 hours after the email that revealed the religious bigotry of my family and their attempt to blackmail the format of my wedding ceremony? I'm completely devastated. Absolutely at a loss. I've never felt so alienated from my family in my life.

And for those who have known me for a few years - yeah, much bigger than with my father and our falling out four years ago.

I've ranged from complete numbness to absolute rage to having to excuse myself at work to go cry in private. And I'm just fed up. Right now, I don't want any of my relatives at my wedding. Frankly, I think they're out to spoil the day for me by making it about themselves. And I already get the sense that some bullshit will happen at the wedding that will leave me in tears - and not of joy.

I'm literally right on the edge of cancelling the wedding and running away with Erich to Vegas. Or, at this point saying fuck all to being nice and considerate of my family's feelings and going forward with a handfasting rather than the considerate-of-all-faiths secular wedding. Erich recommends we have one more talk with my mom.

I envy his hope. I truly do.

Erich's also at the edge with this - who, per an email this morning, is so emotionally exhausted due to the last two months dealing with his mother's death - that he's unable to really think coherantly about this.

What he did do this morning, however, was to mention something that in my rage I'd forgotten about. Driving up 95 through Providence toward the train station, he looked over at me and quietly said "By the way... happy anniversary."

May 31st. Six years.

Committment, honor, love, stability, respect, growth - these are the things we've developed in our six years. The good, strong foundations of a relationship. I don't understand how that's not enough for my relatives.

I truly don't.

I can't see how any joy can come from continuing this wedding planning.

I'm just...


.

On May 30, 2007...

I got to discover that I've been forced out of the broom closet with my pious Catholic family.

And how unaccepting they are toward me dictating how I will say my own wedding vows... which are already being done in a secular ceremony out of respect for their religion.


Whee.



Joy.


*pounds wall*

Music wafting in the air...

To sum up, before I go into detail… I had an absolute blast last night. It was nearly everything I could have hoped for.

Wednesday evening was one of those blessed nights in Boston – the weather was absolutely perfect. Low 70s, no humidity, a light breeze. Picture-perfect late spring evening to stroll through the streets of Boston. Once Erich met me at Back Bay station, we walked through the park toward Symphony Hall, through my old neighborhood where The Beast apartment still stands quietly. I’d forgotten how much I loved that walk through the Southwest Corridor park, passing the doggies at play in the fenced-in dog playground, past all the kids playing in the playground and basketball courts along West Newton Street.

And I’d forgotten how beautiful St. Botolph Street truly is in the springtime – all of the tiny little gardens were in bloom. Everything was much greener and more lush than I remember it. The new brick sidewalks add a richer feel to the neighborhood. It looks older, more distinguished. I felt a brief sadness for leaving it behind, even if the life that I’m leading now makes me incredibly happy. I won’t lie – I do miss my old Boston neighborhood. Had I not met Erich, I imagine I’d probably still be living in that little studio apartment on Blackwood Street, cozily holed up in that single room flat and teeny tiny galley kitchen, but with a glorious bay window that I spent so many hours sitting in, watching the world go by. I’d still be comfortable there, living in the amazingly quiet spot only blocks from two of the busiest streets in the city.

But we didn’t stop by the old apartment – I just took a glance down the street as we walked by. We were on a mission for a quick dinner before hitting the theatre, and the closest place was Boston Market… mmmm… rotisserie chicken. Which was, of course, quite yummy and not at all concert-going elegant, but perfect for us.

(I should note…the photos are not mine from last night – we forgot our cameras. Erich took a couple of interior shots on his cell phone, though, so maybe they’ll be good enough to post later)



We arrived at Symphony Hall around 7 p.m., picked up our tickets at the box office, and headed inside. The first thing you notice about Symphony Hall is that it’s very different than the typical classical arts theater. Symphony Hall is rectangular – an actual hall. It reminds me of a royal court – with two tiers of narrow balconies wrapping around three sides, all focused upon the stage at the front.



The hall smells of history - that wonderful old smell of varnished wood, musty from years of patrons, and the slightly stronger smell of aged leather. The seats are the original from when the hall was built; hard wooden plank seats that pull down, not unlike the wooden planks in older high school auditoriums, but covered in a thin layer of leather and brass bolted to the frame. And, considering the era that the hall was built, they're surprisingly wide and comfortable for the modern American body. Perhaps it was to accommodate the heavy skirts of the Guilded Age... *grin*

There are literally NO bad seats in Symphony Hall - the entire building was designed with acoustics in mind, down to having only a few narrow rows in the balconies to prevent trapped sound. In fact, it's considered as one of the top concert halls in the world. And I'd forgotten how incredible the acoustics are, until I heard the definition of the oboe softly playing among the orchestra's strings. No instrument gets lost. Our seats were first balcony, center section (but a bit off to the left) - two rows in, back in a romantic little nook with narrow wooden steps to get to our seats.

And at 8, the lights dimmed and the fun began. John Williams took the stage, and my inner band geek was all asquee.

The opener was a piece called "Fanfare for a Festive Occasion" by Williams. It was my least favorite - mostly because it just sounded a bit discordant, honestly. But I'd never heard the piece before. *shrug* No matter. I knew what was coming up. :)

Boston Pops concerts follow a specific format - three music portions (each usually themed), wrapped around two fairly brief intermissions.

The first portion of the program was titled "A Tribute to Bernard Herrmann."

The set:
The Inquirer, from Citizen Kane
Scene d'amour, from Vertigo
Suite from Psycho
Prelude from North by Northwest

Suite from Psycho was, by far, my favorite of this set - the hall lights darkened, a movie screen was lowered, and the opening drive scene to the Bates Hotel - followed by the infamous shower scene - was played silent movie style as the orchestra played.

Very very cool. :)

The Prelude from North by Northest also was accompanied by a movie reel - a montage of Hitchcock movies, including The Man Who Knew Too Much, Vertigo, The Birds, and of course... North by Northwest.'

We then moved to the first intermission.

The second portion of the program was titled "From Broadway to Hollywood." And that's exactly what it was.

The Set:
Hooray for Hollywood (Whiting/Mercer, arr. Williams)
Carousel Waltz (Rogers)
Exerpts from Fiddler on the Roof (Bock/Harnick, arr. Williams)
All that Jazz, from Chicago (Kander/Ebb, arr. Williams)

Hooray for Hollywood immediately made me flash to Mel Brooks entering Caeser's Palace in History of the World Part 1, because it's the song from that very scene. :)

The waltz was lovely.

I found myself silently singing along with any of the words I knew from the various songs within the Fiddler on the Roof suite. Tamara Smirnova, the principle chair first violin, had a beautiful solo. Absolutely wonderful.

And All That Jazz is just one of those pieces that has to be a blast to play. Brass instruments having entirely too much fun with mutes. Slides all over the place. Seriously... it's Chicago, which is has a score that I drool over as a musician. I envied them.

And we went into the second intermission, where Erich and I popped out of the main hall for a quick drink and a breather. It was quite warm in the main hall by this time (no a/c, after all).

AND... then we got to the part of the evening that I absolutely reveled in.

Part Three: "At the Movies"

the set:
March from Superman (Williams)

Three Pieces from Harry Potter (Williams)
- Fawkes the Phoenix
- Nimbus 2000
- Harry's Wonderous World

A Tribute to George Lucas and Steven Spielberg (Williams)
- Opener to Jaws
- Star Wars Main Theme
- Raiders March from Raiders of the Lost Ark
- Main Theme, E.T.

Oh yes... *gleams*

The only, and I mean ONLY thing that could have made me even more happy with the Superman theme would be to hear the incredible opening fanfare titled "The Planet Krypton" which chills my spine any time I listen to it and the sound of the brass gets gloriously fuller and brighter. But yes... the main theme from Superman by itself is fantastic. A poor trumpet had a fudged note (and there were a few collective gasps of empathy in the crowd - trumpet players, perhaps?), but carried right on as if nothing happened.

I cuddled up to Erich's shoulder during the Harry Potter set, all cozy. :) For viewers not familiar with these pieces on their own... Fawkes the Phoenix is the piece from the end of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, where Fawkes pulls Harry, Ginny, and Professor Lockhart into the sky. Nimbus 2000 is a little woodwind piece that you hear off-and-on throughout the movie series. Harry's Wonderful World is the big sweeping piece that starts with the main theme, and just rolls through all of the discovery in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's (aka Sorcerer's) Stone.

And then the movie screen lowered again... and we saw a familiar solitary female swimmer in the ocean, viewed from under the water as she kicked lazily.

And we heard a "dun-DUN"

And there were chuckles from all over the hall.

Now...

It really only takes two notes to recognize the theme from Jaws, doesn't it? I think that's what's so remarkable about Williams' music. Yes, I realize he steals bits and pieces from everywhere. Yes, I realize there are a ton of critics out there.

But seriously - there's something to be said for themes that are so incredibly recognizable with only the first few notes... Jaws, Star Wars, the end scene from Close Encounters of the Third Kind, E.T., the opening theme from Home Alone... and yes... Harry Potter. Take a look at the list. :)

The montage of Lucas/Spielberg movie magic continued into Star Wars, which of course received tremendous cheers as clips of all six movies flashed across the screen. Followed by Raiders, and a montage of all three movies. Lots of chuckles as the "gun scenes" with Indy and the local villagers flashed in sequence. And then the music soared with the main theme to E.T., with clips of a now waaaaay too young Drew Barrymore screaming as she meets the little alien.

Ah yes, it was glorious. The only piece that would have made the montage truly complete for me would have been to see a gigantic spaceship rise up over Devil's Monument with the big five note motif that runs through Close Encounters of the Third Kind, one of the first movies I ever saw (Star Wars, in the theater at age two - which I do in fact remember with only one scene in flashback - was the first).

Of course, standing ovation across the house. And Williams milked it - as well he should.

He came back out for encores:

Luke and Leia Theme from Empire Strikes Back (Williams)
NBC Nightly News "Mission" theme (Williams)

Williams made a joke about the "love" theme that is Luke and Leia - written before the world knew they were siblings (whoops). He also remarked that he's waiting for the "slow news day" when NBC News actually plays the entire theme he wrote for them (you can hear a good portion of it in the end credits for the program).

And then, as is traditional with the Boston Pops - the evening ended with Souza's Stars and Stripes Forever as the audience clapped along. And for a while, Williams had to conduct the audience to keep proper time. :) The American flag unfurled at the end (also tradition) to the roar of the crowd. And once the applause had died off, we returned to the glorious springtime evening weather and headed home.

Life accomplishment checked off my list - in amazing style.

*blinks* So where am I again?

It's been a down-then-up day with wedding stuff.

Down as I panicked with an email from my mother - who informed me that the hotel she wanted to stay at is all booked up (with no rooms currently reserved under her name), and she was confused as to whether she should have been responsible for blocking rooms.

That lead to me writing a very quick and probably inappropriately terse email to my mom, copying Erich on the mess, with my priorities and when I'm planning to do things - along with a note that says "if it's not on my immediate priority list and you want to take it to run with it... go for it. Just tell me you're running with it.")

I'll apologize to my mom tomorrow for coming across too brashly. And not by email - by phone. - with some extra help by buttering her up with flowers for her birthday tomorrow. I can be a shitty daughter at times, and this wedding is undoubtedly bringing out some of my nastiness that I keep in check about 95% of the time.

I've gone off my rant and feel much better after the better part of my wedding day, which was getting the yay!yes! call from my uber-lovely Maid of Honor, who, along with the other two women I hope to have standing by my side (the other two haven't replied yet... as I dropped them a line a bit later), tend to help keep me sane.

The next two big things on the list with the planning are finding a photographer, and getting Erich's kilt order settled. The photographer is something that I'm definitely feeling the pressure to book very, very soon. I've asked Erich to do some thinking about the type of photography he wants for our wedding and the types of keepsakes he wants to have so we can search for a photographer who will provide us with the service we're looking for.

Once the photographer is booked, the only vendors I'll have left to settle are flowers, transportation, and the cake. All of which I'm not quite so concerned about (but want to get settled fairly quickly as well).

The kilt is mostly in Erich's hands, of course, but I want to help him out with figuring out what to get. His mom had wanted him to wear a kilt since he does have a decent Scots heritage - and knows the clan (MacIntosh). And I want him to wear a kilt because I think he looks quite sexy in one. It's also an emotional tie-in with my family. I know from the scant details about my biological parents that my mother was Norwegian, but my father was Scots-Irish. And my adoptive family has some very close ties to Scotland - and to a particular family that became essentially adopted extended family while my grandfather was a radio operator in the U.K. during World War II.

So regardless of the fact that my last name is switching from something Celtic-turned-English to very distinctly German... I'm all up for celebrating the Scottish part of the blended family heritage at this fest. We need something to tone down the Polish. *grin*

So this Saturday we're heading to the Rhode Island Scottish Festival, partially because I do really just want to go to one... but also to get some ideas for his kilt. Should he go all-out formal? Or should we make it a bit more casual? And he needs to get properly fitted, too. Which I suppose I could measure him, but I'd rather find someone who actually knows what they're doing.

Making progress. Continuing to go insane, and having moments of "can I just elope?!?" panic. But I'm getting there.

Items I've recently completed:
- Reserving our officiant. We actually can get married because someone's willing to do the deed. It's one of our friends. My mom semi-jokingly asked if we could "put him in a collar." And while The Reverend Landry has a nice ring to it, um... no.

- Booking a new DJ. My friend T was a lifesaver and gave me the contact for hers from last year. So it's a DJ I've already essentially had a full wedding tryout with, really liked his music and MC skills - and I feel good using him.

- Contacted my maid of honor and bridesmaids to ask them if they'd to me the honor. Melinda's said yes. I'm crossing my fingers on the other two I've asked, and then need to drop a line to my cousins - who already know anyway that they're in the wedding, but I do want to make it official and all.

Ever moving forward...

- Mel.

The motherless Mother's Day

A few weeks ago, our friend John R. dropped me a note to ask me what I thought about having a LAN party this weekend. Last year Erich and I hosted a Memorial Day one (to counter the annual Thanksgiving LAN out on the Cape), but John will be in China this year for Memorial Day, and wanted to have one before he left.

So he offered to host. He then asked me how I thought Erich would feel about having it Mother's Day weekend, given his mom's recent death. I told him that I honestly didn't know, but I'd imagine he'd far prefer being with friends than he would be spending it alone.

And so the plans developed. We'll be heading to John's this afternoon for a shortened overnight LAN, partially to just be with friends and goof off, and partially to be there for Erich on the first real reminder of events. From what I've heard, it's going to be a smaller but comfy group of around 6 or so.

Blessed Beltane

Good morning Boston! You see that beautiful big bright ball in the sky? That's the SUN. That thing that we haven't seen a whole hell of a lot of in recent weeks.

And guess what else? It brought that other foreign thing - WARMTH.

So play hooky so I can live vicariously through you, please.

thank you.

/public service announcement

-----------------------

One thing that I really need to learn to stop doing (although it is oh, so much fun) is not to have Beltane-related celebrations at one in the morning. *cough*

But like I said - it is quite fun. ;)

I had to do a reluctant trip to $tarbucks this morning for a venti chai latte to help me wake up today. I didn't put enough nutmeg in it, but it'll do. Whether or not I stay awake today, though, is a mystery.

It's been a weird couple weeks in the Geekywitch household. Erich interviewed for a new job two weeks ago, and found out last week that he'd gotten it. He gave a week's notice (due to being so miserable), and now is enjoying a week to catch up on stuff at home. He's taken the very daring route of vowing to clean up/out our entire house this week. And to my surprise, he's actually doing a pretty damn good job of it so far. He's got a list of all of those annoying little projects we really, truly need to get done. He's just working through them.

And the new job starts on Monday. I really hope he'll be happy there.

The only downside of this change is that I'm commuting from Providence to Boston on my own from now on. Erich will be driving to his new job (still in Massachusetts, but not all the way up to the city). Some mornings I'm sure I'll commute part way with him, be dropped off at a random MBTA station, etc. But it's a little weird being on my own again, curled up on a T car, letting my mind wander aimlessly as the scenery flies by. I'm hoping that once my brain adjusts to the new "routine" that I'll be able to make my nearly 3 hours of commute time per day worthwhile with some writing, some stitching, etc.

Life certainly doesn't slow down, does it?

Family Matters

In about an hour, Erich and I are heading up to Maine for the first time since his mom's death. We're spending the weekend doing some intial inventory of her belongings to give to the lawyer Erich's hired to help with her estate, sorting papers as best we can, and whatever else we actually can cram into a normal-length weekend.

Everything just feels... odd.

For the most part, life has been going about as normal for the past two weeks. Erich seems to be doing okay with everything. I'll go for a day or so, and then suddenly remember she's gone (and then feel guilty for forgetting). It still doesn't seem real. I imagine that's going to change around nine tonight when we get to Maine...

I've been asked by a few people this week how I'm doing, how Erich's doing, etc. I reply "He seems to be doing fine..." to the second question. We haven't talked much about how he's doing, but that's mostly because Erich (like me) tends to be a bit private about his feelings, especially when he's working through something. To the first, it tends to be mixed. The most accurate answer is "I'm not sure." I've been on a bit of an emotional wave lately, and it really depends on the exact moment I get asked.

I feel clumsy and awkward about it all, yet at the same time I seem to be having an easy time accepting death... and I'm honestly not sure whether that's a good thing or not.

Meandering thoughts

Erich's been busy the last week with arrangements and handling his mother's expenses and such- it's been a weird, busy week for him. Calling for mortuary arrangements, calling our lawyer to get the process rolling on her estate. But overall, he's doing... okay. Better than I would expect honestly. I suppose I've been holding my breath for him to break down or something.

I know, I know... guys don't work like that.

In any case, part of me feels like it's wrong trying to just carry on with life as if nothing happened. It's not like it really is that way, of course. But sometimes it feels that way.

In any case, no specific date is set for her memorial service. Erich made arrangements for Debby's body to be cremated. We'll have a small service to spread half of her ashes in Maine, and the other half will be interred in the family plot in Massachusetts. But no dates at this point- I imagine it'll be sometime this spring.

Writing out my Save the Date cards in the middle of this was honestly disturbing. It just felt completely wrong. But they had to be done... because we're now rolling in on six months away. I did them out of guilt and a desire to shut my mother up more than anything.

I know my regular readers will find no surprise in this statement- but any ounce of enjoyment/excitement that I might have had about planning my wedding (read=little) is permanently gone. It's going through the motions at this point. Debby's death is just the final mark of pain in this whole process for me to finally call it quits on the emotional front. Yes, I'm planning it. I'm quite sure I'll enjoy my wedding day, albeit with a bittersweet note. But no, the process leading up it is just going through motions now. Partially because with every ounce of excitement I'd show, it would get smacked down by a fight, or a frustration, or... death. It's all about meeting expectations of family members, and really not about the couple getting married. I'd laugh bitterly at anyone who says otherwise, based upon what I've experienced in two years.

September 23rd can't come fast enough so it's done with. I want to move on with our normal lives, enjoying the growth that comes through being a married couple legally... not just emotionally as we are now. Melinda said it best in an email recently to me (in not these exact words, of course)... that we were married emotionally when the engagement ring went on my finger in that blizzard two years ago.

And the irony is, my relationship with Erich is fantastic through all of this. If anything, I'd say it's getting better. Without going into too many details, sexual frustrations that have plagued our relationship (our one huge problem-- and it was my problem) for the better part of our relationship are going away on their own-- apparently stress at my old job was a HUGE part of those issues.



Yeah... my brain's a little cluttered these days. *sigh*

Coping

Erich's mom passed away on Friday afternoon. It hasn't really hit him yet, but his coping mechanisms are firmly in place. He's admitted that it's so huge that his brain just can't comprehend it. We're waiting for the results of an autopsy - Erich needs it for his own piece of mind - and then the formal arrangements will be made. Erich's current line of thinking is to have her cremated, and then spread half of her ashes into the sea in Maine, and bring the other half to be interred in the family plot in Hopedale, Mass.

Thankfully, the Providence crew contingent has been wonderful this weekend. Jason & Jen hosted a gathering on Friday night so Erich could be surrounded by everyone (since he has only a very small and scattered family, his friends are honestly his closest family in many ways). We played poker late into the night, the guys did some drinking (I stayed sober to get him home, of course), and just were there for him.

Yesterday, an already planned Dungeons & Dragons game was moved over to our house. And again, I think the community helped Erich a lot. They played from about 1 p.m. until 4:30 in the morning. I milled about a bit, going out to do some craft shopping with Teresa, baking cookies (because baking does actually make me feel better), and just taking a breather for a while to collect my own thoughts.

Everyone's been wonderful. It's times like this that you truly realize how strong friendships are a blessing. And how fleeting and precious life truly is.

The update...

Erich came home yesterday. Although I'm a bit concerned about that decision, I can recognize that he just needed to be in familiar surroundings to start the grieving process. He told me that if his mom were conscious, he'd have decided differently. But he feels there's nothing he can do there, and I think he needs to retreat for a while.

The doctors called Erich early this morning and asked him permission to remove his mom's ventilator. They believe it's the only thing keeping her alive at this point. Her lungs are failing, her heart is failing, and her kidneys have shut down.

Erich gave them permission, of course. There's no reason to prolong her life at this point with artificial means. Her body is not responding to any treatment. They still can't find the source of the infection that has caused her sepsis. The fluids via IV are just pooling.

Nature will take over and decide as it will.

Erich wanted to be alone today, so I'm at work. I drove in to make sure I had full control over my departure from Boston (i.e. not relying on train schedules) when the call comes.

So yeah... that's where things stand.

*sigh*

Small update

Erich's heading up to Maine now, per doctor recommendations. As of now, I'll plan on joining him for the weekend. That of course may change at any second. One way or the other, I think one of my first chores tonight will be heading to Lowes to get some extra keys for my house made to give to friends in case I need to drop and run.

The medical staff has not been able to find the source of infection-- at this point, it's internal, but they don't know where. She's going into a full body scan today.

Her heart is working at 25% capacity, and her blood pressure remains dangerously low. They want to rest her heart, but can't do that without risking losing ground on her blood pressure. It seems that that's the recurring theme... everything they can do will result in losing ground elsewhere.

In any case, for the time being I'm serving as contact point for those who want to know what's going on so Erich can focus on his mother.

- Mel.

Mortality

Sunday morning, I was ready to sit down and write a fairly happy entry because I was feeling quite well. I watched the JFK Carrier make its final port of call before being decommissioned next week only a few short blocks from my office (where it's still sitting, although it was supposed to leave today). Work's going well. I'm catching up on my finances. And Erich and I are doing well.

Then Erich got a call from his uncle. His mother is seriously ill. And as of right now, it's looking a bit grim.

His mom has been struggling for the better part of a year now. She shattered her leg last year, resulting in her being in traction for a while. She developed some side infections-- and with diabetes complicating her healing, it's been a very rocky, nasty road ever since. She's been in resident care for months. But a couple months ago, things were looking brighter-- she had a new doctor. She was able to go home once a week. It looked like she would be heading back to her apartment for good.

And then this weekend, she went south again. A new infection, which has resulted in sepsis. She's in the ICU, had to be knocked out because as her lucidity disappeared, she started messing with her IV. She's now on a ventilator. The doctor's not sugarcoating things. Things are not looking good.

Erich wisely took today off to make sure things are in order. Months ago, Erich's mom gave him power of attorney status over her affairs. He's been in steady contact with the hospital, getting updates. He's been discussing all of his mom's finances and state of affairs with his uncle, who lives next door to her. It's frightening to think about having to make such arrangements, but he's right to do so now.

Part of the problem is that for the better part of the year, he's relied on his mom to tell him what's going on. She told him flat out she didn't want him coming up to Maine, as she wasn't able to move much and didn't want a visit to be a depressing event of sitting around in a resident home. Whether or not she knew how bad things are, we're not sure. But I've been pushing him to get up to Maine to see her and get a sense of things with his own eyes now. He feels powerless. He's not sure what he can do, given that she's unconscious at the moment. And to a point, I can understand that. I know that a good portion of me would want to figure out a way to spend days by my mom's bedside, though. But I have that odd "I can will her back" dream about me, as stupid as it might be.

So anyway... I'll probably be quiet here for a few days. If you have ways of sending some extra healing energies... I know Erich's mom can use them... and Erich can, too.

- Mel.

Addendum to last entry

You know... I really hate when thoughts come to me early in the day, and I wonder why they're so strong. Fucking foreshadowing. If I didn't know better, I'd say I was psychic.

My mom calls, starts pressing on the wedding, and almost immediately starts switching between "I just want to help you" and jumping all over me because I don't have immediate on-the-spot answers to questions such as "how many rooms do you think we'll need to reserve in a block at the inn." Yet when I try to answer with a "Mom, I have no idea-- that would require asking everyone what their plans are," I get a snippy "that's not what I said..." which turns into an argument, which turns into a bigger argument...

which eventually turns into me hanging up on my mother because I can't put up with any more of the emotional roller coaster where one minute she's insisting she's trying to help and take the stress off of me because I feel so overwhelmed, and in the next breath is getting all pissed off and "hurt" because when I say yes, I'm overwhelmed and here's why... she doesn't like my answer. And then reminds me that she is paying for the wedding and if I just want to have a smaller wedding, I just need to say so and it can just be close family and friends... but she doesn't like my retort of "and who would we cut out, Mom? My friends? Part of your side of the family? Who?"

Following a ten minute crying fit in the fetal position, now I'm pissed off and shaking so much that I'm having to backspace every few letters that I type.

I can't fucking deal with this. If I didn't know that I was in a completely BAD state to make any decisions, I'd be saying to hell with it all, going to city hall, getting the marriage license, not telling anyone - ESPECIALLY my mother - and just get it over with. Followed by saving money to reimburse her for the down payments on the reception site and the caterer and my wedding dress.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

Frustration

My mom and I had a fairly long, disjointed phone conversation last night. It started with "so we need to start planning your wedding, Melissa..." and migrated, as it often does, into talking about my brother and my father, in no particular or linear order. I feel like we always talk in circles, and that I repeat myself almost every conversation in hopes that sooner or later, my mom will actually listen to what I'm saying and maybe even accept that yes, I do, in fact, feel very strongly about a few things. And that no, she doesn't necessarily know me that well (and that I don't want to tell her things sometimes).

The good news on her end is that she's found a new man, named George, who seems to be (in all true senses of the word) a fantastic guy. He's a strong family man who loves his kids, loves animals, and shares my mom's love of life. He's moving to Pennsylvania in a couple of months (not in with her... but to the area. She met him via her real estate work), but until then it's a long-distance thing.

I'm happy for her. I liked Jim, but the two of them were so different. At the end the whole on-again off-again thing was maddening. Jim has thankfully found a woman much like him-- into motorcycles, into deer hunting, etc. Mom's happy for him, and I am too.

So in that department, I'm happy. Mom's happy. It's a good thing.

My dad on the other hand, well...

Those who have read my journal for the past three years or more know some of the very bad recent history with my dad. To sum up for newer readers... he and I had a huge falling out at Christmas in '03. I went home, had a very nasty time that culminated in a horrifying dinner the last night I was there, the only time I had any opportunity to be with my dad one-on-one during the visit, in which my dad spent the entire dinner laying out every single way I suck at life. All things that could possibly be argued were valid about me as a senior in high school, but half of them were so far in the past and over and done with that I couldn't even fathom how to respond to it (i.e. nearly converting to Mormonism when I was in high school... for my boyfriend at the time).

The next day, I stewed on the plane-- all fucking eight hours from Billings to Providence, plus the hour drive back to Boston.

Three months later, I wrote him a letter. A five-page, single-spaced typed letter, discussing everything I've had to say to him since I left for college at eighteen. All of the shit I'd held in.

Cathartic? Yes. Needed to be done? Yes. Good for our relationship? . . .

Fuck all.

My dad and I have perhaps spoken a half-dozen times since I wrote that letter. I might be generous with that amount, actually. The conversations are strained, barely scraping past the surface and generally settle on the Red Sox or the Philadelphia Eagles or the New England Patriots or some other thing football. We've grown apart. And I have to be honest-- I'm wary and not all that excited to to bridge that gap anytime soon. He's shown no interest in knowing me as I am now. And for the most part, I like who I am now. I'm not about to go expose that to someone who's only going to rip it apart and tell me how much I suck at life.

I may appear strong... but this whole new self-esteem thing is still not quite stable. It wouldn't take much to crack.

In the meantime, my mom and I talk nearly every week. We rarely go more than a couple without at least a quick little "hi, how are things?" conversation on the phone. And every conversation she'll tell me that I really need to talk to my dad, and how we need to patch things up.

Two months ago, that suggestion began disappearing from our chats. She's had some contact with my dad recently, partly due to the wedding planning and partly due to my brother, and she's starting to see how annoyingly avoidant and disconnected my dad has become. He has no interest in knowing me as a person now. Why should I push forward to make any sort of an effort?

Last night I pointed out that the only reason I even was discussing him as because of the wedding. I have no interest in trudging back down that road again with him, only to be left stewing for another eight hours of flight between Montana and Rhode Island, allowing my already too short temper to get the best of me.

And on the other end of the bad news... my brother's taken another downturn, and it's hurting my mom to no end. I understand why, but it's one of the things that I just get myself to deal with. And that pisses me off. I've focused so much of my emotions to work through the shit with my father over the past few years, I haven't gotten through all of the history with my brother. It's shoved in some mental filing cabinet in my brain labeled "deal with this shit later."

I don't talk about my brother much in my journal. We're not that close, and that is my fault. I've purposely put a lot of emotional distance between us. A lot of it has to do with our relationship when we were growing up, and my celebration when I went to college and no longer had to deal with him one-on-one every day.

My brother's bipolar. And recently, he decided - as he does - that he's doing better and no longer needs his meds.

So he stopped taking them entirely.

Again.

And now he's cycling.

He was doing so fucking well, too. Getting his life in order, out looking for a job, getting rid of girlfriends who are using him for god-knows-what while he's on a turn towards mania.

I can't wrap my head around how he can be 28 and not holding down a job. He seems to be out of work every six months or so. Either he's fired or a company closes, or he left because he didn't like it... etc. He's not getting the idea that you suck it up and deal with getting any job so you can pay the bills. He doesn't want to move closer to my mom, but he's running back to her via the phone, wishing she were there just to give him a big hug. And whether intended or not, I hear that tone in my mom's voice that suggests that I need to patch things up with him. That I should be helping with him. But how the hell do I do that?

When it comes to my brother, I just freeze. I'm too scared to approach the big ball of chaos that is my manic-depressive sibling. I intentionally seek out calm things in my life. I detach. I try to avoid making ripples in life if I can help it. I probably started doing this as Scott started cycling as a child. My brother doesn't just make ripples in life. He jumps in and makes cannonball waves. Big fucking ones that make me seasick.

And currently, my stomach is lurching.

A crisp Monday morning

fEvery year, one morning in September wakes me up to the reality that it is, in fact, autumn. It's the "I Really Should Have Worn My Jacket" morning of the year. I was shivering as I stood on the train platform. I continued to shiver once we were on the train because NOW... after the heat of the year, the A/C is finally blasting in the trains. Tonight my light jacket will get pulled out of the closet, washed if necessary, and be used for the next couple months.

To my surprise, I'm not shivering at work-- the temperature gauge seems to be about right... finally. :)

But it was a beautiful autumn morning in Boston. The sky was a beautiful, sharp blue without a single cloud. The air is just starting to smell of dew on the grass mixed with earth and leaves.

I've said it before - I love this time of year. It's cozy and comfy and the world is full of color. I get to fall in love with New England all over again.

--------

The funeral, obviously, was the unexpected focus of this weekend. Erich and I went, along with Erich's dad.

The services and burial for Normie were held on Saturday morning. It was a simple, beautiful service at the funeral home, surrounded by loved ones and friends. Normie was 90, and was lucky to have three of his close friends (aka "partners in crime") there at the funeral. If only we all could be so lucky-- both to live to 90, and also to have close friends in our lives.

The saddest part of the day, in my opinion, was the fact that Erich's mom couldn't be there for her own father's funeral. She's been in the hospital for the past several weeks- with at least three more months to go - and is simply too immobile right now to travel. Katie, Erich's cousin, pointed out that she would had to arrange an ambulance to drive all the way from mid-coast Maine to southern Massachusetts and back. It just wasn't feasable. :( But Erich and I have a recording of the funeral service and the warm eulogy given about Normie to give to her. We're also going to make a point to get up to Maine as soon as possible to be with her.

The rest of the weekend was nice and quiet. Since we were in the area, Erich and I swung by The Big Apple in Wrentham, Mass., on our way home and to pick up some yummy stuff. We bought a bag of apples (McIntosh, which are in season right now), fresh peaches, two apple pies, and a pumpkin pie. The Big Apple, as its name might suggest, is an apple orchard farm. They grow at least a couple dozen types of apple trees, and by about late September, TONS of different apples are for sale in the sales barn, for sale in five pound bags up to "whatever you need" if you call ahead. The thing that Erich and I beeline for is the pie rack. Weekends can be an absolute zoo at The Big Apple in the fall. But it's fun insanity, and it's one of those things that we get to perhaps only once or twice a season. On Saturday, the air outside the sales barn was full of the smell of fresh doughnuts (yum!) and of course... the pies. All three that we bought were still hot in the box. It was a relatively quiet day at The Big Apple. It's definitely still early in the season.

We got home.. Erich headed off to Frank's to spend the rest of the day with the guys playing Dungeons & Dragons (which originally had been scheduled to be at our house that day). I know he needed the time with the guys and was honestly glad he decided to still go play.

With the rest of the day to myself, I scooted myself up to Cumberland, RI, to go to the closest cross stitch shop. My second stitching round robin is a Floral theme, and in creating my layout for each stitcher's block, I discovered that I didn't have a piece of fabric within my stash wide enough to allocate both stitching space and the additional inches needed for framing. Off to With Heart and Soul I went to purchase a piece of cream 32 ct. linen that's 20.5 inches square.

I arrived back home a bit after four p.m. I called my father, but as always, he's not home. So I left him a message to wish him a happy 63rd birthday. (sigh... more on Dad and I in another entry... it's another rant piece). Then I started my stitching work for the weekend.

The first order of business was finishing my prep to send out the UFO RR on Monday. I decided, after lots of thought, to send out Teresa Wentzler's Floral Bellpull. I made sure all of my materials were in place and then packaged it up.

Next I got to work on the Floral RR. I tried to start by marking out each block with gridding thread, but it just was not working right. After an hour of miscounts, I gave up and decided to just work on stitching my square, and then I'd mark the other squares based upon my measurements. I've decided upon 60x60 stitch blocks for each person. Conveniently, each square of the Floral Bellpull (from the other RR) is exactly 60x60 stitches without the border. I selected the Morning Glory block, and got to work.

I'm quite proud of the amount of stitching I got done this weekend. I have nearly 1/4 of the stitches already in the fabric. Hopefully between this week and the weekend, I can get the majority of it done. The tenative start date for this RR is on Sept. 25th. I may just make it.

When life disturbingly resembles Hugh Grant movie titles

Despite my Thursday Thirteen entry yesterday that was full of happiness and cheerleading about myself, the last 48 hours or so have been quite sad in the Geekywitch household. I'll be replying to Thursday Thirteen comments (thank you!) over the weekend...

Erich's maternal grandfather died late Wednesday night. He apparently had been fine, watching golf on Monday. On Tuesday he developed a cough. When family arrived to visit him Wednesday morning, he had developed pneumonia and was unresponsive. Norm was quite elderly- in his 90s, I believe. From what I understand, he never regained consciousness.

This was Erich's last surviving grandparent, and the second death this year. So far Erich's doing okay. He's somber of course, but he's getting through the day fairly well. We escaped reality for a few hours last night at Battleground with a D&D game, and I think that helped his mood quite a bit even if it decreased the amount of sleep on which he's running today. I don't think reality has really hit him yet. He took yesterday off to talk with his parents and wait for funeral service details, which are scheduled for this weekend.

I've only met Norm once - last year at his birthday party. I sadly don't have enough memories of him to make a fitting tribute to him. :(

He's not old...

My dear Erich is now 32. :) With how crazy August has become, his celebrations are taking on some Polish inklings... festivities that go on for days. Last night, it kicked off ON his birthday with a chicken feast from Boston Market followed by an evening of goofing off and raiding with our new guild in World of Warcraft. Good times, good times. :)

After work tonight, we're heading back to Big Fish (see last entry). Erich and I both love oysters, and Big Fish has them at 49 cents each. Can't beat it. We'll curl up to the outdoor Tiki Bar on what promises to be the best summer weather of the season, toss back probably a dozen each and enjoy some Sangria.

Next weekend, we'll throw a joint BBQ with Gina, who's birthday is on the 18th. Burgers, beers, poker... it should prove to be an interesting evening.

Happy birthday, hon!

Year of Weddings, Take 3

And... we're off again. To a wedding (that is not mine. *grin*)

(hey... I'll get around to it. Really.)

Other than Canada, this will be my first time out of the U.S. I'm quite excited.

Nassau, here we come. One full week in paradise.

Erich and I leave tomorrow morning around 10, and get into the Bahamas around 3-ish. We'll be there a full day earlier than anyone else from the Providence crew of friends (about 10 people total).

I have a new bathing suit-- that actually fits! and looks good! and hides my icky spots (mostly!). For the $85 price tag, it damn well better. :)

Other than the wedding itself and the bachlorette party (a day long catamaran trip to an island for snorkeling, etc.) I have no schedule whatsoever. I plan to relax. A lot.

While I'm gone, however, I propose a challenge to you-- give me topics and questions. I want to have some good mind-chewing fodder to write about next month. Anything. Seriously. :)

I don't know how my access will be over the next week, but if I can't log in while on the trip, I'll see you all on June 30th.

Best,
Mel.

Mom's 60th

It's been a while since my last post, I know. For some reason, I'm always very quiet in the spring as far as blog writing is concerned. I suppose it's because I have some odd burst of energy that makes me want to go do things... but this year, it's honestly just because my brain is going twenty places at once and I hardly know what day of the week it is.

This past weekend Erich and I did the road trip down to Easton, Pennsylvania to visit my mom. Her 60th birthday was last week, and I promised her that I'd be down to see her as a combined Mother's Day/birthday thing. What she didn't know was that Jim (her boyfriend) had called me a month ago and let me know that there would be a surprise party that weekend, too.

The driving was uneventful. A bit of traffic (what is it with New Haven?!?) and lots of rainshowers, but nothing major. The drive is so much nicer now that we're in Rhode Island-- it took nearly two hours off the trip, just by our highway access.

Two of Mom's close friends from California had flown into town, too. This didn't raise any suspicion since I've often shared trips to PA with them. The house was very cozy-- Erich and I took over Mom's room. Her friends had the other two bedrooms. Mom got comfy down on her new couch, surrounded by cats and the doggie.

The party itself was fantastic. My uncle and Jim had invited nearly 70 people. It was a big, loud house party. My uncle hosted the thing-- he has the perfect house for it-- complete with a beautiful full bar in the basement, pool table, and tons of different nooks to chat with people. He wisely hired a catering service to serve as waitstaff and a bartender.

Erich and I served as designated drivers for the evening. We both had a couple drinks first thing so we didn't feel like we were completely left out, but I'm glad we decided to volunteer. People definitely needed the help home.

We drove back Sunday after helping Jeanne and Dee get to the bus to the Newark airport. But before we left, Erich had to take some yard pictures. I WANT MY MOM'S YARD!!!



Time for bed. More soon!

Melinda & Kevin's wedding (San Diego, pt. 1)

So onto some travel stories... :)

Today, I'm going to talk about the important part of our vacation: Melinda and Kevin's wedding. First and foremost, that's why we went to San Diego, of course. All of the other stuff will wait until tomorrow's entry.

Erich and I have a ton of photos from the weekend. Other than ones that are blurry, I'm just uploading them all. I really can't eliminate any from this. So feel free to browse the wedding photos here (pops in new window). If you can't load them for some reason, leave me a message in the comments with your email, and I'll send you a direct invite to them.

On Friday afternoon, Melinda and Kevin held an "unrehearsal dinner" with family and close friends at a local Italian restaurant that apparently has been the host for many Melinda family events. Both Erich and I were barely functioning due to our horrendouns flights the night before, but with some serious Starbucks therapy, we managed to get ourselves up and dressed. Thankfully the restaurant was literally only about five minutes from our hotel. I met both of their mothers and friends and family of both the bride and groom. And I finally met Mary and her husband, Joe. By sheer table selection, we didn't have much of a chance to talk that day, but promised to catch up at the wedding. We had a lively conversation with everyone at our table, including (now looking back... I'm a bit embarrassed because it wasn't the place) topics on my upcoming wedding. Thankfully everyone had some very reassuring comments to give me to stand my ground on planning.

After stuffing ourselves full of entirely too much great food (oh god, those cannolis), we rolled ourselves outside, saying goodbye to everyone until tomorrow. Erich and I went back to the hotel to rest up and had a very romantic evening to ourselves (again... more on that tomorrow).

The next day, we puttered around for the morning before heading up into the mountains to the small town of Julian for the wedding. We admired the countryside on the hour-long ride up. This trip was Erich's first time west of the Missisippi River, so he was fascinated with how different everything was. (so was I, because it was quite different than the much more familiar terrain of Northern California to my eyes).

Despite some silent worry on my part, we arrived to the B&B with about fifteen minutes to spare before the ceremony. Melinda and Kevin, based on their spiritual and cultural background, had decided up on a Wiccan handfasting for their wedding ritual. The High Priestess was just casting the ritual circle as we arrived. Once she'd completed the circle and opened a spiritual door to allow us to enter, we joined Mary and Joe in the right seating area. We remarked on the beautiful scenery and the picture-perfect weather of the day.

And then the music started... and the ceremony began.

In a word, their wedding was beautiful.

I've been to many weddings in my life. Oddly, however, this was my first handfasting, despite my now thirteen years of following a Pagan path (however lax the past few years have been...). It also was the first wedding I can recall being completely relaxed at. It never felt like a function. It was completely relaxed. And with only about 60 people or so, it was incredibly intimate. During the ceremony there was laughter... and tears... but overall, complete joy from all involved-- including me, who normally is shy about expressing a lot of outward emotion.

As the High Priestess wrapped the wedding cord for the third time around their wrists, binding them together, I just beamed. Kevin and Melinda are married! Yay!

At some point in the afternoon, amid all of the conversation, I realized how strange but wonderful it is that I was celebrating the union of two friends on the other side of the country. Strange because this was actually only the second time I'd spent time with them in person, yet wonderful because despite not spending physical time with them-- I probably have discussed things deeper with them over the past five years than most of the friends I see on a regular basis here at home. Odder yet was meeting Mary and Joe for the first time, yet feeling that it was only the most recent in many times together. I suppose that's one of the joys of taking internet encounters to a more personable level-- after a time, there really isn't a difference between blogging friends and other friends who simply live far away. :)

Does that make sense?

By the end of the afternoon, we were celebrating the glory of the patio heaters. After all, we were more than 4,000 feet above sea level, and by that time we were entirely in the shade. Most of us were huddled in front of them in some form, chatting and laughing.

We ended the afternoon as the sun set over the mountains, giving a beautiful, colorful farewell to the newlywed couple. We said our goodbyes to everyone and made our way back down the mountain to our hotel...

It was a perfect day.

Okay... this cheered me up a bit...

I received this in email from an unnamed friend, along with an email that states...

"I don't have to tell you what this is, because you'll figure it out in about five seconds, and I know you'll start laughing."


Yeah. I really did. And so will anyone else who gets the guilty pleasure remake that this is...

"Thunder in My Heart" video, by Meck


heh.


I totally have to curl up in PJ's and watch the real thing this weekend....

Big time wedding blues

I think the weather is completely affecting my mood-- I just am completely pppppbbbbbhhhhtttt about everything these days. It bothers me, too. I want to get things done. I cannot motivate myself to do things. I just don't care. At all.

A lot of this comes from the wedding. Any time I think of it, it just puts a stormcloud over my mood. It shouldn't, but it does. Maybe it's because the last mingled family gathering was my college graduation, and other than at the drink fest after the celebration, I just wasn't happy with everyone there. The entire situation put me on edge the whole time. I've become used to my parents being divorced. Having the two sides of the family together is uncomfortable. It doesn't happen often. And this time around? We have my dad's wife to add to the equation (who I don't care for, and from what I've gathered, neither does my grandmother).

With the little spat between my cousins over being my bridesmaids-- before I've even begun planning the wedding and my mom doing the two step "you need to do what you want.. but oh, I don't think Grandpa (read=her) will be happy with XYZ..." I was completely turned off to the idea.

Yeah... I'm just not wanting to do this. I know I have to. (and yes, I DO have to...) I look at the amount of money to drop on a wedding and just think it's a waste. I'd honestly rather spend the money on getting a new roof on our house or pay someone to strip out the wallpaper. But there's this underlying knowledge that planning a wedding is an obligation for me. If I were to run away and elope, I would never, EVER hear the end of it. My parents still give me shit for crap I did when I was seven, despite my annoyance (and telling them so) to knock it off and move on. Scooting around them on my wedding? Yeah. Lifetime shit-giving.

That, unfortunately, is my current motivation for planning the wedding. I'll suck it up and go through with the ceremony and reception that everyone is expecting me to do. Mainly because other than a private handfasting (read-- with friends only, no family), I just have no clue what I would do. My version of parties still ranges in the somewhat post-collegiate realm. Friends, beer, and bringing platters of munchies. I prefer quietly sitting in the corner, observing and occasionally engaging in conversation when I feel comfortable doing so.

If it weren't so fucking expensive, I'd hire a wedding planner to do the whole damn thing and just show up.

*sigh*

I'm here... I'm alive

I'm recovering from a cold which hammered me this weekend, but alive. I'm still over-stressed and running in circles, but the house is slowly getting back to a state where we don't have to potentially classify it in the first stages of squalor. (it probably wasn't quite that bad... but it was getting rather *ew*).

I'm running in a semi-mopey state these days. A good portion of it is due to being on cold meds... I'm okay, really. Just overwhelmed and overdrugged. So please don't read into this any over-depressed tones. My meds really are just keeping me at about the lowest running state I could be at and still function.

Superbowl-- meh. Watched the first half. Was bored. Commercials didn't impress me, either. We switched to the Kitty Halftime show on Animal Planet, and that basically broke my interest for the game. I wandered upstairs after watching kittens go apeshit on a big cat tower and went back to playing World of Warcrack.

I still need to call Andi, who left a message two weeks ago announcing the birth of her second baby. :) Since Andi and I are sisters via adopting each other, I'm an auntie of two now. :) Of course, I'm the shitty sister/auntie who hasn't called, but illness was the excuse... so I'll be trying to catch up later this week once I'm secure in the strength of my voice and a lack of coughing.

Anyway...the big (and really only) news beyond happy events with Andi is more info with the wedding--

The original place we wanted for our reception is a bust at $200 a head plus rental fees for the space and personnel (ah.... no. g-bye.)

So, being clueless... again.... we went to a bridal expo over the last weekend of January in Cranston. There were tons of vendors there, and we picked up lots of information. Some of it was very helpful, but between the poundingly loud msuic and just SO many vendors, both of us went into information overload within a couple hours. We fell in love with a couple of places that presented space for receptions. I'm worried that they'll be too expensive again (if they're featured in Gourmet magazine, my guess is probably... yes. But I'll check it out anyway).

The $15,000 flat fee for a 25 guest wedding planned completely by a wedding planner in the Carribean is entirely too tempting. As is eloping... STILL. But I'm trying my best to work on the wedding here.

And the saying about making a good impression to secure a customer truly does work-- because the biggest thing that sticks out from the day was a negative impression I received. Late in the tour of vendors, Erich was looking at a cigar vendor as I was checking out the tux vendor across the way. The sales rep asked (as so many had that day) if I were the bride. I said yes. He asked who would be responsible for tuxes, and I said my fiancé. And then the guy said "yes, but who will be picking out what he's wearing?" I repeated that Erich would be. And the man gave me a look of shock and then that amused look that said "no really, chick. Don't lie... you'll be picking them out, won't you?"

Immediately my thought was What? It's so wrong to be letting the groom pick out the tux he wants to wear for his wedding? Are men not allowed to dress themselves? I continued to look at him with all of the honesty of the answer I'd given him, my expression turning slightly annoyed at being asked the same question twice.

The guy definitely noticed my annoyance, changed his line of questioning, and asked when the wedding was. And I stated that we were still open-dated. Hoping for this autumn, but had not yet booked a reception site to secure a date. As soon as I said that, his tone immediately became one of shooing me away because I was not worth his time, insisting that his discounts could really only be used if we had a date and could sign up with him on the spot.

Great way to get customers, buddy.

I of course was as gracious as possible and apologized that no, we didn't have a date. But thanks anyway.

Ass.

Seriously-- is it so far-fetched to accept that yes, I can and do trust the man I'm marrying to be grown-up enough to dress himself? He's thirty-one, not four. It's not like I pick out his clothes for him for work every day. If he asks my opinion in the store on a color or style, I'll give it-- but he's perfectly capable of picking out clothes that he likes and feels comfortable in. I mean... will I be involved with the tuxes? Somewhat-- I can work on coordinating color, if need be. But other than a goofy high-school joke for a Sadie Hawkins formal where my boyfriend and I went in reverse-color tuxes, I don't wear them. I'm not a guy... obviously... and I don't have a clue how they should fit a guy.

Maybe I'm just not type-A enough to understand some unwritten faux pas of wedding planning, but it seemed a given that unless asked by Erich to handle it, he was responsible for picking out his tux because to presume to tell him what to wear without giving him first dibs seems so condescending.

It could just be me, though.

~ Mel.

Wedding Planning: Attack of the Guest List

Erich and I took advantage of our commute home last night to comprise our off-the-top-of-our-heads guest list. We took turns, writing two lines per turn, of a family or household that we want to invite. I'd thought we would barely get to 75, leaving a comfort zone for the parental units to add a limited number of not-listed friends that they wanted to invite.

In less than a half hour, we were close to if not slightly over 100 people between just the two of us.

Shit-- we know this many people?!? How?!? When?!? Where?!? (what... why... who...)

This puts a bit of a wrench in things. The original thought was to have a small, somewhat intimate (subjectively speaking, in a wedding sense) gathering of around 75 people. While granted, it's still not a guestlist of Epic Polish Wedding (tm) proportions, that off-the-cuff number shocked me.

But, I think what I'll do is type up the list and email it to my parents anyway, and ask Erich to do the same for his, so we can discuss a final list. I'm going to try like hell to keep it limited to only the 'rents, although I imagine my grandfather will probably insist on a few invites.

It definitely changes the type of place at which we'll book our reception. My original hope was a wonderful place-- elegant in a tasteful, understated sort of way in downtown Providence. The food was fantastic. BUT.. when we got the estimate, they were asking approximately $200 a head, PLUS rental fees.

Um... yeah. No. Running. Away. Now.

So it's back to the drawing board on the hall for now. There's a bridal reception in Cranston on the last weekend of the month. I bought tickets. Maybe it'll help. Maybe not. Hopefully it will help me become familiar with some of the vendors in the area and give me some alternative reception ideas.



How the hell do we know 100 people?!?

One plus two plus two plus one

One fun and crazy New Year's Eve recipe:

24 (or so) gamer geeks
a plethora of booze
one yankee swap themed to "game night"
enough appetizers to feed a small army
one gothic revival mini-mansion
one murder mystery with parts for everyone

Press play.


We had a blast on New Year's Eve. A gentle snow was falling. The weather began relatively warm, but did get quite cold by midnight. Chris set up an outdoor fire in his grill for the folks who needed cigarettes throughout the evening. The babies in attendance were amazingly behaved and once asleep, stayed that way despite the party going on all around them.

Best yet, though, was that a new NYE tradition was quite possibly founded, and it happened in the best of ways-- on a whim. Dan and Toni, who are long-time folks in my outer circle of friends, were unable to get a gift for this year's Yankee Swap due to their Hanukkah celebrations with relatives. So instead, they went online to a website that had downloadable Murder Mystery games. Apparently the site has games for anywhere from 6 to 200 people, and you just select a game for the appropriate number. All of the pages are in PDF format-- you just need to print, compile, and distribute. So Dan and Toni announced this once everyone arrived and distributed characters.

For a party comprised of approximately 20 Dungeons & Dragons players, it took no time at all to get into character and have a blast. The scene was the opening night of a speakeasy in Chicago in the early 1920's.

The funniest thing was that despite couples being written into the different parts, no real-life couple was cast as a married couple. Instead, we were all joined through our character's romantic affairs. :) I was assigned the part of Donna Wannabe, a 24 year old flapper girl who loved the social life of the speakeasies and spending her time with actors and dreaming of going to Hollywood. Thankfully, we weren't required to come in costume for this-- because my size 24 body would not have been very good in the recommended flapper dress. :)

Throughout the night, certain characters were "killed", per a to-do list on each of our individual character profiles. My list had no murders, but I was able to do a lot of gossip and shit-stirring. Thankfully, the part of the flapper girl gave me the perfect excuse to help myself to one too many cosmos-- the alcohol definitely made me a bit more outgoing. As part of the atmosphere of the night, I was tempted to "kill" someone in the ballroom and leave a candlestick next to them, though. Just to be a brat.

:)

So much fun. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a rip-roaring party with their friends!

Closing Down the Year

Each year, I've done this entry for myself to look back, month by month, and take stock of what happened, how I see it now (after the fact), and how I see things going.

This year, it's honestly impossible to go month by month. The events in my life this year have transpired over the months, overlapping like waves on the shoreline. One would begin to pull back for a while as another one came to the foreground.

Honestly-- I'm fucking exhausted. Thankfully, it's a good exhaustion for the most part. I think upon heading to the New Year's party tonight at our friends' house, I can't help but remark at how completely different things are from last year, when we headed to the same house to celebrate with the same group of friends.

It has been a hard year for so many people that I know, and so many hundreds of thousands that I don't know. 2005 definitely is a year of sadness and pain on a global scale - which makes me all the more squeamish about posting an entry that reflects on my personal year, which was surprisingly good.

I can't ignore reflecting on this, though-- it's been quite possibly the biggest year of change I've had in my life so far.

This year can be summed up for my personal life by three things-

Turning 30
Getting Engaged
Buying a House

Age is a number, or so they say... and perhaps, for most of the years, that's true. I'll call bullshit on that for 30, though. I do feel different at 30 than I did at 29. A lot different. It felt different the morning I woke up on my birthday. My 20's, which were a downright shitty decade of confusion and pain, were over. I was no longer the "kid" at work, or at home. I finally had reached adulthood in my parents eyes, and the need to please them and prove myself to them was no longer the important goal it once was. I met the invisible milestone-- to survive my twenties. Thank Goddess.

Eleven days after my birthday, Erich and I were in the Boston at our annual Geekfest, and decided that we'd go out for dinner Saturday night. What would become known as the Blizzard of 2005 was bearing down on New England, the estimates of snowfall changing by the hour as it approached, each time getting considerably worse.

In the storm's first hours, I experienced my most romantic night to date.

To think that tonight, one year ago, I was nearly in tears on the back porch of Chris and Sara's house, convinced that Erich would never ask me to marry him. (I was, in fact, very drunk... but also very stupid).

Even more amusing, to think that I had been convinced that I'd never marry. Six or seven years ago, Andi, our friend Jenn, and I were sitting in the living room of Andi's parent's house (the last time I've seen either of them in person, oddly), and we were discussing our relationships. Jenn was married. She and her husband were buying a house. Andi was in a relationship (although I can't recall if she was dating her now husband at that point). I was downright bitter and miserable about life, being in the middle of dealing with Yet Another Round of Jason Bullshit, and convinced that I was so worthless as a human being that I would never find anyone. At some point that evening, I recall making a comment that somehow, I always knew I'd never marry.

MmmmHmmm...

That alone should be the event that is used to remind me that I over-react way too often.

Event #3 of the year somewhat put a damper on the wedding plans, of course. We're just now in the initial phases. We'll have a date one of these days. Really. Honest.

*smiles sweetly*

And onto event #3...

365 days, give or take a few hours, ago... buying a house wasn't even on the horizon. Erich and I commented on how we'd LIKE to buy something someday. We'd pick up the flyers in the grocery store for the "for sale by owner" ads, and dream. Deep down, though, we figured we couldn't afford it. At least, not in New England, where we both wanted to stay. It would be years before we'd be able to put any money down on a house. Until then, we'd continue to grab those flyers at the store, discuss the type of houses we liked, and enjoy the wishful thinking.

And then Mid-March comes around, and we decide to throw all of that dreaming out the window as a house... THE house... came out of nowhere.

Here's the fucked up timeline...

Late February, 2005-- Erich makes a mention to Sara (our host for the New Year's Eve parties), that we might be interested in getting a sense of houses in the Providence area, since he liked our friend Frank's house, and was surprised by the price difference.

March 4th-- we head to Pennsylvania for my grandfather's 80th birthday (I put this here to drive the point that on this date, a house wasn't even in our MINDS). That same weekend, Minarae and Petrouchka get engaged.

Thursday, March 10th- Sara (our friend who hosts the New Year's parties) emails Erich a photo and listing of a house in Providence that just came on the market the day before that she thinks we really should see.

Friday, March 11th - I write an entry about things happening, acutely aware that something REALLY HUGE is on the horizon, but I can't figure what.

Sunday, March 13th- We look at the house and really, really like it.

Monday, March 14th- We make an offer on the house at the asking price. Within hours, there are multiple other offers on it, and the house is taken OFF the listing market and put into a "pending" status.

Tuesday, March 15th- Our offer is accepted. Oh wait... shit. There's that whole DOWN PAYMENT issue. Quick, start calling relatives!

April 26th- We close on the house and sign all of the papers.


Seriously-- it's the most fucked up thing ever. I would sit there at the apartment for hours and just stare at the wall.

I definitely don't recommend anyone try this method of house buying. It's not good on the brain.

It makes for some damn great stories and memories, though.

Six months after moving in, I still think we're insane. I often don't feel like enough of a grown-up to handle a house. I still can't believe that I'm a co-owner ON a house. Yet here I am, sitting in my own office, looking out onto my own yard where the New Year's snow is starting to softly fall. The excitement of it just hits me again out of nowhere. I OWN this. This is mine.

It's so fucking cool.

...

Against these things, the rest of my personal year seems so uneventful. THIS is what my life has been this year. I haven't kept in contact with people. I haven't read journals. I haven't made the phone calls or written letters.

And I apologize. I truly do. My introvert brain has simply gone on complete overload this year because it's been such a rollercoaster year of growth for me.

Life comes full circle, doesn't it? Perhaps as I get older, I'll sit on the couch and look back in wonder at 2005, where so many pieces of my life came together and miraculously, how I recognized it as things happened.

It's been one hell of a year.



Happy New Year, everyone. May 2006 be more interesting-- but hopefully calmer -- than 2005.

Only an aquaintance

** removing this entry ***

Andi dropped me a surprised and pained email about this entry. Apparently my thoughts did not translate well to screen, and it misled her to think that I was talking about her no longer being a friend. Because of that, I'm removing the entry-- if she can read it as applying to her, so could a lot of people that it doesn't refer to. Which means I really, really screwed up.

I've sent her an email, but wanted to post this here in case she read it first....

Nothing could be further from the truth that I was talking about you, Andi. You are, and always has been, my sister and closest friend (along now, of course, with Erich). What I'd intended to get across with my entry was that you is the example of a friendship that has not been damaged by time, or distance, or events in our lives. You and I have had bad times, but somehow, we've always worked through it and come out on the end in a position that's arguably stronger than before.

So Andi, no... I apologize for misleading you in my attempt to be vague, and most importantly for the pain it caused you. And hopefully my email to you will clear that up, and also why I was attempting to make the entry vague while also venting my frustration. And also to explain some other things that really needed to be said.

As I mention in the email-- give me the kick in the ass when I'm being one. Because coming from you, I'll definitely be paying attention.

~ Mel.

A quiet little Christmas

Christmas Day is winding down. The dinner plates are stacked by the sink to be washed. The presents are all opened and gradually moving from under the tree. What was a sunny and relatively warm day has turned to a fairly heavy night rain.

It's been a perfectly relaxing Christmas. I needed this so much, and despite "entertaining" for most of the day, I just feel comfortable and relaxed.

Erich's dad came around 10 a.m. We opened presents over coffee. I was thrilled with everything I received (yay money! yay new iPod!). If they were close enough, the cats were stuck with the bows from presents. We chuckled as we watched them try to figure how to remove them (they did successfully). Breakfast was fried eggs and some of the home-made venison scrapple that Mom and Jim brought early this month.

We watched A Christmas Story, then Serenity, and then most of the Green Bay vs. Chicago game. No stress, no real time table-- we just relaxed and hung out. Around 3:30, Erich called our friend Purkis to see what he was up to and invited him over for dinner and possible late night World of Warcraft goodness. He accepted and showed up about 45 minutes later.

Dinner was great-- cranberry stuffed pork roast with mashed potatoes, rolls, and steamed artichokes. I hadn't had artichokes in so long-- it used to be a common dinner treat growing up. I'm glad I managed to steam them correctly.

Erich's dad left about an hour ago. The guys are hanging out in front of the TV as they play WOW (geeks!). I'll probably do a little stitching and play some Sims before I head to bed. I'm sure the guys will crank a late night of WOW, which is fine... we're not going anywhere tomorrow.

I did miss going to my mom's this year, but it's always crazy and there are so many people. I enjoyed the quiet holiday this year. I definitely needed it.

Hope everyone else had a nice Christmas!

Best,
Mel.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I'm off to get the kitchen in order for the day, but since I'm running a bit crazy, here's an exerpt of an entry I wrote back in 2001 regarding my family's traditional Christmas celebrations...



My grandparents, my mother, and my uncle came over from Germany after World War II. They are Polish, but were in a relocation camp (like so many thousands of people) after the war since they had no place to go. They were sponsored by a church in Easton, PA, which is now considered my mom's hometown. My grandparents still live there, and have lived the ideal American Dream through years of hard work. The metal plating shop where my grandpa got his job back in the early 1950's is now his company, slowly being passed down to my uncle. Unlike immigrants today who seem to refuse to blend into the melting pot of American society, my grandparents immersed themselves. They had to in order to survive. They learned English, and despite some breaks in grammar and thick accents, speak fluently. They joined a local Catholic church, and go to English-speaking services, even though there is enough of a Polish population in the area that there are Polish-language services available.

Yet even with their immersion, some things of cultural tradition remain sacred. Most of these traditions revolve around Christmas time, and the entire family gets together every year to celebrate because we know how special holding these traditions are. I rarely do a specific ritual for Yule and the rebirth of Father God. Celebrating with family for me is a ritual in itself, and in their own Catholic way, my grandparents open and close a ritual circle of love each year for the family. I am a participant, rather than the leader of this celebration.

Our big celebration is on Christmas Eve, known as the Wigilia. Everyone on my mother's side of the family gets together at my grandparents' house. We usually have around 14-16 people for dinner. Traditionally, one chair at the table is left open for the newborn Christ/God, but with how crowded we've been, it's usually a chair set off to the side these days.

Before dinner, we all are given a large square wafer called an oplatek. Oplatki are similar in consistency to the communion wafers at Catholic and other Christian denominational churches, only rather than about half-dollar sized, they are about the size of an index card. We walk around the table, and each person breaks off a piece of every other person's oplatek. We give each person a kiss or hug, wish them a Merry Christmas, and start the jumbled search around a busy, crowded dinner table to find another member of the family who we haven't hugged. It's a symbolic breaking of bread together, and unifies us as a family.

The traditional Polish Christmas meal consists of tons of potato pancakes, borsht, perogi (which are like ravioli, only they're filled with either potato or sauerkraut), galumpki (cabbage rolls filled with tomato and rice), fruit compote, and typical veggie side-dishes, depending on the cook's mood. No meat is present, but we usually have some sort of fish on the table. I've been told by Italian friends that they have a similar tradition.

After we eat, we sing a few carols. We have fold-out caroling books in case people don't know the words to songs. We usually do the entire song. Each person at the table is encouraged to pick one, and they rotate through Polish and the more familiar English-language songs. I always stumble over the ones in Polish, since I really never learned how to speak it, but fortunately I can get by somewhat with my Russian-language background. Erich's theory is that if he goes and has a couple shots of vodka, his singing will probably fit in just fine on the Polish songs. He's honestly not that far off.

Once we've gone through a few carols, we move into the living room to open gifts from each other. While we're opening presents, the less-immediate family and friends often stop by, singing as they go. Someone's usually dressed up as Santa for the little kids. The carolers pack into the hallway near my grandpa's bar for a couple shots of vodka and salutations for the season. Soon after, they leave for Midnight Mass, and the evening starts winding down as the individual families who aren't going to church start heading home for bed.

Christmas day is much more relaxed for us, with brunch and opening presents at home and such. The afternoon's a bit lazier... we hang out, watch the movies on TV, and goof around with the new gifts we've received. Dinner on Christmas Day rotates between houses, but it'll probably be at my mother's house this year. This dinner is much like Thanksgiving with entirely too much food, and either a turkey or ham for dinner.

Through these traditions, I am able as a Pagan to celebrate the warmth of family love through the darkest days of winter, while my Christian family members can celebrate "the reason for the season" without any interfaith wars coming up at the dinner table. We celebrate, we love, and we share. And just for an evening, everything in the family and in the world seems to come into balance.

Blessed Yule

Another year is turning back into light. Despite the bitter cold in the air this morning, it's the morning that reminds me that the sun's strength is again growing. The cycle of nature begins again...

Today is Yule, one of the eight Sabbats on the Pagan calendar. According to most books, it's marked as a "lesser" Sabbat (as is Ostara, Midsummer, and Mabon-- the spring equinox, summer solstice, and autumn equinox). Imbolc, Beltane, Lughnasadh, and Samhain are the major Sabbats by most of these sources. Personally, I don't divide between lesser and greater Sabbats, and I disagree with many of the Pagan resources on what would aptly be declared “major” and “minor.” If anything, the equinoxes and solstices would be major ones—so many cultures around the world have celebrated them throughout the centuries. The “major” and “minor” division simply doesn’t make sense to me.

But unknowingly, Yule does seem to unintentionally take a bit of a backseat for me due to its proximity to the 24th and 25th.

Anyway… Krisztina asked that I talk about my celebration of Yule and the holiday history. Tonight, I’ll work on a history entry. For now, though, I’ll work through the awkwardness of Yule in my household, as it presently sits.

I’m one of the people to whom “Happy Holidays” applies on all levels. Without getting into the recent b.s. “war on Christmas” discussion too much—I celebrate a lot of holidays in December. “Happy Holidays” includes everything from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day, in my mind. It’s not offensive, nor stripping of any particular holiday, and I really don’t care what form of goodwill someone sends my way. It’s simply acknowledging that there are a ton of them. On the 21st (and ONLY the 21st), I say “Blessed Yule.” Likewise, on the 24th and 25th, I say “Merry Christmas.” Because those are the days to express such greetings, in my eyes. BUT… if someone does wish me good tidings for a specific holiday, I return the wish in kind.

Yule and Christmas are pretty blended in my household as one long holiday. At this point, I really don’t divide between them. This is partly due to culture, and partly due to my admitted apathy toward sitting down for ritual on a regular basis (Pagans can feel guilty about not going to “church,” too, afterall). With such deep-set traditions already in place for Christmas, I admit that I still haven’t quite found my yearly tradition for Yule itself. I have a personal ritual written that I love, but I don’t sit down for it. It’s mostly due to my uncertainty as to where I’d be the next year, so I wasn’t able to really start founding yearly traditions to mark the holidays. For the first four years, for example, I was in college. December 21=final exams. Since then, I’ve usually been so crazy working on Yule (like this year), that other than a short session of prayer in the evening on my own,I just haven’t acknowledged the holiday ON Yule.

Part of it is that, despite loving my written Yule ritual, sitting down for ritual just doesn’t seem to meet my spiritual needs right now. I’m in one of those transitory periods with my faith, where a lot of things that I feel should be important just… aren’t. I know my foundation is still within Paganism, but I’m going down a bit of a foggy path at the moment with faith, and I’m honestly not sure where I’ll be coming from when I enter the next quiet meadow along my Path.

For the past three years, my observation of Yule has simply been put off until Christmas Day, where I’m guaranteed to be off work and can just quietly observe both holidays at the same time (newborn sun/son… to me, it’s the same thing). I don’t particularly like that I do that, honestly—I was annoyed with the two-holiday Christians as a kid, and I see myself slipping into being an eight-holiday Pagan now—a bit of a hypocrite.

I know that many families either celebrate on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. My family has always celebrated both, and Christmas is as much a cultural holiday as it is religious. Christmas Eve is when the extended family all gathers together for a huge meal together, complete with traditional Polish foods and carols at the table after eating. We open presents that night from one another, and whomever is going to Midnight Mass then departs. Christmas Day has always been reserved for the individual family to spend together. It’s much more low-key, but still a busy day with tons of food and celebrations with friends.

Now that I’m distinctly settled (and that still is an odd concept to me!), the Yule traditions can start growing comfortably along with the Christmas ones. I see Christmas continuing to be a day to celebrate with family and my extended family (both through relation and through friendship). For me, that’s always been the most important part of Christmas, and I can’t see myself ever dividing from it. While I love giving and receiving presents, it’s the togetherness that I really love about the Christmas.

I want to develop Yule into a personal day of reflection, much like Samhain has become to me. I’m drawn to the concept of death and rebirth, which Samhain and Yule represent. I’m very drawn to a day of quiet contemplation- desperately needed in the season of craziness that Thanksgiving through New Years Day has now become here in the U.S. I just need to figure out how to arrange it within the holiday season, and start forming the foundation of what will become a tradition.

And ultimately, I really just want to figure out where my Path is leading—or at least find a park bench along it that I can sit on for a while and watch other travelers go by.

My New York Christmas memory

On a miserably rainy day much like this one, I visited New York for the first time. Driving into work this morning reminded me of that strange trip that is perhaps one of my fondest memories of college.

Two guys on my dorm floor and I were developing a fairly close friendship by December of 1993. We were the three geek outcasts on our floor of communications majors, and as most outcasts do... they find the other outcasts and join up, even though they didn't have much in common. One of them, Sean, was a journalism major from Stoughton, just south of Boston. Early in the semester, the three of us began heading down to Stoughton on some weekends, spending the nights at Sean's house, and doing a little exploring of New England.

In early December, Sean stopped by my room and asked if I'd be interested in tagging along for a trip to NYC. Apparently his mother and two friends went down every December, but the two friends had to cancel due to some church event at the last minute, and Sean's mom had given him a call. It was a tour package that couldn't be cancelled on, and she figured that maybe the two of us would like to go.

We got up before dawn that Saturday to climb into an express bus to New York. (I'd never been on a coach-style bus before, either, so that was... weird). Four hours later, the bus went over a bridge, and I saw my first glimpse of New York as the road wound its way through the Bronx, and then the bus took a turn into Manhattan. I'm not sure what route we took, but I remember seeing a sign for "Harlem" something.

My eyes were glued to the window in fascination. I was in New York. Look at it all! All of the old buildings. People walking everywhere. Neighborhood markets. Little bistro restaurants. A sea of yellow taxis.

I drunk it all in.

You have to realize that while growing up, New York was literally a mythical city of wonder. It was so far away that it existed only in movies, books, and dreams. I honestly wouldn't have been able to see a difference between the exotic locales in India and New York as a child. Now here I was, looking out at the city with my own eyes. It was a complete rush.

The bus finally reached the Port Authority, where we exited the bus and started a walk to get to Radio City Music Hall (another fabled place). We were going to see the Christmas Spectacular and the Rockettes.

Radio City Music Hall is huge. And incredibly detailed in a way that can only be in New York. As we went to our seats in the balcony, I could only gape up at the towering ceiling and consciously fight to keep my mouth from dropping open.

And then the show started. It started as a normal play. Pretty cute. I started to recognize songs with a reaction of "Oh, so THAT's what that's from...". And then the weirdness of New York, and of that amazing stage at Radio City, came in. An ice rink came up from the underbelly of the theater-- and a couple began ice skating. (on stage! Goo!). The Rockettes danced several numbers throughout the performance, bringing memories of quick costume changes to my mind from my position in the upper troupe in my dance recitals. I honestly wish I'd had a chance to see them as a child-- because all of a sudden, I understood why my dance teacher had been emphasizing all of the formations. From up in the audience, they really did look amazing. Perhaps I could appreciate them that much more than Sean, since I'd spent my Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights in junior high and high school trying to do similar things on high-heeled tap shoes.

At the end of the show, the stage went dark and the veil curtain closed, providing the stage crew a way to change the scenery while action continued in front of the curtain. A story from the Gospels about the birth of Jesus was read over the speakers and accompanied by soft music from the orchestra. As the story continued, an actor playing Joseph led a donkey, carrying Mary, across the stage toward the unseen Bethlehem. The actors moved behind the curtain into the darkened stage, past the ghostly outline of what would become the stable.

The spotlight widened as the announcer finished the story of Jesus. The holy family was complete as a baby was placed in the manger. It was quite touching, honestly.

A choir begain to sing "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing" as the backlit stage lights began to slowly brighten. People began walking on stage, leading animals on to the stage- goats, donkeys, camels (they had camels!!). The actors positioned themselves and the animals as the song continued. As the crescendo of the song crested, the sight before me literally thumped my chest, and for the first time at a theater, tears came into my eyes.

I was looking at a life-sized Nativity. Every peace was there. Every. single. piece. With humans as the pieces, perfectly still. The effect was instantaneous. The audience roared in applause- clearly others were moved as I was.

My life was moving into a non-Christian path by this time in my life, but everything about what I saw was so beautiful and spiritual, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doubting my choices at that moment.

I didn't want it to end, but it did have to, as all great performances do. We shuffled out into the street and headed over to Rockefeller Center. People were leaning over the wall to look at the skating rink below. People were everywhere. There were lights everywhere, and the largest Christmas tree I'd ever seen placed before us. It was quite cold and raw, though, and Sean's mom led us to Sak's Fifth Avenue for a little browsing (no shopping... dear lord, the costs were deadly!). Sean and I noticed that they had Santa at Saks, and decided to get our picture taken (my last one, of course). He was, in fact, a very upscale Santa... wearing the finest of velvet clothing and was a man with a real Santa beard.

Only the finest Santa can be found at Saks, after all.

By the time we were done with photos and shopping, it was starting to get late. But Sean really wanted to go back to the ice skating rink. We walked right up-- completely oblivious of the fact that there was probably a line to get onto the ice-- and got right in. We rented skates, and were swirling around Rockefeller Center's ice rink in front of Prometheus within a matter of minutes. It was softly raining, which helped keep a fresh zamboni'ed surface on the ice as we went around. Music from the Christmas Spectacular played. A few more talented skaters did perfect spins in the center of the ice.

We headed back up to Boston that evening on a return bus. Both Sean and I slept most of the way back.

I'm sure the visions of sugar plums came dancing in my dreams.

Not a creature was stirring... thankfully.

Erich and I set up our tree early last week. We bought a real tree this year, cheating by going to Lowes to purchase it rather than at one of the many lots in the area. We probably paid more for the tree at Lowes, but it's a pretty Noble Fir, nearly perfectly even all the way around, and was convenient on a day that we were a bit tight on time.

Our tree is decorated with a mish-mash of ornaments from our childhoods, plus some others that we've received in more recent years from my mom or friends, plus others that we've bought ourselves for one reason or another. There's absolutely no theme to it. It's not designer-decorated. It's definitely a hodge-podge tree. :)



Noby's under the tree, checking out ornaments. He's been a bit hyper with the tree so far, but honestly not too bad. I've only had to collect maybe six ornmanets so far.

Gus has moved on from attacking the tree to relishing the crack-cocaine for all cats: tree water.



No real tree in a house full of cats is complete, after all, without cats drinking the tree water. It's the only water bowl they'd drink out of, if it were available 24/7 this month.

Setting up the tree was a bit of an adventure, however, and its tale is today's Holidailies entry...

Last year, we didn't put a tree up. We knew we'd be going to Pennsylvania for Christmas and didn't feel comfortable leaving a tree up for days on end with the cats unattended, particularly since Gus had managed to kill the Christmas tree the year before by literally body slamming it to death. So our ornaments were packed away in those fantastic Rubbermaid ornament boxes in our storage space for two years.

With trepidation, we began decorating the tree this year. Gus is now two and slightly past his completely crazy kitten stage, but he still gets "the rips" rather often and can do a ton of damage now that he's MonsterKitten. Add to that two nearly 5-month old kittens, and the tree is a recipe for disaster.

So to avoid some of the issues, we set up the tree in the sunroom, which has a door that can lock the tree away from frantic felines, yet is a glass door so we can still enjoy the sight of it while sitting on the couch. This gives us peace of mind when we're at work, too, because the cats are simply not allowed in the sunroom right now.

The super fragile and old ornaments that we didn't want to risk with kittens were kept wrapped in the ornament boxes. Everything else is either shatterproof or up on the tree high enought so as not to have to worry about them.

We have two boxes of ornaments. Erich was working through one box, and I was going through the other. These boxes have the cardboard compartments for ornaments, which I love. Out of habit, I still wrap everything in tissue paper and put them inside the cubbies, though. My parents had lots of those handmade beaded ornaments (with all of the pushpins), and to make sure they didn't come loose while carrying boxes, everything was well-wrapped.

I completed the first layer of cubbies and got to the lower layer. To my relief, it was mostly an old set of pink satin & lace balls that my parents had used on garlands going up the hallway stairs. Most of these balls were unwrapped. But in the center cubbie, I noticed a shredding of tissue paper that filled one single cubbie all the way to the top of the square.

"Erich, did you have some frustration with tissue paper when we packed these up?" I asked, intending to tease him about some inner tissue anger management issues, pointing at the cubbie.

Erich looked at it, confused, and said no.

I said something joking in return, but noticed he was looking at it quietly.

"You know, that looks like a mouse house," he said.

I stop smiling. Wait a minute... was this the box that had the broken snap lock on it? I thought.

I nervously took a dead twig from our branch scraps and poked it into the top of the tissue paper, and lifted up. Almost immediately, the tissue paper broke to reveal a pillowy, gauzy material that looked shredded and very... nestlike.

Oh. My. God.

Then I saw the traces of mouse in the bottom of the tub-- small mouse droppings. Honestly not many at all- whatever mouse was living in here must not have stayed too long. But enough to prove that yes, it was, in fact, a mouse house. Erich moved over, and pointed out that there were holes across the top of the cardboard cubbies.

"Let's get this tub to the kitchen now," he said.

A good idea, too-- because a couple of kittens were starting to get mighty interested in this tub and the smells of rodent that remained within.

We carried it to the kitchen, where Erich grabbed a set of cheapo tongs and a trash bag to start pulling out the nest. It quickly became apparent that the pillowy material was the remnants of one of the satin balls-- shredded into its softer, warmer form. About a half-dozen other balls were partially shredded, too, and had to be tossed out.

The majority of the balls, thankfully, were untouched and unstained. Erich put them aside in another box. Sometime before we pack everything up, I'll go over each of the balls with the rubber gloves, Lysol, and Nature's Miracle to clean them thoroughly. For the time being, the now empty box is out in the garage-- also to be Lysolled thorougly before we pack the ornaments away again.

*shudder*

It makes for interesting memories, though. That's for sure.

Drowning in Rivers of Satin

Growing up, I had the typical girly-girl dreams of marriage in a church, a long flowing train behind me, with all of my family and friends beaming as I walked up the aisle in some completely poufy, princessy dress. Somewhere along the way, I'm sure I also dreamed that flowers would sprout from the imprints of every footstep, and fairy godmother-like billows of glittery love would spread out during the wedding, too.

To sum up, I seemed to want a Barbie doll wedding.

And that's rather odd, considering I never was big on Barbie dolls as a kid. Poofy dresses however, I craved. If my parents would have allowed it, I guarantee I would have been wearing 50's era circle skirts complete with criolines to school every day. As it was, I was able to get out of the house wearing them fairly often. :)

So when it came to dreaming of a wedding dress, something completely utterly (insert swoon) romantic would be the only thing that would do, right?

Well, fast forward about twenty years, and the entire concept of wedding dress hunting has become a nightmare. I no longer have the slender, dancer’s figure that I did in high school. I’ve definitely swerved from girly-girl to tomboy. I avoid almost all things frilly, glittery, and most of all… pink. I swear that Cinderella's evil stepmother is physically in the dressing rooms, ready to cackle and condemn me-- only me, for both my size and horrible appearance in a wedding gown. Nightmare in White Satin-- that's sure to be me, once I get a dress. Whomever goes to a fitting with me is sure to have her eyes burned out of her sockets by the horror of the vision in front of them.

My friends, being the wonderfully patient women that they are, insist that I’m over-reacting, attempting to calm me down while at least visibly resisting the urge to roll their eyes at my frenzy. A couple of them offer to go with me, especially after early signs of my mom becoming Motherzilla-of-bride this summer.

I was fully prepared to be calling them in a panic this spring because omigoditsonlysixmonthsawayandidonthaveadress would be setting in.

But then the first dress sampling came with no fanfare. We walked right into a salon, no appointment, completely out of the blue, last Friday. We did this while we were on a hunt for shoes for my mother for her holiday party. The store next door to the dress salon was a specialized shoe store, and my mom wanted to “just pop in” to the dress shop “since we were there.”

It was quiet, being around 11 a.m. on a Friday. The woman working at the shop was quite welcoming and not at all pushy. They had a limited number of plus-sized dresses. Everything was sold off the rack there, so it was a “what you see is what you get,” plus alterations as needed.

The largest dress they had was a size 24. The woman also recommended trying on a size 22. This surprised me because everything I’ve read about wedding gowns suggested that they tend to run small, and I wear a 24 or 26 in street clothes. The dresses that were available were all in their protective bags, so we eliminated gowns by the decoration on the bodices to start. We came up with two to try.

And almost immediately, I groaned as I went into the dressing room—because this just HAD to be the day that I was wearing my comfy slack-off day leopard-print mesh underwear. JUST what I want to be showing off to my mother and some complete stranger as they help me step into wedding dresses.

Ugh.

Ah well, suck it up and deal. It wasn’t like I was wearing the right kind of bra for this, either. It was a basic utilitarian white day.

The first dress was the size 22. It was very pretty and light fabric, which I was specifically looking for. It was a straight-cut neckline with tiny spaghetti straps, champagne colored, and elegantly beaded all over the bodice. The a-line skirt and train were plain. The train was designed to bustle nicely in back.

My mom helped me into the dress—I was surprised just how much help was needed to get into it. But it closed! A Size 22! And it wasn’t pulling! Mentally I was bouncing and screaming in glee that a 22 was fitting. Because THAT meant I had some size room for dresses, and I wasn’t doomed be trying on sizes 28 or 30, as I was lead by the bridal magazines to believe would be happening.

The dress now on, I tiptoed, dress hem lifted in hands, over to the alteration area and up on a dias. Mirrors surrounded me. And there I was, standing in my first wedding dress ever, looking in the mirror at the reality of what was coming up in my life for the first time, my mom beaming as she helped adjust the train to trellis down the stair.

Holy shit, this is weird.

And I really, really liked the dress. I’ll put it on just a smidge off of feeling like a princess. It fit quite well, too—in my incorrect undergarments for the special occasion, only a few spots would need tucks and alterations. Nothing needed to be let out. It was all taking in. The sales clerk gave me some ideas on how they could alter it, including adjusting the back if I preferred to have a ribbon lattice look, but did declare that it was fitting quite well for a first try, especially for wearing an everyday bra.

My mom loved it, too.

But I resisted the urge to do “THIS ONE!” immediately, given it was the very first dress I’d tried, AND we hadn’t checked out the reputation of the salon or their policies.

I went back to the dressing room to try on the second dress.

To sum up the second, it didn’t fit well at all—the fabric was heavy and sat on me even heavier. The cut hit me wrong. Although for the first time in years, I felt very tiny in the boob department—whomever this dress was cut for must be a fat chick porn star who’d gone over to Europe for the huge implants—because the bustline was easily four times the size of mine. That, or it was designed for me to rest one of our cats during the wedding ceremony. Because… damn. It had to be somewhere in the M-range for cup size.

That is about all that should be noted about that second dress.

So back to the first dress…. ;)

Last night, I talked to Mom briefly just to catch up on things from the weekend after she left, thank her again for all that she did for us for the house, and share some amusing stories about the combination of a Christmas tree and four month old kittens.

I mention to her that I did really like that dress. She gushed about it over the phone. But then I said "But I don't want to rush into it too quickly. I mean, it's the first one that I tried on..."

She replied, "Well, you bought the first house you saw, didn't you?"


She does have a point...

;)

Catching up

Ugh, I didn't expect it to be a week before I caught up on an entry. It's been a crazy week, kicking off the holiday season in its usual fashion.

Thanksgiving was quiet and relaxing. My turkey recipe absolutely rocked. (and yes, I'll post it sometime in the next week, in case you need holiday recipe goodness). I'm seriously going to challenge my mom's turkey with this recipe. I may even beat her. :) There were only three of us for Thanksgiving dinner-- Erich, his dad, and myself. So several of the things I'd planned to make were put off to the side. It seemed pretty pointless to make so much. We had plenty of leftovers as it was.

I honestly loved it, though. It didn't quite feel like Thanksgiving since it was such different surroundings and nothing routine from what I'd done in years past, but a good start to the new house.

The day after Thanksgiving, Erich had to work. I spent the day getting some stuff done around the house and going grocery shopping for the weekend. By around 4:30 p.m., both of us were on the way to Cape Cod from completely different directions-- Erich from Boston and myself from Providence.

All day on Friday, though, the warning bells were sounding-- I was getting an increasingly irritated throat, signifying the impending cold that would hit me like a hammer. Erich had been sick the previous few days, even having to take a day off because he felt so lousy. As it looked, I would get slammed at the LAN party on the Cape. *sigh* Joy.

LAN parties are always a weird experience. It's basically a group of people huddled in a somewhat darkened living room with headphones on, shooting at each other or working together toward a specific goal for hours on end. Junk food abounds. Soda is drunk by the gallons. And if you hadn't gained weight at Thanksgiving dinner, the couple days afterwards were sure to pack on the pounds.

The cold hit me on Saturday afternoon, forcing me to crash out in bed by around 10:30-- which is really shitty for a LAN that usually goes to 4 a.m. each night. But I did have a good time for the limited amount I did play. Call of Duty 2 seemed to be the hit game of this year's LAN. It is a beautiful game graphics-wise, and even I was able to do a fairly good job. :) I still am an Unreal Tournament 2K4 and Ghost Recon fan, though.

We came home late Sunday afternoon and promptly went into slack-off mode to unwind and get sleep. I felt like shit, but I knew I had to go work Monday because I was taking my last couple vacation days later in the week. Bleh.

My mom and Jim came up on Wednesday night, driving a small U-haul trailer full of used furniture, paintings, and decorative knick-knacks for the house. We have matching furniture now! :) Every room has something. I can already see that the sunroom will become my favorite stitching room-- it's going to be so cozy and relaxing in there. I can't wait to get it painted and finished!

Mom agreed with an idea originally suggested by Kevin that Erich took to: move our TV in the living room to another section of the room. The problem has been that we brought our big green comfy couch with us to the house when we moved in-- but it's one of those long 92" ones. It was simply too long for the dimensions of our living room, but we dealt with it by putting it in the only space it really would fit. THe problem was that it blocked the beautiful large arch between the dining and living rooms. I knew it had to change, but I didn't like the idea of the big couch moving into the space Kevin suggested.

Mom solved it in two ways-- she brought up a loveseat and large chair w/ottoman that DO fit into that suggested space. We moved the green sofa out into the sunroom-- it's a sage green color, so it will fit in with the sunny, earthy feel of that room anyway. The loveseat and chair can be spaced now to open up that arch, and when we move it, the arch will be completely free so we'll be able to set up our gaming tables or extend a long dining room table as needed.

For now, the TV isn't moved. We need to drill a hole in the floorboards of the living room to run the TV cable over in the cellar before we can move anything. My mom also had some great ideas for curtains and colors to decorate. I'm a bit wary of some of them, but she's offered to send samples of the wallpapers she's thinking of so we can see them-- and I'm willing to at least consider them before we make final decisions.

We did a ton of shopping the past two days. My feet hurt like hell. My mom is an insane shopper. I'm honestly thankful I skipped this development as I grew up.

Erich and I are having a big birthday party for one of our friends tonight who really needs all of the love and emotional support from his friends as he can get right now. Mom offered to come over and play around with what we have in the friedge and make some munchie plates for us (yay!). We'll get some lunch together. She'll give her furry grandkids some last minute love before she and Jim get on the road. And Erich and I will be getting our tree so we can hopefully have it up and decorated by the party tonight. :)

Wedding updates are coming next entry! :)