Today is my best friend's birthday, and after 23 years in each other's lives, all I could think of to send her was an e-card of two old ladies at a club speaking to each other in a manner that was highly inappropriate for elderly women. It was perfect since when I imagine life as a 90 year old woman, I always see the two of us sitting on the porch of some lovely old mansion-turned-retirement-home, sharing a pitcher of apple martinis and talking shit about every damn person who walks by in between berating the neighborhood children. Because that's how we roll.
I spent most of my weekend up in the LBC with her, something that hadn't been done in entirely too long. On Saturday night, a couple of her local friends joined us for a well-deserved girls' night out. Our only intention for the night was to look hot and get drunk.
We accomplished the first part. The rest is an entirely different story.
The four of use were looking esoecially hot, I have to admit. Autumn has a rack that really it rather amazing, especially considering that she's like 5'2", Lynn is an artist with makeup so her eyes looked amazing, Laura had a new adorable and perfect haircut, and I was rocking this bad ass dress (but in purple instead of blue) with these bad ass shoes. If we were a gang, we would be known as the Hot Bitches. See?
Anyway, our plan was sushi followed by drinking and dancing. Downtown Long Beach is a bitch to park in though, so the sushi place we were going has a great schtick...a free limo for people to ride in down to the restaurant. Fantastic idea, right? we thought so too, until the four of us spent 10 minutes standing on a street corner looking like amateur hookers while we watched the limo driver pass us not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES before he finally noticed us jumping up and down and waving our arms like crazy people. The topper? The limo had a fantastic graffiti-like graphic splashed all over it letting everyone know who it belonged to. Totally pimptastic.
Anyway, dinner was relatively uneventful....tossed back a couple of vodka tonics with our sushi and then headed across the street to do more drinking and then some dancing. It was pretty dead when we got there, so all we did was sit around drinking vodka tonics and playing pool. And people watching. Lots and lots of people watching. At one point, this group of rough looking gilrs came in, and I leaned over to Autumn and asked if she didn't think one of the girls needed to be told that her shirt made her look like a tranny.
"Honey, I think that IS a tranny!" said Autumn. And so we all thought that there was indeed an unfortunately put together tranny amongst us, despite the fact that I seriously couldn't believe that any tranny would go out looking like such an awkward mess. I mean, I think it's against tranny rules and regulations to go out in public looking like a hot mess. Anyway, later in the night, the tranny and her friends ended up sitting down next to me in the pool/lounge area and it was completely not a tranny. No Adam's apple, no man ands, and no heavy coat of makeup covering up the stubble. It was just an awkward girl in an unfortunate outfit who needs some new friends with some sense of style to help fix her up a bit.
Because even though she wasn't, she did look like a tranny.
Around 11, I heard Autumn say that she was bored. And also, somehow not drunk despite the four vodka tonics each of us had consumed since walking in the bar. It was like she was inside my head. So we tumbled into a cab and headed to this little dive bar across the street from Laura's condo, a bar that I was entirely too overdressed for. On my way into the bar, a random girl in the parking lot stopped me to tell me that the dress looked really good on me. She was the third woman to say that to me that night, and you know you're looking hot when non-lesbian women are telling you that your dress is awesome on you. Apprently the dress offended and/or worried at least two girls in the bar though, since they found it necessary to tell Autumn to tell me that my boob was about to fall out of my dress. I responded the only way I knew how...I told her that really, it was only half of my boob showing. And when she didn't believe me, I pulled my dress down adn showed her that really my boob was in no danger of falling out ever. THAT was entertainment. I love shocking strangers for no reason.
I guess maybe I was a little bit drunk after all.
Laura and I spent Sunday doing what we do best together....we laid around the house talking shit and watching TV. We watched 4 1/2 straight hours of The Dog Whisperer and just barely stopped ourselves from going straight to the shelter to get her a dog.
I miss getting to do that with her. I call her my best friend, but she's more than that. She's known me basically my whole life, and our families have embraced each other to the point where we might as well be sisters. She's totally my heterosexual life partner/soulmate, and I'm lucky to have her.
I spent most of my weekend up in the LBC with her, something that hadn't been done in entirely too long. On Saturday night, a couple of her local friends joined us for a well-deserved girls' night out. Our only intention for the night was to look hot and get drunk.
We accomplished the first part. The rest is an entirely different story.
The four of use were looking esoecially hot, I have to admit. Autumn has a rack that really it rather amazing, especially considering that she's like 5'2", Lynn is an artist with makeup so her eyes looked amazing, Laura had a new adorable and perfect haircut, and I was rocking this bad ass dress (but in purple instead of blue) with these bad ass shoes. If we were a gang, we would be known as the Hot Bitches. See?
Anyway, our plan was sushi followed by drinking and dancing. Downtown Long Beach is a bitch to park in though, so the sushi place we were going has a great schtick...a free limo for people to ride in down to the restaurant. Fantastic idea, right? we thought so too, until the four of us spent 10 minutes standing on a street corner looking like amateur hookers while we watched the limo driver pass us not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES before he finally noticed us jumping up and down and waving our arms like crazy people. The topper? The limo had a fantastic graffiti-like graphic splashed all over it letting everyone know who it belonged to. Totally pimptastic.
Anyway, dinner was relatively uneventful....tossed back a couple of vodka tonics with our sushi and then headed across the street to do more drinking and then some dancing. It was pretty dead when we got there, so all we did was sit around drinking vodka tonics and playing pool. And people watching. Lots and lots of people watching. At one point, this group of rough looking gilrs came in, and I leaned over to Autumn and asked if she didn't think one of the girls needed to be told that her shirt made her look like a tranny.
"Honey, I think that IS a tranny!" said Autumn. And so we all thought that there was indeed an unfortunately put together tranny amongst us, despite the fact that I seriously couldn't believe that any tranny would go out looking like such an awkward mess. I mean, I think it's against tranny rules and regulations to go out in public looking like a hot mess. Anyway, later in the night, the tranny and her friends ended up sitting down next to me in the pool/lounge area and it was completely not a tranny. No Adam's apple, no man ands, and no heavy coat of makeup covering up the stubble. It was just an awkward girl in an unfortunate outfit who needs some new friends with some sense of style to help fix her up a bit.
Because even though she wasn't, she did look like a tranny.
Around 11, I heard Autumn say that she was bored. And also, somehow not drunk despite the four vodka tonics each of us had consumed since walking in the bar. It was like she was inside my head. So we tumbled into a cab and headed to this little dive bar across the street from Laura's condo, a bar that I was entirely too overdressed for. On my way into the bar, a random girl in the parking lot stopped me to tell me that the dress looked really good on me. She was the third woman to say that to me that night, and you know you're looking hot when non-lesbian women are telling you that your dress is awesome on you. Apprently the dress offended and/or worried at least two girls in the bar though, since they found it necessary to tell Autumn to tell me that my boob was about to fall out of my dress. I responded the only way I knew how...I told her that really, it was only half of my boob showing. And when she didn't believe me, I pulled my dress down adn showed her that really my boob was in no danger of falling out ever. THAT was entertainment. I love shocking strangers for no reason.
I guess maybe I was a little bit drunk after all.
Laura and I spent Sunday doing what we do best together....we laid around the house talking shit and watching TV. We watched 4 1/2 straight hours of The Dog Whisperer and just barely stopped ourselves from going straight to the shelter to get her a dog.
I miss getting to do that with her. I call her my best friend, but she's more than that. She's known me basically my whole life, and our families have embraced each other to the point where we might as well be sisters. She's totally my heterosexual life partner/soulmate, and I'm lucky to have her.
1 Comments:
Happy birthday, Laura!! And you DO look hot in that dress!
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