Don't shoot me til the shoes get here

I got some new CDs last week, thanks to my friends at BMG. (Shut up, I got 5 CDs for the price of 2 last week so there.) I have a feeling that BMG probably thinks I'm a 14 year old considering the purchases that I've made lately but I really don't care because sometimes, a girl needs to hear Rihanna sing her darling island heart out on Pon De Replay. Anyway, along with Rihanna (and Natasha Bedingfield and Franz Ferdinand and Alicia Keys), I got Kanye West's new CD.

Now, Kanye West is an arrogant S.O.B. but damn if he isn't a talented one also. Late Registration is really a brilliant piece of work and I totally love it. But you know, there's this songon there called Celebration. And maybe it's just me who thinks this, (but maybe there's some of you out there who have heard it who agree) but DUDE! Kanye sounds like SUCH a drag queen when he says "It's a celebration, bitches!" It is hilarious and awesome and I love it. I love Kanye West for sounding so drag queenie and fabulous in the middle of his CD. I mean, the man brought me to tears with a song about his dying grandmother and his single mother and kids losing their arms in Sierra Leone and then wham! Drag queen moment!

So I hope that Kanye's fans don't find this and start threatening my life for calling him drag queenie because I alos love the CD. Everyone should buy it! Hooray for Kanye!

Okay, on to what's really important. What's really important is of course....shoes!

It's been a rough week (okay, MONTH) around the workplace because dude, things are just OUT OF CONTROL AND FUCKED UP in ways that make me want to punch people. And what always cheers me up? Shopping therapy. Howsomever, we've been Po'Folks lately (Dude, does anyone else remember that restaurant? That restaurant is one of the reasons that I am on Weight Watchers now.) so no shoe buying therapy sessions for me.

BUT!!!

We are now solvent again and have a smidge of disposable income and so I got to bu something totally frivolous and also (you guessed it) AWESOME.

I just ordered these:



They may turn out to be totally impractical and only good for going places where I get to sit down the whole time but I do not care because they are HOT. And also pink. Hmm, what a SURPRISE.

Except not.

(Seriously, the pink thing might be a little out of control. But only a little.)

Like high school, only stupider

So I'm taking this class certification program that's offered once a year at our company. It's an administrative assistant's course and it is literally a year long thing. It's also extremely expensive and in the eyes of The Company, admins are pure overhead (aka pure money-sucking employees), so getting your manager to agree to pay for it is a feat in and of itself. My boss asked me 5 times if I really wanted to take it before signing my application because dude, we're only allowed to miss 4 classes! All year! (And there is totally a girl in the class who has missed WAY more than 4 classes and is officially On Report).

Anyway, the program is this whole mishmash of things, from personality tests (Hello, DiSC! Hello, Meyer-Briggs!) to business writing to All Things Microsoft Office (because we're also taking this wacky hard Microsoft Office certification test at the end which...woo. Yay. Except not.) So there's about 15 of us in the class, mostly women with one guy. And there's (of course) some really annoying people. Well, there's really only one annoying woman, who keeps bitching and moaning and trying to get us to bitch and moan. Like this week, when she complained about the PowerPoint classes we're doing right now. I really don't know the hell she's complaining about when it was her idea to end the class early on Saturday rather than stay for the whole session. (OF COURSE we all went along with it, it was Saturday and I was a little hung over and dude, it's POWERPOINT. NOT HARD.) (Well, not hard for me anyway.) Granted, the instructor found it necessary to show us how to use The Smoking Gun (the hell???) in the middle of class but whatever. The teacher she LOVES bugs the fuck out of me because he teaches all of his classes as though none of us have ever turned a computer on, much less used it.

Anyway, the class goes through December and I am already ready to throttle her. And I'm not even allowed to drink during class! Horrors!

Speaking of drinking, being back on WW has meant that I am drinking something like 3 liters of water a day. It also means that I am peeing every hour on the hour, whether I like it or not. All I know is that it's a damn good thing that eating better makes me feel better because if it didn't I would be killing something right now.

Oh, and I would give my pinky toe for a cupcake.

Seriously.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

It's no secret that the past year has been something of a whirlwind roller coaster that has left me barely hanging onby my (always well manicure) fingernails. But even with everything going on I've found it hard to write much of anything lately, but it wasn't until Kevin posted his "Time to Pause" entry that I realized why.

It's because after 5 years, I've gotten to know enough of you that writing under a pseudonym feels dishonest. And after 5 years, my blog's not just about me anymore. It's about me and my family and my friends and my husband, and that's what I should be writing about more often than just writing about random crap.

My husband knows I write here. My family and friends all know I have a blog even though none of them have ever felt the need to search it out. My coworkers know, even though I never have handed out the address and they've never asked for it. But there's nothing here that I'm afraid of people reading. I have enough sense not to write about work or call my friends names, and so it's time. It's time for me to start writing more freely, so it's time to retire Minarae and it's time to retire Random Scribblings.

Hi. I'm Melinda, also known to my husband as Woompty. Welcome to my blog. Isn't it pretty? (I snagged the design from the fantastic Miss Zoot...it's pink and it's cute and it's free and is therefore AWESOME. Thanks Zoot!!)

I change directions more than a pigeon

So. The time has come, the Walrus said, to speak of many thing....

In particular, the time has come to speak of going back to Weight Watchers, because hot damn if I haven't just gone right back to where I was two years ago. And damn it, I am not happy. I am not happy that I've gained the weight back, I'm not happy that I cannot manage to control myself without them guiding me and above all I am not happy that dammit, I still eat when I'm stressed or when I'm angry or when I'm bored. I hate the fact that I medicate myself with food and the whole thing pisses me off.

But feeling crappy pisses me off more so there you go. It's back to the meetings with me. Feh.

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In other news, I learned how to make a pivot table last week. Go me!

(If someone had told me that at the age of 31 I would genuinely be happy because I learned how to make a pivot table, I would have beat the crap out of them.)

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I got my car fixed this week, and now all traces of my encounter with a Man Named Butt are gone. I added it up in my head and the rear end of my car has been damaged and repaired 4 times since I bought it back in 1999. Plus there was that one time when I ran into the guy with the front of my car because I was distracted by a neon sign and did not noticed that if I turned right I would totally rip the front of his car off. Basically, if my car was in one of the Carfax commercials, it would be crying like a baby about how horrible its life had been.

And yet it is still classified as being in "good" condition, which will come in handy when I get rid of it next year and get a new car.

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Oh, I put up some pictures from Costa Rica, so check those out here.

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MONKEYS!



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And now, because my brain is tired, I present Yet Another Meme:

I AM: a complicated mix of emotional goop these days.

I SAID: I hated guacamole and avaocados but it turns out that I like them now.

I WANT: to get back the motivation to get my ass into the gym.

I WISH: that there was a magic machine that I could step into and magically get the body of my dreams.

I HATE: the fact that I have Food Issues.

I MISS: my grandmother, at least 3 times a week.

I FEAR: the death of the people (and cats) that I love.

I HEAR: silence in the hallway, for the first time all day.

I WONDER: how long it will take us to pay off our credit cards.

I REGRET: not ordering the gorgeous brown boots I saw on sale on Zappos this week.

I AM NOT: a child hater just because I don't want kids of my own.

I DANCE: with better rhythm than people expect me to.

I SING: horribly, but happily.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: the nicest person to be around.

I MADE: all the table runners for the wedding, and from them I am going to make a quilt.

I WRITE: infrequently, which is something I need to change.

I CONFUSE: Kevin, all the time, because I am constantly changing my mind.

I NEED: to lose more weight than I care to think about.

I SHOULD: not have had so many cookies yesterday.

I START: craft projects without finishing them.

I FINISH: talking, eventually.

I BELIEVE: that pink is a happy color, that there is no such thing as too much pie or too much wine, and that puppies and kittens are necessities.

I KNOW: the words to more ABBA songs than I really care to admit.

I CAN: totally kick your ass at Uno.

I CAN’T: beat Kevin at Scrabble to save my life.

I SEE: three little dcuk erasers lined up in front of a picture of kevin and I that is 3 years old. Three years old! Whoa!

I BLOG: about really random stuff and seriously, how do people still read this stuff?

I READ: pretty much anything that has words.

I AM AROUSED BY: kisses on my back.

IT PISSES ME OFF: that even the FDA has been tainted by the Neo-Cons.

I FIND: change in the bottom of my purse and straw wrappers under my car seat.

I LIKE: hot tea, iced coffee, and warm bread.

I LOVE: snuggling into bed each night, surrounded by cats and Hubben.

Thank god this freakin' week is over

I am in a funk of immeasurable proportions. I've been blaming work for most of it, and I still am because fuck me if they haven't changed my job responsibilities just enough for me to technically need to start taking work home with me and dammit, I'm admin because I DON'T WANT TO TAKE WORK HOME WITH me so instead I am sticking my head firmly in the sand and procrastinating instead. I'm also blaming the stupid ass weather for a large chunk of the immeasurable funk because fucking hell, it's been cloudy and gross for weeks now.

Everyone hears the words "San Diego" and assumes that it's always sunny and gorgeous and perfect here all the time. (I blame Silk Stalkings for that misconception.) But in truth, it's crap here right now. It's cloudy and cold and stupidly icky. May Gray and June Gloom. Two full months of crappy weather when the rest of the country is getting that lovely spring breeze and soft sunshine combination. And then? When the June Gloom goes away? We get like...2.3 days worth of gorgeous weather and then it's hot. It's hot and it's humid and the tourists are all here so going anywhere sucks because there's no parking and too many people.

So to combat the immeasurable funk, I went and bought myself one of these for my desk at work. And now I am thinking about buying it some clothes and possibly even a wee little doggy purse for it. Apparently, I am totally 12. Anyway, I'm still in a bit of a funk and I'm beginning to think that it will only be cured by a cute pair of shoes. But we are Broke and Budgeting and so the shoe lust must be DENIED, immeasurable funk or no.

Oh, and I also contemplated packing a couple Smirnoff Ice Twisters in my lunch this week but decided against because really, do I want to be the girl who was fired for drinking alcopop at work? I think not.

(PS: I had a very nice birthday and I even got some balloons. Huzzah!) (See? 12.)

Awesome like a warm cat on a cold night

Brain fried. Dishes need putting away. Guacamole needs making. Cats need snuggling. So here's a meme, courtesy of Fredlet, who is the source of all the best memes and quizzes.

9 lasts
1. last place you were: Before home, the nail salon
2. last soda: Diet Coke with Splenda
3. last kiss: Kevin, this morning
4. last movie seen: Troy
5. last CD you listened to: Tori Amos, From The ChoirGirl Hotel
6. last bubble bath: Um...months ago
7. last time you cried: At the wedding, I think
8. last alcoholic beverage: A bottle of very lovely French Syrah. Yes, the entire bottle.
9. have you ever gotten drunk and thrown up: March 11th, the morning after the bachelorette drunkfest

8 "Have you evers"
1. have you ever dated someone twice: Yes. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
2. have you ever been cheated on: Yes. Shitfucker.
3. have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: Oh, yeah. This random guy at a bar who tried to literally suck my tongue out of my mouth. Ouch.
4. have you ever fallen in love: No, never. (HAHAHAHAHAHA! It's sarcasm, so it's funny!)
5. have you ever been depressed: Only the once. No wait, twice. Aw shit, three times. (Wow, I'm overdue for my next breakdown)
6. have you ever hit another person: Um. Yeah. But mostly playfully.
7. have you ever skinny dipped: Oh helllll no.

7 states you’ve been to
1. Tennessee
2. Georgia
3. Washington
4. Massachusetts
5. Rhode Island
6. Wisconsin
7. Nevada

6 things you’ve done today
1. surfed the internet
2. got my nails done
3. picked on my boss
4. made a fucking gorgeous org chart
5. corrupted a fucking gorgeous org chart
6. saved a fucking gorgeous org chart

5 favorite things in no particular order
1. iPod
2. Diet Coke, all flavors (except nasty ass lemon)
3. my cats
4. Smashbox Lipstick in A-List
5. our wedding pictures

4 favorite colors
1. mint green
2. butter yellow
3. cardinal red
4. dusty blue

3 people you can tell anything to
1. Kevin
2. Laura
3. my mom

2 things you want to do before you die
1. learn to knit
2. go to England/Ireland/Scotland

1 thing you regret
1. letting my finances get so fucked up that I had to declare bankruptcy when I was 27

(Oh, and also, tomorrow is my birthday and I am an attention whore so I am mentioning it. Feel free to send presents. And cake. And balloons. Balloons are awesome.) (Or just send me an email. Emails are awesome too. I have no energy for parties this year.)

Well, OF COURSE this is what happened next

This is how the universe works.

You notice one day that there is a little weird steam thing coming out of the front of your car, floating listlessly away over the hood. It's really faint, and not smoky at all, so you ignore it because your car is not anywhere close to over heating. It's probably just some water that splashed up into the engine and is drying off. The car's fine. Besides, you have a wedding to plan. You'll get it looked at when that's all done and over with; the car needs an oil change anyway.

So you run around town paying for wedding doodads and new shoes and in general maxing out your credit cards (because sometimes you act younger than your age proclaims you to be and still sort of stupid), and you don't think about the car anymore. At least, not until a couple days before the wedding you just finished paying for, when you notice A) a little more wispy steam and B) the distinct smell of hot Prestone. You mention it to your soon to be spouse and make a mental note to check the coolant levels when you get back from your honeymoon.

And then you forget about it.

You forget about it because the universe is tossing in-law drama and name change paperwork and a guy named Butt at you. You forget about it until you are driving back to work from lunch one day and realize that your car is suddenly on the verge of overheating when you are idling at a stoplight. Something is definitely NOT RIGHT. And so you get back to work and frantically scour the internet to try and figure out what might be wrong with your car and discover it could be one of a dozen things, and it might be as simple as putting more coolant in but it might be as bad as a head gasket threatening to blow up your car.

So you get some coolant and you dutifully mix it with some distilled water and you cross your fingers that everything will be okay now. But the universe has a cruel sense of humor so by the time you get to work the next morning, the engine will be steaming mad once again. Thank goodness your mechanic is right near your job, because you can drop it off and pray that it's just the $15 thermostat.

You see where this is going, right?

The fan switch on my car broke (maybe as long as 6 months ago, thank you efficient Honda engine for making it last so long), which caused the fan to not turn on, which meant the radiator wasn't being cooled off, which meant the coolant was heating up too much, which meant there was too much pressure on the radiator seal, which meant there was Prestone spurting all over the engine instead of staying in the radiator, which made the car start overheating.

Basically, it was something that Rube Goldberg would have come up with if he was a mechanic.

$750 later, the radiator was replaced, as were the hoses, the thermostat and the fan switch. Considering that it's a 10 year old car and those were all original parts until today, I'd say it was due.

And hey, at least now I won't be inhaling antifreeze fumes all the time. That should be good.