Zen, Zen, baby.

Yesterday a coworker of mine told me that my personality had changed over the past couple of months, that I wasn't the same peppy person I used to be. In fact, he said I seem stoic these days.

And I promptly told him to get out of my office before I sold him to pirates because he had insulted my honor.

Not really, but I did pretty much tell him he was wrong. He has mistaken my current Zen mood for stoicism. I'm actually more calm and content and happy than I've been in a very long while. As I explained to him, I came back from my injury much less invested in my job. I don't take it as personally anymore. I just come in, I do my job, and I go home. I don't gallivant through the hallways avoiding work ebcause I hate my job, and I'm no longer as spastic as I used to be. Why?

Because I just don't care as much anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still care about doing a good job and keeping my people well taken care of but I've realized that it is what it is: a job. It pays my bills, it keeps my clothed and fed, and on occasion, it teaches me something. But I don't have stress dreams anymore and I don't feel guilty for leaving early or coming in late because I had to take care of something in my personal life.

I've found that I tend to have this attitude about most of my life these days. And you know what? It maks life so much easier.

Life is what it is. You are who you are. All I can do is be the best person I can and hope that other people like being around me. And so far, they do. What more could I ask for?

Ommmmm.

Boredom sucks the life out of me

You know what's amazing?

Kevin and my one year anniversary is only 3 weeks (and 2 days) away.

Talk about your time flying fast. I guess we better start making some plans or something so that we don't end up celebrating with mac & cheese and reruns.

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Today was extraordinarily boring. I got in to work and there were only 3 new emails in my inbox. There wasn't a single voicemail on my phone and no one was asking me for anything. The only urgent work I had to do was 2 last minute travel plans and even those only took me something like 5 minutes. So instead I entertained myself with emails to far-flung friends who are much busier than me but seemed to welcome the distraction.

Boring days make it really hard to write a blog entry, even if you are trying to hold yourself to writing an entry every other day no matter what. When I get that bored I forget all about all the funny stuff that has happened lately (and I'm sure there has been funny stuff, there's always funny stuff) and it makes me too worn out to write an impassioned entry about all the stupid political crap going on so I just give up and write some meta-tastic tripe and call it an entry.

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Have I mentioned it's been sunny and in the high 60's/low 70's? No? Well, that's probably because I don't want you all to hate me.

But the weather's good for getting out there and walking, which oh my god, I need so badly right now. I had no idea what kind of horrible shape that 3 months of ass sitting did to me but I do now. It took me 45 minutes to walk almost 2 miles the other night. Not acceptable if I want to survive the 3-Day in November. So I've gotta get my ass in gear to get back up to my 15 minute miles.

Oh, and I need to register. And come up with fundraising ideas.

Maybe that will unbore me.

And another thing

We had to upgrade our insurance this year, so as to have a lower deductible, lower out of pocket expenses and lower maximum out of pocket limits. It now costs a gatrillion dollars out of Kevin's paycheck every month, but I've got half a gatrillion dollars coming out of my paycheck to cover the rather large flexible spending account we also had to open up.

We've got good reasons for it, what with all the elective surgeries going on around here. Before I have surgery this summer, Kevin's going to be going under the knife (laser?) himself. I've been told by men who have had it done not to call it "getting fixed", so we'll just call it The Procedure.

Yes, Kevin is going to be having that procedure, the one which will ensure that we will never spawn the children that people keep telling me we should have.

No, no we should not.

Don't get me wrong, I love kids. Other people's kids. I love to snuggle them and read them stories and chase them around the park....and then hand them back to their parents and go home to take a nap. And don't even get me started on the whole pregnancy thing. THAT just doesn't seem to be at all comfortable and let me tell you, none of you want to hear me whine for 9 months about how much everything sucks.

Anyway, we knew he was going to have to have The Procedure done before June, because that's when I anticipate my surgeon pulling me off my birth control pills (he takes his patients off for the month before and the month after so as to help prevent clots and pulmonary emoblism, aka death). And after the surgery I'll be flooded with all the hormones currently stashed in various parts of my padding, causing my fertility to temporarily go TO THE MOON, ALICE, which means that either he gets The Procedure done or we don't have sex for a year. (Guess which one he picked?)

He was a little shocked to find out that it's usually an in-office procedure rather than something that takes place in a gorgeous new surgery center with lots of nice nurses and pain meds like the place I had my wrist surgery, but I think he's gotten over it. (He's probably also tired of me constantly reminding him to get it set up, as I have been doing for six months. But! He finally made the appointment for his consult so kudos to him.) I have promised to be a good nurse maid and have already started repeating my new mantra:

I have an abnormally high pain tolerance. Kevin has a low pain tolerance.

(Remembering that should go a long way in helping me be nicer to him rather than telling him to buck up, buddy.)

So we're hoping for The Procedure to happen mid-late April, which will give up plenty of time to stock up on frozen peas and jock straps. Now if I can just keep him away from WebMd and Dr. Google, it'll all be fine.

This just in

So hey. There's a lot of reasons why I've been slacking off on the whole blogging thing over the past year or so. Reason number one is that there was just so much emotionally draining complete and utter crap going on in our lives that it was all I could do to make it through it the first time, much less relive it as I typed it. (As I told Measi in an email yesterday, they neglect to tell you that the "for worse" part of marriage means REALLY FUCKING BAD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.) But we're past that now, and jobs are stable and lives are stable and I'm back to my former sparkly self, so there's hope for this blog yet.

The other thing is that I made this really huge decision last summer, and I wasn't ready to talk about it here because dude, I don't want any advice or condemnation or even supportive discussion about it here. So I went and started a whole other blog about it and just avoided talking about things like doctor's appointments and insurance debacles here. But that's just gotten stifling, because sometimes things unrelated to the decision happen during the course of the doctor's appointments and I can't tell you about them because I don't want to mention the doctor's appointments. And besides, it's been long enough now that I'm comfortable enough with my decision to tell you to fuck off if you try to be an asshole about it.

My Top Secret Plan that I mentioned in January is my planned RNY gastric bypass surgery this summer. I have a number of reasons for doing this, and they're all listed in my other blog (which is where all of my entries about this will be), which is relatively easy to find if you are smart. Nothing anyone says is going to change my mind, so please don't bother. Just know that this was not an easy decision and it was only made after long discussions and lots of deep thought.

In other news, I've done very little work today so I should go do that. I have, however, answered the eternal question "Chocolate or cheese?" with a resounding CHEESE. Cheese for all my days, please! I think I should have some cheese before I go work. Right?

So good, so good, so good

It seems like I've written one of these entries about a million times already. I've squee'd and linked and gushed about how much I love all these crazy fuckers I first met online, and they've squee'd and linked in return. But I've gotten to this point in my life where the whole Squee 'N Link thing just isn't right.

These people deserve more than that. These people.....

These awesome people who put together three days of fantasticness that takes days to recover from.

These completely debauched people who will grab your ass and admire your boobs and come on to you in front of your spouse and then buy you yet another completely unnecessary and dangerous drink just to be a fucker.

These open, caring people who sit and talk with you for hours about these major things you're planning in your life, and then turn around and not just support you themselves but tell you about all these other people who will support you too.

These completely fucking hilarious people who will not only make you laugh until you think you might pee your pants a little but they will laugh at your jokes until you're afraid they might burst a blood vessel in their eye.

These fabulous people who will make you feel gorgeous and witty and stylish and brave and eventually convince you that it's really okay to play Karaoke Revolution with them because with them, bad is good. In fact, bad is awesome.

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At one point on Friday night, I was standing on the stage next to Mo looking around at everyone. We were making up choreography to "Sweet Caroline", choreography that was being coordinated with Eben way across the room. I was drunk off my ass and later that night I would be violently ill after climbing through a large snowbank, but that particular moment was kind of sheer perfection.

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One of my Secret Powers is my ability to "read" a person; within seconds of meeting someone new, I can tell whether he or she is A) a good person B) whether they are someone I'm going to like instantly or need tow arm up to and C) someone who's going to be around for awhile or someone who's just temporary. I met a lot of new someones this weekend, but here's a couple who stood out.

Bullshit, Jen's boyfriend, didn't even have to say anything for me to know that he's a genuinely good guy. I only saw Jen for a few seconds (literally, poor thing) but I saw Bullshit a few times over the weekend and I have to say....Jen, I'm pretty damn sure that you're done kissing frogs. He's your good guy, and he's not going anywhere.

SusannaDanna came exploding into the room in this whirlwind of friendliness and I was kind of smitten. I told Kevin on our drive back to Milwaukee that if we were living in the same town, she would quickly be one of my closest friends. I hope she doesn't think I'm a stalker for saying that, but it's true.

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It's a good thing my mom raised me to be a huggy person is all I'm saying.

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Kevin and I realized (again) that going to Wisconsin feels like going home. It's not just Weetacon that makes it feel that way for us (although the vast number of awesome people in the area is a plus); something about the wide openess and the wild turkeys and the gigantic sky and the just plain nice people makes it feel like the place we were meant to be.

Yesterday I was bundled up in a down parka, scarf, jeans and boots. Today I'm in a gauzy skirt, short sleeved shirt and the first of my spring sandals. But I'm infinitely grumpier today because I want to be back there, back in the snow.

So we came to a decision this weekend, a Five Year Plan. We're moving to Wisconsin, sometime between now and 2012, the sooner the better.

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One last thing.

Weetabix continues to astound me. She's created one of the most awesome things I've ever done, essentially Snow Camp For Binge Drinkers and Fun Addicts, and she just keeps making it more awesome. On top of that, it doesn't matter how long it's been since I talked to her, every time I do I'm reminded that she is one of the people that I can count amongst my friends rather than my acquaintances. I can say that about most of the people I was with this weekend, and if nothing else, it's shown me that I need to stay in better touch with all of them.

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Good times never seemed so good. Left Siyyyyyde!