Gah, my eyes!

Okay since I am lame and have not gone to the eye doctor for like...years, my eyes are slowly fading these days. I spend roughly 10 hours a day in front of computers and my eyes are exhausted.


So today I tried to read my own grammatically incorrect blog and found that Amanda was right, this shit is hard to read! And of course, the first thing I did was go look at the template so I could fix that problem and make my damn font a little bigger but I CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW. Nowhere in the whole stinkin' template can I find a damn font code that would let me tweak the size or the color or anything.


Of course, I could just go get myself some new glasses already. Sheesh.

A meme and a cat with hyperactive kidneys

What's the total amount of music files on your computer?
None. Zero. Zilch. At least as far as I know. I am iPod-less, so there's been no need. I keep meaning to start making some mix CDs for myself but....I barely have time to write my entries lately so I can write here or I can make mix CDs.

What was the last song listened to before getting this message?
"Let's Get Retarded" by The Black-Eyed Peas, in the car on the way home from getting my nails done. I like to get some groove on in the car.

Write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
1) "Crucify" by Tori Amos
Tori is my always-love...she's the one who's albums always make me start singing out loud. "Crucify" is by far my favorite of all of her songs; it always reminds me that my expectations are the ones I need to live up to, no one else's.

2) "The Speed of Pain" by Marilyn Manson
This one's the one I listen to when I'm totally pissed off at someone.

3) "I'm Glad There Is You" sung by Ella Fitzgerald
This one's obvious I think. It's the one that makes me smile and think about The Illustrious Boyfriend. I want to dance to it at our wedding someday.

4) "Precious Things" by Tori Amos
This oneis a favorite because it's got one of my favorite lines ever in it..."So you can make me come, that doesn't make you Jesus"

5) "Survivor" by Destiny's Child
This one got me through the Worst BreakUp Imaginable back in 2001. My mom have "I Will Survive" for her divorce, I had "Survivor" for my break up.

Who are you gonna pass this stick to (three persons and why)?
Ummm.....LA and Lorster, because I think they might both come up with good interesting things, and Lynn, to round out the alliteration.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

In other news, we bought a LitterMaid a couple weeks ago, because I HATE cleaning the cat box and these cats are going to be here for the next 20 or so years and I do not plan to spend the next twenty years cleaning up their shit.

Abbie was of course the one who bonded with the LitterMaid first, because she loves clean litter. Of course, the noise of the raker meant that every time it ran for the first couple days she had to jump up and go over to watch it, her little head all streatched out from her body. It was too funny to watch, but it's gotten funnier since she started getting used to it. She was always the first one to go in the old cat box after I cleaned it, and now she likes to be the first one to go in the freshly raked litter. Which sounds fine and normal but she's gotten obsessive about it. Last weekend we practically had to chase her away from the box because she would go in, pee a little tiny bit, and then ten minutes later it would do it's cleaning business and whammo, she was back in the box with this frantic "Whee, clean litter, gotta pee, goptta poo, gotta do something and be first!" look on her face. That went on for an hour until I finally just turned it off for the afternoon so she could get some rest. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

At least for that day it was.

Why, I nevah!

So you all know about my Aunt J, right? The one who had brest cancer, which inspired me to do the Breast Cnacer Three Day (which I am doing again this year, FYI) and who was amrried to my uncle for like 40 years? Well, I think I mentioned a few months ago that she had died right before Thanksgiving. My uncle was understandably griefstricken, and rather than bury her in Tennesses, where they moved in 1990, he took her home "to their mountins" for burial in Colorado (which is where they met, when he was a dashing young Air Force Academy cadet and she was a lovely young secretary).

Fast forward to this month. We (the relatives) find out that Uncle J is dating a widow he has known since her husband was still alive. Now, this did not sit well with my cousin S, who is currently divoricing her husband, going through a bankruptcy caused by said husband and has just lost her mother 2 months prior. The rest of us undertand her distress, but are glad that Uncle J has found someone to spend some time with and keep him from getting lonely.

BUT THEN!! Uncle J asked the widow to marry him!! And she said yes!! And they are getting married IN JULY!!!!!

So yeah, the rest of the family has now come over to cousin S' side and is collectively thinking "WTF????". Keep in mind, they live in a relatively small Southern town in Tennessee and people are talkin' up a storm about this. My Uncle J is officially a scandal, because in towns like that town there is most definitely an unspoken rule about waiting at least a year before remarrying. I mean, he should still be wearing black for goodness' sake!

So yeah, my family is officially scandalous. Thanks Uncle J!

Last Wednesday was Stupid Person Day

I know, I know, I totally suck and did not write the promised REALLY FUNNY story that I swore I would tell you. But hey, I was fuckin' tired, okay? Tired as in "Let me sit here and fall asleep in my recliner while watching football, as though I am an OLD MAN." (Side note...I think I just chipped my tooth on a carrot.) But look, now I am using my lunch hour, the only tme all day when I am locked away from the maddening, deafening, whiny asses, to write up this entry. So I do hope you laugh your asses off.

So the other day I am driving home from Day 1 of The Longest Meeting Ever, and since it was close to home, I was driving on one of the busy surface streets that goes into my neighborhood. Now, there's this one spot where the street goes from two lanes to one in the span of about 25 feet, and there were two assholes in front of me who were jockeying for position as they merged into one lane. The Dickless Wonder on the left ended up being cut off by the Ginormous Idiot on the right. Dickless Wonder of course did not appreciate this and proceeded to A) tailgate Ginormous Idiot and then B) cut in front of Ginormous Idiot. mind you, I was directly behind Ginormous Idiot at this time so I was having to put up with their crap and hope they didn't cause an accident because I DID NOT HAVE TIME for police reports and such.

We come to a stop light and next thing you know, Dickless Wonder has gotten OUT OF HIS CAR and walked back to start threatening Ginormous Idiot. And I kid you not, he actually said to the guy "You want a piece of me?" By this time, I was totally pissed because they were now blocking the street and the light had turned green and OH MY GOD, I WAS JUST IN AN 8 HOUR MEETING DON'T FUCK WITH ME. So everyone is honking and Dickless wonder finally goes back to his car and we all start driving and then they started jockeying for position AGAIN! Now I'm REALLY irritated because they were SO STUPID and so when we got to the next stoplight and I was next to Dickless Wonder and behind Ginormous Idiot, I did what any girl in my position would do.

I flipped off Ginormous Idiot and declared (rather loudly) "Fuck you!" then flipped off Dickless Wonder and said "And fuck you!"

Now, last week was really warm around here, so....my window was rolled down, Dickless Wonder's was rolled down, and so the following exchange happened after I flipped him off.

Dickless Wonder: Well he started it!
Me: I don't fucking care! You're both a couple of fucking idiots!
Dickless Wonder: He cut me off though!
Me: I DON'T CARE! You should be glad no one hit you when your dumb ass was in the street!
Dickless Wonder: (as he starts laughing) I know, I know, I'm sorry.
Me: You should be! Your mother would be ashamed of you! (after noticing Ginormous Idiot making "I didn't do anything" motions in his rearview mirror) No, you're a fucking idiot too!!
Dickless Wonder: (completely laughing now) We are, we both are, you're right.

And then I drove home, at which point I had to laugh as I told The Illustrious Boyfriend about how I berated some random guy on the way home and even called out the mama card to scold him.

The best part was when I told my boss the story and he got this look of incredulity on his face when I told him about the "Fuck you, and fuck you!" part. I don't know what it might take to get these guys to realize I really am not as sweet and innocent as I may look.

Please excuse me while I die

Okay. So the one day of meetings turned into two days of meetings and so I ended up in TWENTY HOURS of meetings counting Monday's four hour meeting, and that of course completely FUBAR'd the rest of my week, including today when I was trying desperately to make sense of the mess on my desk and dear Goddess above, I had three people decide that they needed to travel next week and so I had to book all the trips today and I hope our travel agent still loves me because if she doesn't I'm screwed and I totally had to bring my computer home and do MORE WORK this weekend which is so fucked up I can't even consider it because I have a scrapbooking show tomorrow which is making me so nervous I might puke a little but oh well, it's good practice for next week's show and who needs a weekend anyway, right? (And I adore you for making ith through that sentence.)

But I have a REALLY funny story to tell y'all this weekend, so I promise I will.

Death by meetings, fer sure

I was in a four hour meeting today.

I will be in an eight hour meeting tomorrow.

But I lucked out and don't have to go to the four hour meeting on Thursday.

Man, it sucks having a real job.

Washing my dainties in public

Today I went to the laundromat, and I took with me 5 loads of clothing (okay, technically it was 10 loads since it ended up being 2 doubles and two triples). And they were ALL MINE. I think I have too many clothes, seriously. This week's project has appeared to me as Time To Clean Out The Closets. Especially mine. Because I have clothes in there that I haven't worn in at least a year if not two, and they are clothes that no one else would wear either because seriously, there is a REASON I don't wear them and that is that they are Fugly and Not Attractive.

And so they will be thrown right the hell OUT. Eventually, this week sometime. I think.

And also, our hall closet needs to be cleaned out and have stuff tossed into storage because we are pack rats. But I digress.

Today I went to the laundromat, which is always interesting in my neighborhood. There's always some awesome people watching to do, regardless of the laundromat. I went to one today that is all giant and fancy, with about a gazillion machines and vending machines and actual Places To Sit (which was handy, because I spent my laundry time working on journaling in my 3-Day album, which is totally DONE now, thankyouverymuch), and NO QUARTERS. Seriously, the place uses these little cash cards that fit nicely in one's pocket, rendering my rolls of quarters useless.

It struck me about halfway through everything, as I hung my leopard print bra up on one of the rolling carts/racks to dry (because it's bad enough that I wash my bras in the washing machine, no way in hell am I going to DRY them too) and I was suddenly struck by the thought that I was showing dozens of people my undergarments. I was practically waving my ginormous ta-ta holder in the air and might as well have hollered "Hey, look at my sassy leopard print bra that my boyfriend LOVES!!" And don't try and tell me that no one was looking at it because there was a guy standing maybe ten yards away and he was totally looking.

And then with the underwear folding! There I am, folding my undies in front of the same dozens of people and I realized that as I watched Spongebob Squarepants on the TV above my head, I was folding up a black satin thong embroidered with red roses. I wonder what the tiny Thai woman next to me with her teenage son thought about THAT one. And then I started wondering if maybe next time I shouldn't just do my undergarments at home so as to spare myself the embarrassment of folding my sassy underpants in front of elderly Thai women. I mean, is that what other people do? Do they wash their underwear at home and only take the innocuous things like jeans and t-shirts to the laundromat to wash and fold in front of other people? And what about the Fluff 'n Fold? Do you turn your undies in to them with the rest of your clothes? (I certainly wouldn't, because I do not think that anyone other than me or Kevin should be handling my undies.)

Really, I just shouldn't be allowed to think when I do laundry.

A weekend of blah

Look at me, all lazy and stuff after promising MORE ENTRIES, ALL THE TIME! But hey, I was busy doing important stuff like...napping. I was supposed to do a CM show yesterday, but we pushed it to mext week and instead decided to spend the evening at a crop. Which meant another 6 hours of me trying desperately to finish getting my grandmother's pictures out of the crumbling scrapbooks and into a nice safe one. The Two uncles are coming for a visit in March and I'm going to need their brains to get the pictures labeled. I currently have two pages of what I call "The Random Babies"....all these babies that are not my mom, my uncles, or anyone else that I recognize, but are probably relatives of some sort because dude, my family tree is HUGE but we only stay in touch with like...two branches of them.

So my Gay Boyfriend Spike came down this weekend and we're waiting for him to get home from cruising throughHillcrest so we can go have dinner. We went to breakfast at World Famous today, of course...the only time I go there is when he comes down and we ALWAYS go there when he's here. It was a gorgeous, sunny, slightly breezy day (*ahem* 73 degrees or so) so we wandered along the boardwalk a bit and bought new sunglasses and it was nice.

Then we went grocery shopping, which of course led to me asking the eternal question.... "Who decided that pickles should be on the same aisle as salad dressing??"I have tomorrow off but Kevin doesn't, which is sort of sucky but okay...it gives me time to do things by myself, which doesn't happen very often anymore.

My brain is really dead right now, mostly because my sinuses have decided to swell up and take up all the room my thinking parts are usually in. Meh.

Put the welcome mat out

It's offical. This is the new home of Random Scribblings, so leave me some comments.

(Or I'll be sad and blah blah wrinklecakes)

Who knew I had it in me??

I have wrangled and cussed and cried (okay, no crying but lots of cussing) but I think it's finally ready! Ready enough anyway....

This is driving me insane

Okay so...titles not showing, "posted by" ain't working, and comments aren't showing up. Gah.