Stuffages

I'd say not much has happened recently, but it has been a busy couple weeks. Just a blur of a couple weeks.


The bad stuff:

- Mom was laid off last Friday. It wasn't completely unexpected, though. She works in real estate, and the company had been stripping off personnel all year. I left a message for her to commiserate, but she headed off immediately for a vacation week at the beach. So I haven't talked to her yet. I'm gathering that the beach week means she's okay, though.

- Been sick for the better part of a week with some annoying low-grade thing that just will not leave me alone. I had a couple days in it that were very miserable with multiple trips to the bathroom for a couple different issues (ahem). Feeling a bit better, but I'm still obnoxiously tired all the time. Just drained.

- Work's been stressful due to the people I work with. Nothing new, but it hasn't helped matters.

The good stuff:

- Been doing my writing for Support Stacie. I'm about 1/2 done with wiggiemomsi's fic (hooray!), and then will start on the shorter after-pieces to thank other high bidders. Wiggie's should be done by mid-next week, then off to beta. The others I'll do on my week off at the end of the month.

- I HAVE A WEEK OFF AT THE END OF THE MONTH. Yay! First vacation week since the UK last fall. I need it so badly.

- Went last weekend to the University of Rhode Island for their spring farm fair. The masters students in life sciences grow plants in the college greenhouses over the winter, then sell them as a fundraiser. I got three different tomatoes (already large enough that they're staked), a jalapeno pepper plant, mixed basil, parsley, garlic chives, and 2 lavender seedlings. We're going to build a raised bed this weekend to plant everything. :)

- Mom's offered to come up when I take time off to help decorate the house - badly needed, since we haven't done a thing since moving in. I cannot wait to get rid of our loud, 1970's era wallpaper. She has ideas for the kitchen, and I will happily go along with them since I have no decorating sense whatsoever.

- My clothes are too big, and I need to buy new ones not only because mine are worn - but because THEY ARE TOO BIG ON ME. Woots!

- We're selling the Jeep to a guy who wants to fix it up as a second car project. Only getting $600 for it, but due to the amount of work needed, we're cool with it. And it's more than we'd get for a donation. It's not trade-in worthy, since it doesn't run.

- Soon, hopefully, I will have a new car. We've decided, barring issues with a test drive, on a Honda Fit, quite possibly in "Blue Sensation Pearl" which is so TARDIS looking, it's hysterical. And this car is definitely "bigger on the inside" than it appears. Heh.

(sigh) Measi(dot)Net problems

If you read Minare's blog, please don't panic. She didn't delete it - but somehow everything in measi(dot)net disappeared when I was adjusting a blog setting for myself from Blogger to WordPress to experiment with it.

Experimentation did not go as planned. *forehead smack*

Fortunately, since she uses Blogger, she'll be able to republish and all of her entries will come back into being.

In the meantime, I apologize for broken links. Things will get back to normal ASAP.

Regards,
Melissa

Randoms

Dragons that need clicks. :) (I guess the Dragon Cave is somewhat back up... I dunno)




Erich and I saw our best man's production of The Sound of Music at one of the local all-girl Catholic academies this weekend. He directs both plays per year at the school, with his mother as the long-time musical director & a brother helping with backstage work. Very, very good, especially for a high school performance. Two girls in particular, twin sisters, have the most amazing voices. Something genetic runs in that family!

Sunday was a lazy day. I made corned beef & cabbage. It takes too long to cook on a weeknight with my commute schedule (really don't want to eat at 11 pm). It was delicious as always, and worth the time needed to cook it. My recipe includes beer & a bunch of spices in the boil pot, so it definitely doesn't come out with the "bland" flavor that a lot of people associate with boiled food. We have a bunch leftover, so I think tonight's going to be a leftovers night. :)

It's one of those dinners I should make more often, but we only cook it for St. Patrick's Day. I suppose it's mostly because it's something I really can only make on the weekend. It takes about 4 hours, all told. It's kind of like turkey - I love making it, but just don't that often due to the time involved. But really, neither are THAT complicated. Most of the time the food's just cooking on its own. *shrug*

I signed up for Netflix finally... I know I'm a bit behind the times on it, but it's honestly been more due to the fact that I just didn't have the time to watch a lot of DVDs until recently. Now that things are slowing down, and the weather's better so I can safely transport the laptop on the train again... it made sense.

I'm starting out with the John Adams miniseries on HBO last year. (And no, there's no spoilers here - unless you don't know how the American Revolution turned out). I'm three eps in, and it's very, very good. The actors are phenominal, and the scenery is gorgeous. I like that while it's definitely from the American perspective (and New England perspective in particular), some of the ugliness of the American side is being shown, too. AND... it shows the Founding Fathers in more realistic ways than we normally get in our glorified history classes here in the States. I'm appreciating that these men have flaws and limitations to what they achieve, the fighting between them, and how the "some things never change" bumbling when they see the European heads of state, who look down their noses at the silly new worlders as children... makes sense.

It's also surreal to see Boston's portrayal. Seeing places that I see all the time - the old State house, the wharves, etc... and then the places that don't exist anymore, particularly the hills. I realize I live in one of the hotbeds of early American history, but I'm finding that I'm starting to take it all for granted. It's wonderful to see it refreshed again.

Colley's going to the vet tomorrow for another round of dental cleaning & tooth extraction. *sigh* Poor cat. He's going to be gummy within a few years at this rate. Granted, he is getting older (he's 10), but man, he has poor teeth genetically. He'd lost a good deal on his own before he was 5. We had to have a couple more pulled 2 years ago (including one of his front fangs.. so now he's a snaggletooth). Poor guy.

Thank goodness for tax refunds, eh? Kitty dental work doesn't come cheap.

Blessed Ostara

Shocking, I know - I haven't posted here in eons. I'll be honest - it's mostly due to my webhosting having new password requirements, and I keep having publishing problems. *sigh* I've been debating switching the whole thing over to WordPress, so it's all internal on my site.

We'll see how crazy the year is - maybe I'll entertain myself and geek out with some reformatting. The site definitely needs it.

So let's see... quick bullet status updates for me...


- Erich and I are well. Married life continues to be good
- Still employed, as is Erich. Matt is still searching
- I've lost some weight. (Hooray!)
- Focusing on redecorating my house this year
- We're going to see Billy Joel & Elton John in concert this summer
- Finished some fanfic (finally!)
- I've joined a charity auction to be held in two weeks: Support Stacie


One of my quiet goals for Ostara was to start writing here more often. Proper journal entries like I have in the past, meandering if I need to. I'm feeling the need to do some reflection writing again. So hopefully I'll be able to stick to it.

But for now... back to work. :)

Monday musings...

Just because I haven't in a long while, I'm posting this to my blog at measi.net, too...

This past weekend was a bit odd and scatterbrained. A good one, and for the most part I finally feel like I had a productive weekend that didn't leave me feeling like crap for not doing XYZ. I did some chores. I did some writing. I also goofed around. So all in all - the balance I needed.

Friday night was the X-Files movie, which I did enjoy even if I was well aware going in that it wasn't going to be fantastic. It was fun. I think it was definitely geared more toward existing fans, and I don't expect many new fans of the series to come from this movie. But eh, no big deal. Enjoyed it, loved seeing Mulder and Scully go on another adventure together, and laughed along with many others in the audience. So good times. :)

On Saturday, Ivanna was up in the area, and the original plan had been to get together, but the party she said was happening was a bit too far away for our tastes, so we wound up not going. I'm going to have to plan some sort of a weekend to go down Easton-NJ way and see people instead.

We did finally get some good yardwork done on Saturday - the trumpet vines and wild honeysuckle needed to be tamed back quite a bit in the front yard along with weeds that had managed to grow taller than Erich (no... really. 6'4" foot high weeds). Thankfully with rain, they pulled right out of the ground, so it wasn't too difficult of work for me. Erich mowed a decent amount of the yard, and it's starting to look somewhat tamed back.

I focused a majority of this weekend on writing - my ficathon deadline was extended until August 2nd, and while I know where the story is going, I've really been having difficulty getting the "that's what we need to do!" point in the story out through my fingers and move properly. Lots of characters spinning around waiting for me to figure out where they're going. The irony is that the next chapter is already 3/4 written - so it's a basic "get from point A to point C" type situation. But my brain just has not been able to write in a way that I'm happy with.

I realize that I could be a complete slacker, ignore the years of "show, don't tell" that was beaten into me with every writing course I've taken. And yes, I realize it's fanfic and nothing earth-shattering and that it doesn't have to be good. I see fanfiction, however, as a way to practice and perfect writing - working on creating strong, fluid dialogue, improving story pacing, etc. It's a bit of a writer's workshop to me. So even though it's not for a grade or wage, I do take it seriously - perhaps too seriously.

Anyway, I think I've got the solution, and it's progressing nicely now - albeit a bit slower than I would want. I really need to push to get the chapter done today so I can get it to beta tonight and allow folks appropriate time to check them over. I'm concerned that the last two chapters may wind up too late for beta work, and I'll just have to risk it on my own.

Worst comes to worst - I had a half-day planned for Thursday. I'm already planning to spend a good portion of it at Borders writing.

More distractions were added to the home this weekend, too. Matt bought a copy of Lego Indiana Jones (which, from the little I saw, was absolutely hysterical). We also picked up our copy of Rock Band. The guys jammed a bit last night - I was offered the singer position, but I only recognized one of the three initial songs, and couldn't sing it anyway, so I just sat and watched (I generally hate to sing in front of other people. I can carry a tune okay... but I don't have a particularly strong voice and am just a bit too shy about it. That's why I play an instrument instead).

I also picked up two Sims2 expansions, although my CD-ROM drive seems to have died again... so it's off to purchase a new one before I can install.

Busy, busy, busy...

And now off to work!

Updates, stuffage, and such

It's been kind of a long time since I posted... thought I should do an update since I have some quiet time to myself today...

First, I'm doing just fine, aside from a small health issue. So's Erich, so are my parents, and so is my brother. Just busy. Really busy.

Work's great. Nothing big to really report there. I'm happy where I am. :) Only news somewhat related to work is a 7-alarm fire that happened on Friday next door at a 4-generation run seafood distributor. I've put pictures up in my Flickr account. Today they're tearing down the ruins, and the smell is horrid. 60,000 pounds of lobster plus whatever other fish/seafood remains? Ick. I'm just thankful it's rainy and in the 60s today, not the 90s.

The final part of Erich's Mom's estate is hopefully to be resolved soon - he and his aunt are selling the house that they inherited via Erich's grandparents. Just waiting on the town to approve the septic system upgrade that was required. Having that house out of our responsibility will be fantastic. Talk about a money pit. *sigh*

I'm recovering from an annoying back pull that happened three weeks ago. It's so stupid - I was picking up a binder at work. Completely harmless thing, but I moved just the wrong way. Three weeks later, I've gone through a round of muscle relaxers and percocet, and I'm dealing with a pinched nerve that teases me some days with going away, and flaring up on other days. *sigh* I only missed one day of work, but I am getting extremely tired of limping. Gimpy!Mel is in full force.

Thoroughly enjoying the new series of Doctor Who. Catherine Tate is fantastic, and the timing between she and Tennant is hysterical. Sad to think that after this series ends, there are only a couple specials to fill a long wait until 2010. *sigh*

BUT... I do get to see Tennant (and Patrick Stewart) in Hamlet in a few months over in the UK. Really can't complain!

Absolutely thrilled about Obama's victory. I hope that Clinton supporters will vote Democrat this year - I know a lot have threatened to switch to McCain, but I would hope with all that's at stake, that they would continue with the party. We need change in this nation. Bush's presidency has been an absolute disaster, and although the majority of the nation has finally come to realize what many of us who knew this years ago (but were denounced as unpatriotic), I don't know how this nation will vote. But of course, everyone should vote his/her conscience. *crosses fingers* Change needs to happen.

So yeah - I'm fine. Just been busy, as always. :) Granted, I don't even know if anyone still reads this blog!

Best,
Mel.

Jury Duty, Day One

The court released us early today (hooray!), so I'm home at 2:30 p.m. It was a very unexciting morning. Showed up, took the jury oaths, watched a very school-like "Jury Duty rah-rah-rah" video... then went back to the jury lounge, where I waited the morning away.

Apparently there were three potential cases, but none required juries - so we were released at noon. I took advantage of the nice day and walked down Benefit Street, admiring the buildings of Old Providence & the lower part of Brown University campus, grabbed lunch on Wickenden Street again... and then walked downtown, past the canals, to the bus stop.

The court gave us the choice of either free parking validation or RIPTA bus vouchers. I took the latter. Bus ride home was relatively quick. Drops me off a block from the house. Not bad.

The one good thing about jury duty? I got a decent amount of draft writing done. About six pages in my notebook longhand. :)

I do have to report again tomorrow - service is a mandatory two days here in Rhode Island. Apparently until only a few years ago, it was a mandatory two WEEKS. Eep!

At least it's better than my experience in Boston for Grand Jury... I was quite thankful to see seats in a room, rather than the floor in a hallway I got in Boston several years ago.

So I have the rest of the afternoon to get stuff done. Was feeling a bit bleh yesterday, so I'll try to catch up on some stuff today to make me feel like I didn't completely blow the weekend away.

Whee.

Tomorrow morning? I vote in the primaries. Then back to the court. Armed with little writing projects to do.

Weekend Wrap-Up

In addition to continuing LJ drama... I was a slacker for the long weekend.

So my ten plus hours of World of Warcraft on Saturday wound up being probably about eighteen or so over the weekend. Included in said WoWing was:

- Two full instances (Shadow Labs and Arcanium), to help scuba_mo, aka Basmon, with his key quest for Karazhan. I hadn't completely run either before, even though I was keyed for Kara - I was pulled into the instances for the key quests both times. :)

- Twelve Netherstorm area quests cleaned out of my quest log with Basmon & Erich (aka Abudiabudie)

- Nine daily quests

- Respecced Tennetty, created macros for her shots, and worked on the timing for said new shots (this will continue this week before I go back into Kara... I don't feel comfortable quite yet with it).

- Resupplied Tennetty after she picked up tremendously good equipment in Karazhan during last week's raids. My personal haul on 2/14 included my new cloak, chestpiece, legs, and boots. Had to buy all new gems for sockets, get new enchants, and upgraded the enchant on my axe. All told, about 550 gold spent, so finishing the quests in Netherstorm to save up some gold was appreciated. I still need to get the supplies for my gun scope, and hopefully upgrade one of the red gems because nothing I was thrilled with was in the AH.

Her spiffy upgraded spec looks like this now: http://www.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Eonar&n=Tennetty

- Rolling up little noob blood elf females on Eonar with the boys late on Saturday night, and just running around the starting area with the quests... mostly nekkid. Absolutely stupid, silly stuff - but fun. And yes, the threesome included a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. :) We're thinking we should totally make a silly named blood elf female guild for absolutely no reason other than to run around nekkid and tease other players online. If anyone else is interested for shits & giggles, roll up a female BE on Eonar, and then send a mail message to "Quela". :)

- Levelled my lowbie Druid, Silverhoof, up one more level.

Yeah, I'm a geek. Slacker geek.

I did, however, be practical for a bit yesterday and went out to buy new clothes since my old ones were getting... worn (or are ready for recycling/trashing). We went straight to the mall, so I went to Lane Bryant. Bought three new pairs of work pants (yes... blue SIX... friggin' salespeople, I TOLD YOU), two new twinset sweaters, and a new pair of pj's. All costing about $230. There were a few other nice pieces, but nothing that really, REALLY caught my eye. I may look around at Macy's and at the other plus-size stores in the area come next paycheck. My wardrobe needs an overhaul - and a cleanout.

But yeah - total slacker weekend. Which I honestly needed. I feel much better now, and feel up to tackling things again.

Looking forward to the weekend

I'm a bit off-center this morning, mostly because Erich's cough sent him into the guest bedroom last night so he didn't have to feel paranoid about being restless (and allowing me to get some sleep). Very considerate of him, particularly since I am such a shitty sleeper as it is.

I did sleep, but I swear, even while asleep, I had this weird sense about being alone in the bed. Marriage is clearly getting to me. :) Not that we haven't slept in the same bed for six years now, of course... but still... there's a LOT of room for one person in a king-sized bed.

The extra room, of course, promptly filled up with cats. I woke up with three balls of fur in various spots on the mattress. I imagine at least one of the additionals was with Erich, playing nurse kitten. Hoodsie was undoubtedly downstairs on his ottoman. Cat #5 (whichever it was) was... wherever.

I have a lot to do this weekend, but I'm intentionally forcing myself to take as much of Saturday as possible to curl up in my office and do some brain-dump style writing. Whether on my OSK fic, other fic ideas, or just random schlock writing. I need to get myself comfortable with my own thoughts, and I just need to make the time for it. As I told Erich last night - what I really need to do is just set aside a day, dump off all of my chores and errands as "will do later" and just let myself go for it. If I plan other things to do, I won't be able to relax and write. It just won't happen at all.

So that's tomorrow's plan. We'll see what comes of it. I do have a lot of little snippets of ideas churning, so it literally may just be writing 100 word images in my head that have absolutely no coherancy beyond the immediate images. But hey, they'll be down in print. And I can see later if something comes of any of them. I just need to get them OUT. If I'm getting too distracted at home, a trip down to Borders for a pot of tea may be used as well.

Speaking of tea...

The sorority Tea is on Sunday afternoon for the potential new class of pledges membership candidates, so I'll be going up to Boston for the afternoon. Should be fun. Hopefully goes well. Need to remember to go buy a car battery beforehand so I can actually get to Boston, though. That may have to kick off Saturday pre-writing.

I read last night that next week's Torchwood is a double-bill. Eps 5 and 6 will be shown back to back on BBC2. Six is the first of Martha's run on TW... we'll see if something's actually done with her character now that the dreaded unrequited love crap on Who is over.

Hmmm...

Weird Week

This week was rough in a lot of ways - some of it mine/Erich's, but also with friends of mine. 2008 just doesn't seem to be off to a good start, and I'm already in that "do I need to keep my head down?!?" mode.

The me/Erich stuff is the final real battle in dealing with his mom's estate. As part of it, Erich inherited half of his grandparents' house in the town where he grew up in Massachusetts. Apparently his grandmother's name was the only one on the title, and she willed half to each of her daughters, and with Debbie passing, one half has passed to Erich. His aunt lives in the house, but does want to get out of it because it's too much for her to take care of, both size-wise and financially. And this house is NOT in good shape, nor has she even managed to maintain it.

So last week, Erich finds out that back taxes are owed. Next day, he finds out that it's two YEARS of back taxes owed. I can't fathom how his aunt lets TWO YEARS OF HOUSE TAXES slip. I really can't. Seriously... W.T.F?!?

Mind you - we've already dropped a decent amount of money to bail the aunt out here - a sizeable amount of our wedding gift money went towards this. Once I find out about the tax bills? I flip a gasket. Because now I see our tax refund immediately going to this thing - the tax refund that was going to be a sizeable amount of our financing toward the trip to England. And with the house now in that limbo between ownership and foreclosure because of this, I'm even more upset - because the house COULD be lost over this, and said money just disappears.

So Erich and I had a decent row over it. A "go to bed angry" sort of row.

Thankfully, he's pushed forward to get things going on this house. Met with a real estate agent, talked to the town tax board. Got all of his documents regarding the house from the worthless lawyer his aunt had hired up in Massachusetts so he could transfer them to our family lawyer here in RI.

Just a mess. BUT... the house is going on the market next week. Price lowered to be sold "as is." And hopefully there's a buyer out there looking for a project. *shrug* It's in a good town, and the lot itself is lovely (wooded 1/2 acre with wild grapes and such growing on it) in a nice neighborhood. It's just the *house* that needs serious work.

So we'll see.

The other thing this week is that one of our friends, Rob, who I went to college with (and was a roomate with just after college), is very ill and in the hospital. He went in with viral pneumonia last weekend. Took a downturn early this week, and the doctors were forced to intubate him. His heart is enlarged and working at 25% capacity. It's just a nasty situation. Since then, it's been one of those "he's showing some signs of improvement... but..." situations. His heart now is the big focus. They're not sure whether it's due to the pneumonia or due to a pre-existing condition (or a secondary infection), but it's being considered Congestive Heart Failure at the moment. He's going in for a CAT scan and a biopsy in the next couple days, but it's scary, scary stuff. And a lot of it just involves having to be patient, rest, and leave himself up to the doctors who are caring for him.

Mind you - he's 31.

Dealing with one of those "so... how exactly do I recover from this?" situations. The doctors can't say exactly what the long-term damage will be.

Erich and some of the guys went down to New Haven to visit him in the hospital today - they're on their way back at the moment. Hopefully some friends visiting will cheer him up again. He's not so far away that we can't pop down there for a few hours as needed. And thankfully Rob's brother is a nurse at the hospital where he's staying... so at least he has family with him, too.

But it's just so terrifying, these reminders of mortality.

It makes all sorts of stresses pale so much in comparison.

Thursday Thirteen: January Insanity

I haven't posted here on measi(dot)net in a while - it honestly has been slipping my mind. I don't know. I think I just want to keep all of the fandom insanity separate from my blog over here, but it seems that my life is just wrapped in fandom these days... so, eh. I probably just should let it bleed over and give up, eh?

In any case, it's been insane since the beginning of the year, and here's my thirteen things that have been taking over my life since the New Year:

1) Birthday celebrations. I'm 33, had a fantastic birthday with friends over a Pats game and some delicious strawberry hookah smoking.

2) The Patriots. Sundays have been owned by football. Absolutely owned. And I'm loving it. The Superbowl party is in the works. :)

3) Being sick. I fell ill with a cold on New Year's Eve, and still have the annoying cough that goes with it, despite otherwise feeling fine. It's not a painful cough, mostly in the mornings and evenings, but the cold weather (and the hookah smoking on my birthday) didn't help.

4) Fanfic writing. I've been finishing up pieces that were due around the holidays. Got one done and posted last week. Now I'm working on the other one, which I hope to have completed this month. A small idea just snowballed and, with some help from another writer, looks to be a much better, satisfying piece.

5) Work. I've been absolutely insane with work lately. Lots of little projects, lots of paperwork to get through because insurance policies have just renewed as of the first of the year, and lots of really random little things like redesigning the company letterhead (eep!)

6) Torchwood & Doctor Who - Torchwood Series 2 just started airing in the UK last week, and it starts on BBCA this Saturday, along with Doctor Who series 3. Both shows are must-see, IMHO. The second series of Torchwood is already MUCH better than the first. Much slicker, stronger plots, and much more sure of itself. And Series 3 Who? Absolutely wonderful. The first six episodes are a mixed bag, but the last seven are much-watch. Particularly Human Nature, Family of Blood, and Blink which should be on in March. You must watch Blink if you haven't done so. It's a brilliant piece of television, regardless of science fiction leanings. It's up for a Nebula award, and undoubtedly will go up for a Hugo this year (the writer, Steven Moffat, has won for his Who outings the past two years).

7) Money issues. Erich and I have been... let's say, stressed. Partially holidays related, partially increase in heating bills related, and partially issues that come up with his mom's estate. I'm just really worried about financing our trip to England in October.

8) Emotional stuff. Erich's worn down by his mom's estate affairs. I'm worn down from being constantly on the run since, oh, last August. We're both in dire need of a break. Thankfully we're not snapping at each other, but both of us are just exhausted.

9) The weather. Unlike last year, where it was nearly 50 degrees for a good portion of January, it's been quite cold with lingering snow. I think it's contributing to some of the emotional exhaustion.

10) Attempting to get our lives back in order. Vet appointments are being caught up on, getting stuff cleaned around the house, finishing up the final few thank you notes from the wedding, etc. - we have a lot of little projects around the house that we desperately want to get done.

11) Cat issues. Along with the generic vet appointment, we've been dealing with some feline frustration. One of the cats was taking to peeing all over the house. We've added a couple additional cat boxes (one upstairs, one out in the sunroom), and that seems to have stopped most of it. We still have an idiot cat who is apparently going into a cat box and peeing, not realizing its ass is hanging out of the box when it goes, though. Haven't caught the culprit, but somehow I think it's one of our bigger three - Colley, Gus, or Hoodsie.

12) World of Warcraft. Attempting to have some me-time has resulted in a lot of hours playing WoW again, and doing all of the in-game related stuff I've wanted to do but couldn't commit the time to while also planning the wedding. Meaningless to real life, of course, but still a little sense of accomplishment all the same.

13) I really don't have a thirteen. Maybe commuting time? The MBTA continues to suck and get worse. This morning's sightseeing excursion on the commuter rail took us ringing around the city through Dorchester because apparently there was something wrong on the mainline track. Never mind the fact that when we got to the junction where both lines meet up by South Station, there were three trains that came through the main line. AND, our train was forced to wait through three trains coming through (10 minutes, standing still), despite us being the ones that were running 20 minutes late into the station. *sigh*

Will February calm down? I hope so!

Dear Puffs brand tissues -

Your idea to put Vicks Vapor Rub into your tissues was a weird idea, I grant you - I was concerned as I considered the box in CVS this afternoon.

But I decided that I was intrigued, and would do a temporary subscription to your newsletter, seeing that my nose is congested to all hell today and I'd give anything to be able to breathe.

Upon breathing in the instant nose-clearing scent of them tonight? You have won me over. Even though I believe they are strong enough to give me a Vapor Rub high. I can just sit here with a tissue under my nose, and I can breathe! Without taking brain-fogging meds!

Brilliant!

Puffs? I love you. I really, truly love you.

Hangover Friday

I adore Harpoon's UFO beer - but I swear it causes harsher headaches. I really do. *sigh*

Of course, it could have been the glass of Stella Artois I had, too. But I think that was the cause of my slightly queasy stomach during the train ride home last night.

Beh.

In any case, had a good time at my company's holiday party last night. I didn't stay too late, but I was there for about four hours. The food was decent. I loved the place (International Cafe on High Street in Boston). A newer employee in our office does a damned good Grace Slick, based on her karaoke skills last night.

And today, I have off. Which means I'm doing the following in roughly this order:

1) Coffee
2) Finishing Christmas cards
3) Throwing a couple loads of laundry in
4) Throwing a load of dishes in the washer
5) Writing the draft of my pinch-hit piece for OSK
6) Burn the photo CD for my mom
7) Pack for the trip to PA
8) Finish the wedding thank you notes for family I will see this weekend
9) Drop off Christmas cards to the mail

It sounds like a lot, but I'm an admin assistant. I multitask. Well. :) I should have the vast majority of this done by 1 p.m., and then I'll slack off all afternoon.

Holidays and Charity

I've now been involved in the Holidailies writing project in December for three years. To my surprise today, there's an announcement that Holidailies is planning on doing some sort of a charity drive via the site, and that today's prompt was to write about ideas.

I have to admit that I'm a little bothered by this. And to prevent myself from sounding like a grinch, here's why:

Charity, when done correctly, is something that's personal, in my opinion. I don't need to broadcast who I've given money to, nor who I've donated time to. Quite frankly, I don't feel comfortable announcing what I've done because it sounds far too much like grandstanding to me and a case of who's outdonating who. I have my personal interests of where to donate my money and my time, and I leave it at that.

And it bothers me a bit that a few days into Holidailies, there's now a press for charity, and the "if every participant gives xyz"... NO. I understand it's optional to give, but it's the principle of the thing. If you're planning that sort of a side-project, state that up-front. It sounds disingenuous to me a few days into the project. I don't appreciate peer pressure to give - particularly at a time where I'm scraping every penny and every minute of time to figure out what way is up because yes, it's the holidays AND particularly not through a journal portal that has a completely different focus.

And... if for no other reason, I simply don't have the time and energy during the month of December to go research the charitable organization that may be chosen. And yes, I am extremely picky as to where I donate my money and/or time. Because many charitable organizations are tied to larger organizations or corporations that I do not want to associate with if possible.

Donating my money so Holidailies can continue? Fine. No problem.
Donating my money to a charity organization as of yet unidentified? No. Absolutely not.

If you want donations for charity, please get the site up prior to five days before Holidailies starts so folks can research your planned charities.

And I'm sorry to sound grouchy about it, but considering that no one's commenting on my entries for Holidailies anyway, what does my opinion matter, eh?

Cold

Sometime after lunch yesterday, the really cold winter air pressed into Boston. By the time I left work, the temperature was somewhere down around 20 degrees. And me, being the crazy "I fear no cold!" Montanan that I am, was wearing only a padded hoodie. No hat. No scarf. No mittens.

I'd be lying if I claimed I wasn't completely freezing when I exited the train in Providence - but I have a theory about it, see. Because I refuse to lose my Montanan "fear no cold" winter cred.

It's the station's fault. The tunnel where the tracks rest are under the rest of the station - so there's the wind tunnel effect. Plus it's all concrete - unadorned, basic concrete - which means it's sucking the cold in further, right?

Plus there are the metal rails. AND - because I'm on an Acela line, there are concrete railroad ties as well.

See? It's all of the concrete - which is making me cold.

Yeah. That's it.

.

.

.

WHAT?!?

Always off-season

I'm convinced that the stores are completely out of whack with reality about the holiday season.

I know - thank you Captain obvious. Where have I been, eh?

But here's what really bothers me. The season doesn't match with the Season. It's December 1st, and at Lowes this afternoon, all Christmas ornaments were on clearance. Everything 25% off. Never mind the fact that it's still 24 days until Christmas. No. The end-of-season clearance sales now begin just as the true holiday season is just getting started.

I'm sorry. I'm not one of the crazy people who gets into the holiday spirit in... what was it... September? I think that's when the Christmas tree displays were put up at Lowes this year. Kid you not - there was the glowing beacon of Christmas spirit while the summer flowers were just beginning to fade.

Mind you - by the end of September, Halloween stuff is on clearance sale. By the week of Halloween, you can barely find bags of candy to give out. The stuff you do find is the stuff that used to rot at the bottom of the treat bags for being "sub-par." And personally, I don't want to be those neighbors who give out the crappy candy. But if I have Halloween candy in the house for more than a few days, I know I'm going to start raiding the bag. I don't want to buy it in September, guys.

And now the Christmas decorating season is on clearance on the very first day of December. How crazy has this shopping frenzy become? All I hear is the stores complaining about how hard a holiday season it's going to be. Well, rather than overpower a quarter of the year for holiday shopping, condense it, return it to the proper time of year, and possibly those of us who are tired of Halloween and Thanksgiving being speed bumps toward the shopping frenzy would return to the stores.

Worst of it is that trying to keep your business to the stores that actually do observe the proper holiday season is becoming harder to do. Most stores are taking down their holiday decorations the week before Christmas. This makes no sense to me. I mean, it's not a religious holiday to me, but it reinforces just how superficial and economy-based the celebration of the holiday has become.

Oh - and Lowes? Could you actually have the paper leaf bags in stock the week that the leaves have just fallen from the trees, rather than taking them off of the shelves as "out of season" before the leaves even turn color?

Would appreciate it.

Thanks.

What the heck has been up with me...

So, if it weren't obvious, I haven't been posting a lot lately. Although that should be clarified with an over here. Because at LiveJournal, I've been extremely active. For some reason, it's just an easier place to congregate. I dunno - maybe it has some of the ease of the old Diary-X system. I know when people update there because I have friends' lists.

I feel a bit lonely over here at times.

*sigh*

But anyway... I can't believe it's the end of November already. And contrary to the silence in my blog, no... I didn't do NaNoWriMo this year. I signed up, but never really got writing, never felt all that jazzed for it... so... meh.

What HAS been happening is a whole lot of running around since the weekend of our wedding. Absolute madness. Life returning to normal, scrambling to start returning to the things both Erich and I had blown off for months as part of our "planning a wedding, can't talk now!" excuse. It's amazing how off-kilter life gets when planning such a big event. I am finally starting to feel - this WEEK - that I'm myself again. It took two months to feel normal. Insane. I think the wedding took a permanent toll on my ability to remember things, though. I used to have a pretty good memory - but now I barely can remember things week to week. It's maddening.

Married life is good. Honestly, it doesn't feel that different than it did before, although I imagine I'll find little things along the way that feel different. I have an extra ring on the finger, and official documents are slowly being transferred from one name to another. Hearing Erich's last name as my own is a bit weird. But I CAN sign it comfortably, which is a relief. But it's so comfortable saying, "this is my husband."

I take that as a very good thing. Especially being the one who was convinced she'd be alone her entire life.

Now that the wedding's over, we're both moving into our own little worlds again, which always circle one another and about half the time come together - the comfortable balance that we always seem to have.

Erich's been extremely busy with the affairs of his mom's estate. Things are moving along, slowly but surely. Honestly, from what I gather, the vast majority of the runaround work is done. Now it's down to selling the house in Massachusetts that Debbie had inherited half of from her mother (Debbie's sister owns the other half). Selling the house, particularly in this market, will be a challenge. But it will be a huge relief to both Erich's aunt and him. And hopefully it'll be able to move us forward in some house updates that I'd love to get started - like... getting rid of the wallpaper that's partially coming down on its own, replastering, repainting, etc.

Meanwhile, I've been busy on the weekends with all things sorority related, it seems. I've spent a good deal of my weekends since late September up in Boston for one reason or another - alumni meetings, rush events and degrees with the actives. I even took a little sister (kin sister, actually, since I'm alum). His name's Mark. It's odd being officially tied to a line in the sorority again - since my direct line of little sisters died before I graduated from college. But it's fantastic to be tied closer to the chapter as a whole again.

And I've been doing that odd thing that's sprouted up in the past couple years - having a social life. I don't know where this came from. I really don't. But suddenly, I have a fairly large and diverse circle of friends, any of which I can call and say "hey, let's go do xyz on Friday," and actually have them say "sure, yeah!" So weird. I spent so many years as the wallflower that always felt left behind. Having friends that actually WANT to do things together? God, it's wonderful.

The geeky stuff still continues, although not as intense as it used to be. That may return, though. We're just now getting back into a couple Dungeons & Dragons and other tabletop games.

Sports? Oh, gotta love New England right now. :) Well, I guess folks outside of New England don't like us right now. But you know what I mean.

I've continued to dig into all things Doctor Who in my spare time. I'm currently watching the very early episodes... from 1963. I'm still amused how the TARDIS for the most part is exactly the same - even the sound effects! With the WGA strike, I'm thankful for the volumes of Who material I have to dig through. Only 43 years... should keep me busy.

Work continues to go well. I've now been at my job for a year. Other than a few workmates, I don't miss the other place at all. I do find, though, that some of the things people gripe about at my current office simply don't bother me - because they're NOWHERE near as hellish as what I dealt with before. It's just amazing.

And that's about it, I suppose.

Much more to come - Holidailies is just around the corner. :)

Rule #1 about owning a house

That quick "replace the fittings inside the toilet tank so the toilet stops running" afternoon project?

Will never, EVER be just an afternoon project.

Guess what it wound up being? A whole new toilet.

Because the running? Was a slow leak. Which had resulted in FARKING BLACK MOLD growing under our toilet, up the back of the tank, and on the wall. And considering the toilet's at least 60 years old anyway and the bolts wouldn't come undone from the tank without bolt cutters?

We'll solve a couple problems. I'd much rather have a new toilet than just "clean up" black mold. With our allergies? Yeah... remove the source, thanks.

Go to Lowes, get a new toilet - new Kohler with all of the fittings and such in the box for $200. Perfect.

Get home, eat dinner, and then I go upstairs with the bleach and a scrubber to clean that entire area of the bathroom thoroughly to kill any trace of the mold (and just give it a good scrubbing).

So six hours later, Erich's installing the new toilet. And our water connector isn't long enough. So we can't finish installing it.

And it's now 10:30 at night, so the stores are closed.

Mind you - this is our only toilet in the house.


Yay.


*sigh*

Guess tomorrow morning's first events are coffee at a Dunkins with a bathroom and then another trip to Lowes...

Stupid clothing rant

After work tonight, I convinced Erich to head over to the Warwick Mall so I could go to Lane Bryant to grab a new pair of jeans. He agreed quickly because he needed to stop by LensCrafters anyway... and off we went.

So I go in to Lane Bryant, and immediately notice that they have some new trendy "fit yourself to the perfect jean" thing on the wall. Three cuts, based on your waist to hip size. Okay, fine. And here's where it gets annoying - because all of the sizes are now untraditional. So you HAVE to have a salesperson help you to find your size because they have to measure your waist in a similar vein to measuring bras.

*groan*

okay. Fine.

So she gets my size - blue 5. Fine. Whatever. She grabs that and the next size down, a blue 4, and we head to the dressing room.

And I try on the blue 5s. They fit pretty snuggly. They're that effing elasticized denim. And they feel, eh... okay, I guess. But a lot tighter than I prefer to wear jeans. And a bit itchy because they're those elasticized ones and haven't been washed yet.

I'm not thrilled.

And so I go out of the dressing room. She tells me that she thinks they're too big (?!?), and that I should try on the four.

I really disagree with this concept - because I already feel these are too tight. But I humor her. I can't even BUTTON the other ones. I don't even bother to try the universal "OMG get these jeans on" pull. Because if I do manage to get them buttoned, I'm going to have a seriously unflattering camel toe syndrome going on in these things. And that? Ew.

Fuck that. I already think these "5s" fit snuggly.

So I get dressed in my workclothes and come out. Shake my head about the fours and flat out state that I couldn't button them, and that I'm mixed on the fives and want to go bigger. She claims they're going to stretch out - that everyone has brought the jeans back because they stretch out too wide.

And I say, "well, that's good. Because I don't think I'm liking this narrow cut."

Mind you - there's no more relaxed fit jean left in the store- the cut I've been wearing happily and religiously for years. Nice and roomy, comfy, easy to lounge in. And regular denim. All of the jeans are now this elasticized stuff. All based on waist to hip size. Am I the only plus sized woman out there that isn't digging this elasticized denim thing? I mean - it hugs to every flaw in your body. And at a size 26, I have quite a few flaws here. It makes me feel like I'm wearing leggings... which at my size should be banned from anything other than the gym and slacking around the house because they're just awful.

I don't want bootcut. I don't want flare. I just want a basic pair of comfy jeans. Straight leg, roomy fit in the thigh so I can sit down comfortably without my underwear showing in the back.

Is this too much to ask?

And I honestly needed to buy a pair of jeans so I'll have some for tomorrow evening. (and the rare wear-jeans-to-work day tomorrow).

The salesclerk - and the manager - stated that if I didn't like them, I can bring them back post wearing.

*sigh* I caved in and bought a pair - a lighter pair, thank you (because apparently that uber-dark indigo is back in style again... but I refuse to wear Wrangler cowboy new jeans color on a matter of principle). I'm not happy with the purchase, though. I'm going to be making sure to save all tags and receipts - because I do expect these to be heading back early next week.

Had they not have been closed, I probably would have swung by the Avenue to see if they had any normal jeans. They do on their website. But I've been hit-or-miss with their cuts in their store.

Grrrr....

Can't we slightly more conservative early 30's gals just have some decent clothes that are between uber-tight teenager crap and the mumu lazy older woman housedrss stuff?

Please?

Grrr...

Some idiot tried to jump on the train in Providence this morning as the 7:10 train was leaving the station. He got dragged down the platform before the train finally stopped. Farking idiot.

When Erich dropped me off at 7:30, they were just wheeling the guy out - he was sitting up, conscious, holding his arm out straight to support it, and there was a LOT of blood on the removed shoe sitting in his lap.

As always, the MBTA is the bastion of no communication - failing to make any announcement about the situation of the now delayed 7:40 train (which wasn't marked as delayed until AFTER 7:40... I know, because I was physically running down the stairs to the platform at 7:38, when it claimed it was "on time") to find everyone for my train standing on the track, looking confused.

It took 75% of the people waiting for my train to head upstairs, going to the window to ASK for an announcement for them to do anything, and to announce that people not board the train that rolled into the station roughly at 7:45 on the opposite side of the station because that was the 8:10 scheduled train, and that ours would be coming and leaving before that train left Providence.

Seriously - what the hell does it take for communication with the train company? Just TELL YOUR RIDERS THAT THERE'S A DELAY, and confirm the track number. That's all. Simple, to the point. They should not have to go ask for such basic information. Not in a station that is not that busy.

As it was, our train then finally rolled into the station around 7:55 or so (from the yard - it makes no sense that it couldn't have been brought over a bit earlier and just sat at Providence).

And I got in a half-hour late.

Grrrrr...

The weekend, and the future

14 days. Eep!

The bachelor party was easily survived. I, as planned, spent most of my evening on the couch. I did not, as planned, get anything else done. My brain needed a complete break from all things wedding last night, and so that's what I did. I just shut off the phone, took a break, and had a very needed evening to myself.

The unedited Graham Norton episode had me laughing so hard that I went into a coughing fit (and had to stop watching it for a while). Funny stuff. Sometime around 11:30 or so, I threw in my Blackpool DVD and settled down, fell asleep somewhere into episode 1, and woke up when the guys came home - right as the scene in Funny Girls starts. :)

Erich and the guys returned just a bit after 2 a.m., and amazingly, the party broke up immediately- apparently the guys were just exhausted on the bus on the way back from Foxwoods (and most had sobered up by that time). I guess this is the sign of a bachelor party when the guys are mostly in their 30s! Most of the guys went home. I ended up with only Matt, Jason, and Erich's Dad crashing out at our house.

Got up this morning, had coffee and breakfast, and then just relaxed for a while. Some of the guys came back over to watch the Pats game, play board games, and just hang out and plan out characters for Erich's new d20 game he'll be kicking off at some point.

The last folks left around 7:30. Erich and I have just been relaxing since then - I have some laundry going, but otherwise, we're chilling out. We got a LOT of housework done. Other than the kitchen, the entire downstairs is put together and ready for family to see it. The upstairs just needs some work done in my office, and then we'll be good to go.

One very productive thing for today? We bought our full membership to the Royal Shakespeare Company. So as soon as tickets go on sale online for Hamlet? Oh yes, we shall purchase. :)

Reality

Last night, I drove back to Boston after a weekend of couch-lounging, storage box sorting, and general slackerdom.

I dropped her off, and then headed back to Cleveland Circle in Brookline to grab a dinner burrito at Boloco. (because I don't eat there enough during my workweek already). Munched it down, gave Erich a call on my cell, checked my messages (one from from Friday... *sigh* no, I'm horrid with my cell phone), texted her back, cranked my "dance mix" on my iPod, and started to head home.

By taking a right back onto Chestnut Hill Ave, and then a right onto Comm Ave.

No idea why - but that just felt like the right way. Okay. I recognize those weird little "don't know why..." thoughts, and entertained them.

Windows down, music thumping, I drove my way down Comm Ave - swinging by the old apartment on Egremont. Then I continued back down Comm Ave., passing by Hamilton House Hell - now private apartments instead of a BU dorm. Through campus- where life was VERY active with the students who had just returned this weekend. Then by Warren Towers, where I spent two odd dorm years. Through Kenmore Square, which looks nothing like it did when I was a student. Down through the back swing of the Fenway, to St. Botolph Street, to the dead end street, and I stopped...

Got out of the car, and looked up at The Beast for just a bit.

The lights weren't on, but there are colorful drapes in the windows. And there was a cat, resembling how Colley would sprawl, enjoying the beautiful evening weather in the kitchenette window.

And that's where I lost it. Really, honest to god lost it. I sat on the wall where I'd brought Colley so many times to explore outside, and released them.

Holy crap, I'm getting married. Three weeks from today, I will be married, starting a new life (which isn't much different than my current life, yet I know it'll be entirely different). The crying, the depression, the loneliness, the thoughts of ending everything in that one room apartment - all in the past. So far in the past, so foreign.

If you'd asked me seven, eight, nine years ago that I'd have sat there last night, staring up at that three-windowed apartment with a little fear, a little melancholy, a little pride, and then a really fucking huge smile, I'd have laughed insanely at you and told you off. I was the one who would never find someone. I was doomed to be a miserable nerd loner for the rest of my life.

It's a bit overwhelming, honestly.

Of Stitching and Sorority

I'm back at work today. Still coughing, although my lungs seem to be settling down off the morning hard stuff, and I should be okay until late this evening when fatigue will kick them off again. Bleh. But we have a box of Lemon Zinger tea at work, and it will be my friend for the day so I don't try to drink carbonated soda.

It was an odd weekend. Odd because while still being sick, I was perfectly well enough to have people over. And so I did. Masquedbunny, Whishastar and Myownwench came down on Saturday noonish for the day. My somewhat-but-not-really local cross stitch store, With Heart and Soul, was getting out of the stitching business with a massive 50% off sale of EVERYTHING in stock, and since the three of them also craft, it was the perfect opportunity to go grab stuff.

And I did - all of those patterns I've been eyeballing for years, I bought. Don't know if I'll get to them, but hell - they're all 50% off, so I got almost all of the patterns for about $2-5 each. Can't beat that. AND a good chunk of them were the out of print Teresa Wentzler patterns that are impossible to find (the seasonal fairies and the fruit quartet, fellow stitchers?). With Erich's kind help via credit card, I dropped what WOULD have been $260, whacked down to $130.

Boo. Ya.

Anyway, I can't blame the shop owners one bit. Apparently the town of Cumberland has a yearly inventory tax - so basically any of these patterns that sit on the shelves get taxed EVERY YEAR. So much that the owner point blank said - at this point, I can't make back any of the money on them. We're just recouping whatever we can for the least loss possible. So yeah, I can't blame them at all. Shame they're closing. Wish they'd had some more practical hours, though... 10-5 weekdays and 10-6 on Saturdays just isn't realistic for your average adult woman stitcher these days. We work full time, folks. We're not stay-at-home wives. In fact, most of us aren't. *sigh*

But anyway... we went shopping. And then we came back to my place, where we spent the day doing crafty things, talking about life, the sorority we all belong to (these stitch 'n bitches have been the closest thing we have to official meetings after all), and just hung out. Erich kept the drinks rolling for us, cooked food, etc. He was awesome.

The girls left around midnight, and I went on to another one of my semi-sleepless nights due to cough. Whee.

On Sunday, we spent the day doing some small tidy projects around the house. Erich was daring and jumped in to take care of the worst of my office - it's actually CLEAN now! I just need to go through the boxes to put stuff on shelves, sort through stuff for our yard sale/toss out, etc.

Since I was still coughing quite a bit, I forced myself to do small stuff that would keep me mostly on the couch. Any time I started doing stairs, I started coughing. So I caught up on all of the dishes and got the kitchen somewhat scrubbed up (still need to do those scary floors), gathered laundry up (Erich had to do it, though... due to the aforementioned stairs), and then settled on the couch. I took advantage of the forced couch time to sort through my stitching stuff - both the new stuff that was bought on Saturday and everything else that had been bought but not stored.

So I spent about, I kid you not, six hours winding bobbins of overdyed thread & labelling them. I removed all of the patterns that were in plastic bags from said bags and stapled or paperclipped as needed, and put them all in a magazine rack. They can't stay in the plastic - we have cats who think plastic is a food group. They will literally EAT any plastic bag that comes into the house. So yeah... *sigh* And I had a lot to do, because while I've bought stuff over the past year I haven't really done much of my own stitching - I got too involved in round robin stitching last year to concentrate on my own. So it was good to get a sense of some of what I have. The rest will come as I get my office together. And then post wedding, I'll REALLY get back into my stitching - because I'll be too broke to do much else!

It was tedious, but it kept me sitting still and resting my lungs, which is what I needed to do, but I got stuff done, and that's good. I think I watched the entire season of Ice Road on Discovery, too. Those guys? They are crazy. Driving semis over frozen lakes in Canada in the winter? I realize it's the only practical way to get stuff to those mines... but damn.

So all in all, it was a productive weekend, a fun weekend, and still an annoying weekend because of my cough.

Should be an interesting week, too. ;)

Answers to the Thursday Thirteen... :)

Still home sick today - my cough has escalated a bit, so I'm REALLY not moving much today.

Thankfully, SciFi is doing a Series One Doctor Who marathon until two. So that'll keep me occupied. Good thing - I can't go near my supermarket because right next door they're doing American Idol tryouts.

No. Really.

*sigh*

My little treat to myself (and my 'puter) came yesterday... I haven't hooked it up yet, but I seriously can't wait. And yes, it's complete, utterly dorky. But practical - my iPod won't be plugged into my 'puter via a cord near the floor anymore where the cats will think it's a dangle toy. It can safely sit on my desk.

I am a geek. A seriously sad geek.

But it lights up and makes sound and everything!!! :)



*ahem*

Anyway, here are the answers to the Thursday Thirteen. Laughing Muse? I'm very impressed. :)

1) Contact
2) Princess Bride
3) Young Frankenstein
4) Firefly/Serenity
5) Star Wars
6) Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade
7) Field of Dreams
8) Casanova
9) A Christmas Story
10) Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl
11) The Goonies
12) Ghostbusters
13) Logan’s Run

:)
- Mel.

Preventative Sick Day

So... on Day Three of the unexplained cough from nowhere, I decided to stay home to tend to this thing. It kept me up for the better half of the night. Lots of tossing and turning. Bleh.

The thing is, I have a long and annoying history with bronchitis that lasts for months. Not weeks... months. My dad used to drug me up on codeine to try to calm the cough, and THAT wouldn't do it. So when I start getting a random cough that's predominantly dry and hacking, I start getting a bit paranoid. Especially when I'm in the very plausible "I could still be dealing with this late September" range.

I'm not a hypochondriac by any means - except when it comes to bronchitis. I've had enough days of lying on the couch winded with bruised lungs from pain in the past, thanks. I'll be overly cautious here. The kicker is that other than feeling drained from all the coughing, I feel okay. My sinuses are clear. I've had a couple small bouts of fever here and there, I think. But I just SOUND bad. Bad enough that I was getting some annoyed "god, stay home if you have the plague" looks on the train last night.

*sigh* So yeah, preventative sick day.

So after sleeping an extra hour this morning, I came back downstairs to my still delightfully warm cup of hot coffee, and flipped on the TV. Ooh... X-Files. Sick day with X-Files on SciFi. I can do this. Oh, but it's the damn Chupa-thingy episode. *sigh* Why is it always the crappy episodes that show on sick days?

Dammit.

Still, it's being filtered with a ton of ads for Doctor Who tomorrow night. At least I know the show's actually being advertised now. ;)

In any case, while I will be resting, I'll make the day somewhat productive too. The key is to do stuff that won't require me to be physically active, because that's when I really start to cough. So it's a day where I find things that can be done sitting down. I have a ton of various paper to get through & shred (old bills, etc.) that can be done easily while I stay relatively still. And since Victory over Japan Day on Monday has delayed our trash pickup until tomorrow, I can get it into recycling immediately.

I'm going to push to finish something for the Anywhere but Cardiff ficathon so I can send it to beta. Anyone available for some draft reading this weekend if I get it to you? I figure if I at least get the first portion of it posted for the ficathon, I'll be happy. But I am really going to push to finish it so it doesn't become another floating unfinished WiP.

Soniced_Up sent me Chapter 3 of her fic to beta. I'll most likely work on that today so I can turn it right back around. by the weekend. She has an interesting idea going for her ficathon piece, IMHO. I'm interested to see where it's going.

---

Thanks to everyone who replied to me about my wedding ranting yesterday (mostly over on LJ). I do appreciate it, and I'm relieved to hear that while I may be a bit whiney and crabby about all of this, I'm not being a bridezilla. I haven't replied to everyone basically because I got busy yesterday, and then last night was just drained due to this cough. But I do need to get back to people's comments all over the place now.

Erich has been doing an awesome job of tracking down our missing RSVPs. He's whittled the list down by about half already. As of last count, I think he said we have about 20 more people to track down for answers. Which is awesome, because between the two of us we have about a half-dozen people who have become bigger parts of our lives since the original invite list was put together, and we want to have the room to invite them. AND... my aunt asked yesterday if my cousin can bring her boyfriend (which I said I'd get back to her on, depending on what the headcount is).

Now I just need my parents to return my calls so we can get the transportation issues solved - and in my dad's case, hear from him on my proposed father-daughter song so I can get the list to the DJ and strike THAT off my list.

I may whine about this wedding planning, but I am still plodding along. Slowly but surely.

Today, just a bit slower than other days. :P

Friday Morning Musings

A very happy 33rd to my other half, Erich (occasionally popping on my LJ as , in case anyone was wondering who that was...). :) He's now a year older than me, at least for the next few months. *grin*

We'll be doing some sort of dinnery thing, per his interest, tonight after work. His dad & Linda are coming down tomorrow for lunch and some hangout time, and then Erich will be heading off to geek with the guys for the evening, and I'll probably curl up in front of the telly with those Chris Eccleston DVD's I still haven't watched.

My office had its summer conclave yesterday, where we did an annual update meeting and then broke into groups to do community service around Boston, and then met back up for lunch and some celebratory drinking. My group went to a playground in Charlestown, where we spread mulch over the entire playground area, did some trash cleanup, and some weeding. It looked quite good when we were done. But oh, my back is still tired. I'm not so much sore anymore, but the muscles in my back are just fatigued, which is causing everything to ache. So it's one of those "good" aches, but still, gah, I'd much prefer to be in bed where I can rest my shoulders.

I've finished the initial beta work on both of the short pieces I promised to do. So those will get mailed off later today, once I do a final read through on each.

Today is the RSVP date for my wedding invitations. I've only received half of them back so far. Above all, I think I'm most annoyed that all of the family members who have thrown me through the emotional wringer over the last two years are the ones who haven't sent back their damn RSVPs. Not a single one of them. I'm borderline pissed off on that little snippet. But of course, they probably figure that I figure that they're all coming. And while, yes, I do, there was also the request on my RSVP notes to include any allergies (since we are having... shellfish), and I know for a FACT that at least two of the people who haven't RSVPed do have allergies - extensive allergies - but I don't keep tabs on all of them and kinda need to know. Because if I don't work around said allergies, of COURSE they're going to complain.

And then there's the rest of the family friends and everyday friends who haven't replied. *sigh*

I have to admit that after going through the whole save-the-date mailing, then the wedding invite mailing, the fact that I have HALF of my invitees still not responding is well, a bit demoralizing to say the least.

Moral of the story - if someone sends you an invite that requires an RSVP, please send it back. Right away while it's on your mind, or at the minimum, make sure it gets back by the deadline they print. Seriously, even if you're not able to go. Just send it back so they know. If you're not sure you can get time off for the event, at least call the person and let them know that, because there are reasons why the invites have to go out and come back by a certain time. Now I'm in a monster headache and a slight panic because I need to get counts to my caterer and cake maker within the next few days, and as of right now, I literally don't have anywhere near the MINIMUM number of people I need to pay for for the caterer. I have no clue as to how many to reserve tables, food, etc. for.

*sigh*

I'm so brain fried. I really am.

In any case, I know a lot of people have been commenting, either on the now massive meta thread from the other day, or on various comments on my journal or elsewhere. I'll be responding to them tomorrow, probably.

Meta thoughts on LiveJournal and fandom

X-posted from my LiveJournal

There’s been a lot of uproar lately from fandom regarding the suspension of journals, and now there’s a huge cry for people to move en masse to a new site, showing solidarity with the HP fandom whose journals are getting deleted. They’re protesting the right to free speech being trampled, and how LJ doesn’t want them to exist, and how they don’t feel welcome on LJ anymore, and all sorts of other feelings which I respect for being valid…

.. but sorry, guys, I just don’t agree with you.

One of the things that I’ve learned in my years on this Earth is that freedom of speech is not fundamentally free. To say that “you need to accept the free speech of others as well” is too simplifying. The reality is that yes, freedom of speech is a wonderful thing. But freedom of speech doesn’t mean that the speaker/writer is exempt from any backlash for said speech. In this case, since it’s appropriate, the artist can create whatever art, written or visual, that (s)he wants. BUT – others, including the company that owns the servers where the art is posted have every right to respond. The more controversial the opinion, the more backlash can be expected. And that includes having journals deleted without prior notice.

A lot of the screaming right now seems to be coming from the Harry Potter fanbase, particularly those who are creating NC-17 rated visual art and fanfic. I’m having a difficult time feeling sympathy for them in this case, and I honestly don’t want to be lumped in fandom with them, and here’s why.

Harry Potter is, at its core, a story about kids growing up in a fantastic world. They begin the books at age 11, and at the end of the final book (with the exception of the epilogue), end at age 17. Regardless of the audience-at-large, the target audience for these books is elementary and secondary school-aged kids. The main characters involved are underage school-aged kids.

So enter the world of fandom, and particularly the sidebar of fandom that insists that everything has to be smuttastic. They create communities for these adult-natured topics. They play as they wish to play, largely without incident until two months ago, pairing just about anyone up who can be paired up, including some extremely questionable incest pairings and images that blatantly appear to be of underage kids (fictional or not) involved in sexual acts.

And then they get all pissed off when, under recent new management, the server that hosts their material says “hold on, no” and removes their journals. Fandom, contrary to these outcryers’ opinions, is not a significant portion of LiveJournal’s population. And even within fandom, the percentage dealing with underage sex is more miniscule.

It may piss people off on my friends list, but sorry – I don’t have a lot of sympathy here. These fans are dealing with topics that are extremely sensitive, bordering on illegal, and it’s the artist’s responsibility, when dealing with such topics, to prove that (s)he isn’t supporting child pornography. To the outsider, a group like pornish_pixies, which has depictions of sexual acts between underage fictional character, IS going to look like a site which supports child pornography.

And for this reason, the sexual relationships in Harry Potter fandom are walking a fine line. Yes, I understand they’re fictional. Yes, I understand that teenagers have sex. But there’s a huge difference between private sexual relationships in real life and public sexual expression, bordering on exploitation, in the media. And from experience with many fandoms, most of the smut fic out there is written so the fans can get their jollies reading sexual fiction. Are there pieces with literary value? Sure… a few of them. But most of them? Oh heck no. They’re written as porn. And child pornography is illegal.

So yeah, sorry guys – but those of you uproaring about this? You’re dealing with sensitive topics that society – not just LiveJournal – has a problem with. Yes, you have your right to free speech. But so does society, and you have to deal with the consequences of your behavior.

If you want that free speech, you also need to be policing it to keep it in line. And if it's that accessible from the internet, you're doing it wrong. So LiveJournal has stepped in, to clean up servers they own. They have that right.

It sucks to be targeted, but as an adult in fandom, I'm squirmish with the topics you're dealing with. And I find it hard to find much sympathy when it's pretty evident that it's been carefree and unpoliced.

I wish you guys well wherever you end up. I won't, however, be joining you.

My brain is mush

I owe three people fanfic beta work - and yes, it's going. I should have two of the pieces done this evening. The third is a long-term project, and I'm hoping to get two chapters completed by mid-week. My problem is that my inner editor isn't letting me READ the stories first, and just wants to jump into editing... and I don't like to do that. I need to read a story first, to see how the whole thing strikes me before I start combing through it.

As for my own writing? Hell if I know when it's going to happen. My brain is just in a pouty don'wanna sort of mood. And honestly, it's probably good for it to be that way, considering I have Lots of Wedding Crap To Do. But I need to get that little fic piece done for the "Anywhere but Cardiff" ficathon. I don't expect to have anything stellar to contribute, sadly. My question is should I post what I have during the ficathon, or shelve it and apologize, but add it in late, when my brain decides to work?

*sigh*

On the stuff-to-do front, it's been a very productive weekend, but I also found time to get some relaxation in, too. I took a half-day off from work on Friday (VERY needed after the three fourteen hour days earlier in the week). As always, the Commuter Rail sucks ass, leaving South Station about a half-hour late. What I wouldn't give for an on-time train. (sigh) But it does beat driving every day, and I have to remind myself of that. The Jeep isn't exactly good on gas, and it IS a 60+ mile drive each way. With Boston traffic.

Anyway - picked up my wedding dress from alterations on Friday afternoon. It fits beautifully now. Hem is just perfect, and the two small tucks under my arms make everything fit just right on the top. The bustle is a contraption to behold, I swear - ELEVEN ties. Because I have a fat ass. But the girls at David's Bridal were kind enough to number each ribbon and each loop for me (without me having to ask for it) to make it easier on the poor bridesmaids who'll have to deal with them.

So now, I basically am done with dress stuff. I bring it back two weeks before the wedding to have it steamed, and that's it.

Since I was in the area, I also picked up some metallic ribbon for my wedding Chucks. I wasn't thrilled with a lot of the color options, but I found a pretty metallic iridescent orange organza that has just a bit of wire in it for some strength. It's pretty close to the metallic shade of the orange on the heel stripe, so it'll go well. I bought three lengths, just in case one breaks. :)

So shoes are now done.

Updated the spreadsheet with our guest invites - so far we have 42 yes, 4 no. About half have sent RSVPs and the deadline is Friday. It's funny - my friends all said that they got a burst of RSVPs the first week or so, and then a trickle. There's really been no burst with us - we'll have one or two one day, none for a couple days, and then maybe four another day.

MY family are slackers. Like... only two families have sent back RSVPs. And I might note that my mom is NOT among the returnees.

(and I wonder where I get my procrastination?)

We got our first wedding gift delivered on Friday. We haven't opened the box yet, but it's from Linens & Things. I'm not sure whether to open it or wait until the wedding. For now, the box is sitting in the kitchen. It's not like Erich and I aren't staying together. But I know the tradition is to not use anything until the wedding, so... I guess it's probably better to wait.

Mom informed me that she has bought me the Margaritaville blender from Williams Sonoma as one of our wedding presents. She also said that "she needs to try it out first." ;) But needless to say, it'll be getting used for both the girls' day/night out if anything happens at my house and for the Unrehearsal Dinner. Because seriously... drinky things are required for wedding parties. And oh, this thing will get used - because both Erich and I like our drinky things.

and can I just say I'm cracking up at the tote bag on that webpage? I seriously may consider it... because I have a feeling this thing will be requested to be transported to various houses for use.

We wrote our vows this weekend so we can order our rings on Monday. Erich just needs to double-check his ring size before he sends in the order (because with the etching of our vows on the inside of the ring, it's not like they'll be easily resized).

And I've done a shitload of laundry. I'm not sure where it's all coming from - I feel like every weekend I'm doing a TON of laundry. There are only two people in this house-- where the hell is it all coming from?!?

And we reordered some of our kitchen, too. About two weeks ago, Erich found a great sideboard for the dining room that provided some much needed storage space. It's too big a piece for the kitchen, so we've put it in the dining room and moved all of the silverware, barware, bottles of booze, and bigger serving dishes/platters to sit on it. That opened up nearly an entire side of our upper cabinets in the kitchen, so we now have better storage space for dry goods.

I'm on the switchboard all day tomorrow, so I'll be doing a lot of the emails I didn't get to this weekend. And who knows, if it's quiet (which August does tend to be with the last weeks of summer vacation), maybe I'll get some scribble writing done?

I can only hope...

You know you're officially having "a morning" when...

you make the 7:12 train from Providence, only to have it stop about two miles up the track. Ten minutes later, the conductor says that we're going back to Providence station because the Pawtucket police are investigating a fatality on the track and have shut all tracks down.

And... the conductor urges us to find "a different way to get to our destinations."

*blink*

When the MBTA is actually admitting to find another way in, everything is completely, utterly screwed. And that's the indication that you know you're going to have a morning.

Although not the MBTA's fault today. Not remotely.

And on top of that, the irony is that I left the house a half hour earlier this morning than I did yesterday... and had debated driving to Quincy to take the red line today, rather than deal with the Providence parking situation (which translates to parking at Providence Place Mall, which is $17 for the day, with no way to get my car out of hock before 10 a.m. because there are no tellers at the payment windows until then).

*snort*

Officially? I was an hour late today, as I was scheduled to open the office - Erich had thankfully not yet left the house, swung by, picked me up, and drove me to Norwood (because I was not going to Route 128 today with everyone else on the entire Providence to Boston line to pick up the Stoughton train).

But according to my normal starting time at work (9:15), I was only 15 minutes late. So by sheer coincidence, I've found an emergency back-station (as opposed to back-route) to get to work relatively easily. This is good.

Being productive, slacking off, and brown-nosing

All in all, it was quite productive. I got a lot of the email work I needed to finish completed - already have heard back from the caterer, and a few of the panic questions (i.e. we do have a tent reserved for the reception, right?!?) are now solved to my relief. I got caught up on a decent amount of housework. I leveled my character in World of Warcraft to 70. And I did some file cleaning on my computer. Not too shabby.

Oh, and with the help of my father, I've hopefully solved the poor timing of female systems during the wedding issue, with the help of Walgreens. Dad called in a resupply of my birth control pills to the Walgreens near me (gotta love that as long as it's not a narcotic, he can call cross-country). I'll be picking them up and starting them tomorrow, making sure to take no placebo pills at all to force my period to skip. And if all goes well, I'll be requesting my own OB/GYN to please put me on the Seasonale that's now on the market, which is essentially the same idea.

Didn't get to my office as I'd hoped - but the pouring rain that was supposed to last all weekend and cool things off didn't really happen. It poured for about a half-hour this afternoon, but I swear it's muggier now than it was before. And so it's just miserable upstairs. But I'll get to it. It may be a midnight project next weekend, but I'll get to it.

Tomorrow morning I'll be getting up bright and early at five, driving into work (let's hope the Jeep doesn't break down like it did last time I did this... on Memorial Day weekend), and pushing a potentially very long day. But it will be a good thing. It's for a large, complicated client, and working with one of the senior account managers and a principal of the company. And I definitely want to make good on putting a strong effort into my workload. Hopefully it all goes well.

It'll be a short work week for me - I'm taking a half day on Friday because I pick up my dress from the alterations late Friday afternoon (eep!). By then I'm hoping to also have figured out the hair stylist issues and transportation for this shindig.

My god, it's August already. Where the hell has this year gone?!?

The upcoming weekend

Random aside - day to day, I've been hanging out over on LJ a lot... as I've become pretty involved with the Doctor Who fan crowd there. So if you have a LJ account, pop on over and say hi. My screenname over there is measi, just as it is here. All of my journal entries are cross-posted, though.

I'd originally toyed with (and signed up for) the Blogathon for tomorrow, but hadn't received an approved message by this morning. And honestly? I know better. I'm already running crazy, and I can't afford to blow the day on it this year.

So I'll do it next year. When I'm theoretically sane.

Instead, I'll be working through a massive half-wedding, half-house chores list this weekend. Thankfully some of it is just email/computer related, so hopefully I can get a head start on it if I have some lulls in work today.

-Update RSVP list, email to Mom and Erich
- Email caterer
- Email DJ
- Email payment addresses to Mom
- Finish Lowes registry, double-check Linens & Things registry
- Update wedding webpage
- Laundry
- Dishes
- Scrub office
- Move bookshelves in office
- LoM files to iPod
- Backup all mp4s to DVD
- Whittle through "my docs" folder
- Time and Chips "Anywhere but Cardiff" fic... 1,000 words written
- Level Tennetty to 70
- Email girls list to Melinda
- Strip beds from last weekend, wash, remake
- Grocery shopping
- Beta reading

Seriously... with all of the crap I have to do... there's absolutely no way I could do that Blogathon. I was stupid to even think of it.

But hey, I'll find a way to get through the list. And I'll multitask when possible to try to get stuff done faster. I'm a professional admin assistant. I can multitask quite well. :) And since the weekend's supposed to be absolutely craptastic, it may help me to stay on task.

I can dream at least. Stop giving me those looks, Erich.

I do hope to have at least a couple hours of couch time this weekend. I bought copies of The Second Coming and Revengers Tragedy (both with Chris Eccleston) weeks ago and haven't watched them yet - and since I can only watch them on the living room TV since they're Region 2 discs, it limits my time a bit. Doctor Who was mostly to blame for that, of course. But maybe this weekend I can find a couple hours for one of them.

We'll see.

Happy Friday, all!

Wednesday morning musings

Both other admins are late this morning for doctors' appointments. How'd this work out? Well, no matter. It's nice and quiet.

I'm highly annoyed, based on current events and some calculations, that I'm going to have my period during my wedding, thanks to my cycle deciding to do some timing switches and show up a week early. HIGHLY. ANNOYED. (seriously... on ALL OF THE DAYS... the one that I'm going to be wearing white on top of white on top of white. SERIOUSLY). Pissed. off.

Gathered all of our contracts for vendors to double-check final payment dates. Glad I did... 'cause our site payment in full was due Sunday. *sigh* Have already emailed them with a copy to my mom to get that resolved. *sigh* So the panic ensues again.

We have six RSVPs already returned to us. It's very freaky. OMG people are coming to this thing. *runs* *hides*

I seriously need a haircut. And a recolor. And a clue as to what I'm going to do with my hair for aforementioned wedding, which frustrates me because I'm just NOT a hair person and don't care about it like I really should be doing.

Thank Goddess for Indiebrides.com, which has a kickass repository of readings and vow ideas that others have used. Me thinks I may be diving into those threads on the Kvetch boards this weekend to get those vows written.

Speaking of writing - scribbled 300 words on my piece for "Anywhere but Cardiff." Whether I finish or not, no can say. But I'll give it a try.

Well, no... it will get finished. Whether before or after the wedding is the real question.

Shit, I still have lots of beta reading to do, too. Hmm...

Life on Mars is awesome. Just finished Episode 7 of Series 1 this morning.

I need more coffee.

I haven't watched an episode of Who since Friday night. Scary.

No, I really need more coffee.

Shit, I hope we didn't fuck everything up with our reception site by missing that deadline on Sunday. Fuck fuck fuck.

.

Personal exposure

Erich's had a nickname for me, said somewhat jokingly because of my blogging online for so long - "Measi, Queen of the Internets." It generally gets an eyeroll from me, sometimes an amused snort, and we carry on.

And then this week has rolled around, and I feel a bit wigged.

It all started last week when a member on LiveJournal posted a truly atrocious opinion article about a particular subset of Doctor Who fandom, accusing them of ruining the show, being racists because they didn't like a particular character, and just a lot of nonsense that basically is summed up with "they don't agree with me, so they suck." And I got sucked into the fire for a few brief hours, being careful not to troll but also to vent my anger. This type of insane drama, for those not in the internet fandom community, is generally known as wank. And if you're familiar with that phrase and its British usage... you're on the right track as far as the quality of these discussions.

Anyway - I did quickly come to my senses and backed off, shaking my head at the idiots who decide to determine fandom for everyone else, and started my week. But a lot of quiet, kind emails have followed me back to my little corner of LiveJournal, saying I was right to say what I did, in the manner that I did.

Was I? I'm not so sure. I stand by my words - I did mean what I say, how I said them. But I feel a bit dirty for jumping into any sort of fanwank.

And then my first completed fanfic in eight years was published for one of the fandom ficathons... that was early Monday morning. Oh, might I add (for the readers who aren't reading this via LiveJournal, where it's posted), I finally got over my fear of writing intimacy, and jumped in for this fic. And as nervous as I was to write it, it did feel good - liberating, even - to finally cross over that barrier. Definitely a sense of accomplishment, even if my ultra-introvert mind feels like I'm standing naked in the public square with a ton of onlookers. Writing sex scenes is... well, quite the exposure. I was taught, and generally have composed based on the "write what you know" philosphy.

That gets a bit personal when you're dealing with sex. And so I've been terrified of it.

So early Monday, it gets posted. To my surprise, so far people are really liking it. Me - who always thinks my writing is complete utter shit. People are liking it. I'm getting added to favorite author lists on fanfic sites for it. I go to my friends' list on LiveJournal this morning, and I'm seeing it rec'ed by a few people.

All a bit surreal for me.

Does it make me more confident as a writer? Oh hell no. The day I feel good as a writer is probably the day I need to stop. Insecurity is probably the driving force that makes me always try to improve.

Encouraging? Definitely. Once this wedding is over, I'm looking forward to more writing.

But in the meantime, I'll switch between being flattered and wigged out over here in my corner. Because contrary to the "Measi, Queen of the Internets" persona, I'm fairly intimidated by the whole thing.

(but yes, thrilled at the same time)

Random Sunday Thoughts...

My accomplishments this weekend:

1) Wedding invites are DONE (save two that we need new addresses for). All addressed, all compiled, all stamped. They go out tomorrow.

2) The Linens 'n Things portion of our wedding registry is populated. I feel like such a mooch. But I have to admit to being excited that I may actually get some of these things and finally break free of college decor-itis. Somewhat, anyway.

3) Laundry - ongoing. I'm on load 3. One more load of towels, and then a mini-load of delicates to go.

4) Erich and his dad put together our guest room bed (yes, ... an actual bed. With a headboard and footboard and everything!). Unfortunately, the Queen-sized boxspring will NOT go up our stairs. We removed the back staircase pole. We removed the front staircase ceiling molding. Won't happen. So... if you're in the general southern New England area and need a Queen boxspring (now or in the near future), lemme know. We're going to have to go purchase a split-style boxspring for the Queen bed. Depending on how that goes, we may have a mismatched mattress shortly, too. We can make arrangements somehow.

5) We narrowed our wedding ring decision down to five different bands. We've decided to get matching bands, rather than the newer trend of getting ones that each person likes. Thankfully, we both have similar tastes, so it's been fairly easy. Choices we're down to now are: A, B (possibly in the rose/white combo), C, D, or E (not bicolor).

6) Saw Harry Potter: OotP again today. It was Erich's Dad's 64th birthday today, so we treated him to a heavy breakfast at the Cracker Barrel, followed by the movie.

It was better on second viewing. Still not my favorite, but I did like it better this time around.

7) Attended the wedding of Erich's cousin, Katy, and her (now) husband, David. It was at Sakonnet Vineyards in Little Compton, RI. Lovely place. Definitely a setting I'd recommend to anyone looking for peaceful New England space - near the water, surrounded by the vines. Although it was a bit buggy in the evening (welcome to July). Otherwise, weather was incredible for July - absolutely perfect. I can only hope we have such good weather in September.

8) Went a little snarky with Doctor Who fandom. But I'm better now and moving on.



Good weekend. Definitely can't complain! :)

Street icons

Anyone who has gone to Boston University in the last fifteen years probably has had at least one amusing encounter with some of the mainstays - but completely harmless - street folk around Harvard Avenue, Harvard Square, or Kenmore Square. Some of them are colorful characters that you forget about later, except when a college story of old comes up.

And now one of the better ones has died...

Street icon 'Mr. Butch' dies at 56
Scooter crash claims popular homeless man

By Bryan Marquard, Globe Staff | July 12, 2007

Dreadlocked, homeless, and usually cheerful, Mr. Butch was an iconic presence in Kenmore Square for years before moving his base of operations to Harvard Avenue in Allston a decade ago. Ranting in rhyme with a beer in hand — a tall boy, preferably — he would panhandle one minute and offer to share his take with a friend the next.

‘‘Mr. Butch,’’ whose name was Harold Madison Jr., died yesterday of injuries from an early morning crash when the motor scooter he was driving hit a pole, friends and family said.
The subject of YouTube videos, a MySpace tribute page, and a Wikipedia entry, Mr. Butch may have been the most famous street person in Boston. He was so popular that The Boston Phoenix wrote in April that it was considering changing the criteria of the ‘‘Readers’ Pick: Neighborhood Character’’ category because Mr. Butch won so regularly.
At 56, he had lived on Boston’s streets for about 30 years. In Kenmore Square and his Allston neighborhood — areas rife with college students and people who prefer less traditional approaches to life — some saw in Mr. Butch a latter-day Thoreau, a man who chose a path that didn’t involve taxes, rent, or office cubicles. Instead, he helped the elderly cross streets, joyously played air guitar, philosophized, and sang.
‘‘He’s been in so many local movies, videos, in the Phoenix — he’s like an icon of the neighborhood,’’ said Erin Scott, manager of New England Comics on Harvard Avenue in Allston.

‘‘He was just the sweetest, nicest homeless person — he looked out for people,’’ said Toni Fanning, who owns the Ritual Arts store nearby. ‘‘I’ll tell you, this whole street is just miserable right now. Everybody just doesn’t want to believe it. It’s so hard to talk about Butch in any kind of past tense.’’
In a YouTube video posted on Mr. Butch’s MySpace page, he offered a buoyant view on how to live: ‘‘You got to be articulate every day and keep going on strong and straight and use your heart and all your might and all your weight and all your power. Do what you can, make it last for many hour, ’cause once you’re dead, you’re done, you don’t come back,’’ he rapped, pausing before adding, ‘‘Yeah.’’
Fanning’s favorite encounter with Mr. Butch was on Easter a few years ago. When she left home to visit a friend who was in bad straits, she was depressed about her friend, the day — just everything.
‘‘And I walked outside and there was Butch standing on the corner of Harvard and Comm. Ave. with a big sandwich board that said, ‘I need weed,’’’ Fanning said. ‘‘I started laughing so hard that it got me through that entire day.’’
Mr. Butch was not timid about his pastimes: drinking beer and smoking marijuana. And he could be irascible. He was a tall and slender man, and the stoop of his shoulders signaled his level of intoxication. Unwelcome as Kenmore Square began tidying up its act, Mr. Butch left, telling friends that encounters with police officers had become too frequent.
Allston proved more tolerant.
‘‘I’m just devastated,’’ said Jerry Katz, a lawyer whose offices are along Harvard Avenue. ‘‘Everyone loved Mr. Butch. I loved Mr. Butch.’’
Though thousands of passersby made his acquaintance through the years, few knew much about Mr. Butch’s background. Born in Worcester, he grew up in a large family. His father, Harold Sr., dubbed him Butch.
A talented drummer, he sat in with bands and played with a mentor in the local music scene, picking up the guitar in his midteens and filling a closet with percussion instruments he made from items he found. He did not finish high school and moved to Kenmore Square in the 1970s when Worcester became inhospitable to his frequent drinking.
‘‘I think he was just looking for someplace to be accepted,’’ said his sister Jeannette Madison of Worcester. ‘‘He told us that this was the life that he chose — a street person, happy-go-lucky, panhandler. I guess for him that was easier, and it didn’t take very long for people to understand what he was doing and just take it with a grain of salt.
‘‘People are who they choose to be.’’
In addition to Jeannette, he has four siblings in Worcester — Russell, Phillip, Jeffrey, and Sheila — and a brother, Alphonso Moore, of Henderson, Nev. His mother, Virginia, died in December; his father died in 1974.
Mr. Butch played on the fringe of Boston’s music scene for years. Friends tried to get him into subsidized housing, but he refused to go through the required detoxification treatments. Recently, he lived in a van friends helped him acquire.
Trusted friends became his ‘‘banks,’’ holding onto his money and storing his belongings. Mr. Butch’s thee-quarter-length leather coat, with his name in white and red letters on the back, was displayed last night in the window of Regeneration Tattoo on Harvard Avenue as a tribute.
‘‘It kind of blows my mind that he isn’t here,’’ Scott said. ‘‘I have his guitar in my back room. I have a buck in his bank.’’
Friends plan to meet Monday at 8 p.m. at Regeneration Tattoo and Ritual Arts for a memorial, said Sue Jeiven, owner of Regeneration Tattoo.
‘‘He always wanted a big blowout for his funeral. He said: ‘Blow a lot of money. I want a big party,’’’ she said.
A favorite among many students and professors, Mr. Butch was once asked to speak at Boston College. Proud of the moment, he sent his siblings a photo of himself lecturing in front of the classroom.
‘‘I feel like he had a lot to say and there were a lot of people who actually wanted to listen,’’ his sister said. ‘‘And I thank the Lord for that. And I thank the Lord that Butch is in his hands now.’’

I was so afraid of him for the better part of college - but one night junior year of college, I was storming around Kenmore in a rage one night sometime around 3 or 4 a.m. He followed me, wouldn't let me keep storming around. I don't even remember why I was so angry, but I remember sitting on the stoop at Planet Records with him as the sun came up, just talking with him. I guess he just had the knack to know who needed someone to talk to.

Oddly probably one of the biggest eye-opening nights I had in college about the world around me.

I definitely won't forget him.

Thursday Thirteen #26: Non-related musings

My brain has officially gone into wedding mush autopilot, so I don't really have anything witty for this week's Thursday Thirteen. But I can come up with 13 random thoughts for the week.

Measi's Brain-Fried Thursday Thirteen

1. My wedding invites are all addressed, save the four that my mom finally just emailed me fifteen minutes ago. That means I can get them addressed and out the door this weekend. Big, big check mark off the wedding "to do" list.

2. If you live in the U.S., love science fiction, and aren't watching the new series of Doctor Who that started last week - turn on the television on Friday night. Seriously. Having seen the entire series, it's fantastic. It's not the goofy sets of the 70s on PBS you may remember, as good as Tom Baker was. The last six episodes of this series are not to be missed, in my opinion. Blink, in particular, scheduled to air on September 7th, is not to be missed TV for any lover of really good, creepy TV shows, sci-fi or not.

3. Next shows on my Brit TV list - I've just started watchng Life on Mars. Brilliant writing, great acting. I garnished stares on the commuter train this morning as I broke out laughing at episode 2. I'm also starting Our Friends in the North, as a continuation of shows starring actors from Doctor Who. I've heard it's an amazing series.

4. I've now lost a total of 20 pounds due to wedding stress. Which I'm really not happy about, because I tend to double-gain back once I'm out of stress.

5. There is a distinct weather line ringing Boston at Route 128/I-95 this week. Outside of 128, it's hot and humid. But inside the ring, it's been in the low 70's, and foggy until today. It's throwing me off on my commute - hot when I leave in the morning, cold when I arrive at work.

6. I'm tired of hearing people chew loudly at their desks at work. The sound of people chewing (presumably with their mouths open) makes my stomach turn.

7. My World of Warcraft guild, the Burrito Bandits, has a new tabard - looking like a lobster bib. (a photo is over on my Flickr page). Our guild leader is insane... in a good way.

8. Speaking of burritos... I think a buffalo chicken one from Boloco is calling my name for lunch today.

9. I bought my first Moleskine notebook over the weekend for doodling and scribbling random thoughts. Because I need more notebooks.

10. I'm tired of my work wardrobe. It's bleh and boring and getting sloppy. But I hate the plus-sized clothes for summer, and can't justify a spending spree. Until after the wedding, I'm just going to endure it.

11. New official count on Hoodsie's toes - 7 on each front paw, 6 on one back paw, 7 on the other back paw. Boy's got a lotta extra claws. And my legs have paid the price as he play-pounces.

12. Holy shit I'm getting married in 9 weeks.

13. I really, truly need about a month-long vacation.

Distracted

The fog that has decided to settle all day over Boston Harbor definitely reflects my attention span today - lots of little things floating around, but nothing's quite distinct.

I have an omnipresent thought floating around regarding Melinda today, who's now recovering from surgery. As of the first update last night, she was doing quite well. Erich, who's had the same procedure - albeit under the methods done eight years ago - was surprised that she was up and walking yesterday. He told me this morning as I read Kevin's email that it took him the better part of a week before he was moving.

Amazing what a few years does for surgical procedures, eh?

In any case, Melinda's a fairly strong presence in my thoughts today, and I'm hoping her recovery goes smoothly so I can envy her in about ten weeks when I see her looking fabulous in a floor-length truffle gown.

Add to that the fact that I'm completely distracted from work today because my office bought out two theater showings for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Erich and I are going tonight after work. I cannot wait. :)

On the planning side, now that it's ever-present...

I'm about 3/4 done with addressing my wedding invitation envelopes, taking a break after every few to rest up my wrist so my writing doesn't start getting scrawly. When my wrist is fresh, my handwriting is surprisingly good - if I'm not using a ballpoint pen, at least. Ironic, considering that I always flunked handwriting in grade school!

Most of my friends have asked why I don't just print out the invitations using a pretty font on the printer, and I've said I don't want to. This is just one of those things I feel the need to do. It's the right thing to do - spending the time to personally address envelopes for my wedding. My love of writing isn't just in the structure of words on a page. I've always loved getting letters written by hand, and whenever possible - I've made a point to write letters by hand. There's something elegant and relaxing about it - reminding the world that it's not all about computers and technology. It's personal, and it's very me. And besides, it's not like I have hundreds of these to do. I have about sixty total. Not too bad at all.

Although I have to admit that writing formal envelopes to my close friends addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. HisFirst TheirLast" is a bit surreal. I'm going pretty casual on the inner envelope, just to stop weirding myself out.

I still have to get in touch with someone regarding hairstyles for the wedding. And I need to touch base with the caterer to start getting those gears going.

T-minus ten weeks...

I has weddingz insanities

Running through the mental checklist for the wedding has summed up my week. But we are now under three months, and it's officially "Okay... you need to get this shit done now" time.

And I just remembered that we forgot to sign the photographer contract. AGAIN.

*ugh*

Anyway... the list in the last week's accomplishments have been thusly:
- deposit for the cake
- finalized the hors d'oevres list & decided on the alcohol, style of catering, etc. from the options given
- had my fitting (god, was that only a week ago?)
- brought Masquedbunny to order her bridesmaid dress. All of the girls are now ordered.
- Erich decided up on his kilt tartan and the kilt rentals for the groomsmen
- We got in touch with my brother, miracle of miracles
- Designed and purchased my custom Wedding Chucks
- Invites arrived
- I bought stamps for said invites.
- Found our florist
- Met with said florist last night for a sample centerpiece. Absolutely lovely. She'll be sending cost estimates & contract this week.
- Drank an intriguing "ninjarita" at the impromptu Fourth of July celebration as I caught up with Sara about our wedding plans
- Did a quick tour of the hotel where my mom has reserved a block of rooms. We prefer the hotel she stayed at last week, honestly, but the one with the block *is* a half-hour closer to the wedding site, so she's keeping the block. Erich and I may rent a room at the other place, though, for our wedding night
- Dad sent me my pearls (on my request) that I got as a gift for my high school graduation. I've never worn them, and they've been at my dad's house the entire time. They should be arriving today here at work.
- Accepted the fact that no, I'm not into the wedding planning, but I'll deal, knowing that I'll have a good time on the day, even if it takes a crapload of alcohol to loosen me up

This weekend's projects (that will undoubtedly bleed into next week):
- address invites & get at least the long distance ones in the mail by Monday
- gather list of the girls for whatever Melinda is planning behind my back. (Goddess help me)
- Harass my mom for those final addresses she keeps telling me she wants added to the invite list
- Contact the spa regarding hair/massages/etc
- Contact the bridesmaids once I have prices for hair and stuff, and see who's interested, and who prefers to do their own
- Find time to sleep. A lot.

To kick off the weekend, though, we're heading to the drive-in tonight to view the Uber Manly Double Feature (TM), consisting of Transformers followed by Live Free or Die Hard. And since both are fairly long movies, we're not expecting to get home much before two a.m.

I has insanities. Mel brain go boom.

Thursday Thirteen: Things I've learned in the last week

It's Thursday morning - I'm very tired, sitting at work, and it's a depressingly gloomy day. If you watched any of the Boston coverage on CBS last night, you didn't get the half of how dreary a day it was. But it was fun. I just want the rest of the week off. :)

In any case, it's time for the Thursday Thirteen, and since it's the 100th edition of T13 on their site, they asked for a special T13 linking to your top thirteen favorite posts for the meme.

I'll be getting to THAT this evening, when I have time for it (and to also make up a couple missing T13s). Until then, here's my normal one...

Thirteen things I’ve learned in the last week

1) My mother is completely, utterly unpredictable. Things I don’t think will bother her about the wedding… do. And things I think she’ll flip a gasket over… don’t. I’m so confused.

2) Fourth of July celebrations on a Wednesday make for absolutely brutal Thursday mornings.

3) Guys vs. girls when it rains on the cookout: The guys all duck for shelter under the porch. The girls take over the chairs in the yard vacated by the guys, make sure the chairs are relatively under cover of the trees, and go about their business.

4) I’m severely out of practice with any sort of healing energy work. The girls were working with it last night, and now I have an energy drain headache.

5) Watching six cats work out the pack pecking order is fascinating. Particularly when the humans are dead wrong as to who the alpha male of the household was. I laugh at the idea that cats are solitary animals.

6) There’s clearly something wrong with me since I don’t enjoy the wedding planning like others do. But that’s okay. I just don’t like to fuss over things, and wedding planning is a whole lotta fussing.

7) I’m thankful I don’t live closer to the Italian markets in Federal Hill, Providence. I’d be broke and even fatter than I am now. OMG, the food is so good though!

8) Weddings are frighteningly expensive. Even when you think they won’t be. I should have really figured this out before, honestly.

9) Apparently, I can write NC-17 rated fanfic quite well, based on my livejournal friends’ list reviews. (blush). Not sure whether it’s a good or a bad thing that I have my friends requesting that I “write more smut.” Heh.

10) I don’t like gin and tonics. I do, however, like whatever Chris and Sara were putting in their “Ninjaritas” yesterday at the cookout.

11) There is nothing quite like having David Tennant, John Barrowman, and John Simm on the TV screen at the same time. The only thing I can think of to make that better is to add a young Mel Gibson to the mix.

12) Reactions that came from the groomsmen about their wearing kilts – my brother is suggesting he’ll be tempted to recreate the bottom-bearing scene in Braveheart (and well… he would.) One of Erich’s friends – “What did I ever do to you?” One of the other groomsmen reminded said dreading groomsman that apparently he tried to kill Erich with an icecube tray once. I have not heard this story yet. And I think I need to. Very soon.

13) I’ve rarely paid much attention to him since he left ESPN, but Keith Olbermann did an amazing commentary the other night on TV. This is the type of discussion the First Amendment was made for. When our nation is in crisis. Regardless of which side of the party fence you sit on, please watch it.





Off to work.

Busy, fun-filled weekend

The weather was beautiful, and we made good use of it.

Yesterday, Erich and I headed up to New Hampshire to visit Erich's dad. He moved up there a bit over a year ago, but between work hell, the insanity of weddings last year, and then our own wedding planning, we just hadn't been up there at all to see his new condo.

It's absolutely lovely. It's in an old Catholic boarding school - four stories high, and looking like all of those old academy schools you see in the movies - complete with the huge rolling lawn and gigantic brick facade. Erich's dad has about 1,500 square feet of living space - beautifully open and a great floorplan. On the main floor of the building, the front entrance hall has been wonderfully restored with white marble, columns and stained glass. And the original ballroom (with stage) was restored, as well as the side parlour room off of it, which now is a billiard room and public big-screen TV room.

I did quite well through two games of billiards. By the second game, my game was coming back to me. :)

We had a huge lunchtime feast of lobster bisque, three different types of lobster tails, and coleslaw (something to counter the mass quantities of butter). Added to that was a homemade pitcher of sangria, and we were quite happy people. :)

Around seven, we decided to venture out for dinner. We stopped at a little roadside pizza & subs place - very good (and just what was needed after the lunch, honestly), followed by ice cream. And then Erich and I did the two-hour trek home... finally arriving at our house at about 10:45.

At which time I immediately jumped online and watched The Sound of Drums - because I am a dork and am addicted to Doctor Who. (and this episode will be broadcast in the States the weekend of my wedding... so I'd rather watch it now.) The episode kept ideas brimming in my head until about 2:30, when I finally forced myself upstairs to get some sleep.

And then proceeded to have my first "wedding nightmare," in which the new aliens from the episode that evening attacked my reception.

Like I said - I am a dork.

*ahem*

Anyway...

Today we puttered around for the morning, and then headed out to reclaim the yard a bit. Erich caught up on mowing and some hedge trimming (our driveway was getting a tad narrow). I finished planting my impatiens in the front bed that's been weed-ridden since we moved into the house. I planted some hostas in it a couple weeks ago for permanent plants. There are four of them- all different varieties of hostas for textures and such, and they should get to about 2x2x2 feet by the time they're matured. For now there's a ton of extra space, so the impatiens add some color. I'm hoping that they'll become the absolutely lovely bushels of blooms that impatiens tend to become - although I'm worried the sun in that spot might be a bit too bright for both types of plants. We'll see. In any case, post-wedding this year I plan to put some bulbs in the ground in that bed for next spring. And possibly next spring we'll add a couple of smaller bushes behind the hostas for variety and height.

In any case - it's something, rather than the weed-filled patch that it was. :)

My hydrangeas are now blooming - mostly still those tiny premature green balls of blooms, but one is starting to hint that they'll be coming out a lilac purple again this year. Our dwarf lilac bushes are now in full bloom and smell AMAZING. They just have this incredibly sweet smell that fills the air without being overpowering... just little wafts of scent on the breeze. Except in the sunroom, where the smell is just everywhere and to die for.

So now I'm doing some direly needed cleaning on my computer - between Doctor Who, X-Files, and random David Tennant avi files, my 200 gig computer is about to burst. Writable DVDs are currently my best friends in the world. :)

It's been a good weekend. Productive, but fun. Can't ask for better than that!

Thursday Thirteen #25 - Being Productive

It's been a very busy week. I'm so ready for the weekend so I can catch up on some sleep.

For this week's Thursday Thirteen, my list of accomplishments for the week (both good and bad). Most of them are wedding-related.

1) I found a wedding photographer! We've chatted briefly through email, and will hopefully talk over the phone within the next couple days... both of us are just having those "gah, can't talk now" weeks. But yes... photographer is now getting setled.

2) All of my bridesmaids have been contacted and have info to go dress shopping and such.

3) Erich and I picked out our invitations. We still need to decide on the wording - but they'll be ordered this week.

4) I had a LONG talk with my mom about the emotional b.s. that erupted two weeks ago. I still don't feel that she gets my point of view at all, but supposedly she's put out the fires down there. To a point. We'll see. BUT, at least two things were settled, in my opinion-

4a) Erich and I are handling the Unrehearsal Dinner, so she can stop obsessing over it (we're having a BBQ at our house... housewarming for the relatives & relaxed afternoon in one).
4b) My relatives are accepting, in their own levels of acceptance, that we are not catering to their whims with our wedding vows. They can accept a Justice of the Peace ceremony, or they won't. The alternative is for us to NOT compromise out of respect for their religion, and go back to a handfasting. But that's what it is. Full stop.

5) I made my first dress fitting appointment.

6) I contacted vendors for my hair/spa day, flowers, and cakes. All still unresolved but in the works.

And for the non-wedding ones...

7) I wrote 1,500 words on my fanfic for a challenge due July 1st. The minimum wordcount is 1,000 words. That was never a problem. I'm probably about 1/2 done with the first draft. I hope to have it done within the next three days, give it a once-over myself for editing/reworking, and then send it to my beta editors.

8) I figured out what the weird triffyd plant is in our yard that has grown about 15 feet in two years (no. Really. - 2005 - 2006) It's called a Northern Catalpa. I finally was able to figure out what it was once it started flowering this week. Between the flowers and the leaves as big as a human head, I was able to narrow it down pretty quickly yesterday.

9) I've somehow managed to lose 10 pounds, entirely through stress and non-eating over the wedding. It's just enough to make my pants feel like they're going to fall down.

10) I covered an entire day at front reception at work without needing a single cup of coffee.

11) I stupidly got in the middle of a cats-figuring-out-the-pecking-order fight last night between Colley and Hoodsie, and managed to land a pretty nasty set of scratch/bruise marks when Hoodsie latched onto my leg in defensiveness. It looks nasty, but doesn't hurt.

12) I bought a new battery for my iBook, so I can start writing during my commutes.

13) I levelled my character in World of Warcraft.

Productive week. Very productive week.

- Mel.

Rambling Thoughts on a lot of topics

So much swirling around lately... it's no wonder that I had to deal with insomnia last night. *sigh*

A huge thank you to everyone who has been commenting, emailing, or calling lately... I really do appreciate it. I haven't been able to wrap my brain around all of my thoughts on the matter, but I'm glad to hear that I'm not overreacting on this. I'm well aware of my tendency to do so... and to be slightly selfish. But in this matter, I want to be, dammit. :)

Erich and I are winding down for the evening - watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the umpteenth time. He's teasing me every time David Tennant comes on screen. I think he's feeling slightly jealous for some reason...

(he really doesn't have anything to worry about. I don't think said Scotsman is showing up at my house anytime soon).

Wedding
Haven't talked to Mom yet. Not looking forward to it. Not feeling much better than last week, but at least I'm no longer numb. I'm just very pissed off and very depressed about the whole thing. But I'm so thankful for the people we chose to be in our wedding party - both our best man (Tone) and our maid of honor (Melinda) spent a lot of time this week trying to console, cheer us up, and do some both sarcastic and not-so-sarcastic suggestions for revenge. It definitely helped. Add to that that the rest of my non-family bridesmaids have been there as well... and yeah, I'm lucky to have them. I really am.

I'm still really trying to find any reason to keep planning this wedding. *sigh* We'll see - at some point this week, Erich and I need to talk to her. And if we do go forward, I absolutely need the following things to happen this week to feel remotely sane:

- book a photographer
- finalize the guest list
- order my invitations
- make a reservation for my first dress fitting
- figure out what steps we need to take for our officiant to be legal in Rhode Island

We'll see. But let's just say... I'm much less willing to be openly sensitive to my family's religious issues right now. If it didn't scare me to open my faith up to my family so much (a discussion for another entry...), I would be planning the public handfasting right now.

Hoodsie
We've slowly started releasing Hoodsie into the general cat population. After several surprisingly smooth days, we've started dealing with the more expected growing pains. The male cats are trying to figure out the new pecking order. It's been a bit interesting. No complete all out fights, but they've come close. The hardest time to deal with him is in the late evening, just because he's still wanting to go out and roam.

We're finding that large doses of loose catnip on the floor to drug them all into oblivion is helping tremendously, though. Gus and Hoodsie, despite being rankled at each other all day, are currently sprawled out next to each other covered in the blessed weed, well beyond stoned.

I'm in full support of cat addictions, if it helps soothe the adjustment process. *grin*

Weekend
We had a busy weekend here again, which was fun (and honestly just what I needed to keep myself from brooding too often). Early Saturday, two of my sorority sisters, Masquedbunny (who is one of my other aforementioned awesome bridesmaids), and Whishastar took the commuter train down from Boston for a "Stitch, Bitch & Who" day. Not so much of the stitching occurred, and bitching was actually fairly light this time, too. But lots of Doctor Who. All of the third series to date in a day. Including the second half of the two-parter I've been impatiently waiting for since it was announced months ago. And it did not disappoint. At all.

Later that day, our friend Matt (one of Erich's kickass groomsmen) came down, also for some of the aforementioned Who. Everyone spent the night. We had coffee & donuts, and then I took the girls back up to Boston.

Matt & Erich stayed home to play World of Warcraft, and then went out to see 28 Weeks Later (on which I passed). We continued playing WoW when they got home until late in the evening. Matt and I stayed up to watch some other Who stuff, and I found myself dealing with a nasty case of insomnia that refused to let me fall asleep until about four or so.

Needless to say, between that, the headcold I had last week, and the stress of last week, I needed a serious mental health day, and took one of my Essential Days today.

I didn't exactly get the stitching done I needed to, nor the writing, nor the beta reading. But in light of the week... I'm not beating myself up at all about it.


Lots of thoughts swirling. And I need a serious vacation.

Maybe Erich and I will have to reconsider our plans to put off our honeymoon until next year... *sigh*

Weekend Plans

Our plans to go to the drive-in were quickly squashed by the current weather. While I wouldn't mind going to see a movie under warm, rainy skies, I don't care to go and freeze my ass off in low 40's damp. Bleh. So change of plans - we'll go to see a movie in Boston tonight along with some friends. The plan is to go see Shrek 3, which was the original drive-in plan, too.

Hopefully we can go to see Pirates at the drive-in next weekend, along with the masses. I imagine it will be crowded as hell.

Based on the weather, the Scottish highland festival is going to feel quite... Scottish. It's supposed to be pretty cool and rainy through early afternoon tomorrow.

Then there's a new Doctor Who episode on BBC One tomorrow night, which I'll probably watch several times before I finally go to sleep.

I have a fanfic to draft up for a ficathon I joined a couple weeks ago. Deadline for the story is July 1st. I have my three prompts to write from. One has me a bit stumped (mostly because I don't want to fall into cliches with Doctor Who fandom that surround the episode particularly mentioned), but as long as I write to fulfill at least one prompt, I'm in good shape. And I'm completely confident with two of them - so I'll start there. Minimum word count is 1,000 words. Not. A. Problem. I may have half of that longhand already, and I'm still in the first scene.

In any case, my goal is to get the draft written by the end of Memorial Day weekend so I can shunt it off to my betas (aka fanfic editors), giving me plenty of time to fine tune it with my betas before the deadline.

Other than that, I have some organizing to do this weekend, some little wedding contact stuff to finish, some big wedding research stuff to do, and a lot of stitching.

All in all, a big weekend. :)

A trip to the bra store

When did it get to Wednesday? This week is absolutely flying!

As always, I didn't get stuff done that I wanted to complete. BUT... I did make progress, so I'm forgiving myself. Kinda. Maybe.

Friday afternoon I stuck to my plan - I bought the undergarments for the wedding dress. I went to a traditional lingerie shop called Ruth's, located in Rolfe Square in Cranston. Walking down there is like transporting yourself to the sixties - small, locally owned shops. There's the hardware store, the pizza place, the coffee shop, the shoe store, the lingerie store, a former movie theatre now getting some massive reconstruction ... everything side by side on a tree-lined street for convenient pre-strip mall era shopping.

I think I was the youngest person in the lingerie store by about 20 years, although most of the bra styles in there were very cute and modern - lots of spring and summer patterns for the teen set and up. As always, not in my rather... endowed... size (*cough* 44triple, thankye), but I still could admire, and dream, and yet again feel fat.

Anyway, the shop workers were quite kind and helpful. In less than an hour, I was measured, fitted, and set to go with a little pink bag of underwear, and my huge wedding dress garment bag flung over my shoulder.

And as recommended by many people (both recent brides and bridal shop workers), they're functional but oh-so-not-sexy. Unless you're into girdle-style undershorts with weird stitching swirlies on the stomach and butt to help shape things. Ugly. as. sin. I'd never worn a girdle before. And it has those clipy things on the bottom for thigh-high stockings. Absolutely fascinating. Very weird.

But I have to admit, once I tried my dress on over them (squee! for the very first time), it's amazing the difference they make in shape.

And I may have just found a place to go get bras from now on. I may have trouble finding 44DDD's in the normal stores - including Lane Bryant and the Avenue, I might add (since all of their new trendy bras stop at a DD... bastards).

But here I've found a store that had... in stock... a 50H.

Somehow, I don't think I'll have a problem.

Wedding updates and Weekend Wackiness

First off, a very happy birthday to Melinda and Ian. Hope the celebrations are fun. :)

Second, best of luck to my friends Toni and Maria, who are both walking in Sunday's Walk for Hunger. :) You go, girls!

As for me, it'll be a fairly busy weekend. I have some wedding stuff to get caught up on, some stitching stuff that needs to be completed and mailed, and an office that desperately needs to be put together so I can actually work in there.

This is what my weekend's shaping up to be:

Today: Working a half day, leaving just after one. I'm going for the wedding dress bra fitting this afternoon (whee), followed by new work clothes shopping for Erich (who can now dress in jeans, but somehow doesn't own any), stitching shopping for me, and dinner somewhere we can find room.

Tomorrow: To my knowledge, is "Cinco de Mayo y Who," which translates to craftiness, beer and other drinky things, and a massive Doctor Who catchup session for at least one of my sorority sisters.

Sunday: Attacking the Son of Beast, which is my office. Earlier this year, Erich put a fabulous new desk together for me. Now I just need to organize the rest of the furniture in the room, put stuff on shelves, and make it a workable space. If I have time leftover, I'll get outside and get my planters ready for new plants in a couple weeks. (I doubt I'll have time leftover, though).

The wedding planning continues to be a lesson in thumping my head against doorframes. The DJ that we had reserved backed out on is, pulling a ratty move by calling us not on our cell or office phones - or even emailing us, but on our house phone, telling us that he needed to hear from us "by the end of business today" or he'd be taking the alternate client. And of course, we don't get home from work until after 7 - which I'd told him when giving him contact numbers. Asshole. Thankfully, we have our deposit back and the original copy of the contract (which I've ripped up). So we're back to square 1 on the DJ. And I'm very annoyed about the whole thing.

But on the good news front, we now can officially get married. Erich asked one of our friends, Tony, if he would mind being our officiant. Tony was flattered and thrilled - so "Reverend Landry" will be presiding over our ceremony. :)

Flowers, cake, what to do about bridesmaids... all on my plate for the next week and a half. Whee.

I've heard rumors of a mid-70's weather week all week next week.

I'll believe it when I see it. :)

Happy Friday!

Blessed Beltane

Good morning Boston! You see that beautiful big bright ball in the sky? That's the SUN. That thing that we haven't seen a whole hell of a lot of in recent weeks.

And guess what else? It brought that other foreign thing - WARMTH.

So play hooky so I can live vicariously through you, please.

thank you.

/public service announcement

-----------------------

One thing that I really need to learn to stop doing (although it is oh, so much fun) is not to have Beltane-related celebrations at one in the morning. *cough*

But like I said - it is quite fun. ;)

I had to do a reluctant trip to $tarbucks this morning for a venti chai latte to help me wake up today. I didn't put enough nutmeg in it, but it'll do. Whether or not I stay awake today, though, is a mystery.

It's been a weird couple weeks in the Geekywitch household. Erich interviewed for a new job two weeks ago, and found out last week that he'd gotten it. He gave a week's notice (due to being so miserable), and now is enjoying a week to catch up on stuff at home. He's taken the very daring route of vowing to clean up/out our entire house this week. And to my surprise, he's actually doing a pretty damn good job of it so far. He's got a list of all of those annoying little projects we really, truly need to get done. He's just working through them.

And the new job starts on Monday. I really hope he'll be happy there.

The only downside of this change is that I'm commuting from Providence to Boston on my own from now on. Erich will be driving to his new job (still in Massachusetts, but not all the way up to the city). Some mornings I'm sure I'll commute part way with him, be dropped off at a random MBTA station, etc. But it's a little weird being on my own again, curled up on a T car, letting my mind wander aimlessly as the scenery flies by. I'm hoping that once my brain adjusts to the new "routine" that I'll be able to make my nearly 3 hours of commute time per day worthwhile with some writing, some stitching, etc.

Life certainly doesn't slow down, does it?

Spring sprang sprung

Spring arrived quickly this weekend. Trees that were barely more than dead sticks at this time last week - hell, last Friday even - are now covered in blooms or the light green that only comes with newborn leaves. The magnolia trees opened in two days - I'm honestly not sure where the hell they came from. And the forsythia are absolutely amazing this year after days of rain to give them some added oomph.

It was an absolutely beautiful weekend here in New England. Mid 60's to low 70's, cloudless skies, light breezes. Erich and I opened up every window that has working pulley strings to let the house air out. We've slept with the windows open, and save a couple of nights, will continue to do so now until oh, late September or so. :)

We'll be going back over to Lowes to buy new grass seed - I imagine that everything Erich spread last Saturday is long gone, thanks to the Nor'Easter last week. He's convinced it all washed into the garage. I'm also itching to buy plants for my outdoor pots, but I know that I need to wait maybe two more weeks. Come May, the risk of overnight freeze will finally be over. Especially with how weird this year was. And honestly, the selection of pansies, pansies, and more pansies don't appeal to me all that much.

A landscaper came out Sunday to give us a second estimate on our yardwork that needs to be done. His evaluation of the yard was much more thorough, and involved pulling down 14 of the 16 maple trees along our side yard. Erich and I have talked about having them removed for the better part of a year anyway - we keep losing major branches from them (suggesting that they're diseased). They're not the pretty maples that turn red - they're scraggly, honestly. The landscaper pointed out to Erich that they had insect infestations - woodpeckers all over them and such. We'd be able to keep a couple of them, plus the linden tree at the corner. It makes me a bit sad to pull them, but in reality - they don't look good, and if they're diseased trees, we really should remove them to prevent the damage from spreading further.

And it's not like we won't plant new trees, of course. I'd love to add a magnolia or other flowering tree to the yard. And we're already planning on planting at least a couple Japanese maples because they're just so pretty and delicate. A few trees to add some texture to the yard will go a long way to make it prettier.

Ultimately, I just want to create a yard that looks pretty, doesn't look too organized or landscaped, and fits the house. The Japanese maples are probably the only real trendy tree that I'd add. I'd love to include a lot of older, more traditional plants in that fit the house, too - one or two additional hydrangeas, bleeding hearts, spring bulbs (tulips, crocus, daffodils), etc. Preferably things that do need some care, but not constant maintenance to keep them going strong.

Any ideas of other things to include?

*pleading* Spring? Hello? Um...

This 60's temperatures in January and 30's temps in April thing has got to go. Seriously. I'm tired of having to crank the heat up every night because it's below freezing.

It's mid-April, Mother Nature... we should have some leaves coming out on trees. And I'd like to see some flowers other than the hardcore weeds that are the plant world's version of cockroaches.

*sigh*

It's positively gloomy outside. It's one of those Stephen King Maine weather days-- that completely grey, foggy day where every object in the distance looms only as a slightly defined shadow. It's been this way since Saturday evening, by the way. *sigh* It's starting to get to me. I'm in serious spring flower and warmth withdrawl. At this point, I actually WANT to deal with my spring allergies, just to proclaim that yes, the weather is in fact beautiful. I'll sniffle and snort around the house all day. May my eyes and nose water - if it's 65 degrees and sunny, I'll take it. (well... for a few hours before I kick in the Sudafed, at least *grin*).

I'm still surprised that the men's winner of the Boston Marathon on Monday managed to defend his title - a course-breaking time last year - by only adding 7 minutes to his time while running in a Nor'Easter. Call me damned impressed.

Despite the weather, it was a productive weekend. I got a lot done in my office - it's not complete, but well on the way to getting there. I simply had to stop due to the dust we were kicking up. We also bought grass seed to fill in our ragged lawn - Erich spread it on Saturday afternoon, but I'm fairly certain that the rain washed it all away and we'll have to do it again. *sigh* I got my taxes mailed off, the last of the Save the Dates mailed off, my final contribution to a stitching Round Robin mailed off, and we bought a new vaccuum cleaner so we can attack the springtime edition of catfur tumbleweeds that plague our house in earnest. I caught up on all of the house laundry. I still have a few of the dreaded pots that need Serious Scrubbing (tm) to finish (I've had them on "long term soak" for way too long now).

I also did six hours of stitching on Apache Wedding Blessing on Monday, thanks to the craptastic weather. I watched the Doctor Who episode which broke the number of episodes Guinness record, AND... I managed to write about 10,000 words in fanfic on Saturday, aided in part by a goodly dose of Tattoo rum and cokes to loosen me up.

All in all, a good three day weekend.

For some reason, I'm a bit tired. But feeling quite good. :)

Plans tonight? Erich's playing Halo 2 online with the guys because two new maps were released last night. I'll be upstairs stitching and being a fangirl celebrating David Tennant's birthday with... something he's been in.

Maybe I'll go the Harry Potter route tonight...

;)

Trying to reign things in

The theme for this spring is getting stuff under control. As most of my friends know, I have brief moments of clarity where I'm organized, calm, and on top of things. And then there's the rest of my life- swirling around in chaos because I've been lazy for a week... then two... then three...

You get the idea.

I admit that I do tend to thrive on chaos. If I've solved one stress point in my life, I instinctively try to grasp another one.

This year, I really don't need to look for any new ones. I have plenty of issues to deal with stress-wise. I need to start grabbing at a couple of the minor ones to resolve them so I can focus on the big looming one that starts with "W" which is now just over five months away.

Said "W" planning is going okay. We've reserved the DJ - he played one of our friends' weddings last year, and we loved both his music style and his Master of Ceremonies style. Plus our friends praised him highly. (and the price is quite reasonable). So yay! One more big thing off the list.

Miracle of miracles, I have all of the addresses for our invitees at this point. I have four Save the Dates left to send- those will go out this weekend and I can cross THAT off my list.

On Saturday I'm going to head over to the local lingerie shop to get fitted for whatever contraption of wires and bindings I need for my (cough) "foundation garments." Also known as a long-line strapless bra and goddess knows what other contraptions they'll try to squeeze my body into. As with any clothes-related shopping, I'm a bit insecure about all of this. My awareness of being so overweight screams out at times like this. There's a stupid part of me that is convinced that the shopkeeps will recoil in horror or something. (like I said.. stupid). But honestly, I'm looking forward to getting it done-- partially for the wedding, and partially in the hopes of finding a comfortable, supportive bra for the first time in years.

What I desperately need to reign in is our house. It needs a thorough scrub-down, partially for the yearly incentive that is Spring Cleaning, and partially because it's quickly reaching disgusting proportions (to my mind). With five cats shedding winter coats... it's just... ew. We have boxes of stuff that have come down from Erich's mom's house to sort through which are taking over places in the kitchen, dining room, and living room. Plus I have a ton of magazines & mail to sort through (most of which will be happily making its way to the recycling bin). We're getting seriously clutterfied and just need to beat the piles back down.

I'm hoping to get some serious work done this weekend, since it is a three-day weekend (yay... Patriot's Day!). My big project for the weekend is my office. I finally have a vision for how I want to create the space (to combine both computer stuff and stitching), and I'm excited to get started on it. I just need to get everything out of there so I can start from scratch to place furniture and storage.

The other big project for the weekend is the kitchen - it needs a good scrubdown (especially the floor), but I need to sort the pots and pans and get stuff back into the places they're supposed to be. Over the past year, things have just scattered around the kitchen to available spaces. We have some very nice cookware to bring down from Erich's mom's place (lots of wonderful Le Cruset cast iron), and I need to organize the cabinets to make sure we have room for things. We have stuff to throw out, too - abused old pans from my college years that really are worthless at this point. So with a bit of time and patience, I can whip this kitchen back into shape.

We're not doing everything ourselves, either. Erich has been getting estimates from landscapers this week to get our yard under control. We have a couple of ragged, overgrown evergreen bushes on the sides of the driveway that look ugly and just need to be pulled. Plus there's a arborvitae shrub-turned-tree in front of our house that became a VERY active yellowjacket nest last year that we want to get rid of. Our maple trees need some cleanup- dead branches, branches too close to power lines, etc. And we have a LOT of yard waste due to wind storms. So... thanks to the nice federal refund for owning a house, we're investing in some professional assistance with all of that. That way we can focus on reseeding the grass in the yard (ourselves... and let the rainy forcast help it grow) and planting some flowers to make it all pretty for when everyone shows up in September. :)

Busy busy busy... but it will feel so good to get this stuff done.

Family Matters

In about an hour, Erich and I are heading up to Maine for the first time since his mom's death. We're spending the weekend doing some intial inventory of her belongings to give to the lawyer Erich's hired to help with her estate, sorting papers as best we can, and whatever else we actually can cram into a normal-length weekend.

Everything just feels... odd.

For the most part, life has been going about as normal for the past two weeks. Erich seems to be doing okay with everything. I'll go for a day or so, and then suddenly remember she's gone (and then feel guilty for forgetting). It still doesn't seem real. I imagine that's going to change around nine tonight when we get to Maine...

I've been asked by a few people this week how I'm doing, how Erich's doing, etc. I reply "He seems to be doing fine..." to the second question. We haven't talked much about how he's doing, but that's mostly because Erich (like me) tends to be a bit private about his feelings, especially when he's working through something. To the first, it tends to be mixed. The most accurate answer is "I'm not sure." I've been on a bit of an emotional wave lately, and it really depends on the exact moment I get asked.

I feel clumsy and awkward about it all, yet at the same time I seem to be having an easy time accepting death... and I'm honestly not sure whether that's a good thing or not.

Meandering thoughts

Erich's been busy the last week with arrangements and handling his mother's expenses and such- it's been a weird, busy week for him. Calling for mortuary arrangements, calling our lawyer to get the process rolling on her estate. But overall, he's doing... okay. Better than I would expect honestly. I suppose I've been holding my breath for him to break down or something.

I know, I know... guys don't work like that.

In any case, part of me feels like it's wrong trying to just carry on with life as if nothing happened. It's not like it really is that way, of course. But sometimes it feels that way.

In any case, no specific date is set for her memorial service. Erich made arrangements for Debby's body to be cremated. We'll have a small service to spread half of her ashes in Maine, and the other half will be interred in the family plot in Massachusetts. But no dates at this point- I imagine it'll be sometime this spring.

Writing out my Save the Date cards in the middle of this was honestly disturbing. It just felt completely wrong. But they had to be done... because we're now rolling in on six months away. I did them out of guilt and a desire to shut my mother up more than anything.

I know my regular readers will find no surprise in this statement- but any ounce of enjoyment/excitement that I might have had about planning my wedding (read=little) is permanently gone. It's going through the motions at this point. Debby's death is just the final mark of pain in this whole process for me to finally call it quits on the emotional front. Yes, I'm planning it. I'm quite sure I'll enjoy my wedding day, albeit with a bittersweet note. But no, the process leading up it is just going through motions now. Partially because with every ounce of excitement I'd show, it would get smacked down by a fight, or a frustration, or... death. It's all about meeting expectations of family members, and really not about the couple getting married. I'd laugh bitterly at anyone who says otherwise, based upon what I've experienced in two years.

September 23rd can't come fast enough so it's done with. I want to move on with our normal lives, enjoying the growth that comes through being a married couple legally... not just emotionally as we are now. Melinda said it best in an email recently to me (in not these exact words, of course)... that we were married emotionally when the engagement ring went on my finger in that blizzard two years ago.

And the irony is, my relationship with Erich is fantastic through all of this. If anything, I'd say it's getting better. Without going into too many details, sexual frustrations that have plagued our relationship (our one huge problem-- and it was my problem) for the better part of our relationship are going away on their own-- apparently stress at my old job was a HUGE part of those issues.



Yeah... my brain's a little cluttered these days. *sigh*

Coping

Erich's mom passed away on Friday afternoon. It hasn't really hit him yet, but his coping mechanisms are firmly in place. He's admitted that it's so huge that his brain just can't comprehend it. We're waiting for the results of an autopsy - Erich needs it for his own piece of mind - and then the formal arrangements will be made. Erich's current line of thinking is to have her cremated, and then spread half of her ashes into the sea in Maine, and bring the other half to be interred in the family plot in Hopedale, Mass.

Thankfully, the Providence crew contingent has been wonderful this weekend. Jason & Jen hosted a gathering on Friday night so Erich could be surrounded by everyone (since he has only a very small and scattered family, his friends are honestly his closest family in many ways). We played poker late into the night, the guys did some drinking (I stayed sober to get him home, of course), and just were there for him.

Yesterday, an already planned Dungeons & Dragons game was moved over to our house. And again, I think the community helped Erich a lot. They played from about 1 p.m. until 4:30 in the morning. I milled about a bit, going out to do some craft shopping with Teresa, baking cookies (because baking does actually make me feel better), and just taking a breather for a while to collect my own thoughts.

Everyone's been wonderful. It's times like this that you truly realize how strong friendships are a blessing. And how fleeting and precious life truly is.

The update...

Erich came home yesterday. Although I'm a bit concerned about that decision, I can recognize that he just needed to be in familiar surroundings to start the grieving process. He told me that if his mom were conscious, he'd have decided differently. But he feels there's nothing he can do there, and I think he needs to retreat for a while.

The doctors called Erich early this morning and asked him permission to remove his mom's ventilator. They believe it's the only thing keeping her alive at this point. Her lungs are failing, her heart is failing, and her kidneys have shut down.

Erich gave them permission, of course. There's no reason to prolong her life at this point with artificial means. Her body is not responding to any treatment. They still can't find the source of the infection that has caused her sepsis. The fluids via IV are just pooling.

Nature will take over and decide as it will.

Erich wanted to be alone today, so I'm at work. I drove in to make sure I had full control over my departure from Boston (i.e. not relying on train schedules) when the call comes.

So yeah... that's where things stand.

*sigh*

Small update

Erich's heading up to Maine now, per doctor recommendations. As of now, I'll plan on joining him for the weekend. That of course may change at any second. One way or the other, I think one of my first chores tonight will be heading to Lowes to get some extra keys for my house made to give to friends in case I need to drop and run.

The medical staff has not been able to find the source of infection-- at this point, it's internal, but they don't know where. She's going into a full body scan today.

Her heart is working at 25% capacity, and her blood pressure remains dangerously low. They want to rest her heart, but can't do that without risking losing ground on her blood pressure. It seems that that's the recurring theme... everything they can do will result in losing ground elsewhere.

In any case, for the time being I'm serving as contact point for those who want to know what's going on so Erich can focus on his mother.

- Mel.

Mortality

Sunday morning, I was ready to sit down and write a fairly happy entry because I was feeling quite well. I watched the JFK Carrier make its final port of call before being decommissioned next week only a few short blocks from my office (where it's still sitting, although it was supposed to leave today). Work's going well. I'm catching up on my finances. And Erich and I are doing well.

Then Erich got a call from his uncle. His mother is seriously ill. And as of right now, it's looking a bit grim.

His mom has been struggling for the better part of a year now. She shattered her leg last year, resulting in her being in traction for a while. She developed some side infections-- and with diabetes complicating her healing, it's been a very rocky, nasty road ever since. She's been in resident care for months. But a couple months ago, things were looking brighter-- she had a new doctor. She was able to go home once a week. It looked like she would be heading back to her apartment for good.

And then this weekend, she went south again. A new infection, which has resulted in sepsis. She's in the ICU, had to be knocked out because as her lucidity disappeared, she started messing with her IV. She's now on a ventilator. The doctor's not sugarcoating things. Things are not looking good.

Erich wisely took today off to make sure things are in order. Months ago, Erich's mom gave him power of attorney status over her affairs. He's been in steady contact with the hospital, getting updates. He's been discussing all of his mom's finances and state of affairs with his uncle, who lives next door to her. It's frightening to think about having to make such arrangements, but he's right to do so now.

Part of the problem is that for the better part of the year, he's relied on his mom to tell him what's going on. She told him flat out she didn't want him coming up to Maine, as she wasn't able to move much and didn't want a visit to be a depressing event of sitting around in a resident home. Whether or not she knew how bad things are, we're not sure. But I've been pushing him to get up to Maine to see her and get a sense of things with his own eyes now. He feels powerless. He's not sure what he can do, given that she's unconscious at the moment. And to a point, I can understand that. I know that a good portion of me would want to figure out a way to spend days by my mom's bedside, though. But I have that odd "I can will her back" dream about me, as stupid as it might be.

So anyway... I'll probably be quiet here for a few days. If you have ways of sending some extra healing energies... I know Erich's mom can use them... and Erich can, too.

- Mel.

Meandering

I haven't meant to be so quiet in my journal over the past few weeks (or months... or however long it's actually been). I'm a bit annoyed that my journal seems to be evolving into something very meme-tastic with little other substance. Hopefully I can fix that.

That being said... my brain has been on one of its inner-retreat since Christmas, and I've embraced it completely. I made no resolutions this year. I think I finally figured out that putting resolutions to paper meant that I was guaranteed to break them. But somehow, my behavior in 2007 has been wandering down a theme - reclaiming myself.

So my free time has been filled with goofy timewasters:
- Watching the new incarnation of Doctor Who... a lot
- Watching just about anything else I can find with David Tennant in it. (currently the songs from Blackpool are stuck rotating in my head.)
- Filling my iPod with all things video for my commute
- Playing an unusually small amount of World of Warcraft
- Reading fanfic. Lots and lots of fanfic.
- Attempting (and failing) to write fanfic. *sigh*
- Stitching (although that's not exactly a time waster)

Meditating (again.. not exactly a time waster)

Overall, I'm not exactly productive. But that's okay.

Except that I've been slacking... badly... in the wedding planning department. I just am not getting excited about the planning. It's just kinda there, and I know I'll get it done. But I should be excited about planning a wedding, shouldn't I? I mean... I'm now down to less than nine months, and I'm just eh...

Don't get me wrong. I'm excited at the prospect of becoming Erich's wife. I guess I'm just not feeling this whole pomp and circumstance thing.

And it bothers me.

Frustration

My mom and I had a fairly long, disjointed phone conversation last night. It started with "so we need to start planning your wedding, Melissa..." and migrated, as it often does, into talking about my brother and my father, in no particular or linear order. I feel like we always talk in circles, and that I repeat myself almost every conversation in hopes that sooner or later, my mom will actually listen to what I'm saying and maybe even accept that yes, I do, in fact, feel very strongly about a few things. And that no, she doesn't necessarily know me that well (and that I don't want to tell her things sometimes).

The good news on her end is that she's found a new man, named George, who seems to be (in all true senses of the word) a fantastic guy. He's a strong family man who loves his kids, loves animals, and shares my mom's love of life. He's moving to Pennsylvania in a couple of months (not in with her... but to the area. She met him via her real estate work), but until then it's a long-distance thing.

I'm happy for her. I liked Jim, but the two of them were so different. At the end the whole on-again off-again thing was maddening. Jim has thankfully found a woman much like him-- into motorcycles, into deer hunting, etc. Mom's happy for him, and I am too.

So in that department, I'm happy. Mom's happy. It's a good thing.

My dad on the other hand, well...

Those who have read my journal for the past three years or more know some of the very bad recent history with my dad. To sum up for newer readers... he and I had a huge falling out at Christmas in '03. I went home, had a very nasty time that culminated in a horrifying dinner the last night I was there, the only time I had any opportunity to be with my dad one-on-one during the visit, in which my dad spent the entire dinner laying out every single way I suck at life. All things that could possibly be argued were valid about me as a senior in high school, but half of them were so far in the past and over and done with that I couldn't even fathom how to respond to it (i.e. nearly converting to Mormonism when I was in high school... for my boyfriend at the time).

The next day, I stewed on the plane-- all fucking eight hours from Billings to Providence, plus the hour drive back to Boston.

Three months later, I wrote him a letter. A five-page, single-spaced typed letter, discussing everything I've had to say to him since I left for college at eighteen. All of the shit I'd held in.

Cathartic? Yes. Needed to be done? Yes. Good for our relationship? . . .

Fuck all.

My dad and I have perhaps spoken a half-dozen times since I wrote that letter. I might be generous with that amount, actually. The conversations are strained, barely scraping past the surface and generally settle on the Red Sox or the Philadelphia Eagles or the New England Patriots or some other thing football. We've grown apart. And I have to be honest-- I'm wary and not all that excited to to bridge that gap anytime soon. He's shown no interest in knowing me as I am now. And for the most part, I like who I am now. I'm not about to go expose that to someone who's only going to rip it apart and tell me how much I suck at life.

I may appear strong... but this whole new self-esteem thing is still not quite stable. It wouldn't take much to crack.

In the meantime, my mom and I talk nearly every week. We rarely go more than a couple without at least a quick little "hi, how are things?" conversation on the phone. And every conversation she'll tell me that I really need to talk to my dad, and how we need to patch things up.

Two months ago, that suggestion began disappearing from our chats. She's had some contact with my dad recently, partly due to the wedding planning and partly due to my brother, and she's starting to see how annoyingly avoidant and disconnected my dad has become. He has no interest in knowing me as a person now. Why should I push forward to make any sort of an effort?

Last night I pointed out that the only reason I even was discussing him as because of the wedding. I have no interest in trudging back down that road again with him, only to be left stewing for another eight hours of flight between Montana and Rhode Island, allowing my already too short temper to get the best of me.

And on the other end of the bad news... my brother's taken another downturn, and it's hurting my mom to no end. I understand why, but it's one of the things that I just get myself to deal with. And that pisses me off. I've focused so much of my emotions to work through the shit with my father over the past few years, I haven't gotten through all of the history with my brother. It's shoved in some mental filing cabinet in my brain labeled "deal with this shit later."

I don't talk about my brother much in my journal. We're not that close, and that is my fault. I've purposely put a lot of emotional distance between us. A lot of it has to do with our relationship when we were growing up, and my celebration when I went to college and no longer had to deal with him one-on-one every day.

My brother's bipolar. And recently, he decided - as he does - that he's doing better and no longer needs his meds.

So he stopped taking them entirely.

Again.

And now he's cycling.

He was doing so fucking well, too. Getting his life in order, out looking for a job, getting rid of girlfriends who are using him for god-knows-what while he's on a turn towards mania.

I can't wrap my head around how he can be 28 and not holding down a job. He seems to be out of work every six months or so. Either he's fired or a company closes, or he left because he didn't like it... etc. He's not getting the idea that you suck it up and deal with getting any job so you can pay the bills. He doesn't want to move closer to my mom, but he's running back to her via the phone, wishing she were there just to give him a big hug. And whether intended or not, I hear that tone in my mom's voice that suggests that I need to patch things up with him. That I should be helping with him. But how the hell do I do that?

When it comes to my brother, I just freeze. I'm too scared to approach the big ball of chaos that is my manic-depressive sibling. I intentionally seek out calm things in my life. I detach. I try to avoid making ripples in life if I can help it. I probably started doing this as Scott started cycling as a child. My brother doesn't just make ripples in life. He jumps in and makes cannonball waves. Big fucking ones that make me seasick.

And currently, my stomach is lurching.

For the love of all that is good and holy

This whole Pats giving its fans a heart attack during the post-season is getting old.

My fingers really, really hurt from chomping on my nails for the past 45 minutes or so.

Damn...

*thud*

Great game. Sloppy on both sides, but great game.

New year, new craziness

Happy New Year :)

I'm not gone-- just... preoccupied. It's been a very wacky couple of weeks, and while I've been spending a lot of time in front of my computer, I just haven't had an idea about a blogging topic in a few days (well, since a very weird rant last week via the private notify list that seemed to scare the crap out of people because it was the weirded out side of me as this all kicked up last week).

In any case, I'm fine. Being my normal, completely off-the-wall self. In fact, I'd argue that I haven't felt quite like... me... in a while. Very goofy, slightly off-kilter, and my mind is just spinning. Definitely hasn't been a while. I've missed it. It's amusing that for four years, I cranked through November struggling to write my "necessary" 1,667 words per day to stay on that 50,000 word mark for the month. But here, in about a week, I've plowed through about 10,000... longhand. :) Lots and lots of ideas. Enough that I've had to rely on keeping the notebook next to the bed because I've had two three a.m. wake-ups that required me to write everything down.

(it's beside the point that I can barely read my chickenscrawl from 3 a.m., half-asleep, written without my glasses on.)

Ah yes... the writing bug. I was honestly wondering if I'd get it again. It's nice to see that it was just in hibernation for a while. Most of the ideas have been coming in the form of fanfic. Ideally, I'd like to crank out some original character fiction, but I'm so rusty that I refuse to discount any idea spewing from my brain right now... it's all getting written down.

I finally shut myself up and just let myself get lost in the evenings in new geeky addiction. The first series (2005) of Doctor Who arrived on my doorstep the other day, and I've been catching up. I'm expecting the second series sometime after my birthday. And much to Erich's teasing and amusement, I've been on a bit of a David Tennant binge... and slightly annoyed that I can't find my DVD copy of Harry Potter 4...

*sigh*

I'm a dork. I know. But I think this is the positive backswing after being so depressed for so long. I didn't expect it to swing quite this fast however... but I'll take it. Maybe the depth of depression leads to such a sharp swing to try to rebalance everything. *shrug*

Work's been insanely busy this week, but in a fantastic way. Apparently I am turning heads a bit-- because I've been drafted for a HUGE style standards organization project at work, which will be presented to the president of the company within 10 days. So far, I think it's going well- I have most of my first round of drafts done, and should have all of them done tomorrow. It's shocking-- I'm writing, I'm editing, AND doing layout design... all at once. :) My degree? Useful? Sweet!

And how is it already January 4th? This year is already flying...

Being a "macoddity"

My new job is going well so far. I'm settling in, and for the most part am finding my way around both the style guidelines that I need to follow and finding my way around the office. I still don't know most people's names, but some are starting to stick. I know that will happen with time.

I did find it amusing that the very night I go out with my old workmates last week for drinks - something I wound up having to avoid doing while I was working at that job due to false accusations about not putting in the correct number of hours - I get both a phone call and an email from my old boss asking me to come in to help in the evenings, since they still haven't hired a new admin. Never mind the fact that I made that offer twice before I left the job and didn't get an answer one way or the other until I contacted my boss during the last day that I was there to see what I should do about my ID and such on my way out the door. She said she'd get in contact with the internal temp agency to send me paperwork-- which wasn't done until the same day she called me last week. It takes three weeks to do that? Sounds like... exactly the kind of crap that I put up with for years.

My guess is that it finally hit that I did, in fact, do a crapload of work at that job. Now no one's there to do the work, and the shit is finally hitting the fan. Which makes me sad in some ways because I do care for the majority of the people I used to work with, and I don't want their lives to be hellish at work because there's no admin there. But then again, with the exception of only a few people... I never felt like I was supported. Appreciation was uncommon. Civility became uncommon over the last four months. I was always fighting from a corner, always on my own, and always at the bottom of the barrel where all of the shit flowed. It made me horribly depressed, both at work and away from it. I really was just going through the motions of life for the past year, trying to survive until my wedding so I could leave. In the end, I just couldn't push myself to endure all of the bullshit. I was sick of going home in tears, crying to Erich about how I just couldn't understand why it had to be this way. But in the end, it just... did. My manager played a lousy hand, and I called the bluff by getting a new job.

Since the week of Thanksgiving, I've realized just how bad my mental state really was at that job. As soon as I got the call last week, I started feeling the anxiety and the panic about dealing with her all over again. I think that was the wake-up call sign about what I should do, not to mention some strong doubts about how this really would work out, and how long in reality such a position would last. I mean-- I gave my notice well over a month ago, and they haven't hired even a temp to come in? Let's just say that I'm not exactly trusting that this would be a temporary position. I'm already trained to do the job. I forsee that I'd be getting dumped with the work for a long time to come-- only this time with no bennies.

Thankfully, I can honestly say that my new job is keeping me too busy. I've stayed late over half of the days I've been working there so far. It's the start of one of the busier seasons in my new industry, and lots of projects are needed to go out the door ASAP. I couldn't guarantee steady hours over there even if I wanted to-- which I honestly don't.

It's great to feel wanted, and that the work that I do is valued-- but in this case, it was way too little, way too late. I've moved on to much better things, and I don't regret it for a single second.



(title reference comes from a rather... odd... cartoon short here. Funny... with some great one-liners that have become very common in our gaming group.)

Commuting is (not) fun!

Ah yes... now that it's winter, the MBTA is showing its stupidity again.

This morning, we had no heat on our car-- and the system was blowing the cold air into the car for the entire hour's ride in. At first, I tried to excuse it as "Oh, it's the first run for this train of the day... it's probably just cold from sitting overnight in the yard." But nope, it was still as cold as when we boarded. I needed to thaw for a few minutes in South Station before trekking over to work.

I could put a complaint in on the MBTA website, but based on the response I got this summer, all I'll get is a generic meaningless "we got your email, now bugger off!" response about a month after the fact. Then they'll add my email to an MBTA mailing list where they send occasional spam messages about how MBTA service is improving (riiiiight) and what they've done to improve things (riiiight).

So if I put in a complaint today about the unheated car-- I'd probably get a response in.. February or so.

I would blow it off for the most part, except that as of January, my monthly commuter rail pass is going from $198 a month to $250 a month. For that much of a raise, I'd like to have cars working properly.

But above all of these fare increases, the MBTA still whines that it's broke. Broke after years of neglect with stations rusting through, platforms pitted and in need of complete structural rebuilding, escalators constantly out of service with permanent "temporarily out of order" signs, and trains that never get cleaned. When I was in college, we were greeted on Monday mornings with recently cleaned trains that had the over-powering scent of lysol within. It was deadly strong, but at least we knew that they'd made some effort to at least mop the floors in the cars.

While some station improvements have been going, the MBTA has wasted its money putting an entirely new fare system in place for the system-- with electronic reader cards (known as Charlie Cards... because the current generation is so familiar with the Kingston Trio's song) to eliminate tokens. It's similar in appearance to the BART system in the San Francisco area of the late 1980's and early 1990's (no idea if it's still the same out there). You get a single ticket, on which you place your desired amount of stored fare money. Each ride, the fare is deducted.

Only problem with Boston's system is that the old one wasn't broken- other than the fact that the token dispensing machines were always broken down. This new system appears to have only been introduced to eliminate booth workers. The sliding glass panes at the fare collection stations are slower than turnstyles. They're a frustration to exit, and I'm just waiting for about a year down the road when they start breaking and the MBTA doesn't fix them.

I realize that for a while, the MBTA was the cheapest train system in the nation- it was 85 cents to ride it the entire time I was in college. I realize that fares have to increase. But if the fares are increasing, justify it with at least comparable service. With each increase, the quality of service goes down. Another increase, and it's quite possibly no longer cost effective for Erich and I to commute by train. Right now, we have two zone eight passes (so... $500 per month, just for tickets), plus $60 for parking (assuming $3 per day for 20 days a month). Parking in Boston is about $15 per day at the cheap lot now located close to both of our offices. It's $24-26 at most other lots. Sure, it's wear and tear on our car... but if the train continues to be a frustration- is it worth it?

I thought mass transit was supposed to encourage people to not drive to work.

(sigh)

Winter arrives

Erich and I woke this morning to heavily falling snow. Only a dusting had settled on the ground and the roads were clear, but it was just heavy enough to give all of the trees a very pretty flocked appearance. It was also one of those snows that I know won't stay very long. It's going to be just warm enough to make anything white disappear by day's end. A bit of the slushy aftermath may remain, but that's about it.

It made me glad that we finished a good chunk of our yard cleanup on Sunday morning, just in time for the snow to fall. We've filled about eight of those large paper leaf bags so far this season and probably have another four or so to go. We also have lost several large limbs from our maple trees this season. Both of us are a bit concerned that the trees may be diseased. Sometime next year, we'll probably get a tree doctor out to check them out. It just doesn't seem right that a 15 foot limb with a 6+ inch span would just come down. It's been windy, but not THAT windy. I'd hate to lose the height of those trees, but at the same time I know it's better to just get rid of them if they're sick trees. We'd just have to replant.

We can make use of the wood from those limbs, however. We bought one of those outdoor fireplaces so we could safely burn off twigs and brush that we need to dispose of (rather than attempting to bundle them). Erich has used the chainsaw to create logs out of the larger limbs for foundation logs in the fire. So yesterday as one person raked and bagged leaves, the other stoked a fire and burned off some brush. We traded off after every couple bags.

It was also good timing because we had our roof over the sunroom replaced on Saturday morning. During one of the recent heavy rainstorms, a good amount of water went through the roof, down the wall, and right into our sunroom. The plaster on the ceiling is now in need of replacement, and we may have to replace part of the wall as well. Erich called our insurance company, and while they said the roof was due to normal wear & tear, they did pay a claim on the interior damage. Thankfully the things that got wet wasn't anything too valuable- mostly our Dungeons & Dragons notebooks, a couple books, etc. I have to rewrite character sheets, but that's no big deal.

In any case, the roofers came on Saturday and put a new rubber roof over the existing asphalt one. Apparently when they took off the lowest siding board, they found the problem- the channel that was supposed to wisk water away from the roof had been covered over during the last resurfacing of the roof, so the water had nowhere to go until it soaked through. (sigh)

In any case, it's done, and unlike the asphalt roof, this one is supposed to last for at least 20 years.

Ah yes... home ownership.

What was that about a money pit? :)

Finding my new routine

Yesterday I started my new job. The commute is the same, and so are my hours. I do have to go an extra stop on the commuter rail to South Station (i.e. downtown Boston), so it's throwing off our train schedule a bit now-- we're on the earlier train.

So far, I'm enjoying it. I have a clear sense of what my little administrative department does, which is something I haven't had in six years. There's a well-organized system in place for work requests. It's thankfully been very slow this week, allowing the other two admins I work with to spend a lot of time showing me the programs I'm unfamiliar with, helping me get macros set up on my computer, and finding my way around. I've already completed two fairly large projects on my own, including one that was a "miracle worker" project this morning in Acrobat... so I'm feeling quite good. Tomorrow our group has a massive printing and binding project to do which will probably keep me at work after hours.

But I honestly am looking forward to it-- it's nice to feel like I'm part of a team again. I'd grown so isolated in my old position, and as independent as I am, I really do prefer to at least feel like I'm contributing to a team effort.

My dress code is thankfully virtually the same-- I can't wear jeans or sneakers, but that doesn't concern me at all. I'm just thrilled I don't need to rush out to buy an entirely new wardrobe. What I have will suffice until I get caught up on bills and such after the holidays.

I do have to admit that I miss most of the people I worked with already... but I think a lot of that is due to the familiarity. I traded email addresses with most of the people that I would love to keep in contact with, so I'm not too concerned. And I know I'll see them in about a week when they gather for the monthly social gathering after work.

Only three more days until Holidailies starts. I need to start coming up with writing ideas... anyone have suggestions?

Happy Tuesday...

Last day

My personal stuff is removed from my office. It's definitely not bare-- the work of an administrative assistant requires that there's a ton of paper everywhere. But by five, I'll have the last remaining things on my desk tidied and labeled. It feels very, very weird to be leaving here. My emotions are a bit mixed today. I honestly consider that to be a good thing. I'll put of my thoughts to writing tomorrow during my downtime. I have a few topics to roll through in my head before I type them out. I may not finish them. I might not write them all down, depending on the tone they take. Some may be too trivial and fleeting to really consider noteworthy.

I'm happy that I'll have the next few days to decompress, regear myself, and enjoy the holidays. Erich and I bought our turkey yesterday (in case we had to buy frozen, since we didn't order one). We decided on a large turkey to ensure leftovers. Last year's 14 pound bird just didn't have enough for our liking. I think I maybe was able to scrape out one good batch of turkey salad from the leftovers. So this year we're going on overkill- a 22 lb turkey for four people.

Heh.

As of now, the group will be Erich, his dad, our friend Matt, and me. Quiet and cozy.

Tonight I'll be making my shopping list for the rest of the supplies needed, plus food for the weekend. We're going to the annual LAN party on Cape Cod, starting Friday night and running through Sunday. Lots of soda, snacks, and coffee are needed.

Other little mentionables...

I signed up to participate in Holidailies again this year. I'll be posting at least one entry per day from December 1-January 1. If there's anything specific you want me to write about (read: I need some ideas!!!), toss a comment my way so I can start scribbling. This includes odd memes, Thursday Thirteens, and any random topics.

I also was accepted into the Thursday Thirteen blogroller this past week-- for anyone stopping by... Hi there! :)

If I haven't already done so, I'll be dropping anyone who requested a card a little confirm email & to swap addresses where requested. If you're interested in one, go here. :)

Okay, I'll stop. Seven more hours... :)

What a difference a week makes

The reality that a week from today, I'll be done working at my present position started to seriously hit me today. I was oddly shocked by the sadness that hit me, despite all of my frustration for the past... oh, eighteen months or so.

I'm just going to miss a lot of the people I work with. For six years, I've been at the low-end of the totem pole as far as title goes. But as a single administrative assistant for almost fifty people, I still felt like a lot of things circulated around me and that I was important in the grand scheme of things - even if I felt that my managers didn't agree with that idea.

There are over a dozen people within my department that have been working with me the entire six years. They've shared in my life as things have changed in incredible ways.

Since starting my job, those people have watched me as the following things have happened:

- Worked through the death throes of a nasty relationship
- Lived in three places (The Beast, Randolph, and Providence)
- Met Erich (nearly a year after starting this job)
- Acquired four cats
- Turned 30
- Lost my grandmother
- Had the huge falling out with my father (still unrepaired)
- Participated in NaNoWriMo four times, winning twice
- Got engaged
- Bought a house
- Acquired my first car

And probably other things that I can't recall off the top of my head.

My mother's constant "Melissa hates change..." addage from my childhood is laughing at me. I don't agree with the sentiment that I hate change. I actually do enjoy change. I'm excited to start my new job. I'm looking forward to the challenge.

But what does throw me off is a sense of instability. Mom and I have discussed this at length, and I do agree with her that part of it comes from being - and knowing at an early age - that I was an adopted child. It's not a fear of change so much as an underlying need for stability.

Yet at the same time, I feel really good. The past week is the first in a long time that I can remember waking up without the sharp pains in my shoulders due to stress. My shoulders are still somewhat tense-- they always have been because I'm generally just a walking stressball. But they don't hurt. For the past year, my shoulders always hurt. I often had to physically try to force my shoulders down from a hunkering position that they tended to rootch into throughout the day - to the point that when I would lie down to sleep, they'd literally be scrunched up by my ears.

I feel like myself again-- I can laugh and joke around. I'm smiling a bit more at work.

I wonder what a week off between jobs will do for me...

Busy week, lotsa news...

Mighty Samurai
Originally uploaded by measi.

It's already been a life-altering week for me in very good ways. I did something that shocked the hell out of me, scared me, but also made me so relieved that I was fighting back tears on several occasions over the past 48 hours.

I've found a new job. I gave my two week notice late this afternoon.

It's a sentimental thing-- I really will miss my coworkers and the idea of working in publishing. But alas, publishing is not to be. I'd asked through HR, I'd asked other managers for suggestions, and no leads turned up. So I had to look elsewhere. I"ve been stagnant for a while-- six years in any job will do that. I was feeling burnt out and not used to my potential. I desperately needed a change.

I've found a great opportunity to use both the skill set I've developed over ten years of administrative work, plus start really working with the journalism degree I earned through undergrad work. I'll be in an entirely new industry. Lots of new stuff to learn and to challenge me. That's what I desperately need.

I'm psyched. And sad. And excited. And weirded out.

So... strange.

But it's been a good day.

And the political landscape change is making that even better. :)

Halloween prep

For those coming to visit my Thursday Thirteen-- welcome! Just scroll one entry down. (but I hope you'll read more!)

It's been a crazy, frustrating week here. I'm muddling through okay and hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel to arrive shortly... but yeah. *sigh* It's involved some 'ritas and yummy food at the Texas Roadhouse and some serious half-talking, half-crying to Erich so I can get my thought settled. (please note: The issues are NOT about our relationship at all- we're doing fantastic).

On brighter, happier things... we did a ton of Halloween decoration shopping last night. After last year's crazy turnout for trick-or-treaters (and confirming it with the neighbors), it seems that ours is THE neighborhood with candy. I've dreamed for years of being able to really have fun with the whole neighborhood Halloween thing. I grew up in a great neighborhood for it too, and despite the changing times... I'll hang onto the illusion that kids still go out for candy on October 31st.

Samhain or not, this Pagan enjoys the campier side of the holiday. :)

The thing I discovered last year is that our front door is crappy for Halloween. Our front steps go straight to the door with no landing. So in order to open the door, then open the storm/screen door, I had to have kids back up. And of course, I was also trying to keep cats *in* the house at the same time. It wasn't good. Frustrating, in fact.

So this year, we'll start using the mudroom, which is a secondary front entrance. It started as an outdoor porch- we know this because both the outer door to the mudroom porch AND the inner door into our pantry has a brass mail slot in it. We figure that when Anna (the previous owner) had the house resided with vinyl, they took the leftover amount and just closed in the porch completely to use it as an old-fashioned lean-to shed. There's no heat out there. It's used for mail collection and keepng things really cold in the winter. We have a few random boxes out there of stuff not yet sorted plus the spare styrofoam coolers for when they're needed for travel. We can prop the door permanently open for the evening for treaters while keeping the rest of the house shut. It's the perfect space.

So the plan is to put black tarping paper on all of the walls inside our mudroom porch, add some cobwebs in there, and then put a blacklight in the overhead socket so it looks a bit eerie (but not completely scary). We'll cobweb our box elder bushes. It'll be fun and easy-- and over the next few years, it'll probably go a bit over the top. But hey... it's Halloween. Why not? :)

Erich's taking the day off for a mental health day, so he'll start with the first rounds of treaters while I make my way home. Based on the traffic I saw last year, he might take the brunt of them. Traffic was hellish last year. Even with my train arriving at quarter to seven, I doubt I'll be home much before seven thirty.

But it'll be fun. I'll take photos as we put this together this weekend.

Oh... and because I forgot to post them on Sunday as promised, here are the answers to last week's Thursday Thirteen songs. I'm not surprised at the ones that were recognized (especially #3 and #8). I would have been shocked to see someone get #10 or #12- considering #10 was from an obscure album, and #12 is an even more obscure ELO song from Xanadu. I was surprised that no one got #5, but maybe it's just me from my generation who grew up watching American Bandstand on Saturday mornings... :)

1)A Kind of Magic – Queen
2) Make Love to You – Etta James
3) Cult of Personality – In Living Colour
4) Send Her My Love – Journey
5) Bandstand Boogie – Barry Manilow
6) Bad – U2
7) A Question of Time – Depeche Mode
8) Dreams – Fleetwood Mac
9) Runaway Train – Soul Asylum
10) The Earth Is – Air Supply
11) Mea Culpa – Enigma
12) The Fall - Electric Light Orchestra
13) Closer to Fine – Indigo Girls

Friday morning musings...

I'll do my Friday Feast entry sometime this afternoon... I only have a few minutes before I need to dial into a tele-course to learn how to generate bar codes. (whee!)

Random thoughts today...

I was asked when I'll post the answers to the lyrics. I'll be doing that on Sunday. :)

It's one of those rainy, dreary transition weather days here in New England. We're supposed to get gale-force winds this afternoon. Which means that we'll have lots of raking to do this weekend. Thankfully Mother Nature was able to put on most of the peak color show before this year's big wind storm showed up.

Menstrual cramps + Indian food = lots of intenstinal ow.

After seeing an advertisement on TV a couple days ago (plus an email from Erich), I had a need to purchase the Sims 2: Pets expansion last night. I'm already highly amused. Some poor Sim is going to be taken over by a pile of animals, I think.

I have sooooo much stitching to do this weekend, it's not funny.

Back a bit later.

Hockey hockey hockey

The Sign the Taus Built
Originally uploaded by measi.

The Agganis Arena at Boston University fully justifies my four years of tuition. It is beautiful. It's bright. It's clean. It has spiffy jumbotron screens surrounding the stadium.

Oh, college hockey, how I've missed you so.

As I'd mentioned last week in my Thursday Thirteen, the Sisters of Tau Beta Sigma were being honored for their contribution of the Goalie/Sieve sign to BU Hockey Lore. When the new arena opened, the building & grounds folks didn't know where the sign would be placed. And so it didn't go anywhere. It sat in storage as students (and alumni) who came to games became upset at the dismantling of a tradition.

With the help of a flagpole and some ingeniuty, this year... the sign is back. It's hung from the rim of the Student Suite. Over the course of the year, a couple Sisters will be held responsible for trekking to the other side of the arena during the break between periods, and flip it over.

But Saturday night, the alumni Sisters were able to enjoy the swankiness of the student suite and took one last round at flipping the banner. The suite was fully stocked with burgers, italian sausages, chips, and other yummy munchies-- and of course, the suite sponsor, Snapple. Lots and lots of Snapple.

The nine of us in this photo wasn't reflective of the number of people who were in and out of the suite all evening. At one point, it was standing room only.

We laughed. We cheered on the game (BU won over the University of New Brunswick, 3-2). We introduced our required suite chaperone to the joys of the band community (and even made her a temporary honorary as we invited her back to the band room for celebratory cake).

Many of us agreed that the unofficial motto of our chapter should be "Join TBS - We Have Cake." Let it be known that the band director agreed with it, too. So the sisters should start giving out flyers with it! (partially kidding)

All very good times. I seriously need to get to more hockey games and introduce Erich to the addictive insanity that is Hockey East.

In Other Words: Faults

The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. -Thomas Carlyle

From In Other Words Meme...

The above quote, I can say with certainty, does not apply to me. Erich frequently interrupts me because if anything, I find faults with myself that he claims I don’t have. I am a horrible self-criticizer. The Queen of Faults, as it were.

I’m not quite sure why I’m as bad about myself as I am. Well, no… that’s not true. I know some of the reasons. There is the clichéd directed fault toward my parents, who did genuinely push me to improve. Most good parents do that, don’t they? The problem, though, was that I never felt good enough. I watched them reward my brother for his work in school when he’d get B’s, but if I got B’s… well, I needed to try harder. And the A’s were expected, but not rewarded.

Do I blame my parents? Yeah, part of me does. Or at least, I resent the memories of it. I recognizing how I’ve internalized comments, whether correctly or incorrectly, and now I’m trying to unlearn and rework. I internalized the pushing from my parents as “you’re not good enough. You need to do better.” It obliterated my self-esteem in high school and college, where “you’re not good enough” developed into “you’re a stupid, stupid person who sucks.” Self-loathing caught on. I used the faults that I did have to search for more, whether or not they actually existed.

Actually, I still do that. I shouldn’t kid myself.

I’m not much better now, but I am slowly improving. Just reading through my entries from five years ago and reading the subtle comments between the lines- things that probably only I can see- I know I’m improving. I still think I’m an ugly, fat cow of a woman. I consider myself obnoxiously lazy, and try to overcompensate by trying to do too much (and then never getting stuff done). I am embarrassed by my inability to be proactive. I’m not even passive-aggressive. I’m just passive. I will blatantly go out of my way to avoid conflict. Whenever possible, I always put others’ needs before my own. To a point, it’s a good thing. But I do take it too far. I know this. I simply don’t know where the line of excess is located so I can sit on its fence-like beauty and keep things in balance.

My biggest problem, though, is that I’ve come to see pride in myself as being self-absorbed and (for lack of another term) completely selfish. I only see this as an issue for me, by the way. I admire people who are comfortable in their own skin and self-assured. But for some reason, I “know” that it’s wrong to feel that way about myself. It’s stupid. Absolutely stupid. But I can’t seem to get over that final hurdle. I don’t want to be seen as self-absorbed, selfish, or having an inflated ego. The idea of being seen with those traits terrifies me.

I think the problem is that I see selfishness in myself and panic. Panic results in polarizing myself into a position where thinking about my own needs isn’t on the radar, let alone being a secondary consideration. And then, since I manage to polarize myself so strongly, I feel completely lost and out of touch… intensifying the “I’m complete and utter shit” feelings. I stay silent so I don’t appear to need help. (because again—admitting that I need help translates into “I’m not good enough.”)

It’s a vicious cycle. And the irony of all of this is that I actually DO see that it’s stupid and wrong, and that I need to change. I just haven’t figured out how I do this yet.

If I’ve managed to give my readers the illusion that I am a calm, collected, self-confident person… I’m shocked and pleased. But yes, it is a façade. It’s a façade that I’m working on building into a foundation. For the moment, though, I seem to have misplaced my trowel. Maybe it’s up in the Pit of Despair (aka my office).

One Crazy Weekend

As the Year of Weddings continues…

We’re now moving into the season of Frank & Teresa’s (aka “T”) wedding at the end of August. The last weekend of July was T’s bachelorette down in NYC. Unfortunately, I couldn’t attend due to blowing my finances in the Bahamas. But from what I heard, they had a very good time. A quieter surprise "tea for T" event was planned for Sunday, August 5th for a couple hours in the late afternoon, so I didn't feel too bad.

This past Saturday was Frank’s bachelor party. I'd planned to have a very quiet night stitching at home. Erich would be gone for most of the night and quite possibly until just before dawn. Making said plans were my first mistake, of course-- any plans made means that I'm doomed to fail them. (I've learned this about weekends).

At around 5:30, everyone met up in front of Frank & T’s house. The guys were huddled in one group, adding more and more schlock onto Frank’s outfit for the night (complete with Star Wars boxers on the outside of his khaki shorts… and a pink and white boa. Stylin’!). The girls were over on the other side, watching with amusement and a bit of apprehension. Twelve guys hitting Foxwoods for the night. Goddess help us. There were some jokes about everyone making sure their Triple A cards were up to date, since it does state on the back that the company will post up to a $500 bond. Was that joking? Well...

...


yes. we'll assume it's joking. Hopefully. Maybe.

Anyway… the guys finally leave, partially in their rented limo and partially in a car that had to follow behind (due to the party size). All of the girls decide to head out for a relaxing dinner together in the city. Despite living in Providence now for a year, I honestly haven't gone out to too many places to eat. So I decide that well, sure. Why not? A couple of the girls wanted to try a place called Big Fish, so we headed down there. It wound up being in the really weird part of Providence-- an area that's not quite downtown, not quite by the docks, and not quite in the medical district. Lots of smaller warehouses. The building that housed the restaurant looks like it was originally some sort of car repair place-- the front windows looked exactly like the huge sliding garage doors you see at Jiffy Lube. To our surprise, there were a LOT of little bars and restaurants in that neighborhood. I am intrigued.

Dinner was great. We had yummy drinks. The food was excellent. The company was a ton of fun. We chatted all evening, and despite constantly feeling like the awkward n00b that I always feel in social situations, I had a good time. After dinner, I was feeling pretty tired, so I bowed out to head home, get the laundry done I wanted to do, and try to get some stitching done. The rest of the girls went back to T's and watched cheesy movies.

I threw my load of laundry in, threw a load of dishes in the dishwasher, and plunked myself on the couch with Apache Wedding Blessing to get some work done against a backdrop of Law & Order. I plodded slowly through some corrections and the finishing touches on the left bottom corner for about three hours.

Sometime just before two a.m., my brain cried Uncle. I headed up to bed, making sure that I left the back walkway lights on for a stumbling Erich. My brain finally let me fall asleep sometime around 4 a.m.

At about quarter to seven, Noby crawled up on the bed and started his morning rub & flop routine on my head to get love and playtime. Unfortunately, my brain decided I was getting up. (dammit) And wait a minute-- Erich's not in bed. Maybe he crashed downstairs? Nope. Didn't come home. Well, he hasn't called-- so I'm going under the assumption he's okay and asleep somewhere, or still sitting at the blackjack table in Foxwoods.

Around 10 a.m., I finally hear from him-- the guys all wound up at Chris & Sara's house around 3:30 or so, but no one was sober enough to think about driving. (well... good!) But now they're all up and hungry and everyone's going to breakfast. I'm a little concerned because I'm envisioning a party of 10-14 people trying to get into brunch at that hour on a Sunday morning... but okay, fine. I'm not going to be anti-social.

It wound up working well. Brunch turned into a shopping trip to the mall to keep T busy, and then we all brought T over to Sara's house that afternoon for tea. :) She was surprised. It wound up being a very relaxing afternoon. Sara is a wonderful hostess, and the table spread looked absolutely lovely. The guys, fearful of all of the estrogen in the house, headed a couple blocks away to one of the other houses to play D&D all afternoon.

The entire crew got together again around 7:30 p.m. for a huge family-style take-out Thai dinner. By 9 p.m., people were fading fast... and Erich and I said goodnight. I think we were in bed only an hour later.

It was a very fun and tiring weekend. I admit I'm a bit stressed and overwhelmed because I did barely anything on my "to do" list... but I had a good time. I will, however, be playing anti-social at least one weekend this month so I can have some quiet time to get shit done. :)

Tuesday Memeage: Reminiscing our childhood

This past weekend was very busy and both fun and frustration filled... but I'm a bit too sleepy at the moment. I'm also dealing with Elly thinking that I'm her dry nurse at the moment (she's attached to my shoulder... and making a rather big wet spot where she's trying to suckle).

Anyway... instead, I bring you... Tuesday's Tales:

Reminiscing Our Childhood


1. What is the earliest memory you have as a child? Think far back.

My earliest is a very quick lightbulb flash moment. I was two (and change). My parents and I were in Disneyland, and we were in the Haunted Mansion. For whatever reason, my parents were allowing me to stand (rather than hold me). I remember a huge sea of legs. And then there was a gap in the people, and I saw the mantle above the fireplace. The picture of a pretty woman turned to a skeleton.

And then it stops.

For years, I didn't believe it was real although my parents vouched that it most likely was. And then I went to Disneyland again at age 16. I stood in the front hall of the Haunted Mansion, and looked at the painting above the fireplace.

And watched that painting from memory turn into a skeleton. Damn.

2. What is a special memory you have about someone? It could be a grandparent, family friend - not including your parents - that you knew as a child.

One night when I was visiting my grandparents, I wanted to sleep up in the attic with my grandma. The attic was my mom's old bedroom, and since no one I knew at home had an attic, it was a big adventure for me. I couldn't have been older than seven, since that's the year that my grandparents moved away from their house on North 10th Street.

There was a big storm that night in Easton, and lightning hit a stop sign or something just up the street-- it was a tremendous sound. It scared both my grandma and I, and we both bolted downstairs. My grandpa came home a bit later to find the two of us huddling on the couch.

We laughed about it often... right up to her death.

What do you recall about them that makes the memory special?

It's one of the few times I honestly recall seeing my grandma afraid. But at the same time, she laughed about it. I remember she always tried to make the best of situations.

3. What was a favorite game you played as a child?

Cat's Cradle on the playground at school. It's a blend of four-square and dodgeball.

4. What was a memorable trip that you can recall being a little kid and what did you do that makes you think about it even now?

I had so many! I really did have a lucky childhood. Every year I went somewhere. Most of my big vacations were in Hilton Head, SC. They've now all blended together now because we went there literally every year from '85 to '93. We did everything on those trips: the beach, crabbing, fishing, beach horseback riding, tennis, etc. I think my favorite two things of all of those trips were going to see Charleston (my uncle lived there at the time) and Savannah (oh, how I loved Savannah!).

Wednesday randoms

After lots of cat cuddling and talking with both Erich and my original manager at work (who seems to be having similar issues to mine), I'm feeling a bit better. Between their support and the emails and comments I received from you all, I really do feel better. Thank you to everyone who gave advice-- on a variety of the issues. :)

I really do try to not spew forth vitrol about situations, but every once in a while I just hit that wall, and last week was most definitely one of them. *sigh*

Anyway... here are the things circling my brain today...

Wedding: The more I think about it, the more I really, really want to pursue Mount Hope Farm. It just feels right. But before that really goes forward, I'd like Erich to see it-- so we're going to see about arranging a quick look-see next weekend (in early August) for him, and then when Mom comes up, go forward with booking. While both Erich and I were easy going about having any day of the week for the wedding... my mom said on Monday that she really wanted to keep it on a Saturday. In the spirit of "pick your battles," that's fine. If she's willing to drop $1,000 more just because it's the most popular day, I'll go with it.

And I already have a caterer in mind, who comes with good reviews from a couple of co-workers who have been to events they've done, plus the event planner at Mount Hope Farm.

So as of right now, if everything works out right... we're shooting for September 2007 with an old-fashioned New England clam bake.

Bugs: Aside from the REALLY FRIGGIN HUGE Junebug that scared the crap out of me at Park Street station last night (dude... any three inch long bug that lands and then crawls on my shoulder is going to result in a very big EEP! and freak-out flailing from me), our bug problem seems to be quieting down. With the cat food removed from the kitchen floor, the ants have disappeared in the kitchen. I'm well aware that it takes very little to entice them back (having dealt with the aggressive ants in California at my mom's former houses), so we're going forward with the scrubbing & spraying/baiting with taro plans for the weekend. Once everything's set in the kitchen, I'll be doing the cat dishes/plates in water trick for the summer and early fall, and see how things go. I imagine that Noby will ensure that there are wet paw prints on everything once that water's down... but hey, it's better than the ants. :)

Elly has also ensured that our house remains flying bug free, being the Mighty Huntress that catches (and of course immediately eats) anything that manages to fly in when we open the screen door. We've watched her stalk the house, staring at the ceiling a few times.

Illness: Finally starting to feel better, although I think there's something coming out of the air vents at work that is causing me to cough more. It only seems to really affect me at my desk. Last night, after one of those "settle down" coughing fits, I finally got about 5.5 hours of solid sleep... almost my normal nighttime average. I felt surprisingly rested this morning when I woke up.

Journals: All but one of my journals for the 1001 Journals Project are now enroute to the first person on the list. The last one will go out Friday. I'm psyched to see what happens with them!

Stitching: Due to being sick, I really wasn't able to stitch as I'd hoped this past weekend or much so far this week. I just didn't have the focus to read the patterns. :( Last night I managed to get about an hour done on Apache, but an hour equalled perhaps 30-40 stitches because I started to cough a lot. I'm hoping that I can plunk down tonight and tomorrow (backstitching slot) and really push Apache forward. If I keep moving, I'll get all of the cross-stitching done plus perhaps a bit of backstitching done on the left border of the piece.

I'm also trying to decide which of my Teresa Wentzler pieces I'm going to put into the UFO ("Unfinished Objects") Round Robin that starts in September... or if I should reconsider and find something else. As I mentioned a couple entries ago... I'm leaning toward Magical Night. I also have Millennium, Floral Bellpull, Fantasy Triptych and Noah's Ark that I *could* send. Magical Night is probably the most straight-forward design (other than Floral Bellpull). It is quarter-stitch and backstitch heavy, but no over-one stitching. Due to all of the over-one (and really predominantly over-one), Noah's Ark may not be a good choice, even though it is otherwise probably the easiest TW piece I have sitting around. Millennium has a mix of over-one and standard stitching to do, and would probably be a good piece to move along. I'm going to alter the wording at the bottom, though... but haven't decided what I want it to say. Floral Bellpull would be fine to send, but with all of the fantasy TW stitching I'm interested in, I thinking that the bellpull would be a nice change for my own stitching... but still might be a good one to consider sending. Fantasy Triptych is absolutely impractical, due to the weight of the thread with the kit-- with everything in a large ziplock bag, it literally weighs more than Elly does. I'm not going to ask people to spend the money to send 6+ pounds of stitching materials around the world.

So right now, I'm deciding between Magical Night, Millennium, and Floral Bellpull. I'm still thinking Magical Night is the most practical to send. Of course... with over a month still to go before sending it out into the world, who knows. I'll probably change my mind four more times. :)

But yeah... I'm feeling better, and working on being myself again... :)

Annoyances big and small...

I've had to prevent myself from posting after a rather nasty Thursday morning at work. For the better part of my waking hours since then, I've been silently - and occasionally not so silently - fuming about it. I'll be going into detail more with the notify list because some of it's probably not good to post on my journal. I'm planning on beginning the search very quickly for a new job. I'm just... done. Sick of the bullshit. Just... done.

The only thing right now that I'm waiting to do is to book a date and place for my wedding. Once that's set, my focus will go to job hunting. If I try to do both at once, my brain will explode and I won't get either done. So pacing is the key. All of the other wedding stuff (flowers, dress, etc.) will fall into place fairly quickly because I've had wedding on the brain in some form for 18 months now.

Another large annoyance lately has been the damned commuter rail trains. While the trains are never all that great, the last two weeks have been downright shitty with the train schedules. Last Tuesday, Erich and I were catching the 7:50 a.m. train from South Attleboro into Boston, and wound up having a 2 hour, 45 minute train ride as our train was instructed to become a rescue train for the 7:10 train from Providence that apparently died on the track and had been sitting there for about 30 minutes. It took over 40 minutes just to hook up to the broken train. And then, with the train being 14 cars long (and twice as long as the stations), we had to make two stops at every station.

Add to that the issue of air-conditioning on the trains... or the lack of it lately. Metal frame trains running all day in the blazing sun = vicious discomfort in 85+ degree heat. The air circulators are blasting hot air into some of the cars, making them intolerable to stay in for more than five minutes. One day last week, we just wanted to sit down and dealt with it. By the time we got home, we regretted the decision. Any complaints to the MBTA are ignored.

This evening, I arrived to South Station in Boston (where I always meet Erich) to find a horde of people just standing around... never a good sign. All of the trains were running late. At about the time the 6:10 train to Providence is supposed to be leaving, they finally announce that it's boarding... on track 4. Erich and I scoot out there, get on the train, and celebrate that we found a seat on a car with air-conditioning... something that has become extremely rare on the commuter trains.

About five minutes later, a couple guys get on the train and say to no one in particular "are you guys going to Providence? Because they switched the train... it's now on track 6. This one is going to Worcester." Mind you-- we're physically on the train. In fact, the train's about 3/4 full at this point. No MBTA official has bothered to announce this TO the people sitting on the train, so no one has a clue. Erich and I scoot off, and he sees a conductor standing over on Track 6. He yells over to verify that Providence is in fact leaving on Track 6.. yes. It is. We have to walk all the way back down the boarding platform, go around the bend, and get on the NEXT platform to walk all the way back down to catch this new train. And it's immediately a winceable situation. Not only is the train short one car, but we're now being stuffed onto an entirely single-level car train (the other was all double-deckers) which is entirely too small for the line we take home. And as we get on the train? No A/C. For two cars out of five.

We don't get a seat now-- we get to stand. For a while. And as people pack on the train over the next two stops, it gets so crowded that the doors can't shut. People are turned away from the train. Just to add insult to injury, the train is CREAKING about as slowly as it can possibly go and still be moving most of the way home. We finally get home at 8 p.m.-- significantly later than should have happened.

The kicker on this is that any complaints to the MBTA are met with silence. They claim they're fixing the trains. They claim that due to the horrible accident in the Big Dig tunnels a couple weeks ago, they've added additional trains to help divert commute traffic. No-- they haven't. Maybe they've added some buses, but no trains. In fact, I'd argue that the trains are shorter these days and therefore much more packed.

And as of January, they want to raise my monthly pass fee to $250 a month. A full 25% increase. Yeah... because I see the value of adding that much money to my commute. For what? Shitty trains that neither work nor run on time? And of course... there's the parking fees on top of that. Gee, what a value.

Screw that. Yet another reason to find a new job.

A slightly smaller annoyances from work... Erich and I have both caught the latest incarnation of the commuter train plague. It's yet another cold-- continuing my streak of not being healthy for a single month this year. Once again, Halls drops have become my lifeline to not looking like an idiot as I cough myself to death. I haven't had a full night sleep in three nights due to this damn thing. I envy Erich, who seems to be able to sleep all night. I think I'm running on 3 days of 4 hour sleep intervals now.

On an even smaller annoyance scale: We're dealing with an infestation of teeny tiny ants in the kitchen. So far, the infestation has been limited- they're bee-lining straight for the cats' canned food plate. *sigh* So for the time being, the cat food has been removed from the kitchen and moved clear across the house into the sun room in clean bowls fresh from the dishwasher. I wiped the area with vinegar tonight to eliminate the scent trail. This weekend I'm going to scrub the entire kitchen floor with a one part bleach to ten parts water mix. We'll also need to hit Lowes or Home Depot to pick up some stuff to spray on the outside of the house. Any recommendations?

But in trying to end this entry on a good note... I think I found the place for the wedding. I've mentioned it before in my journal as a possibility, I think- Mount Hope Farm. I absolutely loved it. It's not yet booked. I'm going to look at a couple more places first... but by the end of August, I will officially have a date (gasp!). My mother needs to physically be here to put her credit card down as the holding deposit due to both Erich and I being extremely po'. After talking with her tonight, she's going to try to get up here during the latter half of August for a couple days to go see Mount Hope and possibly another couple places before we make a final decision.

I need another vacation.

The yard keeps growing

Tons of tomatoes!
Originally uploaded by measi.

I have to boast about my tomato plants because I'm shocked at how many are growing. The cherry tomato bush on the right has over 30 on it. I'll be eating homegrown tomatoes in a matter of weeks. I can't wait. :)

I've uploaded a group of new yard photos to my Flickr account... things have changed a bit since we moved in at the end of June last year. Other than potted plants (and my one little hydrangea), we haven't changed anything yet in the yard... just doing upkeep. We're still a bit behind with weeding, but for the most part we're now doing quite well with it. All of the rain this year has it looking nice and lush.

I took all of the photos here about a half-hour ago after we finished mowing and attacking the poison ivy.. again.

More to write about tomorrow-- Erich and I are hoping to get to the drive-in this evening to see Pirates again. Happy weekend, all!

Just tired of it all... (rant)

This entry will most likely border on the TMI for a bit... just for forewarning. If you're not one to tolerate discussions of bodily functions and the annoyances they sometimes cause, forgive this doctor's daughter for an open entry here, and just skip it...

I've been in one of those Oh God the Admin Is Cranky moods today. It started shortly after I arrived at my desk, and has just continued throughout the day. This is thanks to a number of factors, all of which are annoyances on their own, but together add up to just... gah.

Problem One: The Post-Move Stupidity... Again After last summer, I swore if I had to deal with another department move, I'd make sure that it wouldn't de-evolve into chaos again. Last year was pure hell. Sadly, despite everyone claiming that it's been a much smoother move this year, I'm not seeing much of a difference. I've now been back from vacation for a total of four working days. I have yet to have more than a five minute stretch without someone in my office with a complaint or a problem or some random issue that couldn't be solved simply by walking around and FINDING THE SOLUTION (i.e. "where is the fax machine?!?"). And I just can't get a break to get my shit done.

I seriously wonder how some people survive in the world. I wonder how they manage to raise children. Are they just that incapable of trying to find the answer themselves? And why are they so shocked, after seeing (I kid you not) a line five people deep outside my office, that I might actually say "I don't know where the new conference room XYZ is-- I haven't had a chance to leave my desk to walk around yet and find it"?

Add to that the problems that I'm now getting blamed for by my managers that THEY created, and I've just been trying to band-aid to keep myself sane: they take our department's meeting room off the outlook planner at large... well, then Facilities instructs me to manage reservations for the room. And then my managers bitch about the temporary system-- which I clearly said was temporary and would be adjusted upon feedback- system to do said reservations. Why yes, BiggerBoss, it does cause a lot of confusion- not to mention extra email and work for me. "well just put a calendar outside the room for people to sign up for it"-- then just put it back on OUTLOOK, for gods sake! And don't complain that people might think they have to ask permission for supplies if they're in a locked room-- that's what YOU asked Facilities to do! You required the supply cabinets to go into a room which has a door that automatically locks... and also tell me to put a computer in there that's on a roller cart with no way to otherwise secure it.

That scream of pain you hear is me pounding my head into my new office wall. I'm breaking it in, you see.


Problem Two: The Digestive System Since birth, I've been one of those people with an intestinal tract that works on its own schedule, regardless of what really would be ideal. Unfortunately, if I stray too much off of my normal routine and intake of liquids or food, it costs me dearly. Since the Bahamas trip ended, I've been on an every-two-day constipation from hell and then full body cleanout stretch (with all the stomach pains and bathroom trips). I know that it originated from getting dehydrated while I was there, despite all attempts to drink water by large bottlesfull. But last week, I wound up having two nights of really random and short-lived fever spikes as some bug gets through my system. I'm tired of feeling bloated. I'm tired of unproductive trips to the bathroom. I'm really tired of the side effects of Immodium that last for a week after one dose, even if it does help in the short term. And quite honestly, I'm getting really sick of having any thoughts whatsoever about my bowels and the movements therein. I don't feel shitty enough for it to be a case of Montezuma's Revenge. Well... perhaps it is that shitty... but in the literal sense. I have no idea.

But it needs to end. Now.


Problem Three: Wedding Planning The couples are getting married. Everyone's got their dates, their dresses, their sites, etc. Me? Yeah... well... I'll get there.

No change in the planning, other than what could possibly be considered an actual fight with Erich (so rare, it's notable)... all of a sudden last week he was pushing to get this moving and I was (due to the preceding two issues) just NOT in any shape to deal with it and fighting tears as he kept pushing at me until I did the only thing I could to get it OFF of my plate of issues: "well then you call her."

And so he did. And immediately, thanks to both how I felt physically and emotionally, I had a visit to the toilet to puke.

This is where I now am with the stress level of planning my wedding- it's causing me to throw up.

All of a sudden, my mother's changing her tune... oh no, her expectations for the guest list were only "suggestions." Yeah... um... no. They weren't. Any explanations I gave for a small wedding were met with "I want you to do what you want to do for your wedding... BUT..."

The problem with my wedding is that I'm well aware that there's this attitude of "well do whatever the hell you want," but that in reality, the grief I'll get for doing whatever I want is simply not worth it to me. I realize I can't please everyone here. But I'm trying to avoid the blatant issues that, through experience, are GOING to come up.

Add to that my own emotions about just getting it over with and eloping vs. some "where the hell did THAT come from" dream of having a wedding day with everyone around is just tearing me apart. It seems like such a fucking waste of money to spend on one day, but it seems like such a fucking waste to not celebrate what is, quite frankly, probably the last celebration for MY life that involves both sides of my family.

The one good thing I have to say has come out of the discussion between Erich and my mom-- she gave us a budget. Finally. So at least I have THAT to work with, and thankfully that can lead to a lot more leverage in my direction.



So much for feeling happy and relaxed from vacation. I'm already more stressed out than I was before I left.

High School Madness

stolen from Bozoette, while I figure out what the heck is wrong with my computer. Photos and Bahamas recaps coming later today...

High School Madness!

1. Who was your best friend? Andi and Darren (my boyfriend)

2. What sports did you play? I gave softball an attempt my sophomore year of high school, but otherwise I stuck to jazz and ballet lessons outside of school. Oh, and some Tae Kwon Do.

3. What kind of car did you drive? My dad's Mazda RX-7 mostly. On occasion, his Accura Legend.

4. It’s Friday night. Where are you? High school football or basketball game, followed by bowling (frosh, soph years) and/or making out (junior/senior).

5. Were you a party animal? No.

6. Were you considered a flirt? I never heard that I was. I would presume no, since I had the same boyfriend throughout high school.

7. Ever skip school? Not a full day, no. But I did occasionally forge notes when I was running late. :)

8. Ever smoke? I tried a few my freshman year because all of the "bad kids" were doing it, and I honestly had a desire to tarnish the obnoxiously goody-goody image I had.

9. Were you a nerd? Yes. Resounding YES.

10. Did you get suspended/expelled? Never.

11. Can you sing the Alma Mater? Yes! :) And the warped version of our cross-town rival's that we used to sing.

12. Who was your favorite teacher? Mr. Tangen, the band director. Absolutely incredible guy. Tough as nails exterior, complete teddy bear interior, and treated high school students like the young adults they were. He gave respect, but demanded mature behavior in return. AND he honestly worked to have us learn classical music. How many high school band directors would give their band the full version of Cappricio Espagnol or Holst's Planets suite to work through and perform (at proper speed)?

13. Favorite class? Band and english.

14. What was your school’s full name? Billings Senior High School.

15. School mascot? Bronc (sans Denver -o)

16. If you could go back and do it over again, would you? Parts, yes. But for the most part, no. College on the other hand...

17. What do you remember most about graduation? It was the first time that my parents were together after their divorce. I remember being on edge the entire time they were there. I also was in an ankle brace for graduation, so I remember having to wear my black converse high tops because no other shoes would fit.

18. Were you 18? Yes – I turned 18 that January.

19. Favorite memory of your Senior year? Honestly, senior year was a very difficult one for me. I spent a good chunk of the year dealing with a relationship that was crumbling (and with no past experience, it dragged out most of the year). The sad memories have evaporated the good ones.

20. Were you ever posted up on the Senior Wall? I don't think we had one.

21. Did you have a job your senior year? Yes

22. Who did you date? Darren all year, although one of his good friends from the Mormon ward, Che, took me to senior prom (one of those little parts of the whole bad senior year thing)

23. Where did you go most often for lunch? As soon as I had my license at 15, I went OUT. Almost every day.

24. What did you do after graduation? That night was an all-night grad party at the school. Then I went back to the same things I did every summer-- dance recital, two weeks in Hilton Head, see the grandparents in PA, and then head to California to spend the last month with my mom.

25. When did you graduate? 1993

Heavily Cowffinated

Trojan Cow
Originally uploaded by measi.

A couple weeks ago, I did my normal trek from Back Bay station into Copley Square to begin my work day. But something had changed. In fact, a bunch of something had changed. Copley Square had been invaded by cows.

What I discovered later that morning is that many places Boston had been taken over by cows-- 117 of them, in fact - as part of a summer fundraiser for the Jimmy Fund. The Jimmy Fund is a long-standing ocal fundraising organization for cancer research. Bostonians normally encounter them at Red Sox games, and occasionally at the movie theaters when they do childrens' cancer research drives. This summer, they're working with a traveling art project called Cow Parade. The great thing about this project is that all of the artists are local, too. Great way for artists to get their names out there. :)

Yesterday, two of my workmates and I decided to take advantage of our early release from work (yay summer Fridays!) to go Cow Hunting. Armed with cameras and comfy shoes, we plodded all around Boston, capturing over 50 of them. Some of the end results are absolutely spectacular. I'll be uploading them and sharing them in batches over the next few weeks.

The first batch is of the cows located at South Station (Amtrak/commuter rail/bus/subway station), Copley Square, and the two cows on the Public Library grounds that face Copley Square. :)

Which of these is your favorite?

3x Thursday

So here's the deal... I'm making a conscious effort to write every day. I used to, a few years ago. Now I've gotten lazy. So if it takes memes to get me back on track, dammit... I will get back on track.

I have the Stitcher's Blogging Question on Wednesdays, so Thursdays shall be 3xThursdays:

1. What are the top 3 things in your life that are most important to you? Not necessarily things..

1) Erich
2) My lifestyle
3) Having money to support myself

2. Do you take steps to facilitate the importance of those things? How so/how not so?

Most definitely-- Erich is most important. I make sure to say "I love you" at least once-- and normally several times a day. I cherish my relationship with him, always seeking to improve it, deepen it, and sustain it.

Money sadly makes the world go round. But I also can appreciate, having grown up very comfortably with money, that it isn't everything. As long as I can sustain the lifestyle I want, I'm happy. Having the freedom to live life the way I want, with the people I want, is happiness.

3. Would you ever think about changing the way you do things (priorities) so that you can pay more attention to the things that matter the most?

Absolutely. In fact, work-related changes are being discussed these days, for both Erich and me.

Bonus Question for Comments: What do you think of people who put their wants and needs at the back of the line? Do you think it's wise to do such a thing?

I think it depends on the situatio- what the balance of needs and wants are. Sometimes the list of needs for survival are so pressing that the wants absolutely have to fall by the wayside. It's also important to over-indulge on the wants from time to time to keep life balanced.

~ Mel.

Traveling journals

Some of my long time blogging friends may remember (or have been a part of) my little addiction to traveling journals a few years back. It started with 1000 Journals, in which I was fortunate enough to contribute to two journals (both now apparently lost).

After that, I spent a very successful couple of years hosting an ongoing project called "Glimpse of Time" on Nervousness before it was overrun by irresponsible people and snobs who defined art- for the site- in a very narrow way. During the first incarnation there, I had fourteen very successful journals, all of which returned. When I sent them back out in the "improved" nervousness (supposedly under tighter controls about who was allowed to become a member), I lost all fourteen in the ether.

Tonight, after registering my recent cards received via Postcrossing (like Bookcrossing, but with postcards), I decided to pop over and see what was happening over on 1000 Journals.

And he's created a new project= 1001 Journals. Which are started by the participants. :) I still have some blank books lying around from the Glimpse of Time project, so what the hell-- they might as well be released into the world to see what happens. AND best of all-- It's Brand New. I created a journal today, and it's only #17 (1017, to be exact).

I'd REALLY like to start a couple with people who I know casually through this fun little blogging community. A cross-stitcher's book? Maybe just a blogger's book?

If you're interested, please join the site (it's free). Then leave me a comment here with your screenname over there. And I'll send you an invite on a book. :)

Another Rainy Saturday

catcircle
Originally uploaded by measi.

Gus, Noby, and Elly have decided that I have not taken enough photos of them... they decided to sleep in this pose today. :)

As you can see, my cats hate each other. The whole feral kitten thing is clearly too far ingrained in all of them. *snort*

The weather continues to be chilly and damp here-- it's about the fifth weekend of this, and I'm so tired of not having nice weather. I think what annoys me most is that this wet streak will finally snap in a couple weeks, and rather than give us a couple of warm but comfortable weeks, the temps and humidity will instantly shoot straight up into the 90s. *sigh*

The good thing, though, is that it is giving me the perfect excuse to camp out on the couch with my stitching. I'm continuing to make a good dent in the "to do" segments of both projects, which is making me feel quite relaxed and just... satisfied. :)

My company is once again on summer hours for Fridays, so I took advantage of the afternoon to go to a couple of bookstores and pick up my supply of British stitching mags for the month. I still can't believe how much nicer the patterns are in them. And while I know there's a definite market for the genre, I get annoyed that over half of the stitching patterns in U.S. magazines all have Biblical quotations on them. Of the U.S. magazines I saw at both Borders and Barnes & Noble yesterday, only one magazine wasn't full of cutesy-country patterns with Bible quotes. Not. My. Style.

No wonder some of my co-workers raise their eyebrows when they hear I love to stitch. It's quite possible it's what they associate stitching with.

I'm going to continue some stitching today. Then tonight Erich and I are going to see The DaVinci Code.

Happy Saturday.

Summertime Goals

Stuff I need or want to do, or really should think about doing before Labor Day:

Dates to Remember
June 15: World's Largest Dungeon game
June 18: Father's Day
June 22-29: Bahamas trip (Seth & Gina's wedding)
June 28-30: Office Department Move
July 3-4: Holiday weekend
July 14-16: Trip up to Maine to see Erich's mom (?)
August 10: Erich's birthday

Dates TBD
July: Erich's game
July: WLD game
July: Anthony's game
August: Erich's game
August: WLD game
August: Anthony's game

House & Yard
Unpack remaining boxes in office
Reorganize and clean out office
Reorganize closet
Organize hallway chests & put away all house linens
Donate clothing to Goodwill as needed
Plant hydrangea
Plant bleeding hearts
Plant yellow flower thingy that starts with an L
Clear out bed along side of house
Second kill spray on poison ivy
Plant additional lilies in bed
Create new cookbook binder

Letters/Phone Calls/Etc.
Letter & photos to Grandma
Stop being stupid- contact Andrea
Ditto with Ivanna
Contact Dad re: stuff from house
Postcrossing postcards
Go through swap stuff and clear out anything still sitting around

Wedding Planning
Find a reception site
Pick a fucking date already
Square up guest list
Send out Save the Date cards

Stitching
Finish The Castle
Finish Elemental Dragons: Spirit
Apache Wedding Blessing
- Complete top left quarter
- Stitch out all wood poles that define borders
- Complete top right quarter
- Backstitch everything completed to date
Create new stitching rotation
Itemize everything in stitch stash (i.e. make an inventory)
Bring stitching pages up to date

Another brain dump

I’m swimming in stuff at work, but I need to get some thoughts out of my head because I have this need to blog scribble. Gotta love how the writing bug is deciding to drop in at the wrong time!

Anyway, another round of quick thoughts-

Nothing like seeing Poseidon in a downpour
Erich and I were jonesing to get to the drive-in again, so we picked Saturday night. We invited Purkis and Matt to join us. They thought we were nuts, considering it was raining—fairly steadily – all afternoon. But they came anyway. We saw X-Men 3 and Poseidon in a double feature, Both were pretty good for popcorn flicks, although I personally thought both needed some extra time for character development.

Anyway, I don’t recommend the drive-in in the rain. If for no other reason, it’s really annoying to have to frequently turn the car completely on to run the defroster and the wipers due to the screens fogging up. (and no, they were not fogging up for that reason. Heh.)

Oh, and speaking of the rain... Mother Nature- enough already! Give us a fully dry week, please!

Stitching, stitching, stitching
I plunked my butt on the couch in front of the TV for the better part of eight hours on Sunday and just focused on stitching Apache Wedding Blessing all day. Got a bunch done. If I can devote two four-hour stretches this weekend, I may have that top quarter done as I’d hoped to complete. Gotta love projects that don’t have blended stitches—they actually move faster!

Wedding Stuff
Left a message to schedule my look-see at the farm. Waiting to hear on a confirm time. I hope this place is “it” so I can move forward.

The lingering…
I’m so sick of coughing. Every fucking cold I get. My body needs to get a new post-illness routine going here. I’m just winded enough due to the coughing that my walk from the train to work is making me tired. And that’s not cool, considering it’s only a four block walk. Thanks. I realize I’m fat and out of shape—I don’t need extra reminders making it more hellish for me.

Reading
I finished 1984 for the first time in my life a couple weeks ago. I’ve been digesting it casually now that I’m done. Great book. Depressing as hell. Lots to chew on. And yeah—I appreciate the real-world application of the book so much more. Damn. FYI-- he current book on my nightstand is Foucault’s Pendulum by Umberto Eco. I bought it and In the Name of the Rose earlier this year upon recommendations by the more literary folks at work who insisted that if I wanted something meatier than The DaVinci Code, I needed to check out these books. So far, I definitely agree. I needed to get used to the translated word rhythm, but they are fantastic.

Mmmm… food
I crave my grandma’s pierogi right now. You have no idea how sad that makes me, since I know there is no solution to solving said craving.

Working upon another food craving last night, we headed to Spumoni’s in Pawtucket after we got off the train. Great food. The veal parm is to die for.

Marriage
The fucktards in Washington are trying to put discrimination back into the Constitution. With all of the nation’s more critical problems already solved, they’re going to their election year buzzwords now. The Repubs are in trouble, and they know it. They’ve screwed around for too many years, and now they’re trying to use the buzzwords to save their asses. Hopefully the American public sees through the smokescreen this time, regardless of their stance on the gay marriage issue. This is, as Stephen Colbert aptly described it, rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenberg.


That’s better—off to work.

Quick snippets of life...

I've been trying to work through some actual Meaty Post Topics (tm) to write about, rather than some insubstantial drivel about everyday life... not finding a lot these days, which is why my posts haven't been quite as active lately. While I continue to work through said Meaty Post Topics (tm) (which may or may not have to do with actual meat-as-food), I present the stupid thoughts and not necessarily stupid issues swirling around me right now...


Paul Simon is Stalking Me
I'm not sure if "You Can Call Me Al" is just in the middle of its 20th anniversary resurgence, or what.. but I'm ALWAYS hearing it. The Mobil station down the street from us, without fail, is playing it any time I stop there for gas or coffee. (and not always at the same time of day). It's been on the radio more often recently-- much more often than I expect a song from the 80's to be. And then today, I walk into Citizens Bank in Copley Square to use the ATM, and lo and behold, that eight-note brass opener to the song kicks up.

What's worse, is that I immediately get the mental image of the Boston University pep band's horns all moving in proper rhythm while playing it, and then being amused at the piccolo section desperately trying to sound like a unified section during their solo, rather than a jumble of chirping birds in a hockey arena. My brain has permanently infused College Band into my brain.

Seriously, though... I'm hearing the song everywhere. Did Paul re-release it or something? Is Chevy Chase making a comeback?

It's June, the Switch Has Been Thrown
Gosh, who would have thunk... it's June. Therefore, it must instantly become 10 times more humid. Whee-- my least favorite part of summer has returned.

My Cats are Insane
More often than not, Noby has woken me up around 5-6 a.m. desperate for attention. His usual method is to purr around my head standing on my pillow, do a drive-by face rubbing (making sure to let his lips spread open so I get cat drool on my cheek), and then do a brilliantly fluid flop and melting motion down off the pillow onto my neck. When I start to ignore him, he moves and repeats the motion on Erich. When Erich shoos him, he comes back to me. He also pounces movement on the television screen-- especially as I watch "Deadliest Catch."

Colley is considerably less vocal since his tooth extraction (thankfully). However, his new thing is not to cuddle up to my stomach, but to sleep on and gradually spread over my pillow. If Noby hasn't woken me up, chances are I'll wake up with my head entirely off the pillow because Colley has found a way to spread across it.

Gus, now visibly beyond the craziness of kitten-hood, is chunking up a bit and getting some belly hang-down. His thing is to walk all over Erich while we watch TV, then sit down on Erich's stomach, staring at Erich's face and doing this sniffing thing we've termed "wuffelling" into Erich's goatee. He does this several times an evening. He's very needy.

Fizzy continues to be herself- quiet, shy, demure. Except when another cat tries to play with her or pounce her. She then lets out screams and hisses that sound like she's being ripped to shreds.

Elly, who remains tinier than Fizz (amazingly possible), is in a full-out war to be Alpha Female. She goes from this incredibly cute, quiet mild-mannered plush ball suckling on Erich's shoulder to an extremely aggressive lionness out to get Fizzy. She shocked the hell out of me a few nights ago when she blatantly charged Fizzy on the bed. She also has infatuated Gus. There's simply no other reason to explain how she'll go right up to wherever Gus is sprawled, flop on him, give herself a bath, and then simply get up and walk away, leaving him stunned.

Passport? Moo?
Erich's has arrived. I applied for mine on the same day. It's not here yet. Granted, it hasn't been two weeks (that's tomorrow), but still... I'd really like for it to arrive soonish so I don't have to panic.

Me? Panic? Nah...

So... When Are You Getting Married?
The pressure's on, now that my fellow bride-to-be who was annoyed at the whole planning process has arrived at a date. So yeah... I guess it's time to get this whole thing over with and actually plan something already. *sigh* I'm going to tour a potential site once I firm up a time with the coordinator of the site. We've pared our original off-the-top-of-our-heads list of 100 down to about 65, which is honestly much less daunting to me. But it's still wedding planing... so... yeah.

I Won WoW
Other than playing Myst, Riven, and Exile with massive amounts of help from the tip book, I've never actually "won" a computer game before. But on Monday, I reached level 60 in World of Warcraftcrack. I am a mighty Tauren Hunter! Roar! :)

Of course... while my group of friends gets organized, I'm working on character #2... now at level 14.

Counting toward Vacation
Exactly three weeks to the Bahamas... counting... counting...

Work... beh
I'm so ready to find something new. I could definitely go off on a long rant here, but I won't right now, since I actually do have to work the rest of the afternoon.

Longest lasting, and counting

Being sick with a cold over a holiday weekend creates some massive confusion for me. Not only am I uncertain as to the day of the week (due to being out sick yesterday), but I didn't even know what day it was until I looked at my clock five minutes ago.

What the hell is today, anyway? Oh, it's May 31st.

Wait... it's May. Thirty First.

Woah.

That reaction has cost me my "women remember these things" card for a while.

As of today, Erich and I have been together for five years. Five years ago this evening, on a day much like today, I met up with him after work only one block from where I'm currently sitting. I went into that meeting with no hopes, other than to meet someone with whom I'd hopefully develop a good friendship. I was blessed to find something more. Much more.

I've never been in a relationship this long, nor this meaningful. And to my surprise, there's no odd feelings about it. There's just calm and comfort. While we do have our occasional disagreements, I honestly can't say that we've had a major fight. We communicate. We laugh. We joke around. We share.

It's life, all healthy-like and stuff.

For the first three years of our relationship, I did have a quiet fear that the other shoe was going to drop-- that something horrible would happen, and this amazing relationship would somehow disappear. I'm a natural pessimist, and based on my other relationships (and their attached disfunction in so many ways), I never expected to actually find myself in a position where I wanted to share everything of myself again.

I definitely don't have those worries any more. I've learned to trust, to allow the guards to come down, and to let Erich in. It honestly took a while, but I'm fortunate to have someone who was willing to take the time I've needed. I still have hangups and problems I'm working through. I don't doubt that Erich has a few of his own.

But we're building a life together. And it's good. Really good.

My 26-year-old self would have laughed her ass off in disbelief regarding my current life. Engaged. With cats. And more cats. With house.

I'm a bit awestruck by it, honestly. When in the hell did all of this happen?

;)

Last Name, First, Middle

With our next Year of Weddings trip looming in late June, I really needed to be to work late this morning. My first order of business? Getting my passport.

I've never had one before. It's just never been needed in my life. Technically, it's not needed for this trip either (to the Bahamas)... yet. But it will make life so much easier. And given that we're all going to need them to get even into Canada soon, better to just bite the bullet and get it done.

Of course, being the procrastinator that I am, primarly due to fundage this time of year, I was left with only six weeks. So yes, sir... tack on that extra $60 charge. Thank you sir. Got my photos taken-- they're actually not that bad. And the postman taking the photo was kind enough to ask me if I wanted to check my hair before taking care of it. I thanked him, but didn't bother-- my hair does what it wants to do, which is usually hang stick straight down.

The hard part? Surrendering my birth certificate to be submitted.

Ever since I was old enough to really be aware of it, I've felt weird about my birth certificate. My official one was issued 18 months after I was born (but thankfully, since it was filed with the proper authorities two weeks after my birth, I can still use it for the passport application). The official one has my adoptive parents' names on them, not my birth parents. I'm sure the original one is somewhere locked up in a Montana child services vault or wherever they keep those sorts of sealed records. It would literally take me a court case to get them opened. And to be honest, while I'm curious as to "where I come from," I'm not curious enough to have to fly to Helena to go through a legal battle over it. Quite possibly having to open up a second area of the case, since my adoption was finalized in California (where my parents were living at the time they opened the application).

So in reality, I have a modified birth certificate that's amazingly official and legal in all respects. I've never seen Scott's birth certificate -- my brother is also adopted -- so I don't know if this is just the common way they handled closed adoption cases in the 1970's. I'm assuming that it is. After all, this was the era when adoptions were final. There wasn't the current b.s. six months (to two years in some places, I've heard) where the birth parents can "change their minds." Adoption papers signed? It's done. Life moves on. Records get sealed.

My birth certificate has allowed me to get jobs. It's allowed me to get my driver's license. It allowed me to get an education.

But it doesn't have my birth parents' names on it. So I've always felt a bit uneasy about it-- is it really okay? Will something happen down the road where it's considered incorrect?

And now I just submitted it to Big Brother to get my first passport.

My over-reactive nature is setting in, fearing that I'll be refused for some adoption records technicality. (yes, I know I'm over-reacting. It's the current political climate in this country, sorry).

I know I'll feel better when I see that blue-covered flipbook arrive in the mail, with the faded green piece of paper sitting next to it in the envelope.

Friday Night Dating

On Friday, Erich and I had decided we wanted to go to the Mendon Drive-in to see our first movie under the stars for the season. The weather was as perfect as you could get for going to the drive-in… sunny, no humidity, too early for bugs. Can’t beat it. Erich also wanted to make sure that we could get to a fish and chips place down the road from the theater, because it was a childhood favorite. So we got up early Friday morning and drove over to a different commuter rail line, shortening our distance for the evening between the train and the theater.

I’ve discovered that the really good seafood restaurants in New England are nearly all mom ‘n pop places. Nothing fancy—if anything, they honestly look a bit ratty by modern restaurant décor standards. They don’t serve trendy fish at all. They stick to the staples of New England seafood- haddock and/or cod, clams, scallops, shrimp, and lobster. It’s always served fried and comes with fries and tartar sauce. Not all serve slaw, but most do. And the better ones will have malt vinegar available in addition to ketchup for your fries.

The Redwood is one of those places the locals go to every year in season. It’s one of those places that no matter who owns it, the name won’t be changing because it’s one of those gathering places now stuck in the regional dialect. The current owner has his sign: “George’s Surf ‘n Turf” at the top of the sign… but under that, it’s “at the Redwood.” He knows better than to piss off the locals.

It’s an outdoor place. You order at the window, and eat at one of a variety of picnic benches provided. Buckets of sidewalk chalk are provided for the kids, and it is used in abundance. If you’re too lazy to walk to the window—you can order food via car hop. Sit in the parking lot and simply turn your headlights on for service, and one of the teenage girls working for the Redwood will head over to your car (not on roller skates, however—bad idea with the gravel parking lot). Over a heaping plate of tasty fried clam strips, fries, and onion rings, I learned that Erich’s mom worked as a car hop as a teenager.

The Redwood’s business was clearly influenced by the drive-in, too. The closer to dusk, the thinner the crowds became. There was no official close time posted. Opening time was listed on the wall. Chances are, the closing time on the weekends simply depends on the customer volume.

After we’d stuffed ourselves, we packaged the rest of our leftovers and headed back up the road to the theater. As I’ve mentioned in years’ past about Mendon, it’s a twin-screen drive-in tucked off the road in two woodland clearings. The poles that held the speaker boxes of yesteryear are still there, but the entire theater has been converted to FM radio. There’s one building in the center that serves as the snack bar, restrooms, video arcade, and the projector rooms for each screen. The snack bar is decorated like a 50’s diner, and they carry a wide variety of typical diner food (burgers, nachos, jalapeno poppers, etc.) plus the traditional movie fare.

The great thing about the Mendon drive in is the price. It’s twenty bucks a carload for a double feature, and the food is priced at the levels of your average fast food place (as opposed to movie theater prices). So, as you’d expect, it’s a huge family hit. Tons of kids play ball in the empty spaces of the car field before the movie. Parents unroll sleeping bags on the ground in front of their cars for the kids. You’ll see people come in with the kids, a couple two liters, and pizzas and make a campout. As the little kids get tired, they fall asleep comfortably. Some parents solve a couple problems by bringing a portable radio, turning that on for the older kids sitting outside, while the littler ones sleep in silence in the back of the car.

Don’t want to deal with the sound of other patrons? No problem. Just roll up the windows in your car and enjoy the sound of the movie in privacy. You find the sound systems in movie theaters too loud? Again—you control the volume. Want to stretch out? Go ahead—bring lawn chairs, bring an airbed, whatever. As long as every car has a space to fit and you’re not sitting on the top of your car (for safety/liability reasons), everything’s all good. In my opinion, it’s the best way to see a movie.

Friday night’s selection on Screen 1 was Mission Impossible III and Failure to Launch. Screen 2 had a couple of first-run recent movies that I could care less about —I know “RV” was one of them. For some odd reason, Screen 2 appeared to be full. Screen 1 was perhaps three-quarters full. It was a good showing for a Friday night prior to Memorial Day. MI3 was okay. It was Tom Cruise playing Tom Cruise imitating another character—but what else is new with Tom Cruise. At least he wasn’t trying to break Oprah’s couch in the movie. It was a popcorn flick and mindless fun. We were too tired to stay through the second movie, which was no great loss. I’m not a Sarah Jessica Parker fan, personally. We did, however, stay through the original five-minute intermission countdown complete with high-wire balancing candy bars, marching ice cream treats, dancing sodas, and a flipping hot dog (making the appropriately crude comments for the dog wanting to get into the bun). Anyone who has seen the movie Grease will remember said hot dog from what was on the screen during “Stranded at the Drive-In.”

I’m looking forward to going back sometime around July 4th when the possibility of a Pirates of the Caribbean and Superman Returns double feature might grace the screen. I’m still holding my breath for an actual showing of Grease at the drive-in. It would be a blast… if we could even get in the lot.

Spring has definitely sprung

My allergies are reminding me of this every hour of every day at this point. Thankfully I can solve most of my issues with basic antihisthamines from the grocery store. I perpetually feel like I'm that breaking point of a cold, but it's better than the alternative.

The magnolia trees and cherry trees are now fully in bloom, and the forsythia are starting to wane. In Copley Square the tulips are getting pretty close to opening. I'd give them perhaps another week. And trees everywhere are leafing out in various shades of green.

In my own yard, we have a bunch of violet-like wildflowers that have spread over a three-foot patch of ground near the back walkway. In one corner, we have tall stalks with small, carnation-like flowers beginning to pop over the stems (I'll take a photo this weekend once they're in bloom). The formations of lilac bloom shoots are developing-- we probably still have about three weeks or so until they open, though. Other than that, our yard is mostly weeds, including tons of wild day lilies that continue to sprout anywhere and everywhere in the garden. Last year, I dug up about 40 of them and put them in windowboxes, intending to replant elsewhere around the yard. I only managed to plant a dozen of them before the weather became too cold, though. The replanted ones are growing, but not well. I think I need to mix in some peat moss and better soil so they can grow a bit higher. It's in an area where I think a lot of the better soil has been washed away, so I just need to give it a good kick of nutrients.

The lillies I hadn't replanted, by the way, are growing happily out of the window boxes. Determined little buggers.

I'm definitely getting an itch to attack that yard and make it pretty. We have a lovely swatch of land that has tremendous potential. It just needs a serious case of TLC to make it beautiful. I know it takes time-- my parents did a huge overhaul of our yard when I was little, plus additional changes or upgrades every year. I know gardening is never static, and that things change or don't go quite how you want them to, and I'm definitely patient to watch the results of my ideas. I just want to dive in and get stuff started at this point.

My ultimate goal-- and this is one that will take several years to accomplish, is to create a garden full of heirloom plants, but with some more modern breeds to give it that necessary dose of contemporary flair. I love the look of English gardens- although I probably will lean to something looking a bit less controlled. Having a garden to me is experimenting in a collection of color and texture. And honestly, I think some of the dream comes from books in childhood-- having that Secret Garden to bring back to life.

In keeping with more of an heirloom feel to the plants, I've started with some of the very traditional old flowers- hydrangeas and bleeding hearts (both which I love). This weekend I'm planning to pick up some creeping phlox to plant down the hell strip between the sidewalk and the street. It's an area a bit too sunny for myrtle (plus, we have a major problem with poison ivy in our yard... which the ivy can easily hide in). I'll also probably find spots for the rest of those day lillies. It's still a bit too cold to get planters going-- the only thing as of last weekend in the stores were pansies and the first batch of hardy geraniums.

Anyone have recommendations for other flowers I might want to consider? Most of my yard is either sunny or partly sunny, and the soil ranges from near sandy-dry to (in summer) moist.

Sorry for the absence

I had four emails today asking what happened- apparently the San Diego Pt. 2 is highly sought after (for my amount of readers, anyway!)

In any case-- I'm fine. Work was hellish last week, and I'm just dealing with a combination of an airplane-induced head cold and the explosion of my allergies due to the maple pollen in the air.

I'll be getting an entry up in the next couple days... I promise! :)

~ Mel.

A beautiful weekend

This weekend was the first one where I truly was itching to get out of work on Friday and just get outside. The sun was shining and was wonderfully warm. The sidewalks and park benches were flooded with people. Everyone was smiling and being polite to strangers. The cabin fever of winter was already forgotten from every person's mind.

Ahhh... spring.

With my manager's "unofficial" blessing, I left work around 3:15. I was probably one of the last people to leave. I grabbed the 3:45 train home, and Erich (who had wisely taken the day off to catch up on yardwork) picked me up in Providence. We spent the evening with friends. The guys played poker. My brain was focused on getting the final stitches done on The Castle, so I curled up on the couch and just listened to them play. I got a lot done-- I have only about 20 stitches left.

Our friend Purkis spent the night at our place, since he and Erich had a scheduled D&D game back at the same house the next day. We did a morning run to Bickfords (or "Biffahds," as we've nicknamed it with an exaggerated accent) for the generic weekend breakfast plates & so-so coffee. Then the guys headed off to their game, and I puttered around the house for the day. I kept all of the windows open to air out the house. I had planned to finish all of the laundry we have piled up, but our bed pillows just would not finish drying. It backed up everything, and I only got another load done. (sigh) We had a small rainshower late in the afternoon. It seemed to affect all of the buds almost immediately. Things looked greener instantly.

I did a lot of World of Warcrack in the evening, and managed to level my character twice. I'm now at 47.

On Sunday, we slept in extremely late since the clocks changed. I don't think we actually started moving much before noon. It was another beautiful day, so we took advantage of the time to pick up all of the trash that had found its way into the yard over the winter months. We still have a lot of leaf raking to do, but getting rid of all of that trash made a wonderful difference. We also walked around the yard to take stock of what's growing, and where. I'll post some photos on Thursday morning of everything. We did some more World of Warcrack late Sunday, including one of the big instance "dungeons" (Zul'Farrak, for anyone interested). That pushed my character very close to level 48.

Now I'm on a short work week. We're taking off Thurday through Monday to head out to San Diego and celebrate Minarae and Petrouchka's wedding on Saturday. :) I can't wait!

~ Mel.

21 Firsts Meme

Yes, I have entries to write... but my brain isn't functioning. Sometime this weekend. :)

21 firsts...

1.Who was your first prom date? Darren (for prom). Formal dance? Cody

2. Who was your first roommate? Kathy K.

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? vodka

4. What was your first job? dipping truffles in melted chocolate for my mom's bakery

5. What was your first car? (driven) 1981 Mazda RX-7, (owned) 1997 Jeep Grand Cherokee (current)

6. When did you go to your first funeral? 2003 (age 28) to my grandmother's funeral.

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 18-- for college.

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Pekovitch

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? From Butte, Montana to Oakland, CA (3 days old)-- being adopted.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I honestly never did.

11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends? Andrea Simmons. Yes.

12. Where was your first sleepover? Probably Andi's house or mine (but it definitely was the two of us)-- kindergarten or first grade.

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Erich

14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? My aunt Vicky

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? hit the snooze button

16. What was the first concert you ever went to? Barry Manilow

17. First tattoo or piercing? ears on the eve of my 7th birthday

18. First celebrity crush? Michael J. Fox in Family Ties

19. Age of first real kiss with tongue? 13-ish

20. First crush? kid named John in my 1st grade class.

21. First REAL love? Darren

What is Home?

My mom and I chatted this time last week, and she dropped an interesting piece of news on me: my dad is closing a sale on a new house. He cancelled a trip to Phoenix to visit my brother early next month, apparently, because he and Anne need to prepare for putting the current house on the market.

I feel very weird about this. I understand that things change. I understand that the house is a lot to maintain, and that my dad's getting older and less able to do that care. But I feel sadness and an odd twinge of regret. He's selling the house I grew up in. From age 6 months until I graduated from college, that house was home. Since then, of course, Boston (and now Providence) have transitioned into "home" for me. My lack of moving during childhood, though, has kept that quiet little constant in my life. The house in Billings was always there. It would always be there.

I guess in a lot of ways, I just feel irritated that the Christmas From Hell (!) was in reality the last time I'd be there. Maybe somewhere deep inside, I just knew that things had completely changed. The house definitely wasn't home anymore. Anne seems to have consciously made sure of THAT.

Anyway... I haven't talked to my dad. I've left messages for him since mid-January, but can't seem to pin him down. Some of the contact is practical now- there's a bunch of stuff of mine that's at the house. He doesn't need to deal with that... I'm happy to. But I need to arrange to get stuff shipped to me because there's no way I can get out to Billings in the next few months. And some of the stuff, like my Victorian dollhouse, I'd honestly like to have here. It can't come home on a plane-- it needs to be shipped via truck freight. Might as well put everything in freight and ship it here so I can sort through it, see what I want to keep, donate, throw out, or sell at our impending yard sales.

Mom just kept saying "I can't believe your father is selling that house. He loves that house."

Well, yeah... I think he does. I mean, hell-- he's lived there now for just shy of 31 years. But my dad is closing in on 63 with two really bad knees and high blood pressure. I think he's at the point where he simply can't care for a 3,300 square foot, 5-bedroom, 2-story house with nearly an acre of fully landscaped yard & pool. With his constant need-to-be-busy personal ethics, he's probably getting resentful that he can't maintain it like he used to. My dad retired from obstetrics last year. I honestly don't know if he's doing full-time gyn work anymore (I doubt it). Granted, the lack of obstetrics has slashed his malpractice insurance down dramatically... but it's also cut down his income a ton, too. And I got the distinct impression from Anne that she wanted to move into a new house. I know they don't need all of that work anymore, and I'm sure they don't want it anymore. I can completely understand why they're moving to something smaller (a ranch, from what I understand). I do think it's a good idea.

Still, it's the loss of my childhood home that makes me a bit sad. It's one of those last bits of childhood memory that has stayed constant. Perhaps part of me thought my dad would die in that house.

Then again, I never thought that I'd essentially be "the old family" to my father, either. Perhaps that's what I still mourn more...

First Day of Spring

and it's raw as hell out there. I need the mittens with strings-- somehow mine have managed to walk out on me, and my hands did NOT appreciate being out in the raw, windy cold of Back Bay this morning.

But hey... over the summer, I can knit myself new ones. :)

I know the updates have been few and far between lately. March has turned out to be a whirlwind of work, extra work, house craziness, car craziness, and birthday parties. And I have lots of topics to ponder this week, so I actually will be writing. :)

Anyway... the month so far has been thus:

March 4- Seth's birthday, complete with Boston North End Italian food (yum) and hanging out afterward in the speakeasy in Boston (only place left that it's legal to have a smoke and drink at the same time) I thoroughly enjoyed the houka that evening, complete with lemon tobacco. And the "Naughty Nikki" martinis were rather nice, too. And no, I don't smoke on a regular basis. The houka was a special occasion, and I had to try the "ladies cigars" (rum flavor) just 'cause. My lungs were NOT happy with me on Sunday morning.

March 8- My boss brings me in to reveal that bonuses this year paid at 198%, and I'm getting a fantastic bonus that (after getting to a spot where I could do this) allows me to bounce and yell in joy. Erich will be paid off, and I can upgrade my 3-year-old computer, which is NOT liking the latest editions of gaming.

March 9 - World's Largest Dungeon game, in which Erich's character displayed an obsessive-compulsive disorder by trying to stuff a handy haversak with every pillow he could find (for no reason.. we're in a dungeon). Derek (the owner of Battleground and our DM) gave Erich a challenge to find a way to kill one of our enemies with a pillow. Oh, Derek... trust me, he'll find a way.

We buy my nifty new 'puter-- that Gateway media edition one you might be seeing TV ads for. I also buy a 19-inch flatscreen monitor to replace the Apple blue & white monitor (that looks like a giant iMac) that I've had for eight years.

March 10- Two months after discovering the antifreeze leak in my Jeep, it's finally warm enough to safely drive it over to Pep Boys to have them take a look at it. It turns out that the radiator has popped a seam. Thank you, that'll be $650. But hey... the Jeep still lives. :)

March 11- Erich works the first of two Saturday "Disaster Recovery" shifts for work, which basically means he has to drive out to his company's emergency site to upgrade the computers and do some regular help-desk work. I stayed home all day in an attempt to get some stuff caught up around the house. Spring made an appearance with beautiful mid-60's temps. I opened up all of the windows to let some fresh air in as I did laundry and dishes.

And then Erich calls me on his way home from work-- a statie has pulled him over just before the Rhode Island border. Turns out his registration on his car had expired... MONTHS ago... and so they had to impound his car. Thankfully, we have a newly fixed Jeep, and I'm able to pick him up. We spend the rest of the evening blowing shit up on World of Warcrack.

March 12- Barry's birthday party at Minado, which is a sushi-lovers heaven. The entire Boston-turned-Providence crew (plus those who have stayed in Massachusetts) attended.

March 13- Erich has reregistered his car and picked up the new sticker so we can get the car out of hock. We plan to leave work early... say, 3:30 ish, so we can get back and get the car out by the time the place closes at 5. But no... won't work that way. We discover that on the ONE day we actually need to leave early, we screwed ourselves by parking at Providence. Most days, we park at South Attleboro because the parking is $3 per day (as opposed to $7.70 at Providence). There are trains in the afternoon going to South Attleboro, but the only trains to Providence are 12:05 p.m. (getting into RI at 1:10) and 3:45 (gettng in at 4:45). So... an unexpected half-day it is.

Thankfully, all goes well. The car comes home.

March 18 - Erich's 2nd Disaster Recovery shift. This time, he takes my Jeep. :) After weeks of irritation, I finally deal with the frightening task that is scrubbing our kitchen floor. A wet mopping just wasn't doing it, so Saturday morning was spent with a bucket and a scrubber brush on hands and knees, trying to get every spot clean. And of course, no cleaning regimen in our house would be complete without having to shoo away cats every two minutes. Nor would it be complete without me being a klutz. Bare feet + wet floor = Measi go boom. It didn't hurt that much at the time... but Erich discovered a seven-inch long narrow bruise on my ass where I hit the floor. Sexy, eh?

But it was worth it-- we now have a thoroughly scrubbed kitchen floor and a top-to-bottom scrubbed bathroom. The rest of the house remains a disaster, but we can focus on another section next weekend.

March 19 - Lots of recovery. My body is feeling the pain from yesterday, so I spend most of the day either stitching, catching up on penpalling stuff, or playing WoW. Our belated St. Patrick's Day dinner goes off without a hitch, using my mom's tried-and-true recipe for corned beef ("Boil the shit out of it") and cabbage.

So yeah... it's been a month.

My knitting and extra stitching updates will come tonight. I need to take photos.

And this weather has me counting down the less than three weeks until we go to San Diego...

A pox on the garbage men

FOUR FIFTEEN this morning. FOUR FUCKING FIFTEEN!

The sad thing is that I was already awake due to my sinuses deciding to stuff up about ten minutes before that. So I knew exactly what time it was. I had my glasses on as I propped myself up in bed, waiting for the meds to kick in so I could go back to sleep.

FOUR FIFTEEN.

And we're not talking just the regular garbage truck here. They came at the more civil hour of 7:30. This was the recycling truck. So as I try to fall back asleep, all I hear is the grinding of the truck gear as it goes down the street, the hiss of the brakes, and then the VERY LOUD crash of bottles and cans.

Of course, between my stirring to get meds and the noise outside, all five cats woke up. The kittens went into play-tackle mode. Colley started walking on me and meowing.

This is going to be a serious over-caffeinated day just to get through it.

Fuckity fuck fuck.

Hermiting, for many reasons

We truly have been spoiled most of this winter. My birthday? Was 50 degrees. Mid-January. For the better part of January, in fact, it was warm enough to arguably be late October temperatures. I was loving it, even if I did have a slight (shhhh) wish to see some snow.

This weekend, the arctic blast hit with a vengeance. Snow squalls hit Friday night, never amounting to much on the ground, but giving everything that dull, dreary grey-white look of frigid winter thanks to ice crystals, dirt, and the road salting mixture that gets into everything.

In a way, it is nice to actually have winter be... winter. But two minutes behind the wheel of Erich's car tonight as I went to pick him up at Chris & Sara's house, and I was already tired of it. My teeth were chattering. My hands (in mittens) were shaking. And I was hunkering down over the steering wheel as if I were suffering from severe osteoporosis, cold as hell while I prayed for the car heater to come on.

Other than attending Tau Beta Sigma's 3rd degree ceremony (congrats, Alpha Gammas!) today, I've been a hermit all weekend. I played some World of Warcraft. I did a small amount of chores. But I just didn't feel like being sociable.

I'm definitely in a homebody mode recently, with no desire to do any contacting of anyone. I think I've just reached my occasional "tapped out" phase with being sociable. Prolonged social situations always exhaust me. Despite being able (usually) to put on the appearance of being an extrovert when I'm out and about, I'm definitely not one. It literally takes every bit of emotional energy to put forth that appearance of being outgoing. Most of the time, it works, though. I may feel awkward as hell the entire time, but I try my best to talk with others and not be the silent awkward girl in the corner (where it's most comfortable).

Even though it's probably not accurate, I feel like we've had a huge social calendar since Thanksgiving with something happening every weekend. I just don't have it in me. I need to recharge myself by retreating within from time to time.

I was overdue.

The concept that "Livin' On a Prayer" by Bon Jovi is now considered an Oldie song by people is disturbing to me. No really... look here.

I feel old now. Geez.

Wow... you mean, I can actually access my blog again? Eesh... this thing's been harder than hell to get into.

I have no thoughts for the moment. Will probably do some serious typing in my journal later. But I was worried that this thing wouldn't be working for me.

Off to get contracts done and get this pit of a cubicle cleaned out.

--Mel.

My forecasts are done for work. Thank goddess. I thought those were going to take me the rest of this week. I guess that doing some work at home over the weekend can help once in a while. :)

I have a bunch of little projects here and there that I need to get done for work, including a lot of contracts that I am less than enthused to take care of. I'll put the contracts off until tomorrow. Right now the phone tree for emergencies sounds much more tolerable for late Monday afternoon-ish work. Don't you think? :)

Over my lunch hour, I got a bunch of work done on my character for a Ravenloft campaign I'll be joining on Saturday. Erich's friend Anthony is running this, and apparently it's a campaign that they ended in mid-battle. I've never played Ravenloft, and only know a bit about it... mostly stuff that's been explained over the last couple weeks or so. It should be interesting to try a new system out.

My character is an elven ranger originally from Qualinesti on Krynn (aka Dragonlance novels). How exactly she ended up in Ravenloft is something I'll have to coordinate with Anthony. Her name is Eiliries Selenduil, aka Elly for short. 115 years old (quite young for an elf), green eyes, brown hair. Good dexterity, pretty average charisma. Everything else is a bit above average (I rolled quite nicely... everything from 11-17). So here's hoping I can get her to survive long enough... I'd like to have her become an arcane archer.

Ah well... dreams for this weekend. Off to work again.... the phone tree calleth.

The full/blue moon this week seems to have thrown things into a bit of flux. Man, I just feel like I've been getting hit over the head with a brick. I'm so damn exhausted for some reason.

Ugh.

Not good, either, because I have so much to get done here at work. I guess I'm staying late tonight. *sigh*

My god... it's quarter to five and it's already pitch black out. I hate the end of Daylight Savings Time.

My world has turned to black again for the next six months. Noooooooooooooooo!