All Things Woompty

I don't wanna grow up

Sometimes I pause and look around my office or glance in the mirror and I think to myself "What the hell am I doing?" I do this because sometimes I feel like I am just playing at being a grownup, like when I was five and pretending to be a teacher for rows upon rows of dollies. I get up in the morning and I dutifully go to the gym and lift weights and ride the hell out of the elliptical machine, I go home and shower and put on my makeup and expensive perfume and clothes that are buttoned down and buttoned up. I slip on my high heeled shoes and good sensible coat, slip on my offical Work Badge, and suddenly I am Grown up. I am a Responsible Citizen, who has a Good Job and Responsibilities. I Drive Safely and Follow Rules (except for that pesky speed limit one).

But I don't feel grown up.

I'm 30 years old and I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. If left to my own devices long enough, I would end up doing little else besides watch television and read books and go hang out with my friends and eat nothing but junk food.

I'm 30 years old and I still take more pleasure out of tickle fights than I do out of the symphony. I would rather eat a pizza in my sweats while watchig Super Troopers than have to get dressed up and behave nicely at a black tie affair. I curse like a sailor, even when I probably shouldn't. I'm sure I will utter the words shit, fuck and goddammit at some point on my wedding day, and I will probably do it in fromt of a great many people.

I'm 30 years old but sometimes I feel like I'm 12. Unsure. Unfocused. Uncomfortable. I have a Job, which is quickly turning into a Career, and I'm still not entirely sure how I got here. I had a Boyfriend, who's turned into a Fiance, and soon he's going to be a Husband. I'm going to be a Wife.

Husbands and Wives are Grown Ups. How in the world did Kevin and I get allowed to become these things? Because seriously, we're like...13, 14 max. I suppose we should be glad we're still this way; it'll keep us young, right?

It's just weird, this recognition that I have indeed become a Grown Up. I worry about things like life insurance and car trouble and changing the litter box, I do things like take vitamins and eat my vegetables and pay the bills. And it's not so bad, but I do tend to wonder how the hell I got here.

Ah, well. At least being a Grown Up also means getting to drink martinis, in public, whenever one wants to. Cheers to that!

posted by Melinda @ 4:20 PM